My program arrived on a saturday I listened to the jump start tape then I hid it under the bed. it was like the edgar allen poe poem with the heart beat in the floor...only it was my heart pounding and my eyes kept going to the bed and my heart kept pounding..to bring it out openly is to admit I need help. monday I decided I would start but I didn't I went into a full blown panic attack that lasted all afternoon and into the evening. Thoughts of suicide seemed easier than facing what the tape might tell me. i have no family here or friends and my boyfriend and I have never discssed my secret thoughts and fears. I knew that if I started this program I would need to have his support and that ment revealing who I am inside. not the accomplished buisness woman he was attracted to. my mental and physical attack I knew was the anxiety of "taking the first step'.I tried to pray and couldn't concentrate God must be sick of me by now I thought so I grabbed my curves member guide and sat down to try to distract my terrible thoughts. i couldn't focus on that either but while I was crying a tear fell on the page and since perfectionism is one of my problems i opened my eyes to wipe it off and saw it had fallen on a scripture verse at the bottom corner of the page
gal 3:3 are you so foolish? after begining with the spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? I was stunned. I turned a few pages and saw Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you: Do not fear:I will help you. Then another few pages a quote by wyatt webb There are only two things that prevent you from accomplishing your goals-fear and self doubt. When you learn to trust yourself ans ask for help, the world gets a whole lot easier. then opah winfrey quote always continue the clinb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.and finally Job 8:21 He will yet fill your mouth with laghter and your lips with shouts of joy. I started to laugh and cry together..thank God when we withdraw to darker places He is there too leading us out praise God that He doesn't get tired of us!! This morn I went to curves came home put some eggs on to boil and sat down determined to listen to lesson one i was shaking and sweaty and i felt like i was gonna heave but my head was strangely clear. I closed my eyes put my head down and held my stomach but i listened ..and it was all about me every thought, action, reaction,non action, fear,and trait i forgot about the eggs till I heard them blowing up and smelled the smoke i paused the tape and went running I grabbed the pot and put it under the faucet and grabbed the phone and told my boyfriend what i had just done i described the eggs blown up all over the room and said atleast they're hard boiled and i was laughing and he said your doing alot of things like that lately and i said i know but i think i found the answer to my problem and tonight i need to i have to share it with you...there it is out and he wasn't shocked he sounded happy for me and excited i look forward to tonight and sharing with him my struggle to get well..i cleaned up and put some more eggs on and this time set the timer lol then I finished lesson 1 tape I will be doing the workbook when i finish writing this putting my answers in my journal cause i can't write in the workbook it would spoil its perfection lol so i have a long way to go but i'm moving..thank you all for your prayers and your encouragement believer,gomer,ashi, bry, dodger, anne and anyone else who has helped me get started i know i am not alone and i am not crazy thank you all with much love suzanne
j
taking the first step
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Guest
suzfitz,
I know sometimes that things get in the way of what we are trying to do,, but laughing always seems to make it better no matter how hard it is at the time. Laughter can take us through alot of tough situations and into a peace from all that cause us to get irratated or think irrational. I know that sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore and laughing always seems to help out. I love that you laughed and kept moving and sometimes God has to catch our attention when we are feeling like giving up so that we don't give up at all. God bless you and remember that you took the first step when you bought the program and then the second step was getting started. God bless you through your journey and know that it will get better and easier every step that you take. God bless!
JEnnifier
I know sometimes that things get in the way of what we are trying to do,, but laughing always seems to make it better no matter how hard it is at the time. Laughter can take us through alot of tough situations and into a peace from all that cause us to get irratated or think irrational. I know that sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore and laughing always seems to help out. I love that you laughed and kept moving and sometimes God has to catch our attention when we are feeling like giving up so that we don't give up at all. God bless you and remember that you took the first step when you bought the program and then the second step was getting started. God bless you through your journey and know that it will get better and easier every step that you take. God bless!
JEnnifier