Fear Of Someone Cheating Or Abandonment

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:20 am

T,

Instead of wearing your anxiety, depression, sad,gad issues as a badge, why don't you let things with your boyfriend just evolve. People don't need to know everything about us. There are probably things about you that he really likes and these things don't have labels or initials. Just a thought.

tahirra · Post by **tahirra** » Thu Aug 04, 2005 6:26 am

thanks for the advice. It seems that if I am not obsessing about this, I will focus on something else in a nnegative way, and make myself sick over it.

BeccaT · Post by **BeccaT** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:30 am

I also have issues with cheating/abandonment. I think it has a lot to do with what I like to call "the decay of our society". Everywhere you look is sex sex sex. I work on computers (usually fixing virus situations) and am appalled at the amount of porn on peoples hard drives (including my husband!). There is a huge lack of morals these days. I have numerous friends and relatives that change spouses/partners as often as they change their socks. No one seems to truly know love (unconditional love). In my opinion, our society has made it so easy and acceptable to divorce and re-marry that no one is willing to work out problems and work on relationships anymore. It is so easy to quit and start over. Before marrying I had experienced both sides of the coin...being cheated on, and having an affair with a married man (20 years later I still feel the guilt). But now that I am married I am often consumed with worry that my husband will leave me for a younger prettier woman...what do you do with those feelings? It's not something to easily put out of your mind.

New Beginnings · Post by **New Beginnings** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 5:35 pm

There's no way I'd put up with my husband looking at porn. Heck No !

New Beginnings · Post by **New Beginnings** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 5:38 pm

Also, I totally agree with you [ about it having to do with the decay of our society.] For me, finding a guy I can trust [ and that I like ] is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I am trying not to be so negative, but it seems reality that that's the way it is. I sure hope I'm wrong.

tahirra · Post by **tahirra** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 4:40 am

so we have been together for about three months. it seems like things are falling apart.
I asserted myself on Tuesday about not wanting to do certain sexual things anymore (touching)because I am not sure if he's using me just for that.
I am so sad that his response was that since he is an arab man and gets horny very easily, that if we kiss, or i touch him, he is going to need to do something about his arousal.
We spoke normally on the phone that evening and wednesday night.
I only see him once a week because of our schedules.
I want to hold on to ihm eventhough I am unhappy about the way our relationship is.
I am not sure what to do.
I feel that if I lose him, then I won't be able to find anyone else because of my social anxiety disorder and or depression or because of a lack of good men.
I am very sad right now.

nicegirl1965 · Post by **nicegirl1965** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 1:57 pm

Tahirra - I'm sorry that you feel sad right now but I am thrilled that you were assertive with your boyfriend. You should NOT being doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable!! And he should respect that. If he's unable to do that then you need rethink why you are staying with him. You're a bright young women who had made ALOT of strives in ger life so far!! You deserve to be treated with the upmost respect in life. Staying with him could drag you down and I don't want to see that.

Think about that. Take care!!
MB

tahirra · Post by **tahirra** » Sun Sep 11, 2005 2:18 pm

THANKS FOR THE support, i appreciate it

Mello Nello · Post by **Mello Nello** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:06 am

tahirra,
Giving in to your values and principles just to keep someone because your afraid you wont find someone else is wrong. You stick to how you feel about this. Three months are Three years of dating a person doesnt matter, if something they are doing is making you uncomfortable and you tell them that and they make excuses and wont abide by what you feel, they arent worth keeping!!! You should honor your body, and so should HE!!! luv ya take care,,, Nelly

firefly3 · Post by **firefly3** » Tue May 13, 2008 11:22 am

hello all

im in a relationship that has almost hit the 2 year mark. Up until feb. it has been amazing! But reciently my boyfriend has started to withdraw. He used to talk about marriage all the time, and now he says he doesnt know if he wants to get married, he said it wasnt me, but it was the thought of marriage itself... reciently I found a chat he had with some girl he knew from college, he asked why they didnt date at school (when we were together) and he told her she was the prettiest girl at the school (I didnt go there)... I confronted him and told him it was mean and nor fair to me, he agreed that it was unfair. My gut tells me that he is cheating on me, but I dont know if that is just because I have anxiety over that... I dont want to give up, but Im scared he doesnt want to try... an suggestions?