Why does God/Jesus let me suffer with harm OCD and not heal me?

Adonaisown · Post by **Adonaisown** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:34 pm

Hi, I am new here. I'm having a really horrible OCD day. I'm a new mom (baby boy born June 22) and I prayed and prayed during my pregnancy that I wouldn't have harm thoughts about my baby. I pray every day that the Lord will deliver me because I get so scared that I will hurt my baby because of these weird OCD impulses/images. They wanted to lock me up when I told the nurse at the hospital when I was recovering from my c-section. This is SO horrible and I'm so scared. How do I know I won't do anything bad to my baby? I've plead the blood of Jesus over him over and over again. God please heal me! I love my baby more than myself! I feel so alone like God is so far away and doesn't care! He promises to answer prayer when two or more are gathered in his name. Even though I've prayed with my husband on this, will someone pray for me on this? I can't afford the program. We are not doing well financially right now. Oh boy, I sound like a nut case!

Elizabeth J. · Post by **Elizabeth J.** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 11:16 pm

First of all find a way to get the program. They do have a payment program. If that is not possible, try ebay or something. maybe someone will sell it to you cheap. Or like someone else once suggested, call the public library and ask them to purchase the program to borrow. Its worth a try. Anyway, I will pray for you. I have a women minister friend that when she had her first baby, she had those fears as well. God delivered her. She also had to do alot of work to get there. Her first encounter with real help was in an alanon program. SHe was a product of alcoholism in her family. She suffered alot and this was where her problems came from. She said that it got where she was even afraid to go to the grocery store for fear that she would attack and kill some old person. Of course she never did, but her anxiety told her she would. If you have drug addiction or alcoholism in your family or just plain abuse in your family history, why dont you try a support group like alanon for familys of alcoholis? Get you a good sponsor and follow the program there till you can get the attacking anxiety program?
IF any way possible I suggest that you get the program and work it to your best ability. It has helped me and countless others so much. I really couldnt afford it at the time but I had to do something and I am glad I did. Keep praying that God will show you the way and I will as well. In the meantime get Lucindas book, from panic to power and other recommended books. I am reading one now called Feelings buried alive never die. It is really something. It talks alot about unresolved feelings and how they can affect you and how to deal with them and get healing. I was one to always bury my feelings and hurts since I was a small child so this is where the anxiety has originated. Im glad you got with us. Keep checking in and tell us your progress regularly. I will pray for you. God does care. He has great plans for you to be healed. He does however want you to cooperate to the fullest. It is worth it!

Swan01 · Post by **Swan01** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 11:27 pm

I will say a prayer for you as well. Try to get the program, and also try to stay positive and refocus your thoughts as much as possible!
God loves us and does not want us to feel bad at any time.

dinobail · Post by **dinobail** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:08 am

Adonaisown,
I will pray for you and please trust that God hears your prayers and is there with you every minute of your life. If you have those scary thoughts about harming your child, is there someone you can call to come over or go to them? I pray safety over you and your child. Please try to find a way to start the program!

Nelson Project · Post by **Nelson Project** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:08 am

I will pray for you as well. Remember that God will sometimes test us, so we can see our own strength, which he already knows. He will provide you the avenue you need to be healed, but you must be willing and ready when it is revealed to you. This program could be it, or another means, be ready for his blessing. Good Luck!

Zoe_M · Post by **Zoe_M** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:21 am

Adonaisown,

First of all you are not a nut case at all. You have what is known as Pure "O". I have so many friends on here that have the EXACT symptom as you and I was/am included in that list.

So, first of all wipe the slate clean and know that you are fine and you will break this habit known as Pure "O"

I have started a monthly newsletter via this site where I try to send out information related to this form of anxiety.

I am aware of two other people on my list that have the exact same symptoms as you and I am sure they will talk to you via Private Messaging if you would like.

Just remember, the following: You are a great person, a loving caring individual. You have always been and always be this person. The scary thoughts are so intense because it's so NOT you. You are the opposite of the scary thoughts. As you go through the program you will see that these fears are a way of masking a real fear. It may be something like, the fear of being a mom and the responsibility that entails. The scary thoughts come in to get you away from the real fear. In most cases, that's why we start the habit.

If you would like to be a part of the newsletter, please PM me and i will include you on the list.

Just know you are not alone there are millions of people that have this habit and we are paving a road for recovery for future generations.

God Bless

Zoe

Zoe_M · Post by **Zoe_M** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:27 am

I also wanted to state something about the bible since you mentioned Jesus in your post.

Think of David. David had to go through intense fears of what he called the "slimey pit". Anxiety has been around since biblical days. We have an opportunity through this wonderful site and the community of people that support us to pave the road for the next generation of people so they will not have to suffer so intensely with this bad habit.

I say bad habit because that's what it truly is. Think of a smoker. They smoke when their anxiety gets really bad. We go inwards and think with this bad habit. Although it's tough to break the habit, YOU will do it!!! Try not to look at this as a punishment from God but more of a learning experience where you will grow and be stronger because of it.

God Bless again

Zoe

Ethans Mommy! · Post by **Ethans Mommy!** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:14 am

Hi I just wanted to add that I will be praying for you as well. I just had my baby boy May 12th and I have had similar thoughts. I have the program and I definately would try to get the program but I understand financial difficulties! My thoughts were about hurting my son and they were all based on the "What if..." I just told myself that if I am scared to do it, then I won't. I have always been scared to tell anyone about my fear especially a doctor because I was afraid that they would take my son from me or lock me away. I can't remember exactly in which cd it was in the program but a woman talked about her fear of giving her child a bath without her husband being there. It is just anxiety. I sometimes even worry about stuff like "What if I don't love my son enough?" I question my own love towards my son when I know damn well I love him more than anything and the thought of anything happening to him about kills me!!!! My anxiety has been more frequent since my son has been born and it has to do with hormones and negative thinking. Stand up to your fears and try to tell yourself that they are not realistic. Good luck and be strong.

Steve2120 · Post by **Steve2120** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:02 am

Dear Adonaisown,

I hope this will be useful to you. I find the most helpful thing to me is conscious control of my thoughts. Whenever a negative thought commes to me, I reject it (I tell myself, that is not me and I am not going to entertain that thought). I then concentrate on something positive and allow myself to be happy in that thought. Think of the smiles and happy sounds of your son!! Smile about those pleasant thoughts and think of all the great times you are going to have with him.

Steve

Poem by Nelson Mandela

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

RCA · Post by **RCA** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:37 am

I think you need to go and see a doctor/theapist and tell him/her about your thought patterns. My doctor put me on medicine for my OCD and it helped. It takes it a little while to get in your system before it starts to work. Usually 4 to 6 weeks. There are several types of medicines so it might be trial and error before you get the right one. Also, keep on praying. My mom would always say if you will only pray it will get better. It didn't. It wasn't until I had some WONDERFUL Bible beleiving Christians that got me to go to a doctor before things began to turn around. I thank GOD every day for these friends, the doctor, and GOD for helping me through this.