I just read this devotional (from "Girlfriends in God" from crosswalk.com) and it so encouraged me that I thought I would share it in hopes that it would encourage someone else as well:
It was the spring of 1995 and Spring Breakaway was just around the corner. Normally this conference was a highlight of my year. I always looked forward to teaching at this very special retreat for women in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. But not this year. This year I didn't even want to go, and I certainly did not want to teach.
I felt completely empty and totally drained. My energy was gone. My heart and mind seemed paralyzed. I was exhausted in every way. But then, I had a right to feel that way. After all, it had been a nonstop year for me.
My husband, Dan, was the pastor/teacher of Flamingo Road Church, a contemporary, seeker-sensitive ministry in Fort Lauderdale that had exploded in growth that year and begun meeting in multiple services. I attended every service, going early to welcome newcomers and staying late to smooth any ruffled feathers that came my way. We were in the process of transitioning from a very traditional church to a very contemporary one. Change is always hard, but this experience had been a nightmare. I had never encountered such opposition. I had never been the target of such criticism. I had never known such rejection as people I thought were my friends attacked my husband's integrity, heart, and vision. It seemed as if there was always someone waiting in line to question and criticize what we were doing. I felt like a walking wound. I knew we were being obedient to what God had called us to do, but it seemed that many disagreed. I was hurt and angry, and I did not know what to do with those emotions.
My ministry as the church pianist had become more of a pain than a joy. Singing was no longer the overflow of a daughter's full heart, but the hollow performance of a spiritual chore. I had always loved being a mom, but, lately, even this role felt more like an unwelcome burden. I was used to being the one who gave help. I was the one others came to for strength and direction. I was the great encourager -- the caregiver. People who knew me well would describe me as a very strong woman. All of my life, I was driven to excel in everything, and if I couldn't do it perfectly, I didn't do it at all. I was a raging perfectionist...legalistically disciplined...with little sympathy for weak people. Now I, the strong one, couldn't get out of bed. The simplest decision sent me into a panic. The great wisdom-giver could not compile a grocery list. The woman who taught hundreds of women couldn't bring herself to face crowds of any size. The large tasks of life were out of the question, and even the simplest tasks seemed like huge mountains.
Meals, housework, and even shopping were all left undone. If I managed to get out of bed and get dressed by the time my kids got home from school, the day was a success. All I wanted to do was sleep and to be left alone. I was paralyzed. I had fallen into a deep, dark, nameless pit. I had no idea how I got there. And even more frightening was the stark reality that I had no idea how to get out.
I decided I was just tired. All I needed was some rest, so my family and I escaped the hot, humid flatlands of Florida to enjoy three weeks in the cool mountains of North Carolina, my favorite vacation spot. That vacation is a complete blur. My children knew something was terribly wrong. They had never seen their mom so quiet...so still...and so sad. Dan listened patiently as I poured out my fear and confusion night after night. There seemed to be no answers...only questions. In his eyes, I could see the growing fear that I felt in my own heart. We had never been here before. It was a foreign land. We had no idea how to navigate these unfamiliar waters. It was very simple. I was in serious trouble, and I needed help.
As each day grew darker, Dan and I both realized we had to come up with a plan -- quickly! We decided I would see a Christian counselor Dan often referred people to and in whom he had great confidence. My first appointment with Betty was uneventful as far as I could tell - and a total waste of time. I was furious! She was supposed to "fix" me in those few hours and had failed miserably. She did, however, accomplish one thing. She named my pit.
Clinical depression was a problem I knew little about. Evidently, it was an enemy that strong, committed Christians were not supposed to encounter, because I had never heard anyone in the church even talk about depression, much less admit they struggled with it. I recoiled at the thought of such blatant weakness in my life. I felt ashamed of what was obviously a great failure on my part, but I was very desperate and willing to do whatever it took to climb out of that pit. I also knew I could not make this journey alone. Over the next few months, Dan and Betty climbed down into that dark, slimy pit with me and became God with skin on. They sounded the alarm and gathered the troops.
Today, I can say with the certainty of an experienced pit dweller that there is a way out. I have good news for you, my friend. You are not alone! I believe that one reason God allowed me to experience the pit of depression is to help others find the way out. I want to say to those of you who are in that pit -- and to those of you who are peering over the edge of it wondering how to help someone you love -- you do not have to be a prisoner of the dark. You do not have to stay in your pit. You do not have to stand helplessly by while a friend or family member drowns in the darkness of depression. We were meant to dwell in the light. So lift up your head, open up your heart, and listen for the voice of the One who knows you best and loves you most. He can and will bring you out of the dark.
Let's Pray
Lord, it seems as if my world has collapsed, hurling me into a deep, dark pit. I come to you in complete surrender. I am desperate for you, helpless and afraid. Please lift me out of this pit and show me the way, Lord.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Christian Depression - So inspiring!
-
Guest
Hi all:
This was a very good article posted by Pri31mom in June. My brother was very ill then and I missed this one.
I enjoyed reading it tonight.
It sort of points out that depression and anxiety are not respective (choosy) of persons. It will attack anyone. But the program with some hardwork and faith will lift one to new heights.
Cornflower
This was a very good article posted by Pri31mom in June. My brother was very ill then and I missed this one.
I enjoyed reading it tonight.
It sort of points out that depression and anxiety are not respective (choosy) of persons. It will attack anyone. But the program with some hardwork and faith will lift one to new heights.
Cornflower
-
Guest
hi prv31mom, this is nissi, I can so relate to your story, however I am a member of a christian church and you explained exactly how I felt, I hope you are doing good may God be with you and your husband always and be blessed for all your good work for our Precious Lord and savior, who is so awesome, he is my source for healing and overcoming this depression and anxiety and panic attacks which is now new to me but by the Grace of God, I am healed. I was watching Joyce Myers tonite and I know alot of it has to do with the way I have been disconnected from my husband, I have shut him out of world and laid blame on him because he has not helped me much while in my pit, just watched me time and time over while I drowned in it. I am praying that God will help me with this toward my husband. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. Nissi
-
Guest
Nissi, I am guilty of 'disconnect" with my hubby at times as well..I felt in some way that he was partly responsible for my "pit" at times. I realize this to be not so now, but at the time, I was angry and so frustrated 
I LOVE the way you still keep pressing on sister..although your dealing with this stuff(me too), your still praising our Saviour..and practicing 'faith"..amen!!! "Praise him in the storm"..I LOVE THAT song!!! Have you ever heard of it??? It's by "Casting Crowns". You can find it on "YouTube"..anyways, may God continue showering you with his blessedness..and LOVE..just hang on to the 'hem of his garmant" and Joy truly does come in the morning..
God bless you
In His love,
I LOVE the way you still keep pressing on sister..although your dealing with this stuff(me too), your still praising our Saviour..and practicing 'faith"..amen!!! "Praise him in the storm"..I LOVE THAT song!!! Have you ever heard of it??? It's by "Casting Crowns". You can find it on "YouTube"..anyways, may God continue showering you with his blessedness..and LOVE..just hang on to the 'hem of his garmant" and Joy truly does come in the morning..God bless you
In His love,
-
Guest
Hi Momof6, I am sorry for these feelings, and I know as a believer of God, we should not go by our feelings, but alot of my negative thoughts are regarding my husband, there is no passion or closeness and I keep second guessing this marriage. I do feel bad for this and I am asking God for forgiveness. My attitude is awful toward him which I know has alot to do with the anxiety and panic attacks. I believe it is the condition of my heart towards my husband. I have gotten better but the sarcasstic attitude towards him is still there. I pray everyday that God would help me with this. But it is still a choice of mine that I struggle with. Any advice.
-
Guest
nissi...I used to feel the exact same way as the two of you!!! Honestly, I did!!! I felt like it was my hubby's fault that I was having panic attacks, but, now, like Momof6, I know better!!!
I think this is a very common feeling among women, since, it is very difficult for our husbands to be compassionate and understand panic attacks and depression!!!
God Bless You Richly is My Prayer!!!
I think this is a very common feeling among women, since, it is very difficult for our husbands to be compassionate and understand panic attacks and depression!!!
God Bless You Richly is My Prayer!!!
-
Guest
Thank you for your prayers and advice, but it is so hard since I don't have any love or passion for him. I feel as if he is getting a bum deal with me because I can not seem to get past these "something is not right" It has been 1 year since I had these thoughts, that is how long we have been married and I pray and seek God for the answers and I still have this thought.
-
Guest
Good morning ladies,
First let me say that what i am about to ask and follow through has nothing to do with any self righteousness on my part.
Prv31mom, I say Praise God for the growth you went through and you endured. I was a little surprised by a comment in your letter that is a common misconception of nearly everyone.
Every minister and prophet, met strong opposition and sometimes death. How else could you relate or minister to those in need, if you cannot relate to the problem. Reading about it and living it, are totally different things. Learning these things can be very painful. Remember that you are clay in the potters hands, and as the clay, think about how painful being shaped and formed can be and is. However, once you have endured the shaping forming and heat of the kiln, you become a vessel of true utility.
Nissi, forgiveness and redemption can and will come to you when you recognize these truths: is it God that you have offended in your thoughts? or is it your husband that needs the forthrightness, and full discussion of the feelings you have toward him?
We all need forgiveness, but by passing the truly offended person and seeking the forgiveness from God may gave you a sense that: Oh well, I took it to God and He has forgiven me, so I am forgiven. However, that is not God's wisdom, that is worldly wisdom. We have to be honest to self and to our partners.
Mat. 6:14-15 Here's the link to the full reading at chapter 6: http://www.biblegateway.com/pa...at.%206&version=NASB
Nissi, many people seek God's forgiveness and He is sure to give them a sense of relief, but the fullness of the forgiveness is incomplete with out full openness of communication to help define areas.
I think it is pretty safe to say, that any relationship worth having is worth working at. No matter how dopey us guys can be at times, like we would rather be watching a football game than work at an enduring relationship.
We (guys) don't get it, and it is sometimes hard for us to communicate with our wives. We just don't see or know anything is wrong. Remember, wives like to adorn their homes to make their houses be homes, while a man is perfectly content living in a cave. It is communication, we are all challenged to be creative at times to get our thoughts across to the target of communication.
The way to a man's heart
The only thing you have to do is over your fear of the communication being rejected, but it is not rejection, it is just not understood. I am sure you know what your hubs favorite food is, well prepare him the best of his favorite dish, and that should help you in the courage department. Try presenting the dish, but not letting him have it as you make your presentation. Ah Ha! Now you are holding all the trump cards.
Hey, it just a dopey guys prospective trying to help you. See ya in church.
God bless you.
First let me say that what i am about to ask and follow through has nothing to do with any self righteousness on my part.
Prv31mom, I say Praise God for the growth you went through and you endured. I was a little surprised by a comment in your letter that is a common misconception of nearly everyone.
Clinical depression was a problem I knew little about. Evidently, it was an enemy that strong, committed Christians were not supposed to encounter,
Every minister and prophet, met strong opposition and sometimes death. How else could you relate or minister to those in need, if you cannot relate to the problem. Reading about it and living it, are totally different things. Learning these things can be very painful. Remember that you are clay in the potters hands, and as the clay, think about how painful being shaped and formed can be and is. However, once you have endured the shaping forming and heat of the kiln, you become a vessel of true utility.
Yes, praise Him! What an awesome and mighty God we serve!!!Today, I can say with the certainty of an experienced pit dweller that there is a way out. I have good news for you, my friend. You are not alone! I believe that one reason God allowed me to experience the pit of depression is to help others find the way out.
Nissi, forgiveness and redemption can and will come to you when you recognize these truths: is it God that you have offended in your thoughts? or is it your husband that needs the forthrightness, and full discussion of the feelings you have toward him?
We all need forgiveness, but by passing the truly offended person and seeking the forgiveness from God may gave you a sense that: Oh well, I took it to God and He has forgiven me, so I am forgiven. However, that is not God's wisdom, that is worldly wisdom. We have to be honest to self and to our partners.
Mat. 6:14-15 Here's the link to the full reading at chapter 6: http://www.biblegateway.com/pa...at.%206&version=NASB
Nissi, many people seek God's forgiveness and He is sure to give them a sense of relief, but the fullness of the forgiveness is incomplete with out full openness of communication to help define areas.
I think it is pretty safe to say, that any relationship worth having is worth working at. No matter how dopey us guys can be at times, like we would rather be watching a football game than work at an enduring relationship.
We (guys) don't get it, and it is sometimes hard for us to communicate with our wives. We just don't see or know anything is wrong. Remember, wives like to adorn their homes to make their houses be homes, while a man is perfectly content living in a cave. It is communication, we are all challenged to be creative at times to get our thoughts across to the target of communication.
The way to a man's heart
The only thing you have to do is over your fear of the communication being rejected, but it is not rejection, it is just not understood. I am sure you know what your hubs favorite food is, well prepare him the best of his favorite dish, and that should help you in the courage department. Try presenting the dish, but not letting him have it as you make your presentation. Ah Ha! Now you are holding all the trump cards.
Hey, it just a dopey guys prospective trying to help you. See ya in church.
God bless you.