So alone

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:45 am

I feel so alone right now and for such a long time. I truly have no friends to call or talk to. I am afraid of social situations yet I am in a big social season and I am scared and feel so alone and scared. What can I do?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:57 am

Well can I ask you why you are so anxious in social situations? I do have an anxiety disorder but i have never had this problem i am very social and outgoing most of the time so I would just like to ask you what makes you so nervous and what you are so afriad so I can have a better understanding on how to give you advice about the situation?..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:00 am

I am afraid that they really do not like me. I am boring to listen to. I do blank out on what I am about to say and this embarass's me. I do not know what to say and feel I talk about me too much.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:17 am

I would suggest to try to reach out or connect with someone that you feel would have a positive effect on you and good support. You seem to be overanalyzing the situation and it may help to think of it as being no big deal. I would also suggest to work on loving yourself and being happy with who you are becuase it seems to me you are very self concious and people don't think of you that way you think of youself that way and fear others may too but it just inst true....and I will be your friend.. : )

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:52 am

Maude...I am your friend too!! This will pass, it's a bit nasty but IT WILL pass...work on the skills in the program, it is a slow slow slow process but eventually your positive thoughts win out! The real question we need to ask ourselves is..How badly do I want this? Then put in the time to slowly reverse the nasty pattern of thinking...you WILL do it!! As those neg thoughts begin to subside...and they will...a true freedom will come over you, this is God's will for us all on this journey! I try to remember that the past is for reference not residence..plug on it works!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:38 am

Oh Maude,

I feel your pain, I could have written this post and have been feeling that way so much lately.

A couple of things that I do want to mention to you, do not drink at the social events, no matter what, have a soda pop or juice in a wine glass or something. Hosts tend to continue to fill glasses if they look empty, you won't have any idea how much you are drinking, thinking it's only 1 or 2 glasses but really it is 6! That's when you can truly embarrass yourself!

I'm so embarrassed and nervous that people will think that I'm boring so I babble on to fill space in conversation. So, what I have done now is constantly ask the other person/people questions to get them to talk about themselves, it's a charmer and people will feel good about you without evening knowing why! I answer questions about myself with nice short answers and then turn it around to them. This is helping me in social situations lately and I don't start to shake as soon as someone looks me in the eye which I know means they are coming over to talk! I figure these are baby steps to being around people and I will eventually have true conversations.

I too don't have real friends to talk with about anything, just my animals which is OK for now. I do realize that this in reality has been my choice, I don't feel comfortable spending time chatting with friends so unconsciously I have chosen not to have any and others that I do feel comfortable around but I sense a wall with them, I have moved on and wish them well in my heart. You can't make someone like you, that's their choice so I will keep walking this on this road until I can find friends that it's a 2 way street - not a one way.

It's nice for me, as I'm sure it is for you that there is someone out there going thru the EXACT same pathway, we are not alone!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:06 am

Thanks Whizzie:
You helped me alot, I just did not know what to do in social situations, since I have lost so much confidence. I will remember about the alcohol, which is no big deal, since I drink so little, and asking questions keeps things centered on someone else not me, so then I won't babble so much and bore every one. Thanks so much for your advice

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:14 am

Hi Maude,

Good luck with your social events, I think you will do really really well.

Yeah, asking questions works well as long as you are interested in their answers (or look like you are), and take some little fact/comment from what they say and expand or ask more. I realized that when there was a woman who everyone wanted to talk to at a social event and I listened...that's what she did and she was the "charmer" of the party!

The alcohol thing is dangerous if you don't drink a lot, it's when you don't realize your glass is being filled by someone else and you keep sipping it - sneaks up on you! I don't drink very much or often either but once that happened to me, ended up babbling - very embarrassing - yikes wish I could go back to that night!

God Bless and remember you are an amazing person that is just a little nervous in social situations!!!