Hi everyone -
Before I started this program I had these uncontrollable urges to RUN out of church. I needed to get out of there! We had been attending that church for years, but my husband and I are just not feeling like we fit in there and are sensing a lot of priority differences that we don't agree with...nothing terrible, just not being recharged and fed by The Word there. Anyhow - we have committee responsibilities there that end this fall, so we plan to go elsewhere after that.
That being said - we've only been going to Sunday School - and that occasionally. But n Sunday we went to church for Easter service. I didn't even THINK about my past anxiety in church...I mean it never crossed my mind before we got there. But when the choir started singing the first couple of hymns - it flared up again!
I talked myself through it...breathing...praying...etc. But still...I wonder where it comes from? Before I thought it was the devil trying to get me out of church, but now I'm not so sure. And to add to that, my husband who does NOT suffer from anxiety at all told me after church that he had an urge to get up and leave that he had to fight off the whole time. He has NEVER had that happen to him before!
We're not anti-church either - I love to listen to preaching and apply it to my life...and sing...and be in a community spirit. Just being there seems to make me angry (a bit) and anxious.
Any ideas or suggestions? I would appreciate it!!
Thank you,
Dawn
Urge to RUN out of church!
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Guest
Hi Dawn,
Somehow it seems that your first paragraph said it all - it may not be the church for you if you're starting to feel as though you don't fit in.
I've been to four different churches and the one that has made me the most comfortable is a very small one (as large crowds kind of freak me out sometimes). Everyone there is quite encouraging, sweet and sincerely say they look forward to seeing us next week.
Sometimes, as our lives and outlooks on life change, we're just in need of something new that fits into our mindset and way of practicing our faith. Leaving where you're attending now isn't a bad thing, especially if your husband is feeling the same way.
I've often had experiences where I would just like to run out. Easter and Christmas totally freak me out because there are so many people attending mass/service.
Or...perhaps God is calling on the both of you to another church, where He feels you're needed?
[Edit: Eh, I'm not sure either, but I just wanted to try to make you feel better.
]
Somehow it seems that your first paragraph said it all - it may not be the church for you if you're starting to feel as though you don't fit in.
I've been to four different churches and the one that has made me the most comfortable is a very small one (as large crowds kind of freak me out sometimes). Everyone there is quite encouraging, sweet and sincerely say they look forward to seeing us next week.
Sometimes, as our lives and outlooks on life change, we're just in need of something new that fits into our mindset and way of practicing our faith. Leaving where you're attending now isn't a bad thing, especially if your husband is feeling the same way.
I've often had experiences where I would just like to run out. Easter and Christmas totally freak me out because there are so many people attending mass/service.
Or...perhaps God is calling on the both of you to another church, where He feels you're needed?
[Edit: Eh, I'm not sure either, but I just wanted to try to make you feel better.
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danthemankandy
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:55 pm
dawn,
i am glad that yu bought that subject up..a couple of years ago when the panic and anxiety was at its worst i had panic attacks while in church. some that i had to get up and leave and go outside and wait until the service was over..then as the panic and went away.i still did not feel right in that particular church.we started goin to a new one and it stopped all together. let me say his. even though you are on a committee i would just go and find another church i was comfortable in and let it not wait until fall. you wil have all summer and it will get to you ..it happened to us and we thought we were under and obligation..we are only under and obligation to serve GOD for those that want to..i hope that helps you..take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS
DON
find a target and aim high for it..
i am glad that yu bought that subject up..a couple of years ago when the panic and anxiety was at its worst i had panic attacks while in church. some that i had to get up and leave and go outside and wait until the service was over..then as the panic and went away.i still did not feel right in that particular church.we started goin to a new one and it stopped all together. let me say his. even though you are on a committee i would just go and find another church i was comfortable in and let it not wait until fall. you wil have all summer and it will get to you ..it happened to us and we thought we were under and obligation..we are only under and obligation to serve GOD for those that want to..i hope that helps you..take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS
DON
find a target and aim high for it..
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Guest
Hi Dawn,
I know I've already shared with you about my experiences with church:(, and my son who has autism. I'm reading a couple of books right now ... one called "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" and "When Bad Christians Happen to Good People."
I definitely don't think you are anti-church, and I don't think I intended to be, but I'm starting to rethink a lot of things after the experiences with my son and reading these books. I used to feel such guilt over not going to church, even after the bad experiences with my son. Now, I can really see in my situation, the feeling of wanting to run out was my intuition for several reasons. You admit that your church is dysfunctional, and it just has an effect on you. Spiritual warfare is a big deal, and you wanted to worship Jesus on Easter, but the problems in the church are very real and they just effected you. Also, just the "religiosity" that's often involved. I mean there's just a lot of misperception about God and how if you show up for church, look the right way, etc., that you have to prove your spiritual condition to your fellow church goers etc. I know that that isn't what God intended for church to be.
I'm just really focusing on my relationship with God as a loving God, and how when I accepted Christ as my savior, I was justified and not condemned. God doesn't condemn us for not going to church. He wants it to be a positive experience and just one of the many ways we experience His love and express it to Him. He wants us to have loving support from other Christians as well. Unfortunately, there's just a whole lot of nonsense that goes on. It's a big shift to change in my thinking, and it's going to take time. If I decide to go to church, if any will welcome my son, I'm going to do it out of love and not obligation, and because it helps me in my relationship with God. I've just seen how some of the changes in my perception of God have been hurt when I go to church or listen to a sermon that highlights condemnation, legalism, and I don't think God wants that. I know no church is perfect at the same time, but I'm going to be very careful about hurtful doctrine or churches that have an erroneous perception of God. My son is a good litmus test, and it's sad that so many churches have it wrong. God lives in us, and we can have a relationship with Him where ever we are. If church starts to be a negative experience, then it's just time to move on to another church. I read a book today that talked about how there's a lot of going through the motions at church without really experiencing God's substance in a relationship with Him. Also, if you have a negative father like I did, you just start to identify the experience of going to church as trying to please a God that you think is like your disapproving Father. It's all very complicated, but I just say that what you have experienced definitely has to do with all of the issues you mentioned. For me, I now really do look at the past, and I see that when I wanted to run out, it really was for good reasons that I wasn't aware of at the time, and not because of Satan because the relationship with God in my heart matters more than whether or not I go to church. God doesn't trap us. He leads lovingly without forcing. It shouldn't be a big deal if you want to leave church. You shouldn't feel trapped. When my perception of God changes to a perception of Him as a loving God, I don't want to run from Him, and I'll know that if I am in church and want to run out, it's for a good reason. That's just my opinion though:), but it comes from some painful experiences. I know this program talks about the wanting to run out of church, and a lot of the experiences had to do with putting up with some insensitive people at church or having a mis perception of God.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
I know I've already shared with you about my experiences with church:(, and my son who has autism. I'm reading a couple of books right now ... one called "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" and "When Bad Christians Happen to Good People."
I definitely don't think you are anti-church, and I don't think I intended to be, but I'm starting to rethink a lot of things after the experiences with my son and reading these books. I used to feel such guilt over not going to church, even after the bad experiences with my son. Now, I can really see in my situation, the feeling of wanting to run out was my intuition for several reasons. You admit that your church is dysfunctional, and it just has an effect on you. Spiritual warfare is a big deal, and you wanted to worship Jesus on Easter, but the problems in the church are very real and they just effected you. Also, just the "religiosity" that's often involved. I mean there's just a lot of misperception about God and how if you show up for church, look the right way, etc., that you have to prove your spiritual condition to your fellow church goers etc. I know that that isn't what God intended for church to be.
I'm just really focusing on my relationship with God as a loving God, and how when I accepted Christ as my savior, I was justified and not condemned. God doesn't condemn us for not going to church. He wants it to be a positive experience and just one of the many ways we experience His love and express it to Him. He wants us to have loving support from other Christians as well. Unfortunately, there's just a whole lot of nonsense that goes on. It's a big shift to change in my thinking, and it's going to take time. If I decide to go to church, if any will welcome my son, I'm going to do it out of love and not obligation, and because it helps me in my relationship with God. I've just seen how some of the changes in my perception of God have been hurt when I go to church or listen to a sermon that highlights condemnation, legalism, and I don't think God wants that. I know no church is perfect at the same time, but I'm going to be very careful about hurtful doctrine or churches that have an erroneous perception of God. My son is a good litmus test, and it's sad that so many churches have it wrong. God lives in us, and we can have a relationship with Him where ever we are. If church starts to be a negative experience, then it's just time to move on to another church. I read a book today that talked about how there's a lot of going through the motions at church without really experiencing God's substance in a relationship with Him. Also, if you have a negative father like I did, you just start to identify the experience of going to church as trying to please a God that you think is like your disapproving Father. It's all very complicated, but I just say that what you have experienced definitely has to do with all of the issues you mentioned. For me, I now really do look at the past, and I see that when I wanted to run out, it really was for good reasons that I wasn't aware of at the time, and not because of Satan because the relationship with God in my heart matters more than whether or not I go to church. God doesn't trap us. He leads lovingly without forcing. It shouldn't be a big deal if you want to leave church. You shouldn't feel trapped. When my perception of God changes to a perception of Him as a loving God, I don't want to run from Him, and I'll know that if I am in church and want to run out, it's for a good reason. That's just my opinion though:), but it comes from some painful experiences. I know this program talks about the wanting to run out of church, and a lot of the experiences had to do with putting up with some insensitive people at church or having a mis perception of God.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
I too have had the same experience in a church that I was going to. After leaving that church I have not found one that I have attended. I feel like I wasn't suppose to be there at all and my husband also stopped wanting to go. I know that the Lord talks to everyone in different ways and it may be him telling you to leave that church and now he is telling your husband as a confirmation. I would try another church and see how you feel there. I hope that you find what is best for you and your family and if you aren't getting fed there then you shouldn't be there at all! Keep us updated and God bless!
JEnnifier
JEnnifier
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Guest
Dawn, I feel like you experienced different emotions from your husband. You described symptoms of an anxiety attack whereas your husband had an "urge" to get up and leave. I'll leave discussion of whether God wants you to go to another church to your and your husband, but I think your husband felt like he was wasting his time there and you were panicking. I feel the same way in church. It's typical of people with our condition. If you look at Session 1, it asks if you have anxious feelings in church. I think when anxious people are given long time periods to sit and reflect (ie church) we can start to think negative, paranoid thoughts and feel not in control of the situation. Work on applying the skills from the program. I actually think you should keep going to the church as practice for the skills. Don't avoid!
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Guest
Dear Dawn,
God loves us and knows what is best for us. He has a special day that He blessed and sanctified at creation. He wants us to rest at the end of each week and spend this special time with Him. This day is known as the Sabbath and it is the seventh day of the week. (From sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday}. It has been this way since creation week and it is the only one of the ten commandments that God makes it a point to say "remember." To God a particular day does make a difference. Was it not a particular fruit in the Garden of Eden that made a difference? I think of how Cain brought of the fruit of the ground as an offering unto the Lord, but it was simply not what God required of him. It seems that people would rather be obedient to their own ideas of what is right or best. I see this with the keeping of Sunday rather than the seventh-day Sabbath. God says, "remember," but man says, "Wait!... I have a better idea." I realize that many, out of ignorance, just follow the tradition of their churhes. This is why it is so important to study the scriptures for ourselves, putting aside any prejudiced or pre-conceived ideas. It is my hope that you never feel comfortable trying to make something out of Sunday so that you will desire to do things God's way and discover the true joy of the sabbath. With this sinful world waxing worse and things like depression and anxiety becoming more popular it just might make a big difference to "remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy" and come aside to rest with our Lord in a special way. I have not quoted any scritures or attempted to make this a Bible study because I am giving you a web-site for further insight. <A HREF="http://www.sabbathtruth.com" TARGET=_blank>www.sabbathtruth.com</A>
God bless you as you continue on your journey following our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.
God loves us and knows what is best for us. He has a special day that He blessed and sanctified at creation. He wants us to rest at the end of each week and spend this special time with Him. This day is known as the Sabbath and it is the seventh day of the week. (From sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday}. It has been this way since creation week and it is the only one of the ten commandments that God makes it a point to say "remember." To God a particular day does make a difference. Was it not a particular fruit in the Garden of Eden that made a difference? I think of how Cain brought of the fruit of the ground as an offering unto the Lord, but it was simply not what God required of him. It seems that people would rather be obedient to their own ideas of what is right or best. I see this with the keeping of Sunday rather than the seventh-day Sabbath. God says, "remember," but man says, "Wait!... I have a better idea." I realize that many, out of ignorance, just follow the tradition of their churhes. This is why it is so important to study the scriptures for ourselves, putting aside any prejudiced or pre-conceived ideas. It is my hope that you never feel comfortable trying to make something out of Sunday so that you will desire to do things God's way and discover the true joy of the sabbath. With this sinful world waxing worse and things like depression and anxiety becoming more popular it just might make a big difference to "remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy" and come aside to rest with our Lord in a special way. I have not quoted any scritures or attempted to make this a Bible study because I am giving you a web-site for further insight. <A HREF="http://www.sabbathtruth.com" TARGET=_blank>www.sabbathtruth.com</A>
God bless you as you continue on your journey following our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.
Wow - thank you everyone for such a wide and varied set of responses. It really does help me to see other people's perspectives on issues like this.
My husband doesn't have anxiety (per se - or at least not like I have) so I think his feeling was more of "this is just not for me". We've gone to this church for over 13 years and his family attends there...so it's not like he doesn't like church or anything. Our preacher left (not bad circumstances - just moved) and we have an interim right now. His style is just not helping me right now...and I hate to even mention that because it makes this sounds like a superficial problem...but that is just "tip of the iceburg" really.
My anxiety issues in church have been going on for about two years now. I have NEVER acted on them and got up and left though - just sweat it out in the pew. I found myself concentrating more on the anxiety than on the sermon too...which made me wonder what I was even doing there. And that made me feel depressed. Vicious cycle.
Like I said, this past week the anxiety problem had not even crossed my mind...truly! Then all of a sudden it came up on me in church. When I feel this way there is a "rational" side of my brain (the one that says...you don't need to run, you're OK, you need to hear the message, etc.) and the irrational side that focuses on the superficiality of people in church, their comments that I feel have been out of line in the past, their misguided priorities (like when the Deacon Board - on which my husband served - decided that it was of primary importance that they wear suits every Sunday to set the example for the church...they didn't like people starting to get more casual - as in dress pants and a shirt...or sun dresses for ladies...PLEASE don't turn this post into a debate on clothes in church!!! I believe in being respectful of the Lord and others and dressing appropraitely, but I do not believe that God is all that concerned about what we wear..."look at the lillies of the field", remember? And after all - if He were that concerned then He wouldn't want homeless people going to shelter worship services because they weren't dressed "right.")
Anyhow - I digress...
I've been in this program since December and have worked on my skills in church since then (before that it was suffering, believe me). Still - to feel that way when I did not have any anticipatory thoughts about it, just seems to be telling me that maybe this is not the place for us.
Gil - I appreciate your comments. Just so I can be clear - you were suggesting that my entire problem with anxiety in church is because I don't worship on the Seventh Day Adventist Sabbath? I respect your beliefs and interpretation of the Bible and I would never dispute it. That being said, respectfully, I submit that legalism was never in God's plan. When Jesus came He fulfilled the laws and prophesies. He established a new testament...and opened the door to questions about the pharisitical interpretation of the old testament (laws). The old testament also states that we should not eat pork nor should men cut the hair on the sides of their heads/beards. I appreciate your words, honestly, I do...but I have to respectfully disagree to the point that I do not feel that MY PROBLEMS come from the DAY on which I worship.
luvpiggy - You have helped me so much already! I agree that RELATIONSHIP with God is of the utmost importance. I got a book recently called "More Jesus - Less Religion" that I have not gotten to read yet...that is kind of how I feel, but I really would like to be in a church as well...that support (if you find the right place that God has for you) - to give and receive - is very uplifting.
Thank you everyone - please keep me in your prayers as I search for guidance from God on this issue. Love you guys!!!
Blessings,
Dawn
My husband doesn't have anxiety (per se - or at least not like I have) so I think his feeling was more of "this is just not for me". We've gone to this church for over 13 years and his family attends there...so it's not like he doesn't like church or anything. Our preacher left (not bad circumstances - just moved) and we have an interim right now. His style is just not helping me right now...and I hate to even mention that because it makes this sounds like a superficial problem...but that is just "tip of the iceburg" really.
My anxiety issues in church have been going on for about two years now. I have NEVER acted on them and got up and left though - just sweat it out in the pew. I found myself concentrating more on the anxiety than on the sermon too...which made me wonder what I was even doing there. And that made me feel depressed. Vicious cycle.
Like I said, this past week the anxiety problem had not even crossed my mind...truly! Then all of a sudden it came up on me in church. When I feel this way there is a "rational" side of my brain (the one that says...you don't need to run, you're OK, you need to hear the message, etc.) and the irrational side that focuses on the superficiality of people in church, their comments that I feel have been out of line in the past, their misguided priorities (like when the Deacon Board - on which my husband served - decided that it was of primary importance that they wear suits every Sunday to set the example for the church...they didn't like people starting to get more casual - as in dress pants and a shirt...or sun dresses for ladies...PLEASE don't turn this post into a debate on clothes in church!!! I believe in being respectful of the Lord and others and dressing appropraitely, but I do not believe that God is all that concerned about what we wear..."look at the lillies of the field", remember? And after all - if He were that concerned then He wouldn't want homeless people going to shelter worship services because they weren't dressed "right.")
Anyhow - I digress...
I've been in this program since December and have worked on my skills in church since then (before that it was suffering, believe me). Still - to feel that way when I did not have any anticipatory thoughts about it, just seems to be telling me that maybe this is not the place for us.
Gil - I appreciate your comments. Just so I can be clear - you were suggesting that my entire problem with anxiety in church is because I don't worship on the Seventh Day Adventist Sabbath? I respect your beliefs and interpretation of the Bible and I would never dispute it. That being said, respectfully, I submit that legalism was never in God's plan. When Jesus came He fulfilled the laws and prophesies. He established a new testament...and opened the door to questions about the pharisitical interpretation of the old testament (laws). The old testament also states that we should not eat pork nor should men cut the hair on the sides of their heads/beards. I appreciate your words, honestly, I do...but I have to respectfully disagree to the point that I do not feel that MY PROBLEMS come from the DAY on which I worship.
luvpiggy - You have helped me so much already! I agree that RELATIONSHIP with God is of the utmost importance. I got a book recently called "More Jesus - Less Religion" that I have not gotten to read yet...that is kind of how I feel, but I really would like to be in a church as well...that support (if you find the right place that God has for you) - to give and receive - is very uplifting.
Thank you everyone - please keep me in your prayers as I search for guidance from God on this issue. Love you guys!!!
Blessings,
Dawn
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Guest
Hi Dawn,
There is a song by Todd Agnew called "My Jesus." It is haunting and beautiful. Here is a quote from it:
"My Jesus would never be accepted in my church;
The blood and dirt on his feet might stain the carpet.
He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And I think He'd prefer Beale Street to this stained glass crowd ..."
It definitely sounds like it's time for another church -- one that doesn't require suits!! That is a warning sign to me. When churches start being concerned about what people wear, I fear that they are not anywhere near what Jesus preached.
I have heard of "house" churches, kind of like small groups of people who meet on Sunday mornings for Bible study time ... perhaps that would be a better fit for you now.
I found it interesting when you said you felt a bit angry, as well as anxious, in church. When I was younger, I would always feel anger in church -- it seemed so ironic. I would be sitting next to my Mom, and feel anger toward her. When I explained this to a therapist, he thought it was probably anxiety. I went to a Catholic church then, and I might have felt "trapped" in a way ... the anger directed toward my mom -- who knows, that's a whole other can of worms!
Now I go to a non-demoniational Christian church. It is laid back, friendly and warm. Our pastor wears jeans with his shirt hanging out. The whole goal of our church is to make people feel comfortable to come as they are (the way Jesus would feel). Even though I LOVE our church, I often have a hard time in the service because I get very tired. The music is uplifting and fun, our pastor is excellent, but all the people, the rushing to get there and get our kids in their classes, etc., causes me stress -- and then I think I "shut down" with fatigue in response to anxiety.
I didn't go to church on Easter Sunday. My daughter was exhausted and wanted to stay home, and I wasn't feeling well either (I have fibromyalgia too). I told her that God knows we love him, and that He was with us at home as much as He would be at church.
I'll keep you in my prayers -- just listen to your heart, your "inner guidance" (Holy Spirit). He will show the way.
Maureen
There is a song by Todd Agnew called "My Jesus." It is haunting and beautiful. Here is a quote from it:
"My Jesus would never be accepted in my church;
The blood and dirt on his feet might stain the carpet.
He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And I think He'd prefer Beale Street to this stained glass crowd ..."
It definitely sounds like it's time for another church -- one that doesn't require suits!! That is a warning sign to me. When churches start being concerned about what people wear, I fear that they are not anywhere near what Jesus preached.
I have heard of "house" churches, kind of like small groups of people who meet on Sunday mornings for Bible study time ... perhaps that would be a better fit for you now.
I found it interesting when you said you felt a bit angry, as well as anxious, in church. When I was younger, I would always feel anger in church -- it seemed so ironic. I would be sitting next to my Mom, and feel anger toward her. When I explained this to a therapist, he thought it was probably anxiety. I went to a Catholic church then, and I might have felt "trapped" in a way ... the anger directed toward my mom -- who knows, that's a whole other can of worms!
Now I go to a non-demoniational Christian church. It is laid back, friendly and warm. Our pastor wears jeans with his shirt hanging out. The whole goal of our church is to make people feel comfortable to come as they are (the way Jesus would feel). Even though I LOVE our church, I often have a hard time in the service because I get very tired. The music is uplifting and fun, our pastor is excellent, but all the people, the rushing to get there and get our kids in their classes, etc., causes me stress -- and then I think I "shut down" with fatigue in response to anxiety.
I didn't go to church on Easter Sunday. My daughter was exhausted and wanted to stay home, and I wasn't feeling well either (I have fibromyalgia too). I told her that God knows we love him, and that He was with us at home as much as He would be at church.
I'll keep you in my prayers -- just listen to your heart, your "inner guidance" (Holy Spirit
). He will show the way.Maureen
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Guest
hi guys
church is hard for me as well...I love my church I love the people and the service and the atomosphere but still I feel very uncomfortable through the entire thing. We went on Easter and it was so crowded and that doesnt help me either. I think for me although I love knowing so many people and feeling so included but I feel like becuase I know people if I just get up and leave they will be like where is she going?
I know in my heart it really doesnt matter what others think and I totally understand the skills and program. I go to the bathroom alot and run through my cards or breath. But I wish I could just sit and enjoy the time for what it is without all the thougths and sensations.
I keep pushing myself to go and I have been doing it but I wont go up for the offering now....I just cant bring myself to do it but I hope that in time it will all come back.
In our bulletin is a quote every sunday and I open it and it says
Dont be anxious for God loves us all.
He really does.....he understands.
I find great comfort in believing that.
Dodger
church is hard for me as well...I love my church I love the people and the service and the atomosphere but still I feel very uncomfortable through the entire thing. We went on Easter and it was so crowded and that doesnt help me either. I think for me although I love knowing so many people and feeling so included but I feel like becuase I know people if I just get up and leave they will be like where is she going?
I know in my heart it really doesnt matter what others think and I totally understand the skills and program. I go to the bathroom alot and run through my cards or breath. But I wish I could just sit and enjoy the time for what it is without all the thougths and sensations.
I keep pushing myself to go and I have been doing it but I wont go up for the offering now....I just cant bring myself to do it but I hope that in time it will all come back.
In our bulletin is a quote every sunday and I open it and it says
Dont be anxious for God loves us all.
He really does.....he understands.
I find great comfort in believing that.
Dodger