I was raised in a non-believing conservative Jewish home by liberally-minded parents. I was raised with lots of love and was well-taken care of, but lacked discipline and manners from my parents. My father died when I was 10 who was the main disciplinarian, however neither of them raised me in a moral or ethical way and it showed in the way I treated others.
I became a Christian (Messianic Jew) right before I married and have carried some guilt (here and there) from memories of my untamed past, childhood and adolescence.
Recently some old school mates had gotten in touch with me through facebook, from my elementary school and also high school. Through some recent correspondences this past week many memories of the little fart I used to be have come in to my mind and actually is keeping me up at night. I'm trying to release these memories as best as I can, but they do still bother me.
I don't remember anything particular, but I do remember that I didn't have a lot of manners and that I sometimes said really stupid things just out of plain ignorance and lack of discipline from my upbringing. I am through blaming my parents/Mom for my past and trying to take responsibility for my own feelings here, but it is difficult.
Any Christians out there dealing with this very thing? Any tips?
Christian Carrying Guilt - help
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Guest
Oh my dear!
Please forgive yourself!!! We all did stupid things. I assure you.
Christ paid for us all.
Christians do stupid things in their youth.
I did things that bring me sadness , much sadness.
I have a hunch that nearly everyone has.
I do things till today even that bring horrible regrets. And I know better.
I try to corrrect them as I go.
Bless your heart.
I hate to see you suffer over those things.
But I do understand.
Perhaps if you could talk to someone you could trust you'd feel better. However, be very careful of trusting just anyone.
The best of friends will sometimes use your confessions against you.
Yet we all have those things in our past.
I hope you can believe me.
I just do think that you've been no worse than anyone else.
I hope you can trust this.
Mary Jane
Please forgive yourself!!! We all did stupid things. I assure you.
Christ paid for us all.
Christians do stupid things in their youth.
I did things that bring me sadness , much sadness.
I have a hunch that nearly everyone has.
I do things till today even that bring horrible regrets. And I know better.
I try to corrrect them as I go.
Bless your heart.
I hate to see you suffer over those things.
But I do understand.
Perhaps if you could talk to someone you could trust you'd feel better. However, be very careful of trusting just anyone.
The best of friends will sometimes use your confessions against you.
Yet we all have those things in our past.
I hope you can believe me.
I just do think that you've been no worse than anyone else.
I hope you can trust this.
Mary Jane
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Guest
Dear Shifrah:
Mary Jane said it all for me.....we all do things in our youth that sometimes makes us cringe when we remember them. But that is what growth is all about. We were once all young and inexperienced with life and did things we now, as evolved adults, would never consider doing. Please try to accept what ever happened in the past and move on. That is what this journey of life is all about....moving along, learning, being of service to others, incorporating our past (good or bad) into our presents and making that work in a positive way. Like MaryJane said ....you have done nothing worse than anyone else has. You're sensitized right now and feeling it more acutely because of your nerves. Please be kind to yourself....remember the pain, visit if for a bit if you feel you need learn and grow from it and then let it go ... back to the past where it belongs. My best to you....
Lynn
Mary Jane said it all for me.....we all do things in our youth that sometimes makes us cringe when we remember them. But that is what growth is all about. We were once all young and inexperienced with life and did things we now, as evolved adults, would never consider doing. Please try to accept what ever happened in the past and move on. That is what this journey of life is all about....moving along, learning, being of service to others, incorporating our past (good or bad) into our presents and making that work in a positive way. Like MaryJane said ....you have done nothing worse than anyone else has. You're sensitized right now and feeling it more acutely because of your nerves. Please be kind to yourself....remember the pain, visit if for a bit if you feel you need learn and grow from it and then let it go ... back to the past where it belongs. My best to you....
Lynn
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Guest
Hi Shifrah,
I am going to try this again. I previously wrote to respond and it went into hyper space. That has to be the 4th or 5th time this has happened to me.
I can tell that this is really bothering you, and I can tell you from experience that you need to contact all the people that you can remember that you offended, and get to discussing the offense and ask for their forgiveness.
Not only does Lucinda cover this in her program in the session regarding guilt, but 17 years ago I was studying with one of the truly great biblical scholars and the advice is nearly identical. The scholar was Derrick Prince, and his favorite topic was the Lord's prayer.
"...Forgive us our trespasses (debts), as we forgive those who trespass against us..."
The guilt you feel is a barrier to your moving forward. I would agree with the comments noted here and take that advice if a person(s) refuses to forgive you. In this latter case, you would be doing what you had to do, but the person that refuses to forgive you remains with the baggage of guilt.
Nevertheless, do not deny yourself the opportunity to obtain the true freedom and liberation that you feel you must have. I guarantee that the moment you ask for forgiveness and you receive it; you feel that a barrier of some sort has been removed.
I'll copy my post before I post up this time:-)
Hugs,
Gman
I am going to try this again. I previously wrote to respond and it went into hyper space. That has to be the 4th or 5th time this has happened to me.
I can tell that this is really bothering you, and I can tell you from experience that you need to contact all the people that you can remember that you offended, and get to discussing the offense and ask for their forgiveness.
Not only does Lucinda cover this in her program in the session regarding guilt, but 17 years ago I was studying with one of the truly great biblical scholars and the advice is nearly identical. The scholar was Derrick Prince, and his favorite topic was the Lord's prayer.
"...Forgive us our trespasses (debts), as we forgive those who trespass against us..."
The guilt you feel is a barrier to your moving forward. I would agree with the comments noted here and take that advice if a person(s) refuses to forgive you. In this latter case, you would be doing what you had to do, but the person that refuses to forgive you remains with the baggage of guilt.
Nevertheless, do not deny yourself the opportunity to obtain the true freedom and liberation that you feel you must have. I guarantee that the moment you ask for forgiveness and you receive it; you feel that a barrier of some sort has been removed.
I'll copy my post before I post up this time:-)
Hugs,
Gman
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Guest
Mary Jane and Lynn, thank you so much for that. I know that when I accepted Christ 18 years ago, my sins were forgiven, but maybe I do need to revisit and release some of it once again. Some of the stuff I remember from my youth was when I was very young, and it was mostly just stupid and embarassing stuff I would say and do as a kid (and recall being corrected or scoffed at by other kids), I wouldn't consider it downright sinful, like in my high school years. Maybe it's more me being embarassed thinking about what some of my classmates might have remembered about me. So in a way you are right Lynn, I'm sure my nerves are escalating things here.
Gman I know how frustrating it is to type out this long detailed reply only to have the thing disappear for whatever reason. Argh...I totally share that frustration with you!
I actually did write a note to my one friend, the one who orginally found me through facebook. She was only kind to me and seemed to have only fond memories of us as kids, so hopefully I didn't bring out or rehash anything. She's the only one I truly remember being somewhat of a snot to. But, I was corresponding with another girl who was a grade below me and she was telling me how much resentment she harbored from the 3rd grade when her friend left her for another group of friends. I was telling her how if she forgave her, she'd feel better...and low and behold it was bringing up my own feelings of guilt so I went ahead and wrote an apologetic note to the first girl. I'm so glad that she didn't have any resentment toward me like the second one did for her friend.
I've been having a bit of a sick stomach thinking about it all day here, I'm looking forward to getting this chapter in my life behind me, even though all this stuff happened 30 years ago! Silly how we hold on to this stuff isn't it?
I'm copying this too...just in case, I don't want to lose it either!
I actually did write a note to my one friend, the one who orginally found me through facebook. She was only kind to me and seemed to have only fond memories of us as kids, so hopefully I didn't bring out or rehash anything. She's the only one I truly remember being somewhat of a snot to. But, I was corresponding with another girl who was a grade below me and she was telling me how much resentment she harbored from the 3rd grade when her friend left her for another group of friends. I was telling her how if she forgave her, she'd feel better...and low and behold it was bringing up my own feelings of guilt so I went ahead and wrote an apologetic note to the first girl. I'm so glad that she didn't have any resentment toward me like the second one did for her friend.
I've been having a bit of a sick stomach thinking about it all day here, I'm looking forward to getting this chapter in my life behind me, even though all this stuff happened 30 years ago! Silly how we hold on to this stuff isn't it?
I'm copying this too...just in case, I don't want to lose it either!
ATTITUDE -- The mind is like a parachute...it doesn't work unless it's open!!
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Guest
Yeah, that is one one to take control of the sails and not get lost in hyper land. LOL
I am glad that you managed to get through that little bump on your life's journey.
I know that you feel better now that you got that out of the way. Isn't it liberating?
You are lucky! You only had 1 person to contact. When I was studying with Derrick Prince, I must have made a list of of at least 20 people that I had to contact. Every time I touched based with these people it was another liberating experience. I had one that never quite forgave me, and you can not imagine what they want now that they are very ill. In short, the baggage she was carrying from not bringing herself to forgive me has her weighed down, and she can't seem to forgive herself for not accepting my sincere apology.
A few months ago, her sister called me and asked me to call her to hear out, but I told her that I hold no ill feeling and gave her the freedom to go on with her life. I really felt sorry for her and what she was going through.
Well it is all part of life and as one song put "Love and learn." BTW, the song is from a Steven Curtis Chapman album: Heaven in the real world (1994).
I can't help it. I have to share these lyrics to this beautify song of life, love and forgiveness.
Love and learn
Verse 1
Echoes of careless words and slamming doors; are still ringing in the night.
I’ve taken my side and you’ve taken yours;
We’re both wrong, but we’re both right.
Once again misunderstanding
has turned us in enemies;
I will forgive you,. Will you forgive me?
Chorus:
Love and learn, that’s what we will do.
Love and learn, through the flood and through the flame.
This world will turn and the seasons will change; but there’s nothing we can’t get through,
As long as we both hold on to
the hand of God
and take a lifetime to Love and Learn.
Verse 2
We start out believing
we know love so well.
But, through the years we find,
True love is a story
only time can tell
And God has made this lifetime
yours and mine.
Chorus:
Love and learn, that’s what we will do.
Love and learn, through the flood and through the flame.
This world will turn and the seasons will change; but there’s nothing we can’t get through,
As long as we both hold on to
the hand of God
and take a lifetime to Love and Learn.
Bridge:
So until that day, when one of us
Has to lay the other in the arms of Jesus,
I will be with you
You will be with me
Chorus:
Love and learn, that’s what we will do.
Love and learn, through the flood and through the flame.
This world will turn and the seasons will change; but there’s nothing we can’t get through,
As long as we both hold on to
the hand of God
and take a lifetime to Love and Learn.
I hope you enjoy these lyrics as much as so many other CCM songs I grew up helped to comfort, teach and console me.
Hugs,
Gman
I am glad that you managed to get through that little bump on your life's journey.
I know that you feel better now that you got that out of the way. Isn't it liberating?
You are lucky! You only had 1 person to contact. When I was studying with Derrick Prince, I must have made a list of of at least 20 people that I had to contact. Every time I touched based with these people it was another liberating experience. I had one that never quite forgave me, and you can not imagine what they want now that they are very ill. In short, the baggage she was carrying from not bringing herself to forgive me has her weighed down, and she can't seem to forgive herself for not accepting my sincere apology.
A few months ago, her sister called me and asked me to call her to hear out, but I told her that I hold no ill feeling and gave her the freedom to go on with her life. I really felt sorry for her and what she was going through.
Well it is all part of life and as one song put "Love and learn." BTW, the song is from a Steven Curtis Chapman album: Heaven in the real world (1994).
I can't help it. I have to share these lyrics to this beautify song of life, love and forgiveness.
Love and learn
Verse 1
Echoes of careless words and slamming doors; are still ringing in the night.
I’ve taken my side and you’ve taken yours;
We’re both wrong, but we’re both right.
Once again misunderstanding
has turned us in enemies;
I will forgive you,. Will you forgive me?
Chorus:
Love and learn, that’s what we will do.
Love and learn, through the flood and through the flame.
This world will turn and the seasons will change; but there’s nothing we can’t get through,
As long as we both hold on to
the hand of God
and take a lifetime to Love and Learn.
Verse 2
We start out believing
we know love so well.
But, through the years we find,
True love is a story
only time can tell
And God has made this lifetime
yours and mine.
Chorus:
Love and learn, that’s what we will do.
Love and learn, through the flood and through the flame.
This world will turn and the seasons will change; but there’s nothing we can’t get through,
As long as we both hold on to
the hand of God
and take a lifetime to Love and Learn.
Bridge:
So until that day, when one of us
Has to lay the other in the arms of Jesus,
I will be with you
You will be with me
Chorus:
Love and learn, that’s what we will do.
Love and learn, through the flood and through the flame.
This world will turn and the seasons will change; but there’s nothing we can’t get through,
As long as we both hold on to
the hand of God
and take a lifetime to Love and Learn.
I hope you enjoy these lyrics as much as so many other CCM songs I grew up helped to comfort, teach and console me.
Hugs,
Gman
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Guest
Hello I had to repsond after reading this post. I too can relate to carrying around the past and all your mistakes. We all have done dum things in the past that we regret. We are embarrassed by things we have done, not done, or said. We must learn to forgive ourselves and move on.
Its funny I would go to confession and feel like God has forgiven me my sins but I couldn't let things go. I continued to beat myself up over things going back 30+ years ago when I was a kid. My thoughts were like I should have known better or acted better.
I just finished lesson 9 this week about guilt and worry. I decided to research articles on forgiveness of myself. So yesterday, I spent a few hours on the internet. I came across some really great articles, especially as a Christian.
As an Irish Catholic, I have grown up guilting
about so much. Thoughts, actions, you name it I have carried the guilt even after having gone to confession. What I started to realize with my research and watching some Christian Ministeries programs is that Jesus died for my sins so that I maybe redeemed,that God loves me no matter what I have done and that He chose me.
I guess I never really understood that until only recently. I am now able to say "Please God forgive me for weakness and sins". I am truely beginning to feel peace and forgiveness. I am beginning to let go of alot of junk I have carried around for so long.
Its all a process. Be kind and pateint with yourself. Someday we maybe able to get to the point where we can laugh at ourselves.
Take care and God Bless.
Its funny I would go to confession and feel like God has forgiven me my sins but I couldn't let things go. I continued to beat myself up over things going back 30+ years ago when I was a kid. My thoughts were like I should have known better or acted better.
I just finished lesson 9 this week about guilt and worry. I decided to research articles on forgiveness of myself. So yesterday, I spent a few hours on the internet. I came across some really great articles, especially as a Christian.
As an Irish Catholic, I have grown up guilting
about so much. Thoughts, actions, you name it I have carried the guilt even after having gone to confession. What I started to realize with my research and watching some Christian Ministeries programs is that Jesus died for my sins so that I maybe redeemed,that God loves me no matter what I have done and that He chose me.
I guess I never really understood that until only recently. I am now able to say "Please God forgive me for weakness and sins". I am truely beginning to feel peace and forgiveness. I am beginning to let go of alot of junk I have carried around for so long.
Its all a process. Be kind and pateint with yourself. Someday we maybe able to get to the point where we can laugh at ourselves.
Take care and God Bless.
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Guest
Gman that's a great song. I'll have to check if it's on the SCC CD that I have here.
I'm certain that I have more than 1 person to ask for forgiveness, and this person is yet to respond, so now my mind is racing with the thought that I may have made her think of something she'd forgotten about. Hope not - will keep you posted on that.
I have a question - out of all of these 20 people you contacted - did you legitimately wrong them in some way? Because one person comes to mind who I had a misunderstanding with, someone who I was friends with for over 20 years, she was a bit of a high maintenance friend and always seemed to take offense so easily. We had a misunderstanding, she went off on me, I tried to explain what I meant but she continued to tell me what I "should have" done. This was all over email 8 years ago by the way. At this point my husband helped me to think more clearly about her abuse of power and self-absorbing attitude in the relationship. She wasn't a Christian by the way, but we went to Hebrew school and I think she always resented that I accepted Jesus in my heart. Anyway I responded to her (in so many words) that I wished her well and would keep her in my prayers and we haven't spoken since. I do not feel guilty about this although I do think about it every now and again, more a slight annoyance than anything else. I'm just wondering if this is something I should apologize for, even though I don't feel it's something I really did to her on purpose or with a mean heart. How do you apologize for something you don't feel is your doing, even though it resulted in the end of a friendship? For the record I have no desire to become friends with this person again.
bna - I understand about that guilt stuff, it's a Jewish thing too. I'm wondering if a lot of the guilt isn't as much toward God as it is toward the people that we may have affected.
I'm certain that I have more than 1 person to ask for forgiveness, and this person is yet to respond, so now my mind is racing with the thought that I may have made her think of something she'd forgotten about. Hope not - will keep you posted on that.
I have a question - out of all of these 20 people you contacted - did you legitimately wrong them in some way? Because one person comes to mind who I had a misunderstanding with, someone who I was friends with for over 20 years, she was a bit of a high maintenance friend and always seemed to take offense so easily. We had a misunderstanding, she went off on me, I tried to explain what I meant but she continued to tell me what I "should have" done. This was all over email 8 years ago by the way. At this point my husband helped me to think more clearly about her abuse of power and self-absorbing attitude in the relationship. She wasn't a Christian by the way, but we went to Hebrew school and I think she always resented that I accepted Jesus in my heart. Anyway I responded to her (in so many words) that I wished her well and would keep her in my prayers and we haven't spoken since. I do not feel guilty about this although I do think about it every now and again, more a slight annoyance than anything else. I'm just wondering if this is something I should apologize for, even though I don't feel it's something I really did to her on purpose or with a mean heart. How do you apologize for something you don't feel is your doing, even though it resulted in the end of a friendship? For the record I have no desire to become friends with this person again.
bna - I understand about that guilt stuff, it's a Jewish thing too. I'm wondering if a lot of the guilt isn't as much toward God as it is toward the people that we may have affected.
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Guest