Lately sunday mornings have been stressful around here.My grandchildren visit with us every weekend and have for 10 years.All through the years I,ve been bringing them to church with me on sunday mornings.
For about the last 8 months my oldest grandson
has been giving me such a difficult time.He says he hates church,it,s boring.
He complains,stalls and makes it very hard on me the entire morning while we,re getting ready for church.Now his brother is beginning to give me a hard time also.
It was pretty discouraging one morning when I heard them planning how to stall so thay we,d leave late.
Michael, the oldest(16) has even been quite rude to me.First I,m hurt,then I get angry.I feel guilty about getting angry because I am the adult and should understand that teenagers can get like this.
I prayed about it and felt God had given me the wisdom I,d asked for.I told Mike that he didn,t necessarily have to attend church every week.But, on the week he choose not to attend church he and I would have a bible study at home.I did say that he would have to attend church at least once a month.
He agreed with this idea and I thought the problem was solved.Then this past sunday we had a blowout.I didn,t behave like a mature christian grandmother.When we got to churh (which I really didn,t want to do since the morning was so stressful,but volunteered to help in ss)I told the boys that they could just stay in the car and wait.They did.It was a miserable day.
What should I do? Allow them to discontinue attending church? That doesn,t sit right with me.Some prayerful advice would be greatly appreciated.
advice needed
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Guest
Hi Liz:
This is a tough one. And I really don't have any advice at all. I just wanted to acknowledge your post and let you know that this is not uncommon at all.
This is sort of what boys at 16 do - rebel a bit.
You've aleady taught him that the 'right' thing to do is go to worship. He won't depart from that when he is older. He'll come back.
He probably won't learn anything more from force.
What do his parents say?
Try not to fret too much. This is not at all unusual.
Thinking of you.
MJ
This is a tough one. And I really don't have any advice at all. I just wanted to acknowledge your post and let you know that this is not uncommon at all.
This is sort of what boys at 16 do - rebel a bit.
You've aleady taught him that the 'right' thing to do is go to worship. He won't depart from that when he is older. He'll come back.
He probably won't learn anything more from force.
What do his parents say?
Try not to fret too much. This is not at all unusual.
Thinking of you.
MJ
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Guest
Hi Cornflower,Thanks for responding.His mom doesn't really communicate with us much.She isn,t a Christian,I don,t think it matters to her one way or another.His dad is completely out of the picture.
I,m not sure what to do.Maybe it,s time to allow him to make his own decission.I hope thats the right thing to do and I,m not just giving in because it,s the easy way out.
Thanks cornflower,Have a nice day
I,m not sure what to do.Maybe it,s time to allow him to make his own decission.I hope thats the right thing to do and I,m not just giving in because it,s the easy way out.
Thanks cornflower,Have a nice day
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Guest
Hi Liz,
I know this is hard, but it may be time to get you grandchildren back into the hands of the parents. When they ask why, they need to know how rude and disrespectful they have treated you, and leave the rest to them.
You are a grandmother and finished raising children when yours went their way. It is nice to have them over, but if this is the way they are behaving toward you, they need to follow their own star. Pray for their well being, later they will realize how inappropriate they treated you and may apologize for their actions. If you do that, you may also find it may then isolate you from your child (especially if it your daughter). It is a touchy situation, but you should not be disrespected.
Liz, I will pray for you.
God's blessings to you.
I know this is hard, but it may be time to get you grandchildren back into the hands of the parents. When they ask why, they need to know how rude and disrespectful they have treated you, and leave the rest to them.
You are a grandmother and finished raising children when yours went their way. It is nice to have them over, but if this is the way they are behaving toward you, they need to follow their own star. Pray for their well being, later they will realize how inappropriate they treated you and may apologize for their actions. If you do that, you may also find it may then isolate you from your child (especially if it your daughter). It is a touchy situation, but you should not be disrespected.
Liz, I will pray for you.
God's blessings to you.
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Guest
Hi Liz...I think that since he is 16 years old, then, I would not make him attend church...I know we want them to go, but, if we force someone in that age category, then, we only tend to push them away from church...
What good is church doing him anyhow, if his heart is not into it, and he is just being forced to attend???
It really is hard in this day and time to get the adults in there, little alone, the youngsters!!!!
I pray you make the decision which feels right for you...
What good is church doing him anyhow, if his heart is not into it, and he is just being forced to attend???
It really is hard in this day and time to get the adults in there, little alone, the youngsters!!!!
I pray you make the decision which feels right for you...
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Guest
Hi Gman,Thanks for the advice.It's good to have others input.Some decisions are difficult to make alone.
They are my sons kids.He and their mom are apart,they have been for many years.They've been comming to our house for the weekends for 10 tears now,to visit us and my son.
Their ages are 16,13 and12.They are already beginning to skip visits now that they are older and wanting to do different things.Sure is hard on me.
Thanks again,Have a good night and a great day tomorrow.
They are my sons kids.He and their mom are apart,they have been for many years.They've been comming to our house for the weekends for 10 tears now,to visit us and my son.
Their ages are 16,13 and12.They are already beginning to skip visits now that they are older and wanting to do different things.Sure is hard on me.
Thanks again,Have a good night and a great day tomorrow.
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Guest
Hi Ms T Bones,Iv'e had the same thoughts as you expressed.The last thing I want to do is cause him to distance himself from me out of anger.
When I glance in his direction and see him sitting there with his eyes shut I wonder if it's even worth bringing him.
I,m glad I could turn to all of you for advice and support.
Thank-you so much
When I glance in his direction and see him sitting there with his eyes shut I wonder if it's even worth bringing him.
I,m glad I could turn to all of you for advice and support.
Thank-you so much
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Guest
Liz...The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way it should go, and when it is old, it will not depart from it"..
I think you need to let go and trust God on this one...Pray for your grandchildren and leave them in God's big hands...
It sounds like you have trained your grandchild in the way it should go, and I am sure one day these things will come back to your grandchild, and when he get older he will appreciate what you have taught him!!!
I pray this helped...God Bless...
I think you need to let go and trust God on this one...Pray for your grandchildren and leave them in God's big hands...
It sounds like you have trained your grandchild in the way it should go, and I am sure one day these things will come back to your grandchild, and when he get older he will appreciate what you have taught him!!!
I pray this helped...God Bless...
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Guest
Hi all,
I think everyone touched on pretty much most of the things going on, and the need to let go. There really are a lot of variables that brought things to this point; such as, the separation of the parents, and the boys reaching adolescence. Liz, you might remember what that was like with your own son. Boys, well most boys, at that age really want to assert themselves, and strike out independently. The things that brought you so much joy, having them over has turned sour. Boys just aren't as thoughtful as girls, but it is what it is. The things that will hurt you most, is that you will miss them, even if they are or want to be bad little boys. The other thing is that I think is, boys seem to act out their aggression out of emotion more than people think.
They really need both parents, and they do not want some other, surrogate parent replacing either parent, whether it is from their perception or by a person trying to do the filling in. I am not saying this applies in your situation. I am only making this observation. It all depends on what went on in the relationship; that will affect their perception. You can try to reason with them by explaining to them that you would never dream of being their mom, letting them know that you love them and care about them, but tell them you are too old to be anyone's mom. Yeah, poke fun at yourself, then let them know that because you love them, they are free to follow their own hearts desire, and that you wouldn't dream of getting in the way of their happiness, even if you think it may be the wrong choice for them.
I think if you have this talk with them, and give them a chance to respond, before you have that talk with your son, you might be surprised. They will want to come to visit on their own. I don't know if you ever said anything about the situation between the parents, but in case you did, it might be a good idea to clean that up, by trying to explain that in most cases of separation and divorce, both parents love the children and break ups usually have nothing to do with the children's behavior.
That's another thing they are suffering from; their own guilt about the break up. These words might help to free them from that guilt, and that might be what’s taking place; as they act out their aggression. I really do understand the need you have to have company from friends and family. As we get older, it seems that our loved ones seem to go further and further away from us. It is not at all like it used to be. This is why the church family is a very important thing. We all need to socialize and interact with one another, and what better place to interact than with people of common interest; being still seeking the Lord's face, to hear His voice.
I have a tremendous since of loneliness sometimes. I look at how, everyone seems to be going the way the think is best, and no amount of nudging, chatting, or loving, expressed on my part, seems to be able to break through all of the world's noise and their preoccupation with things of the world. That's true, with social and family arrangements, and on this forum. A lot of people really don't understand the feelings that God has about this dilemma; that we will all one day find ourselves in. I believe that only constant prayer and supplication can overcome in breaking through all of the world's interference. I wish there were a simpler answers other that we must wait on the Lord.
I pray that the Lord come in glory to change things and usher in the New Heaven and the new earth and put an end to the former things and make all new. In Jesus' name I pray. I have my own thoughts on that which I will refrain from here, but that is what we really need to see, and all these things, worries and anxieties, will come to a sudden and immediate end.
I am sorry if I went on a bit too much. However, I am sure that these things are appreciated more so here, than most other threads. I will keep you and my other friends here in my prayers. I know the Lord can, and will make things better. We just need to be steadfast in our continued love for Him; to show Him our genuine effort to have the Christ mindset; as we try, as best we can, to show our love and care for one another, and not one involved in the things of the world, such as; the things of the world that are fear and hate related and demonic at their source.
I pray that this message struck a good chord with you, and expands you hope that you do have friends that love and care about you, and that you are not alone in your love for Christ.
I think everyone touched on pretty much most of the things going on, and the need to let go. There really are a lot of variables that brought things to this point; such as, the separation of the parents, and the boys reaching adolescence. Liz, you might remember what that was like with your own son. Boys, well most boys, at that age really want to assert themselves, and strike out independently. The things that brought you so much joy, having them over has turned sour. Boys just aren't as thoughtful as girls, but it is what it is. The things that will hurt you most, is that you will miss them, even if they are or want to be bad little boys. The other thing is that I think is, boys seem to act out their aggression out of emotion more than people think.
They really need both parents, and they do not want some other, surrogate parent replacing either parent, whether it is from their perception or by a person trying to do the filling in. I am not saying this applies in your situation. I am only making this observation. It all depends on what went on in the relationship; that will affect their perception. You can try to reason with them by explaining to them that you would never dream of being their mom, letting them know that you love them and care about them, but tell them you are too old to be anyone's mom. Yeah, poke fun at yourself, then let them know that because you love them, they are free to follow their own hearts desire, and that you wouldn't dream of getting in the way of their happiness, even if you think it may be the wrong choice for them.
I think if you have this talk with them, and give them a chance to respond, before you have that talk with your son, you might be surprised. They will want to come to visit on their own. I don't know if you ever said anything about the situation between the parents, but in case you did, it might be a good idea to clean that up, by trying to explain that in most cases of separation and divorce, both parents love the children and break ups usually have nothing to do with the children's behavior.
That's another thing they are suffering from; their own guilt about the break up. These words might help to free them from that guilt, and that might be what’s taking place; as they act out their aggression. I really do understand the need you have to have company from friends and family. As we get older, it seems that our loved ones seem to go further and further away from us. It is not at all like it used to be. This is why the church family is a very important thing. We all need to socialize and interact with one another, and what better place to interact than with people of common interest; being still seeking the Lord's face, to hear His voice.
I have a tremendous since of loneliness sometimes. I look at how, everyone seems to be going the way the think is best, and no amount of nudging, chatting, or loving, expressed on my part, seems to be able to break through all of the world's noise and their preoccupation with things of the world. That's true, with social and family arrangements, and on this forum. A lot of people really don't understand the feelings that God has about this dilemma; that we will all one day find ourselves in. I believe that only constant prayer and supplication can overcome in breaking through all of the world's interference. I wish there were a simpler answers other that we must wait on the Lord.
I pray that the Lord come in glory to change things and usher in the New Heaven and the new earth and put an end to the former things and make all new. In Jesus' name I pray. I have my own thoughts on that which I will refrain from here, but that is what we really need to see, and all these things, worries and anxieties, will come to a sudden and immediate end.
I am sorry if I went on a bit too much. However, I am sure that these things are appreciated more so here, than most other threads. I will keep you and my other friends here in my prayers. I know the Lord can, and will make things better. We just need to be steadfast in our continued love for Him; to show Him our genuine effort to have the Christ mindset; as we try, as best we can, to show our love and care for one another, and not one involved in the things of the world, such as; the things of the world that are fear and hate related and demonic at their source.
I pray that this message struck a good chord with you, and expands you hope that you do have friends that love and care about you, and that you are not alone in your love for Christ.
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Guest
Hellow all, Well,this week I went to church alone.As I walked out the front door I said to my husband,even in the midst of my sorrows I've found something to be happy about. It,s incredibly easy and stress free getting only yourself ready for church.Sooo relaxing.Quiet ,peaceful drive to church.I guess I can get used to it.
Been busy the past couple of days ,sorry for not responding sooner.
Thanks for your concern,advice and support, Liz
Been busy the past couple of days ,sorry for not responding sooner.
Thanks for your concern,advice and support, Liz