What would God say about step relationships?
I'm having a difficult time with anxiety in how I am toward others, especially my family. I am a stepmom, and my stepdaughter that is living with us is a fairly good kid. Sometimes it's very difficult though. Some of the things she does I have a hard time with, and I don't always get a lot of respect from her, especially since she reached the teens. She is now at the rolling eyes and talking back stage. She is expecting a lot from us, but won't contribute much around the house. I feel like I should at least treat her as I would a daughter of my own - wouldn't anything else be less? But at the same time, it's not the same kind of relationship. For the past 8 years, I feel like I have treaded on ice and have gotten extremely anxious at times that I have had to "talk" about anything such as her behavior. I hate the conflict. And even when I do believe that I am doing the right thing, I always feel guilty! I feel like I have not done things the way God would have me to. But at the same time, aren't I supposed to help raise our kids to have character? This is hard and has been a source of panic for me. Some times are great, and others are full of tension. What do you think God would want me to do in this relationship? I don't know if I'm too hard, or if actually I'm on the money (though maybe with less finesse sometimes), but I give in to negative thinking. Anyone worked through this one? I have tried to engage my husband in on this, but most of the time, he's too busy. It seems like I just have to totally step away and let Robert handle it to keep myself from panicking, but that seems like the wrong answer too. Any advice, scripture, thoughts are welcome.
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Guest
Hello, I too am a step-mother and like you have always treated my step-daughter as though she were my own child. Several years ago she came to live with us and of course her behavior was like your daughter-rolling eyes and sucking teeth-. I felt so weird being in my own home, because she made me feel that she was not my child and I could not even say anything to her.
During this time I realized that she was having problems with her own Mom and going through her growing up phase, so I trued to be understanding, until it got that I wanted her and my husband out of the house. Thats when I went into action and had a sit-down with her and her dad, explaining my own problems with Anxiety and how her behavior was affecting me. I also explained to her that I loved her more than words can say, but that I was the woman of the house and she needs to respect me as that woman.
The great thing was that my husband was extremely understanding and decided to step in and alleviate my anxiety by dealing with his daughter himself. Since, she has gone back to live with her mother, but now when she visits she knows that I am the respected(mom). Your husband needs to take responsibility and help you through this-no one should ever be to busy, especially for our children.
Bible Verse:
Ephesians 6 1-4
During this time I realized that she was having problems with her own Mom and going through her growing up phase, so I trued to be understanding, until it got that I wanted her and my husband out of the house. Thats when I went into action and had a sit-down with her and her dad, explaining my own problems with Anxiety and how her behavior was affecting me. I also explained to her that I loved her more than words can say, but that I was the woman of the house and she needs to respect me as that woman.
The great thing was that my husband was extremely understanding and decided to step in and alleviate my anxiety by dealing with his daughter himself. Since, she has gone back to live with her mother, but now when she visits she knows that I am the respected(mom). Your husband needs to take responsibility and help you through this-no one should ever be to busy, especially for our children.
Bible Verse:
Ephesians 6 1-4
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Guest
Thanks, layha. It is nice to know that I'm not alone in this type of situation. I have been afraid that my feelings were selfish. I'm sure some of them are - I'd rather not deal with any of it, that's for sure. I'd rather sit in the sun! 
I'd like her to know I'm there for her, but really, it does need to be hashed out between her and her dad. He has a hard time with closeness (he had an abusive father), but he does try. I may just have to let go of my aspirations for her (having a close relationship with Jesus, purity for marriage, etc.) and address them in prayer. I need to let dad handle it and take care of the 2 little boys that we have. I just hate that sometimes it seems as if no one is there for Mary. But I also have to realize that I'm not necessarily the person she needs to take action. I find myself really having to do breathing and calm myself down in dealings with her or when her and her dad are arguing lately. I'm sure it's because I'm in the process of dealing with anxiety, and this is an area that I must confront.
Thanks again. I'll keep praying that God will give me wisdom and know when to let go and when to step in.
I'd like her to know I'm there for her, but really, it does need to be hashed out between her and her dad. He has a hard time with closeness (he had an abusive father), but he does try. I may just have to let go of my aspirations for her (having a close relationship with Jesus, purity for marriage, etc.) and address them in prayer. I need to let dad handle it and take care of the 2 little boys that we have. I just hate that sometimes it seems as if no one is there for Mary. But I also have to realize that I'm not necessarily the person she needs to take action. I find myself really having to do breathing and calm myself down in dealings with her or when her and her dad are arguing lately. I'm sure it's because I'm in the process of dealing with anxiety, and this is an area that I must confront. Thanks again. I'll keep praying that God will give me wisdom and know when to let go and when to step in.