WHY ????
Since very active religiously, I was the one that was knocking on doors, giving hope with Bible Scriptures, giving time to people who needed it... MOST of the answers to everything you may want to ask GOD about because I prayed and studied myself to find the answers in His Word the Bible... but it took a LOT of effort from as a child, I struggled with reading, didn't like and still don't like to read but there was the beginning of sacrifices, I started to fight for in essence to achieve what I thought would be a sense of security of knowing WHY God would permit this or that to happen? WHY is the world in the condition it is in? If EVERYBODY wants PEACE, WHY isn't there peace? WHY do we grow old and die? WHY am I here? WHY this, WHY that and with the Bible I prayed to understand so that I could also be able to share it with others that there are answers to that... But I was also SHY and TIMID, another thing to fight with... To knock on doors of strangers at an early age, to raise my hand to comment in front of an audience, to give public talks was just ALL against my nature but I knew it was in the best interest of God's purpose with me and just another thing I had to fight and overcome if I were to receive HIS approval or blessings... so my communication with my parents (who were not of my faith) was minimal because they did not understand my zealous nature or interest, I was always afraid they would take me away from what I really thought would make me happy, if I began to relate any of the unjustified hurtful situations I was in (nothing illegal) just I had the maturity to understand that the other teenagers there or adults were imperfect and therefore impossible to expect that there won't be trouble in God's congregation when in the Bible there was ALWAYS trouble among HIS people, love triangles, fornication, adultery etc. and therefore knew and accepted this TRUTH but my parents may not have seen things the way I see them and maybe for my protection or emotional ease of mind would have taken me or forbid me to congregate and meet with the people I thought to be close to Godly as we would share the same beliefs and common cause, I couldn't see myself ANYWHERE ELSE that I would feel comfortable being at but anyways... I think that's when my depression started (not knowing) I would have clammy hands, not use to opening my feelings with adults, I would feel a knot in my throat and burst into tears, I still do when trying to explain or talk about my feelings and then just get this overwhelming embarrassment over the whole situation and I know making the other person uncomfortable listening or trying to understand whatever it is I'm saying in a crying state becomes another language to them, I guess... (LOL) my menstrual periods were so unbearable the cramps, I remember sometimes vomiting, sometimes my vision blacks out, my legs would become so weak, I thought I fall! I would take Tylenol, hot teas, even Anise my Mom would give me, I take HOT water baths, to the point it was so draining energy out of me I thought I pass out or could not get out of the tub, my fears were if I were to faint there and rescue would have to take me NAKED!!! Or my parents find me naked! WHY do I talk about this is to take you to my first attempt of suicide... Though I was spiritual, I took my new religious beliefs seriously and wanted to to do the BEST I could to please GOD, I prayed so many times when getting my menses to DIE... the pain was THAT unbearable, I thought every month for the rest of my life, I had to deal with this inhumane PAIN and one time my mother wanted me to go with her to visit family and I said I just didn't feel good and I knew she didn't believe me (which hurt the MOST because as a true Christian, she knew I wouldn't LIE), so when she left, I now not only felt physically in pain but emotionally in pain that I thought overdosing was the BEST situation for everybody concerned, I felt no matter what I did, I could not please my mother and to deal with this PAIN was just unbearable to think about to deal with again and again, I just prayed to GOD to let me Die and that I was a burden anyways... everybody would be happier without me, life will go on and my mother could finally see that I had REAL issues, she didn't take the time to address or maybe was limited to do so... at any rate I remember asking God forgiveness for I knew in my heart I have sinned in taking such harsh measures and thought i would take about 8 Tylenols and that would be it... I finally fell asleep praying for forgiveness and that it was OK for HIM to punish me in any way He judged me, I just couldn't bear the pain, the struggles of worshiping, the emotional and physical pains to endure alone and as a teenager just growing up was a stress factor all these other issues I just felt so alone and struggling all the time... I just wanted it to be all over... I felt MOST of my time in school was even a WASTE, not the part of learning but felt MOST of the time was really wasted on subjects you will NEVER NEED in life or ever USE... WHY? are we FORCED to learn these things if it's not of any use?! As you could see, I'm 48 years old now... did survive that overdose which wasn't enough of an overdose, which seems I couldn't even get that done right? NOBODY knew about it except me and Jehovah God and I kept it that way... I kept asking for forgiveness and after a while accepted my survival as forgiveness from HIM and that I must mean something to HIM, if HE did not let me die... but the thought of death was always so comforting for me to get away from PAIN and the STRUGGLES I would soon be faced with again and again... Things just built up when my mother passed away, then I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my only sister died of a long life struggle with Lupus... it's funny to think she was soooooo worried about me dieing from Cancer, she was devastated with our Mom's death, to have me also die was just too much for her... she feared this about me because I couldn't go or accept the conventional therapy programed which was a complete breast removal! I was horrified, better said petrified! I chose to seek alternative therapies, doing everything else BUT the conventional... anyways my sister died of a stroke, first than I did! WHY? I asked God WHY? My sister was always struggling to LIVE even when living with a life threatening disease as Lupus, I have always wanted to DIE, to get away from ALL the pain and suffering and here, there is someone who WANTS to live even through her disease and yet I STILL live and SHE dies... MANY of my close friends during my course of Breast Cancer... who were there for me when diagnosed were then diagnosed AFTER with colon cancer and uterine cancer, ALL of them DIED and HERE, I still am! WHY? Why them and not me? I know God permits the wicked one to see or test us though the Bible states God will not test us with bad things... but WHY then even have the dirty work given to Satan? Why permit Satan to test us? Why test us at all? We are imperfect human beings! For God sake! He knows this and says in his word He will not test us beyond our limitations! Why if he knows what's in our hearts, tests us at all? If we are His children, I have been blessed with ONE, I will not TEST my son with bad things OR PERMIT him to be tested by a WICKED evil doer, so that I can say it's not ME doing the testing but SATAN!? I could NOT do that and let alone let imperfection rid the bodies of sicknesses like CANCER! I understand WE have a lot of fault in the stressful and ignorant lives we live of how we handle our health and bodies are not in the most GODLIEST of ways to handle it BUT WHY, CANCER or LUPUS? He couldn't put a CAP on the sicknesses??? I know there isn't anything IMPOSSIBLE for HIM to do, then WHY would he permit such devastating inhumane sicknesses?! That could attack an innocent child who even hadn't a chance to do anything wrong to the body...??? I understand we are born in SIN which means that sickness is a PART of being imperfect (born into sin)which ends in old age and DEATH... but wasn't THAT enough? Noooooo let's throw in the Diabetes, Lupus, CANCER etc.... I began to feel bitter and ANGRY at God... so much so I can't even look for these answers as I use to... I became tooooo tired and felt HE has let me down... waiting and waiting on a promise of HOPE... and this hope, of a paradise to live forever and to see our loved ones RISE from resurrection, where I could see my sister again and my mother... just didn't fill me anymore for you want them to be HERE now, when you most need them, where was my sister when I had to finally LOSE my mind and give in to the conventional of a mastectomy and not only THAT but CHEMO treatments for a YEAR and RADIATION!!!???? What does hope do when it's all in the future and you need the HELP now? It doesn't take away the pain of loss, the only comfort I see is for them... that they are now RESTING from their pains of dreaded sicknesses they had to bear... WHY not discriminate a bit and send it to those who DO deserve it? Starting with SATAN himself? Yet there is this wicked angel because of spirit person does not feel pain, hunger etc... will just face a death sentence! WHY? I would NOT wish what I have to go through on my worse ENEMY then WHY would an ALL MIGHTY GOD permit this to happen to HIS people? When others that are not serving him are healthier! I love my father, God bless his soul, BUT he smoked when young and I remember as a tot, him giving me a cigarette of his, upon my insistence of wanting to try it out... I HATED IT! But my father still lives TODAY, turning 89 in June and has NO DIABETES, NO CANCER, NO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and not on any medications! He's not a church goer or into any charities, he has his aches and pains nothing major but drinks his beer once in a while, he did give up the smoking when the cartridges went up to $1! But is what I call a quiet soul, doesn't like to make waves but is sort of cowardly to say what is on his mind to your face and will say it behind your back to someone else and when confronted will try to see how to make it sound otherwise so as to keep the peace... He's a good man in the sense to my knowledge not committed any crimes... but the point is I NEVER smoked except for that once and lived a more God fearing life than him and I end up with the Breast Cancer, my sister also ended up with a dreadful disease as Lupus! My mother lived her whole life as I can remember SICK, ended up with Diabetes, Chronic Asthma, High Blood Pressure... But I know you know what I mean, you must know people that are just EVIL or living sluttier lives, next to living and trying to please God, who don't deal with half the things GOOD people have to deal with and still God will give them more attention than us because they are LOST SOULS! Am I jealous? YES I am... I just don't want HIS attention but I feel HE should give attention to even MORE deserving than I, I don't understand WHY? And it seems I can't move on, NOT KNOWING, WHY? I just don't think I even want to struggle anymore or push myself anymore, I don't believe HE deserves it from me or anybody else for that matters! And therefore I cannot preach a message of hope anymore, I cannot congregate anymore and keep listening to the woes of mankind for it gets me to my ANGRY PLACE, i call it... Angry all over again at GOD and that there is just NO REASON anymore to me, that it's justifiable for HIM to GET AWAY with all this and just say He's God, He has his REASONS, is just not good enough anymore... I believe my religeous choice is the TRUTH, they teach all what is good and POSITIVE things to live by... I feel for my son for I see, maybe my twin soul... and he is obligated by his father to go and congregate but unlike me at that early age, he doesn't want to... and now I'm not much of an example... you may say this is negative... so I replace it with, I'm still here with ALL I have gone through, I'm still here and did not leave my son, committing suicide or my special husband who is far from perfect but to have past all this, I would think it make me stronger it made me weaker... another negative thought but to replace it to make me feel positive, it made more sensitive to be able to relate to my son's depression and not want him live what I had to go with my mother... therefore after he confessed one night that he wanted to die and overdose on a bottle of pills... I began to tell him I'm not perfect and I will try to help him with showing him what I did to deal with issues I faced... after a talk, one of the things I said we need to focus right away on positive and sort of change the channel... so we decided the best next thing to turn on the TV, as I changed the channel your program was there and how it helped a young boy... that was enough said for me to pick up the phone and order your program, I did it for my son but my son's needs helped me to open my eyes to my own needs and here I am writing to see if anybody can answer me about WHY god would permit such things to happen? I have Bible answers but it just doesn't make sense to me anymore... AND I wish it did so I can go back to being the spiritual person, I was... So I can be a better person for my son... A lot of what the tapes say is what I have practiced with common sense as I grew up and actually said to my son bEFORE getting the program! So I was glad to hear I was on the right track but it's helping me focus more on a plan of action, I did not have before... sorry for the long dumping here! I have still so much to dump! Now you know why...
-
sophiegirl
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:53 pm
Hi Nilda,
I spent my entire day trying to do some of the work on the answers you wish to have resolved. I read every line and broke you letter up into segments that I felt had specific thoughts grouped. You asked for it, so here goes the copy and paste:
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Since very active religiously, I was the one that was knocking on doors, giving hope with Bible Scriptures, giving time to people who needed it... MOST of the answers to everything you may want to ask GOD about because I prayed and studied myself to find the answers in His Word the Bible... but it took a LOT of effort from as a child, I struggled with reading, didn't like and still don't like to read but there was the beginning of sacrifices, I started to fight for in essence to achieve what I thought would be a sense of security of knowing WHY God would permit this or that to happen?
WHY is the world in the condition it is in? If EVERYBODY wants PEACE, WHY isn't there peace? WHY do we grow old and die? WHY am I here? WHY this, WHY that and with the Bible I prayed to understand so that I could also be able to share it with others that there are answers to that... But I was also SHY and TIMID, another thing to fight with... To knock on doors of strangers at an early age, to raise my hand to comment in front of an audience, to give public talks was just ALL against my nature but I knew it was in the best interest of God's purpose with me and just another thing I had to fight and overcome if I were to receive HIS approval or blessings...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
First of all, I am not going to pretend to know all the answers you seek. A lot of what you question are things that you will have to search deep within you and then maybe you will still not know with any certainty. I will try to make biblical observations to try to help you see things from a slightly different prospective, and at the same time try to share in your pain as I struggle to provide some answers.
Why are you here? Because God made everything, but God is Spirit and so is His kingdom and so are all the beings in His Kingdom. Don’t you know that we are the envy of the Angels? We can experience everything and every aspect that life can bring us. Turn your attention to the 1 Cor 15: 10-22. It is clear that from the time of Adam, God made Adam as He molded Adam from the clay of the earth. All who died up the time of Christ reduced to the dust of the earth. Of course you know that. Thus through the sin or opposition or rebellion of God’s protective advice or warning, sin came into the world.
The dilemma was before God, and man had, through the enticement of an envious opposing Angel, defied God and His word, and because man’s access to the tree of Life was available, God had to bar man’s access to the tree of life, or His word about man surely dieing would have proved false, thus with no access to the tree of Life, man’s day’s are earth had were numbered. Please see Gen 3:17-24.
Had man’s eyes been closed? No. His eyes were opened to the distractions of the world that set up conditions for being able to hear and see God. You are raising a child. Don’t you set boundaries on your child, but do not always fill the child on the details about the restrictions? Of course you do, we all do. The opposing Angel was trying to get man to be distracted by things of the world, but he (Satan) did not foresee that God had a different plan of action. First and foremost, everything that God says must be full filled. Please see Is. 55:11. Surely, you should know all this. Hold those citations: 1 Cor. 15: 10-22, Gen. 3:17-24, and Is 55:11. As I try to answer all of your questions as best as the Lord can help me.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
so my communication with my parents (who were not of my faith) was minimal because they did not understand my zealous nature or interest, I was always afraid they would take me away from what I really thought would make me happy, if I began to relate any of the unjustified hurtful situations I was in (nothing illegal) just I had the maturity to understand that the other teenagers there or adults were imperfect and therefore impossible to expect that there won't be trouble in God's congregation when in the Bible there was ALWAYS trouble among HIS people, love triangles, fornication, adultery etc. and therefore knew and accepted this TRUTH but my parents may not have seen things the way I see them and maybe for my protection or emotional ease of mind would have taken me or forbid me to congregate and meet with the people I thought to be close to Godly as we would share the same beliefs and common cause, I couldn't see myself ANYWHERE ELSE that I would feel comfortable being at but anyways...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The things you reveal about the activities of other teens and adults; seems a bit troubling. A good pastor knows his sheep by name and there whereabouts. True we all have, as saved Christians, have the assurance of forgiveness and salvation, for there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. Rom 8:1. This simply means that Christians have access to the forgiveness and cleansing through the blood sacrifice of Jesus.
The only condition is confession of the sin and repentance. God’s love for us is so incomprehensible that many Christians fail to grasp this, and I can understand that. If you read the Lord’s Prayer “…forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors…” Do you realize how revolutionary that concept was for its day? We take that for granted. I don’t think I need to provide a citation for the prayer, but if you need it you will find it at: Mat. 6:12
Thus in Jesus’ prayer, He is indirectly saying, you no longer have to take your sin offering to the High Priest. You can see many New Testament references to who is our High Priest, please pay particular attention to citations in Hebrews. The Lord will oversee issues of forgiveness, when we take our pleas directly to the offended party. Sure we have forgiveness from God when we confess our sins, but He is watching to make sure you made peace with offended parties. Withholding of a plea or providing forgiveness means that someone is holding something that is an obstacle to receive blessings.
The things you describe, were slips and indiscretions by the churches pastor, as he was probably involved in other administrative work, or dealing with his own issues so much so, that he did not discuss these matters with his sheep. Many of the problems of any congregation occur in this manner. This also happens when church leadership focuses much on the work to be done on worldly things that then become distractions to keeping our eyes on Jesus.
If you were as spiritual as you say you were, the spirit would have revealed these intricacies, and failed to see who or what is behind the distractions. The spiritual battle wages on. Please see: Ep. 6: 12
http://www.holybible.com/resou...=Ephesians&Chapter=6
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I think that's when my depression started (not knowing) I would have clammy hands, not use to opening my feelings with adults, I would feel a knot in my throat and burst into tears, I still do when trying to explain or talk about my feelings and then just get this overwhelming embarrassment over the whole situation and I know making the other person uncomfortable listening or trying to understand whatever it is I'm saying in a crying state becomes another language to them, I guess... (LOL) my menstrual periods were so unbearable the cramps, I remember sometimes vomiting, sometimes my vision blacks out, my legs would become so weak, I thought I fall!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An open and frank discussion with a good pastor would have led him to the following scripture readings with regard to anxiety and depression:
http://bible1.crosswalk.com/On...xiety+and+depression
It is never too late to find answers to any problem right in the bible. Crosswalk is a bible search tool. The instances with references to depression, that popped up with the use of The word “anxiety” actually both words, “anxiety and depression” can be found at Pr. 12:25. I am so sorry for all the anxiety and anguish that ultimately has led to your depression and “…anger with God…” Look at what happens when I use that phrase:
http://bible1.crosswalk.com/On...nkj&new=1&oq=Anxiety
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I would take Tylenol, hot teas, even Anise my Mom would give me, I take HOT water baths, to the point it was so draining energy out of me I thought I pass out or could not get out of the tub, my fears were if I were to faint there and rescue would have to take me NAKED!!! Or my parents find me naked! WHY do I talk about this is to take you to my first attempt of suicide...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Thank God for the life you have now, but for some purpose that you have yet to full fill, God has loved and saved you to serve to bring about whatever service He would have you do. This is very similar to my own circumstances. God saved me and pulled from destruction at least 15 times in my life. I am a broken down old man of 59 that moves like an 80 year old man.
In fact, some 80 year olds move better than I do. It is only in my broken state that I have been able to see His glory, truly see Him in action and truly hear His voice. All because I am able to be still and know that He is God. I see Him every time and everywhere, I look for Him and listen for Him to share something with me.
I found something as simple as seeing Him in a lemon meringue pie, or a simple natural law of receiving blessings and answers to prayers in the simple gesture of an open hand. No it isn’t easy to see or hear Him; you have to practice that being still and knowing He is God.
It’s difficult because of the distractions that are fighting for our attention. All that goes right back to the garden, where Adam rebelled or sided with the rebellion to challenge God’s word. I do agree that part makes it a sad state of affairs. Satan was envious and wanted to see our destruction, Adam was foolish, and all this because we could enjoy what he could not.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Though I was spiritual, I took my new religious beliefs seriously and wanted to to do the BEST I could to please GOD, I prayed so many times when getting my menses to DIE... the pain was THAT unbearable, I thought every month for the rest of my life, I had to deal with this inhumane PAIN and one time my mother wanted me to go with her to visit family and I said I just didn't feel good and I knew she didn't believe me (which hurt the MOST because as a true Christian, she knew I wouldn't LIE), so when she left, I now not only felt physically in pain but emotionally in pain that I thought overdosing was the BEST situation for everybody concerned, I felt no matter what I did, I could not please my mother and to deal with this PAIN was just unbearable to think about to deal with again and again, I just prayed to GOD to let me Die and that I was a burden anyways... everybody would be happier without me, life will go on and my mother could finally see that I had REAL issues, she didn't take the time to address or maybe was limited to do so...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Perhaps, we don’t have the same understanding. Salvation comes from the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. In Him, we have the fulfillment of the requirements of the law. With His death on the cross, we have full availability to the Holy Spirit. See Mat 27:51. In Him is our assurance of eternal life. See and study 1 Cor. 15. We lay our sins,
and all other rubbish in our lives at the cross of Jesus, but our hope is exemplified by the empty grave.
O Death where is your sting, O grave where is your victory. 1 Cor 15:55. In none of this is there any requirement for us to do a thing. Do see how you sound like Martha? Look at the scenario of Lazarus, Martha and Mary. At Luke 10:38-42. Who is after the better part? Which shall not be taken away! Haven’t you read these scriptures? Didn’t they make you curious about all the running around you were doing? It is not sinful to do good works. What I am saying is, that good works should be spirit led, not self led. Otherwise, you will be like Martha, resenting that Mary was going after the better part. What was Mary doing? Being still and knowing He is God, and keeping her eyes on Jesus.
It is unfortunate that your mom not so sensitive to your feelings, and had shown so much disbelief. I don’t know why she thought as she did, and since she is not available to provide those answers, it will take a lot of contemplation and self examination. I have to take you at your word, about your observations, and can’t bring myself to even suggest anything as it would only be conjecture. Scripture citations: Matt. 27:51, 1 Cor. 15:55 (study this chapter in its entirety) and Luke 10:38-42.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
at any rate I remember asking God forgiveness for I knew in my heart I have sinned in taking such harsh measures and thought i would take about 8 Tylenols and that would be it... I finally fell asleep praying for forgiveness and that it was OK for HIM to punish me in any way He judged me, I just couldn't bear the pain, the struggles of worshiping, the emotional and physical pains to endure alone and as a teenager just growing up was a stress factor all these other issues I just felt so alone and struggling all the time... I just wanted it to be all over... I felt MOST of my time in school was even a WASTE, not the part of learning but felt MOST of the time was really wasted on subjects you will NEVER NEED in life or ever USE... WHY? are we FORCED to learn these things if it's not of any use?!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Well, I guess He answer you prayer and your punishment. You get to live and hate all the things teenagers hate about school. My dear, He did not allow you to take your life, and He has forgiven you for attempting such a thing. There are many things we don’t understand why we have to learn, but most of the stuff you learned in high school you apply without thinking; such as simple math and algebra, and many other subjects. They are just trying to give you a well rounded education. We are just so rebellious at times, and quite often we don’t even know why we rebel. Whatever it may be we learn to out grow many of these things.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
As you could see, I'm 48 years old now... did survive that overdose which wasn't enough of an overdose, which seems I couldn't even get that done right? NOBODY knew about it except me and Jehovah God and I kept it that way... I kept asking for forgiveness and after a while accepted my survival as forgiveness from HIM and that I must mean something to HIM, if HE did not let me die... but the thought of death was always so comforting for me to get away from PAIN and the STRUGGLES I would soon be faced with again and again...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am glad that He saved you. Otherwise, you would not have that beautiful child. Perhaps it is you child that is the prodigy. I am concerned about your life’s outlook. I am in constant pain and I cannot take a pill to make it go away, because of the blood pressure medications I take. Nevertheless, God is good and He knows exactly what He is doing. If I weren’t as broken as I am, I would probably be out doing stuff I have no business doing. Stuff like, getting angry with people, not being able to hold down a job, and at my age that can present some huge problems; such as, all the things that the world brings down on all of us, like anxiety just coping from day to day. I wrote something on the Spirituality page about a lemon meringue pie. It may do you well to read it:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...?r=94410688#94410688
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Things just built up when my mother passed away, then I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my only sister died of a long life struggle with Lupus... it's funny to think she was soooooo worried about me dieing from Cancer, she was devastated with our Mom's death, to have me also die was just too much for her... she feared this about me because I couldn't go or accept the conventional therapy programed which was a complete breast removal! I was horrified, better said petrified!
I chose to seek alternative therapies, doing everything else BUT the conventional... anyways my sister died of a stroke, first than I did! WHY? I asked God WHY? My sister was always struggling to LIVE even when living with a life threatening disease as Lupus, I have always wanted to DIE, to get away from ALL the pain and suffering and here, there is someone who WANTS to live even through her disease and yet I STILL live and SHE dies...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I have been struggling with a lot of these very same questions. My mom died Nov.
18, 1994; she was 63 years old. Last year my younger sister died on March 24, 2008. It was a horrible death that I shared here with some people that were having problems with thoughts. It is not that I don’t understand this fear. It is that I have lived to see the ravages of death, and how cruel it can be for so many people. It is sufficient to say that we all make our choices, and pick our poisons. In my sister’s case she loved life and fought to live and be there for her children and her grandchildren. She fought bravely and the more she fought the more horrible it got. I loved my sister with all my heart, and I have tell you, that I never saw anyone with the will to live that was stronger than she had. All of medical science could not believe what they witnessed. Read it for yourself on this thread:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...?r=90110831#90110831
I am sorry that you had to go through all this suffering. I can tell you that I was rebellious with God and put on the boxing gloves. Who am I to know the mind of the Lord? That is what got me through a lot of the despondent feelings that are normal for anyone to go through when they experience such losses. One of the things that brought me a great deal of comfort was finding the Steven Curtis Chapman music player site. Here’s an album I would like for you to listen to and try to get some comfort from many of the lyrics to many of the songs. There is a song there that I struggled with this past week. I guess it was because a week ago I was observing my sister’s passing to the new life. Here is the album:
http://www.stevencurtischapman...radio/speechless.htm
The one sentence that really had me set back was: we let go with hope. It still hurts, or maybe I’m just a cry baby. But the counter to that is that the hope that will see your face again. There is the key to the salvation plan. That all the life we have, enjoy, hate, is not all there is; thanks to the sacrifice that Jesus made for you, me, and every one; gives us that hope, that we will their face again. I know it hurts, and there are so many questions, .that we all have, that need answers. Please listen to this album and find Higher Ways:
http://www.stevencurtischapman...thesakeofthecall.htm
It will let Him speak to you through song. I don’t want to mess up anything He may have that is just especially for you. Just remember that you are a child of God, always were and always will be.
Luke 12:27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Sister, in due time, you will have all the answers you seek, and they will come to you through no real effort of your own. Believe me I have gone through this grief process and it is not easy. God wants you to treasure all the moments you enjoyed with your loved ones, and not to worry, because He has removed all barriers to be reconciled with Him when it is all of our turns to go to those beautiful mansions in the sky.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
MANY of my close friends during my course of Breast Cancer... who were there for me when diagnosed were then diagnosed AFTER with colon cancer and uterine cancer, ALL of them DIED and HERE, I still am! WHY? Why them and not me? I know God permits the wicked one to see or test us though the Bible states God will not test us with bad things... but WHY then even have the dirty work given to Satan? Why permit Satan to test us? Why test us at all? We are imperfect human beings! For God sake! He knows this and says in his word He will not test us beyond our limitations! Why if he knows what's in our hearts, tests us at all?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Can you understand that God did not assign this to Satan, Satan choose to rebel against the word of God. Satan is filled with hate, and envy for us, because he can see the beauty of God’s creation and yet not experience it. That is what this whole life journey is about; to experience and enjoy all of God’s creation. It is because we have blinded ourselves to God through every distraction that is of the world and what it has to offer, and many still say He doesn’t exist. That is because humans can only seem to reason form their own wisdom and reasoning, which is foolishness to God, or God will make them look foolish and still be consistent with His word. You’ll have to look to Job 1 to find your answer. The whole life experience is a test, but we have a sword in the word of the Lord that will defeat Satan every time. I am not certain that your commentary on what the bible says about God not testing. Opps, sorry, here’s the list of citings:
http://bible1.crosswalk.com/On...nkj&new=1&oq=Solomon
Satan test the hearts of God’s servants as shown in the account of Job, and it show’s Satan must have permission to do the test. Nevertheless, the test is that Satan will challenge God about our faithfulness, and He must allow this test because the other Angels are looking at this challenge Satan has made. I God does not allow Satan the opportunity to prove his point, but Satan would win would prove that God’s word did not go out and return prosperous. God can’t allow that. He is faithful and true to His word. There is a lot more at stake in the heavenly kingdom than meets the eye. To be sure, it is very difficult for me to say, but I am sure we will know when we meet Him.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
If we are His children, I have been blessed with ONE, I will not TEST my son with bad things OR PERMIT him to be tested by a WICKED evil doer, so that I can say it's not ME doing the testing but SATAN!?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You are not God either, and you are not responsible for the balance of the entire known and unknown universe either. This is not biblical but is a sound principle with which to truly assess the actions of another person. That is: do not judge the Indian’s actions until you have walked a mile in his moccasins. It is something along those line. In this case, it goes to “…who can know the mind of the Lord…” You are pushing your inquiry perilously close to testing God in matters that are not about raising an Army such as Gideon did at Judges 6:37. I don’t know of another person in the bible that tested God in this way and got away with it.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I could NOT do that and let alone let imperfection rid the bodies of sicknesses like CANCER! I understand WE have a lot of fault in the stressful and ignorant lives we live of how we handle our health and bodies are not in the most GODLIEST of ways to handle it BUT WHY, CANCER or LUPUS? He couldn't put a CAP on the sicknesses??? I know there isn't anything IMPOSSIBLE for HIM to do, then WHY would he permit such devastating inhumane sicknesses?! That could attack an innocent child who even hadn't a chance to do anything wrong to the body...??? I understand we are born in SIN which means that sickness is a PART of being imperfect (born into sin)which ends in old age and DEATH... but wasn't THAT enough? Noooooo let's throw in the Diabetes, Lupus, CANCER etc....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You say these things as if God brought all this upon us, and mention our fault regarding the proper care, but I am telling you this goes back to the garden and Genisus. When we choose to do contrary to God’s law, yes the boundary was set. We choose much more than being defiant. Haven’t you ever told someone that they are on their own. Well in the garden, by man’s action we told Him we didn’t need Him. Can’t you see that? Who’s doing the throwing in? The answer again is in Ep.
6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
You are as though you were Adam in the garden faulting God for the woman God gave him, and wanting to lay blame for all the ills of the world on God. If you understand that our fault lays beyond improper care for own bodies, and that poor decision on the part of Adam, why can’t you appreciate God’s plan of redemption?
Why don’t’ you seem to understand that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I began to feel bitter and ANGRY at God... so much so I can't even look for these answers as I use to... I became tooooo tired and felt HE has let me down... waiting and waiting on a promise of HOPE... and this hope, of a paradise to live forever and to see our loved ones RISE from resurrection, where I could see my sister again and my mother... just didn't fill me anymore for you want them to be HERE now, when you most need them, where was my sister when I had to finally LOSE my mind and give in to the conventional of a mastectomy and not only THAT but CHEMO treatments for a YEAR and RADIATION!!!????
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
My dear, please let me help you renew you faith, and help guide you to be strong in the Lord. Don’t you know that you are at your strongest when you are at your weakest? Let’s work on getting you strong in the Lord again, to build on your faith that then helps build on your hope.
You need to be strong, not in your own strength, but in the Lord's, so that you can be there for your son. Don’t you see that it is your faith that has been weakened, by all the travails you have endured. Anyone but Job would have fallen apart. It’s not fair to blame it all on God. There are many things we may not understand, but that will be revealed to us at the appropriate time.
Come, my child, He is sending you His invitation, so come with great expectations, that you can build on the faith you are hungering for to build upon.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What does hope do when it's all in the future and you need the HELP now? It doesn't take away the pain of loss, the only comfort I see is for them... that they are now RESTING from their pains of dreaded sicknesses they had to bear... WHY not discriminate a bit and send it to those who DO deserve it? Starting with SATAN himself? Yet there is this wicked angel because of spirit person does not feel pain, hunger etc... will just face a death sentence! WHY? I would NOT wish what I have to go through on my worse ENEMY then WHY would an ALL MIGHTY GOD permit this to happen to HIS people? When others that are not serving him are healthier!
I love my father, God bless his soul, BUT he smoked when young and I remember as a tot, him giving me a cigarette of his, upon my insistence of wanting to try it out... I HATED IT! But my father still lives TODAY, turning 89 in June and has NO DIABETES, NO CANCER, NO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and not on any medications! He's not a church goer or into any charities, he has his aches and pains nothing major but drinks his beer once in a while, he did give up the smoking when the cartridges went up to $1! But is what I call a quiet soul, doesn't like to make waves but is sort of cowardly to say what is on his mind to your face and will say it behind your back to someone else and when confronted will try to see how to make it sound otherwise so as to keep the peace...
He's a good man in the sense to my knowledge not committed any crimes... but the point is I NEVER smoked except for that once and lived a more God fearing life than him and I end up with the Breast Cancer, my sister also ended up with a dreadful disease as Lupus! My mother lived her whole life as I can remember SICK, ended up with Diabetes, Chronic Asthma, High Blood Pressure... But I know you know what I mean, you must know people that are just EVIL or living sluttier lives, next to living and trying to please God, who don't deal with half the things GOOD people have to deal with and still God will give them more attention than us because they are LOST SOULS! Am I jealous? YES I am...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Look at John
21:20 Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee?
21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?
21:22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
He wants you to follow Him and not concern yourself with other people or judge other people. Rom 3:23 tells us we all fall short of the glory of God.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I just don't want HIS attention but I feel HE should give attention to even MORE deserving than I, I don't understand WHY? And it seems I can't move on, NOT KNOWING, WHY? I just don't think I even want to struggle anymore or push myself anymore, I don't believe HE deserves it from me or anybody else for that matters! And therefore I cannot preach a message of hope anymore, I cannot congregate anymore and keep listening to the woes of mankind for it gets me to my ANGRY PLACE, i call it... Angry all over again at GOD and that there is just NO REASON anymore to me, that it's justifiable for HIM to GET AWAY with all this and just say He's God, He has his REASONS, is just not good enough anymore...
I believe my religeous choice is the TRUTH, they teach all what is good and POSITIVE things to live by... I feel for my son for I see, maybe my twin soul... and he is obligated by his father to go and congregate but unlike me at that early age, he doesn't want to... and now I'm not much of an example... you may say this is negative... so I replace it with, I'm still here with ALL I have gone through, I'm still here and did not leave my son, committing suicide or my special husband who is far from perfect but to have past all this, I would think it make me stronger it made me weaker... another negative thought but to replace it to make me feel positive, it made more sensitive to be able to relate to my son's depression and not want him live what I had to go with my mother... therefore after he confessed one night that he wanted to die and overdose on a bottle of pills...
I began to tell him I'm not perfect and I will try to help him with showing him what I did to deal with issues I faced... after a talk, one of the things I said we need to focus right away on positive and sort of change the channel... so we decided the best next thing to turn on the TV, as I changed the channel your program was there and how it helped a young boy... that was enough said for me to pick up the phone and order your program, I did it for my son but my son's needs helped me to open my eyes to my own needs and here I am writing to see if anybody can answer me about WHY god would permit such things to happen?
I have Bible answers but it just doesn't make sense to me anymore... AND I wish it did so I can go back to being the spiritual person, I was... So I can be a better person for my son... A lot of what the tapes say is what I have practiced with common sense as I grew up and actually said to my son bEFORE getting the program!
So I was glad to hear I was on the right track but it's helping me focus more on a plan of action, I did not have before... sorry for the long dumping here! I have still so much to dump! Now you know why...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
My dear, I had to let you vent, and God is also allowing you to vent too. Life is not fair. If you studied the bible, as you say you have, you know this. Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. All throughout the book Psalms there are all sorts of stories, just like the ones you relate. David cried out against his persecutions, etc. You know all this.
You know that no matter what He loves you, and that no matter what happens, He has a plan of redemption in place for you. I totally feel your sense of lose, and of being alone. All of my uncles, aunts, mom, dad, and finally my sister passed all died. This past Saturday, I felt blessed to be in the company of my niece, and when I look at her, I sense her pain, even though she wont talk about it, but she will, and when she is ready to talk about it, for as long as I am alive, I’ll be there for her. In the meantime, I will just have to be happy with my niece and her new family, and that will help me fill the void that is left in my heart.
I am in constant physical suffering, and because of my brokenness, and this center, I feel renewed and invigorated with a sense of purpose. You didn’t call me, but if you did, I would be screaming at you because I spent so many hours trying to help you find answers where I possibly could. Just kidding.
I can’t sit here for more than 20 minutes at a time, and I was supposed to do the grocery shopping as my contribution to helping out around the house, but the Lord put it in my heart to spend this time hearing you out, and trying to address each of your concerns. This last section was just a rave out, but I do understand.
I am here for you and you have my number. Call me with confidence. I am up early, but crash early too. But if you can call me, It would be easier on me. I can call you back so that you don't get hit with a huge phone bill. My long distance in unlimited and prepaid at a flat rate, so it is no big deal.
I spent my entire day trying to do some of the work on the answers you wish to have resolved. I read every line and broke you letter up into segments that I felt had specific thoughts grouped. You asked for it, so here goes the copy and paste:
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Since very active religiously, I was the one that was knocking on doors, giving hope with Bible Scriptures, giving time to people who needed it... MOST of the answers to everything you may want to ask GOD about because I prayed and studied myself to find the answers in His Word the Bible... but it took a LOT of effort from as a child, I struggled with reading, didn't like and still don't like to read but there was the beginning of sacrifices, I started to fight for in essence to achieve what I thought would be a sense of security of knowing WHY God would permit this or that to happen?
WHY is the world in the condition it is in? If EVERYBODY wants PEACE, WHY isn't there peace? WHY do we grow old and die? WHY am I here? WHY this, WHY that and with the Bible I prayed to understand so that I could also be able to share it with others that there are answers to that... But I was also SHY and TIMID, another thing to fight with... To knock on doors of strangers at an early age, to raise my hand to comment in front of an audience, to give public talks was just ALL against my nature but I knew it was in the best interest of God's purpose with me and just another thing I had to fight and overcome if I were to receive HIS approval or blessings...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
First of all, I am not going to pretend to know all the answers you seek. A lot of what you question are things that you will have to search deep within you and then maybe you will still not know with any certainty. I will try to make biblical observations to try to help you see things from a slightly different prospective, and at the same time try to share in your pain as I struggle to provide some answers.
Why are you here? Because God made everything, but God is Spirit and so is His kingdom and so are all the beings in His Kingdom. Don’t you know that we are the envy of the Angels? We can experience everything and every aspect that life can bring us. Turn your attention to the 1 Cor 15: 10-22. It is clear that from the time of Adam, God made Adam as He molded Adam from the clay of the earth. All who died up the time of Christ reduced to the dust of the earth. Of course you know that. Thus through the sin or opposition or rebellion of God’s protective advice or warning, sin came into the world.
The dilemma was before God, and man had, through the enticement of an envious opposing Angel, defied God and His word, and because man’s access to the tree of Life was available, God had to bar man’s access to the tree of life, or His word about man surely dieing would have proved false, thus with no access to the tree of Life, man’s day’s are earth had were numbered. Please see Gen 3:17-24.
Had man’s eyes been closed? No. His eyes were opened to the distractions of the world that set up conditions for being able to hear and see God. You are raising a child. Don’t you set boundaries on your child, but do not always fill the child on the details about the restrictions? Of course you do, we all do. The opposing Angel was trying to get man to be distracted by things of the world, but he (Satan) did not foresee that God had a different plan of action. First and foremost, everything that God says must be full filled. Please see Is. 55:11. Surely, you should know all this. Hold those citations: 1 Cor. 15: 10-22, Gen. 3:17-24, and Is 55:11. As I try to answer all of your questions as best as the Lord can help me.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
so my communication with my parents (who were not of my faith) was minimal because they did not understand my zealous nature or interest, I was always afraid they would take me away from what I really thought would make me happy, if I began to relate any of the unjustified hurtful situations I was in (nothing illegal) just I had the maturity to understand that the other teenagers there or adults were imperfect and therefore impossible to expect that there won't be trouble in God's congregation when in the Bible there was ALWAYS trouble among HIS people, love triangles, fornication, adultery etc. and therefore knew and accepted this TRUTH but my parents may not have seen things the way I see them and maybe for my protection or emotional ease of mind would have taken me or forbid me to congregate and meet with the people I thought to be close to Godly as we would share the same beliefs and common cause, I couldn't see myself ANYWHERE ELSE that I would feel comfortable being at but anyways...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The things you reveal about the activities of other teens and adults; seems a bit troubling. A good pastor knows his sheep by name and there whereabouts. True we all have, as saved Christians, have the assurance of forgiveness and salvation, for there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. Rom 8:1. This simply means that Christians have access to the forgiveness and cleansing through the blood sacrifice of Jesus.
The only condition is confession of the sin and repentance. God’s love for us is so incomprehensible that many Christians fail to grasp this, and I can understand that. If you read the Lord’s Prayer “…forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors…” Do you realize how revolutionary that concept was for its day? We take that for granted. I don’t think I need to provide a citation for the prayer, but if you need it you will find it at: Mat. 6:12
Thus in Jesus’ prayer, He is indirectly saying, you no longer have to take your sin offering to the High Priest. You can see many New Testament references to who is our High Priest, please pay particular attention to citations in Hebrews. The Lord will oversee issues of forgiveness, when we take our pleas directly to the offended party. Sure we have forgiveness from God when we confess our sins, but He is watching to make sure you made peace with offended parties. Withholding of a plea or providing forgiveness means that someone is holding something that is an obstacle to receive blessings.
The things you describe, were slips and indiscretions by the churches pastor, as he was probably involved in other administrative work, or dealing with his own issues so much so, that he did not discuss these matters with his sheep. Many of the problems of any congregation occur in this manner. This also happens when church leadership focuses much on the work to be done on worldly things that then become distractions to keeping our eyes on Jesus.
If you were as spiritual as you say you were, the spirit would have revealed these intricacies, and failed to see who or what is behind the distractions. The spiritual battle wages on. Please see: Ep. 6: 12
http://www.holybible.com/resou...=Ephesians&Chapter=6
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I think that's when my depression started (not knowing) I would have clammy hands, not use to opening my feelings with adults, I would feel a knot in my throat and burst into tears, I still do when trying to explain or talk about my feelings and then just get this overwhelming embarrassment over the whole situation and I know making the other person uncomfortable listening or trying to understand whatever it is I'm saying in a crying state becomes another language to them, I guess... (LOL) my menstrual periods were so unbearable the cramps, I remember sometimes vomiting, sometimes my vision blacks out, my legs would become so weak, I thought I fall!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An open and frank discussion with a good pastor would have led him to the following scripture readings with regard to anxiety and depression:
http://bible1.crosswalk.com/On...xiety+and+depression
It is never too late to find answers to any problem right in the bible. Crosswalk is a bible search tool. The instances with references to depression, that popped up with the use of The word “anxiety” actually both words, “anxiety and depression” can be found at Pr. 12:25. I am so sorry for all the anxiety and anguish that ultimately has led to your depression and “…anger with God…” Look at what happens when I use that phrase:
http://bible1.crosswalk.com/On...nkj&new=1&oq=Anxiety
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I would take Tylenol, hot teas, even Anise my Mom would give me, I take HOT water baths, to the point it was so draining energy out of me I thought I pass out or could not get out of the tub, my fears were if I were to faint there and rescue would have to take me NAKED!!! Or my parents find me naked! WHY do I talk about this is to take you to my first attempt of suicide...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Thank God for the life you have now, but for some purpose that you have yet to full fill, God has loved and saved you to serve to bring about whatever service He would have you do. This is very similar to my own circumstances. God saved me and pulled from destruction at least 15 times in my life. I am a broken down old man of 59 that moves like an 80 year old man.
In fact, some 80 year olds move better than I do. It is only in my broken state that I have been able to see His glory, truly see Him in action and truly hear His voice. All because I am able to be still and know that He is God. I see Him every time and everywhere, I look for Him and listen for Him to share something with me.
I found something as simple as seeing Him in a lemon meringue pie, or a simple natural law of receiving blessings and answers to prayers in the simple gesture of an open hand. No it isn’t easy to see or hear Him; you have to practice that being still and knowing He is God.
It’s difficult because of the distractions that are fighting for our attention. All that goes right back to the garden, where Adam rebelled or sided with the rebellion to challenge God’s word. I do agree that part makes it a sad state of affairs. Satan was envious and wanted to see our destruction, Adam was foolish, and all this because we could enjoy what he could not.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Though I was spiritual, I took my new religious beliefs seriously and wanted to to do the BEST I could to please GOD, I prayed so many times when getting my menses to DIE... the pain was THAT unbearable, I thought every month for the rest of my life, I had to deal with this inhumane PAIN and one time my mother wanted me to go with her to visit family and I said I just didn't feel good and I knew she didn't believe me (which hurt the MOST because as a true Christian, she knew I wouldn't LIE), so when she left, I now not only felt physically in pain but emotionally in pain that I thought overdosing was the BEST situation for everybody concerned, I felt no matter what I did, I could not please my mother and to deal with this PAIN was just unbearable to think about to deal with again and again, I just prayed to GOD to let me Die and that I was a burden anyways... everybody would be happier without me, life will go on and my mother could finally see that I had REAL issues, she didn't take the time to address or maybe was limited to do so...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Perhaps, we don’t have the same understanding. Salvation comes from the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. In Him, we have the fulfillment of the requirements of the law. With His death on the cross, we have full availability to the Holy Spirit. See Mat 27:51. In Him is our assurance of eternal life. See and study 1 Cor. 15. We lay our sins,
and all other rubbish in our lives at the cross of Jesus, but our hope is exemplified by the empty grave.
O Death where is your sting, O grave where is your victory. 1 Cor 15:55. In none of this is there any requirement for us to do a thing. Do see how you sound like Martha? Look at the scenario of Lazarus, Martha and Mary. At Luke 10:38-42. Who is after the better part? Which shall not be taken away! Haven’t you read these scriptures? Didn’t they make you curious about all the running around you were doing? It is not sinful to do good works. What I am saying is, that good works should be spirit led, not self led. Otherwise, you will be like Martha, resenting that Mary was going after the better part. What was Mary doing? Being still and knowing He is God, and keeping her eyes on Jesus.
It is unfortunate that your mom not so sensitive to your feelings, and had shown so much disbelief. I don’t know why she thought as she did, and since she is not available to provide those answers, it will take a lot of contemplation and self examination. I have to take you at your word, about your observations, and can’t bring myself to even suggest anything as it would only be conjecture. Scripture citations: Matt. 27:51, 1 Cor. 15:55 (study this chapter in its entirety) and Luke 10:38-42.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
at any rate I remember asking God forgiveness for I knew in my heart I have sinned in taking such harsh measures and thought i would take about 8 Tylenols and that would be it... I finally fell asleep praying for forgiveness and that it was OK for HIM to punish me in any way He judged me, I just couldn't bear the pain, the struggles of worshiping, the emotional and physical pains to endure alone and as a teenager just growing up was a stress factor all these other issues I just felt so alone and struggling all the time... I just wanted it to be all over... I felt MOST of my time in school was even a WASTE, not the part of learning but felt MOST of the time was really wasted on subjects you will NEVER NEED in life or ever USE... WHY? are we FORCED to learn these things if it's not of any use?!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Well, I guess He answer you prayer and your punishment. You get to live and hate all the things teenagers hate about school. My dear, He did not allow you to take your life, and He has forgiven you for attempting such a thing. There are many things we don’t understand why we have to learn, but most of the stuff you learned in high school you apply without thinking; such as simple math and algebra, and many other subjects. They are just trying to give you a well rounded education. We are just so rebellious at times, and quite often we don’t even know why we rebel. Whatever it may be we learn to out grow many of these things.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
As you could see, I'm 48 years old now... did survive that overdose which wasn't enough of an overdose, which seems I couldn't even get that done right? NOBODY knew about it except me and Jehovah God and I kept it that way... I kept asking for forgiveness and after a while accepted my survival as forgiveness from HIM and that I must mean something to HIM, if HE did not let me die... but the thought of death was always so comforting for me to get away from PAIN and the STRUGGLES I would soon be faced with again and again...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am glad that He saved you. Otherwise, you would not have that beautiful child. Perhaps it is you child that is the prodigy. I am concerned about your life’s outlook. I am in constant pain and I cannot take a pill to make it go away, because of the blood pressure medications I take. Nevertheless, God is good and He knows exactly what He is doing. If I weren’t as broken as I am, I would probably be out doing stuff I have no business doing. Stuff like, getting angry with people, not being able to hold down a job, and at my age that can present some huge problems; such as, all the things that the world brings down on all of us, like anxiety just coping from day to day. I wrote something on the Spirituality page about a lemon meringue pie. It may do you well to read it:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...?r=94410688#94410688
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Things just built up when my mother passed away, then I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my only sister died of a long life struggle with Lupus... it's funny to think she was soooooo worried about me dieing from Cancer, she was devastated with our Mom's death, to have me also die was just too much for her... she feared this about me because I couldn't go or accept the conventional therapy programed which was a complete breast removal! I was horrified, better said petrified!
I chose to seek alternative therapies, doing everything else BUT the conventional... anyways my sister died of a stroke, first than I did! WHY? I asked God WHY? My sister was always struggling to LIVE even when living with a life threatening disease as Lupus, I have always wanted to DIE, to get away from ALL the pain and suffering and here, there is someone who WANTS to live even through her disease and yet I STILL live and SHE dies...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I have been struggling with a lot of these very same questions. My mom died Nov.
18, 1994; she was 63 years old. Last year my younger sister died on March 24, 2008. It was a horrible death that I shared here with some people that were having problems with thoughts. It is not that I don’t understand this fear. It is that I have lived to see the ravages of death, and how cruel it can be for so many people. It is sufficient to say that we all make our choices, and pick our poisons. In my sister’s case she loved life and fought to live and be there for her children and her grandchildren. She fought bravely and the more she fought the more horrible it got. I loved my sister with all my heart, and I have tell you, that I never saw anyone with the will to live that was stronger than she had. All of medical science could not believe what they witnessed. Read it for yourself on this thread:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...?r=90110831#90110831
I am sorry that you had to go through all this suffering. I can tell you that I was rebellious with God and put on the boxing gloves. Who am I to know the mind of the Lord? That is what got me through a lot of the despondent feelings that are normal for anyone to go through when they experience such losses. One of the things that brought me a great deal of comfort was finding the Steven Curtis Chapman music player site. Here’s an album I would like for you to listen to and try to get some comfort from many of the lyrics to many of the songs. There is a song there that I struggled with this past week. I guess it was because a week ago I was observing my sister’s passing to the new life. Here is the album:
http://www.stevencurtischapman...radio/speechless.htm
The one sentence that really had me set back was: we let go with hope. It still hurts, or maybe I’m just a cry baby. But the counter to that is that the hope that will see your face again. There is the key to the salvation plan. That all the life we have, enjoy, hate, is not all there is; thanks to the sacrifice that Jesus made for you, me, and every one; gives us that hope, that we will their face again. I know it hurts, and there are so many questions, .that we all have, that need answers. Please listen to this album and find Higher Ways:
http://www.stevencurtischapman...thesakeofthecall.htm
It will let Him speak to you through song. I don’t want to mess up anything He may have that is just especially for you. Just remember that you are a child of God, always were and always will be.
Luke 12:27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Sister, in due time, you will have all the answers you seek, and they will come to you through no real effort of your own. Believe me I have gone through this grief process and it is not easy. God wants you to treasure all the moments you enjoyed with your loved ones, and not to worry, because He has removed all barriers to be reconciled with Him when it is all of our turns to go to those beautiful mansions in the sky.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
MANY of my close friends during my course of Breast Cancer... who were there for me when diagnosed were then diagnosed AFTER with colon cancer and uterine cancer, ALL of them DIED and HERE, I still am! WHY? Why them and not me? I know God permits the wicked one to see or test us though the Bible states God will not test us with bad things... but WHY then even have the dirty work given to Satan? Why permit Satan to test us? Why test us at all? We are imperfect human beings! For God sake! He knows this and says in his word He will not test us beyond our limitations! Why if he knows what's in our hearts, tests us at all?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Can you understand that God did not assign this to Satan, Satan choose to rebel against the word of God. Satan is filled with hate, and envy for us, because he can see the beauty of God’s creation and yet not experience it. That is what this whole life journey is about; to experience and enjoy all of God’s creation. It is because we have blinded ourselves to God through every distraction that is of the world and what it has to offer, and many still say He doesn’t exist. That is because humans can only seem to reason form their own wisdom and reasoning, which is foolishness to God, or God will make them look foolish and still be consistent with His word. You’ll have to look to Job 1 to find your answer. The whole life experience is a test, but we have a sword in the word of the Lord that will defeat Satan every time. I am not certain that your commentary on what the bible says about God not testing. Opps, sorry, here’s the list of citings:
http://bible1.crosswalk.com/On...nkj&new=1&oq=Solomon
Satan test the hearts of God’s servants as shown in the account of Job, and it show’s Satan must have permission to do the test. Nevertheless, the test is that Satan will challenge God about our faithfulness, and He must allow this test because the other Angels are looking at this challenge Satan has made. I God does not allow Satan the opportunity to prove his point, but Satan would win would prove that God’s word did not go out and return prosperous. God can’t allow that. He is faithful and true to His word. There is a lot more at stake in the heavenly kingdom than meets the eye. To be sure, it is very difficult for me to say, but I am sure we will know when we meet Him.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
If we are His children, I have been blessed with ONE, I will not TEST my son with bad things OR PERMIT him to be tested by a WICKED evil doer, so that I can say it's not ME doing the testing but SATAN!?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You are not God either, and you are not responsible for the balance of the entire known and unknown universe either. This is not biblical but is a sound principle with which to truly assess the actions of another person. That is: do not judge the Indian’s actions until you have walked a mile in his moccasins. It is something along those line. In this case, it goes to “…who can know the mind of the Lord…” You are pushing your inquiry perilously close to testing God in matters that are not about raising an Army such as Gideon did at Judges 6:37. I don’t know of another person in the bible that tested God in this way and got away with it.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I could NOT do that and let alone let imperfection rid the bodies of sicknesses like CANCER! I understand WE have a lot of fault in the stressful and ignorant lives we live of how we handle our health and bodies are not in the most GODLIEST of ways to handle it BUT WHY, CANCER or LUPUS? He couldn't put a CAP on the sicknesses??? I know there isn't anything IMPOSSIBLE for HIM to do, then WHY would he permit such devastating inhumane sicknesses?! That could attack an innocent child who even hadn't a chance to do anything wrong to the body...??? I understand we are born in SIN which means that sickness is a PART of being imperfect (born into sin)which ends in old age and DEATH... but wasn't THAT enough? Noooooo let's throw in the Diabetes, Lupus, CANCER etc....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You say these things as if God brought all this upon us, and mention our fault regarding the proper care, but I am telling you this goes back to the garden and Genisus. When we choose to do contrary to God’s law, yes the boundary was set. We choose much more than being defiant. Haven’t you ever told someone that they are on their own. Well in the garden, by man’s action we told Him we didn’t need Him. Can’t you see that? Who’s doing the throwing in? The answer again is in Ep.
6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
You are as though you were Adam in the garden faulting God for the woman God gave him, and wanting to lay blame for all the ills of the world on God. If you understand that our fault lays beyond improper care for own bodies, and that poor decision on the part of Adam, why can’t you appreciate God’s plan of redemption?
Why don’t’ you seem to understand that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I began to feel bitter and ANGRY at God... so much so I can't even look for these answers as I use to... I became tooooo tired and felt HE has let me down... waiting and waiting on a promise of HOPE... and this hope, of a paradise to live forever and to see our loved ones RISE from resurrection, where I could see my sister again and my mother... just didn't fill me anymore for you want them to be HERE now, when you most need them, where was my sister when I had to finally LOSE my mind and give in to the conventional of a mastectomy and not only THAT but CHEMO treatments for a YEAR and RADIATION!!!????
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
My dear, please let me help you renew you faith, and help guide you to be strong in the Lord. Don’t you know that you are at your strongest when you are at your weakest? Let’s work on getting you strong in the Lord again, to build on your faith that then helps build on your hope.
You need to be strong, not in your own strength, but in the Lord's, so that you can be there for your son. Don’t you see that it is your faith that has been weakened, by all the travails you have endured. Anyone but Job would have fallen apart. It’s not fair to blame it all on God. There are many things we may not understand, but that will be revealed to us at the appropriate time.
Come, my child, He is sending you His invitation, so come with great expectations, that you can build on the faith you are hungering for to build upon.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What does hope do when it's all in the future and you need the HELP now? It doesn't take away the pain of loss, the only comfort I see is for them... that they are now RESTING from their pains of dreaded sicknesses they had to bear... WHY not discriminate a bit and send it to those who DO deserve it? Starting with SATAN himself? Yet there is this wicked angel because of spirit person does not feel pain, hunger etc... will just face a death sentence! WHY? I would NOT wish what I have to go through on my worse ENEMY then WHY would an ALL MIGHTY GOD permit this to happen to HIS people? When others that are not serving him are healthier!
I love my father, God bless his soul, BUT he smoked when young and I remember as a tot, him giving me a cigarette of his, upon my insistence of wanting to try it out... I HATED IT! But my father still lives TODAY, turning 89 in June and has NO DIABETES, NO CANCER, NO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and not on any medications! He's not a church goer or into any charities, he has his aches and pains nothing major but drinks his beer once in a while, he did give up the smoking when the cartridges went up to $1! But is what I call a quiet soul, doesn't like to make waves but is sort of cowardly to say what is on his mind to your face and will say it behind your back to someone else and when confronted will try to see how to make it sound otherwise so as to keep the peace...
He's a good man in the sense to my knowledge not committed any crimes... but the point is I NEVER smoked except for that once and lived a more God fearing life than him and I end up with the Breast Cancer, my sister also ended up with a dreadful disease as Lupus! My mother lived her whole life as I can remember SICK, ended up with Diabetes, Chronic Asthma, High Blood Pressure... But I know you know what I mean, you must know people that are just EVIL or living sluttier lives, next to living and trying to please God, who don't deal with half the things GOOD people have to deal with and still God will give them more attention than us because they are LOST SOULS! Am I jealous? YES I am...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Look at John
21:20 Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee?
21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?
21:22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
He wants you to follow Him and not concern yourself with other people or judge other people. Rom 3:23 tells us we all fall short of the glory of God.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I just don't want HIS attention but I feel HE should give attention to even MORE deserving than I, I don't understand WHY? And it seems I can't move on, NOT KNOWING, WHY? I just don't think I even want to struggle anymore or push myself anymore, I don't believe HE deserves it from me or anybody else for that matters! And therefore I cannot preach a message of hope anymore, I cannot congregate anymore and keep listening to the woes of mankind for it gets me to my ANGRY PLACE, i call it... Angry all over again at GOD and that there is just NO REASON anymore to me, that it's justifiable for HIM to GET AWAY with all this and just say He's God, He has his REASONS, is just not good enough anymore...
I believe my religeous choice is the TRUTH, they teach all what is good and POSITIVE things to live by... I feel for my son for I see, maybe my twin soul... and he is obligated by his father to go and congregate but unlike me at that early age, he doesn't want to... and now I'm not much of an example... you may say this is negative... so I replace it with, I'm still here with ALL I have gone through, I'm still here and did not leave my son, committing suicide or my special husband who is far from perfect but to have past all this, I would think it make me stronger it made me weaker... another negative thought but to replace it to make me feel positive, it made more sensitive to be able to relate to my son's depression and not want him live what I had to go with my mother... therefore after he confessed one night that he wanted to die and overdose on a bottle of pills...
I began to tell him I'm not perfect and I will try to help him with showing him what I did to deal with issues I faced... after a talk, one of the things I said we need to focus right away on positive and sort of change the channel... so we decided the best next thing to turn on the TV, as I changed the channel your program was there and how it helped a young boy... that was enough said for me to pick up the phone and order your program, I did it for my son but my son's needs helped me to open my eyes to my own needs and here I am writing to see if anybody can answer me about WHY god would permit such things to happen?
I have Bible answers but it just doesn't make sense to me anymore... AND I wish it did so I can go back to being the spiritual person, I was... So I can be a better person for my son... A lot of what the tapes say is what I have practiced with common sense as I grew up and actually said to my son bEFORE getting the program!
So I was glad to hear I was on the right track but it's helping me focus more on a plan of action, I did not have before... sorry for the long dumping here! I have still so much to dump! Now you know why...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
My dear, I had to let you vent, and God is also allowing you to vent too. Life is not fair. If you studied the bible, as you say you have, you know this. Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. All throughout the book Psalms there are all sorts of stories, just like the ones you relate. David cried out against his persecutions, etc. You know all this.
You know that no matter what He loves you, and that no matter what happens, He has a plan of redemption in place for you. I totally feel your sense of lose, and of being alone. All of my uncles, aunts, mom, dad, and finally my sister passed all died. This past Saturday, I felt blessed to be in the company of my niece, and when I look at her, I sense her pain, even though she wont talk about it, but she will, and when she is ready to talk about it, for as long as I am alive, I’ll be there for her. In the meantime, I will just have to be happy with my niece and her new family, and that will help me fill the void that is left in my heart.
I am in constant physical suffering, and because of my brokenness, and this center, I feel renewed and invigorated with a sense of purpose. You didn’t call me, but if you did, I would be screaming at you because I spent so many hours trying to help you find answers where I possibly could. Just kidding.
I can’t sit here for more than 20 minutes at a time, and I was supposed to do the grocery shopping as my contribution to helping out around the house, but the Lord put it in my heart to spend this time hearing you out, and trying to address each of your concerns. This last section was just a rave out, but I do understand.
I am here for you and you have my number. Call me with confidence. I am up early, but crash early too. But if you can call me, It would be easier on me. I can call you back so that you don't get hit with a huge phone bill. My long distance in unlimited and prepaid at a flat rate, so it is no big deal.
Hope is the unspecified expectation that life will be good.
-
Guest
Hi Nilda,
I read your post this morning about the "Whys" of everything in this life, and it really got me to thinking...By the way, this was before my bub replied to your post. I think everything in this life does happen for a reason. We will never understand the reasons why until we get to Heaven. You said something to the extent of "You would never test your son!" Well, have you ever thought that by standing back and observing him, and watching him as he becomes more independent that you are allowing him space to grow and learn on his own? Isn't that kind of "testing him" to see how well he will do without your constant intervention??? Sometimes, I think God stands back in the same way. I think he gives us freedom of choice, and He just steps back a little to see what we will do under all kinds of circumstances...
I do not believe that is God's will for any of His children to be sick, unhealthy, unhappy, grieve or feel any type of unhealthy emotion. Remember...God is Love...God did not promise us a bed of roses in this life, but, He did promise that He would make a way of escape for us....Look at all the sufferings of our Jesus...He was treated the worst of all, and He never ever committed one sin. He was perfect, and yet He was beaten, spat upon, mocked, and then crucified. So, He does know what it feels like to suffer immense pain...He did it all that we may have life, and have it more "abundantly"...
I honestly believe the answer to all our troubles in this life is prayer. I mean the kind where you get down upon your knees and beg God from the depths of your heart to help you...
God is faithful...I know that He said that he heard our faintest cry, but, sometimes I think He really does want us to bow down and pray, and let our requests be known unto Him!!!
I do not believe for one second that God causes all the suffering that we see in the world today...I believe that "Satan" is the enemy...And, the scripture says...That Satan is running to and fro seeking whom he may devour!!!
Remember this is just a "dressing room" down here. We are just pilgrims in search of a city...Our true "home" is in Heaven....That is where we will be spending "eternity"....
I know life is difficult, and like Bub said,"It is unfair, but, we need to make the most of it.
It can be heart-wrenching and full of disappointments and despair...We just have to place all of our trust in the Lord. He said that He would keep in "perfect peace" all those who trust in His name...Here is the quote I use always...Fear knocked at my door and Faith answered....I hoped this helped in someway...May God Bless You Is My Prayer!!!!
I read your post this morning about the "Whys" of everything in this life, and it really got me to thinking...By the way, this was before my bub replied to your post. I think everything in this life does happen for a reason. We will never understand the reasons why until we get to Heaven. You said something to the extent of "You would never test your son!" Well, have you ever thought that by standing back and observing him, and watching him as he becomes more independent that you are allowing him space to grow and learn on his own? Isn't that kind of "testing him" to see how well he will do without your constant intervention??? Sometimes, I think God stands back in the same way. I think he gives us freedom of choice, and He just steps back a little to see what we will do under all kinds of circumstances...
I do not believe that is God's will for any of His children to be sick, unhealthy, unhappy, grieve or feel any type of unhealthy emotion. Remember...God is Love...God did not promise us a bed of roses in this life, but, He did promise that He would make a way of escape for us....Look at all the sufferings of our Jesus...He was treated the worst of all, and He never ever committed one sin. He was perfect, and yet He was beaten, spat upon, mocked, and then crucified. So, He does know what it feels like to suffer immense pain...He did it all that we may have life, and have it more "abundantly"...
I honestly believe the answer to all our troubles in this life is prayer. I mean the kind where you get down upon your knees and beg God from the depths of your heart to help you...
God is faithful...I know that He said that he heard our faintest cry, but, sometimes I think He really does want us to bow down and pray, and let our requests be known unto Him!!!
I do not believe for one second that God causes all the suffering that we see in the world today...I believe that "Satan" is the enemy...And, the scripture says...That Satan is running to and fro seeking whom he may devour!!!
Remember this is just a "dressing room" down here. We are just pilgrims in search of a city...Our true "home" is in Heaven....That is where we will be spending "eternity"....
I know life is difficult, and like Bub said,"It is unfair, but, we need to make the most of it.
It can be heart-wrenching and full of disappointments and despair...We just have to place all of our trust in the Lord. He said that He would keep in "perfect peace" all those who trust in His name...Here is the quote I use always...Fear knocked at my door and Faith answered....I hoped this helped in someway...May God Bless You Is My Prayer!!!!
Hi Nilda - Just wanted to let you know that I'm here and praying for you. Your post was super long with no paragraphs and it was really, really hard (for me) to read. I was able to read through 1/2 of it so in advance forgive me if I missed something.
The part about the periods and sicknesses, the one thing I'd suggest is going on a juice diet, with fresh squeezed juices, this will help you physcially and emotionally too. I'd also suggest incorporating as much raw plant food as possible into your diet. And avoid animal products, *especially* dealing with a disease as life threatening as cancer and any other disease actually.
As to the why me part, only God knows. Take the opportunity to grow from this instead of question it. Are you using the program? I hope so, beacuse it has helped me so much, I have a way to go but have also come very far. Doing the why me thing is really counter-productive and won't really get you anywhere. You're here, so might as well be happy and praise the Lord for it right? I know, better said than done, but if you don't find a way to cherish and relish what you have, every day and every moment you could drive yourself nuts.
We all go through and are going through anxiety and depression, but we need to pull ourselves out of those funks and try to live life to the fullest while we are here. It is only the blink of an eye in hindsight.
Oh and I suggest using paragraphs (hitting your enter key twice) for your future posts, it is a lot easier on the readers' eyes.
Blessings to you.
The part about the periods and sicknesses, the one thing I'd suggest is going on a juice diet, with fresh squeezed juices, this will help you physcially and emotionally too. I'd also suggest incorporating as much raw plant food as possible into your diet. And avoid animal products, *especially* dealing with a disease as life threatening as cancer and any other disease actually.
As to the why me part, only God knows. Take the opportunity to grow from this instead of question it. Are you using the program? I hope so, beacuse it has helped me so much, I have a way to go but have also come very far. Doing the why me thing is really counter-productive and won't really get you anywhere. You're here, so might as well be happy and praise the Lord for it right? I know, better said than done, but if you don't find a way to cherish and relish what you have, every day and every moment you could drive yourself nuts.
We all go through and are going through anxiety and depression, but we need to pull ourselves out of those funks and try to live life to the fullest while we are here. It is only the blink of an eye in hindsight.
Oh and I suggest using paragraphs (hitting your enter key twice) for your future posts, it is a lot easier on the readers' eyes.
Blessings to you.