I have been through the program before and my anxiety was pretty much gone . I really was no longer afraid of anything . Then I sinned really bad ( willfully) and I am a mess. I dont even know whats real anymore. I am afraid of everything. I have a 8 month old baby boy to take care of and I am having a hard time funtioning.
It started after the sin , and I was convinced I was going to hell , after months of arguing with myself and with God , thats still there but now I am afraid of everything. I dont know what I am anymore or why and what emotions are and why we think and is this fear going to take me over and there will be nothing left. The words love and caring and happy and anything to do with an emotion scare me. I am just abut to loose it . I dont know how long I can go on like this. I keep thinking this must be a judgement from the Lord for thinking I could get away with sinning against him. How long can you go on this before you loose it . I dont want to die but it seems like it would be a relief, but then Imafraid of hell.
Has anyone experienced anxiety like this? And did you get past it. I keep trying to tell myself the truth but when I think about how Im thinking I get afraid. I know it dosent make any sense.
Help please.
How long can I last like this?
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Guest
Hi, Barnabas,
I am so sorry you are a Christian who is feeling this way, because I promise you that that is the last way God wants you to feel. I really recommend the book, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" because you are really abusing yourself spiritually right now, and God is our loving Shepherd who never abuses his lambs. God isn't doing this to you, please know that, and the book that I highly recommend will clarify why you have learned to think of God in such a painful way.
There's so much that I can say and where should I start? First of all, "There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus". Before God sent Jesus to this world as our savior, we were under the law. That means that when we sinned, we made atonement for that sin by sacrifice, and by following a strict set of rules under the law. However, God sent Jesus to this world as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins to fulfill the law. Jesus is the "way, the truth, and life". When we enter a relationship with Jesus, we are now justified in God's eyes. It's all about a relationship with him, and not so much about our performance. Yes, we will do good works, but it's based on being motivated by His love for us that is in our hearts, and we no longer perform a set of rules to earn anything from Him. God actually does the most work through us when we admit our brokenness and our sinfulness, and that we can't do it on our own. None of us will ever be perfect, and God just wants us to admit that. As Paul says, "When I am weak, He is strong."He gives us His gift of love, and He only desires a loving relationship with us in return. "We love him, because He first loved us." Now, we no longer are under the law, and as Christians, when we sin, being motivated by God's love for us and our love for Him, we do need to confess and repent with a healthy sense of remorse(which would not be thinking that we need to go to hell every time we sin by any means), and then follow God's direction in healing the hurt-for example, if we hurt someone, we are honest about our mistake, we say we're sorry, ask for forgiveness, and with God's loving strength we try not to hurt the person again-knowing full well that we will never be perfect and may need to go through the process again if the other person is willing to stay in relationship with us. Of course, depending on the severity of the sin and our societal laws, the consequences of our sin could be going to jail for murder, etc. However, we are always loved by God in the process no matter how bad our sin, and we are most certainly not condemned to Hell every time that we sin. You know what? I just remembered a Quiet Times that I read today. I was reading one for today's date, and happened to glance at one for another date. It was about Jesus's mercy, and the woman who was about to be stoned for promiscuity. Jesus said, "He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone." Everyone left. The Quiet Times said, "The law required that she be stoned, but Jesus's response to her showed that he was more concerned about the condition of her soul than her sin!" Her sin wasn't Jesus' priority!!! He desired to show her loving mercy, and felt that mercy and love was the way to change her heart! God cares about your heart more than he cares about your sin! It's better to have a right heart and make mistakes with sin from time to time, than it is to refrain from sin for the wrong reasons-because you are afraid that every time you mess up God is going to butcher you! How long can you live believing that? You can live a long time that way, but you are putting yourself in Hell on earth, and that is not how God wants you to live because He loves you so much He sent his son to die for you so you wouldn't have to live the way you are living now!:)
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably didn't kill any one?:) I don't know what your sin was, but if it's something that you need to confess to someone you hurt, then confess it, and ask for forgiveness-knowing that forgiveness is that person's choice and that that person is allowed to set boundaries with you, and make a reasonable effort to learn from the experience. Please don't sit around thinking that God is punishing you and condemning you to hell. He is merciful, slow to anger, just, etc. It isn't helping you or the person you may have hurt, etc to act the way you are, I promise. Remember, Romans 8:38 says"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love." Barnabas, if God is yelling anything at you, and He really doesn't yell:)-He guides gently and lovingly actually, He wants you to know that verse and feel it in the very depths of your soul.
Also, psychologically, I'm wondering what type of distraction punishing yourself this way is providing. What else is going on in your life that's causing you to be obsessed about imaginary punishment from God? It could be hormones from having your baby 8 months ago? It could be that you feel you don't deserve your beautiful child, and you are afraid to let yourself be happy? I know I felt that way after my son was born. Whatever it is, please don't shame or condemn yourself about your reaction. Just know that God loves you, and He doesn't want you to be in unnecessary and excruciating pain. We all sin, Barnabas. Paul condemned Christians to death, and how did God respond? He made Paul one of His greatest disciples! Also, look at the book "Released from Shame" by Christian psychologist Sandra D. Wilson. It's great! Also, a good Christian radio program called middayconnection.org has wonderful Christian authors and topics on its show. If you go to the website, you can click on past programs and find Sandra's radio program a few weeks ago. You can listen to it over the internet. You need to surround yourself with non condemning Christians and experts who know the truth about God's love for you. There's so much more that I can say, and if I can help you further or at all, please feel free to private message me. I also think you'll get many other loving responses from others who clearly understand and feel God's love, and want to share it with you.
God bless you,
luvpiggy
I am so sorry you are a Christian who is feeling this way, because I promise you that that is the last way God wants you to feel. I really recommend the book, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" because you are really abusing yourself spiritually right now, and God is our loving Shepherd who never abuses his lambs. God isn't doing this to you, please know that, and the book that I highly recommend will clarify why you have learned to think of God in such a painful way.
There's so much that I can say and where should I start? First of all, "There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus". Before God sent Jesus to this world as our savior, we were under the law. That means that when we sinned, we made atonement for that sin by sacrifice, and by following a strict set of rules under the law. However, God sent Jesus to this world as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins to fulfill the law. Jesus is the "way, the truth, and life". When we enter a relationship with Jesus, we are now justified in God's eyes. It's all about a relationship with him, and not so much about our performance. Yes, we will do good works, but it's based on being motivated by His love for us that is in our hearts, and we no longer perform a set of rules to earn anything from Him. God actually does the most work through us when we admit our brokenness and our sinfulness, and that we can't do it on our own. None of us will ever be perfect, and God just wants us to admit that. As Paul says, "When I am weak, He is strong."He gives us His gift of love, and He only desires a loving relationship with us in return. "We love him, because He first loved us." Now, we no longer are under the law, and as Christians, when we sin, being motivated by God's love for us and our love for Him, we do need to confess and repent with a healthy sense of remorse(which would not be thinking that we need to go to hell every time we sin by any means), and then follow God's direction in healing the hurt-for example, if we hurt someone, we are honest about our mistake, we say we're sorry, ask for forgiveness, and with God's loving strength we try not to hurt the person again-knowing full well that we will never be perfect and may need to go through the process again if the other person is willing to stay in relationship with us. Of course, depending on the severity of the sin and our societal laws, the consequences of our sin could be going to jail for murder, etc. However, we are always loved by God in the process no matter how bad our sin, and we are most certainly not condemned to Hell every time that we sin. You know what? I just remembered a Quiet Times that I read today. I was reading one for today's date, and happened to glance at one for another date. It was about Jesus's mercy, and the woman who was about to be stoned for promiscuity. Jesus said, "He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone." Everyone left. The Quiet Times said, "The law required that she be stoned, but Jesus's response to her showed that he was more concerned about the condition of her soul than her sin!" Her sin wasn't Jesus' priority!!! He desired to show her loving mercy, and felt that mercy and love was the way to change her heart! God cares about your heart more than he cares about your sin! It's better to have a right heart and make mistakes with sin from time to time, than it is to refrain from sin for the wrong reasons-because you are afraid that every time you mess up God is going to butcher you! How long can you live believing that? You can live a long time that way, but you are putting yourself in Hell on earth, and that is not how God wants you to live because He loves you so much He sent his son to die for you so you wouldn't have to live the way you are living now!:)
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably didn't kill any one?:) I don't know what your sin was, but if it's something that you need to confess to someone you hurt, then confess it, and ask for forgiveness-knowing that forgiveness is that person's choice and that that person is allowed to set boundaries with you, and make a reasonable effort to learn from the experience. Please don't sit around thinking that God is punishing you and condemning you to hell. He is merciful, slow to anger, just, etc. It isn't helping you or the person you may have hurt, etc to act the way you are, I promise. Remember, Romans 8:38 says"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love." Barnabas, if God is yelling anything at you, and He really doesn't yell:)-He guides gently and lovingly actually, He wants you to know that verse and feel it in the very depths of your soul.
Also, psychologically, I'm wondering what type of distraction punishing yourself this way is providing. What else is going on in your life that's causing you to be obsessed about imaginary punishment from God? It could be hormones from having your baby 8 months ago? It could be that you feel you don't deserve your beautiful child, and you are afraid to let yourself be happy? I know I felt that way after my son was born. Whatever it is, please don't shame or condemn yourself about your reaction. Just know that God loves you, and He doesn't want you to be in unnecessary and excruciating pain. We all sin, Barnabas. Paul condemned Christians to death, and how did God respond? He made Paul one of His greatest disciples! Also, look at the book "Released from Shame" by Christian psychologist Sandra D. Wilson. It's great! Also, a good Christian radio program called middayconnection.org has wonderful Christian authors and topics on its show. If you go to the website, you can click on past programs and find Sandra's radio program a few weeks ago. You can listen to it over the internet. You need to surround yourself with non condemning Christians and experts who know the truth about God's love for you. There's so much more that I can say, and if I can help you further or at all, please feel free to private message me. I also think you'll get many other loving responses from others who clearly understand and feel God's love, and want to share it with you.
God bless you,
luvpiggy
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Guest
Barnabas, I remember you when you first started the program because I started around that time also. I always liked you. You knew me as barbG.
Please listen to luvpiggy. Her post makes so much sense. I read your profile and I'm sure you wrote that in 2006. Read it again because that's still you. I love you and want you to get over this. You will pull thru I know it. Please forgive yourself. God sent his son to die for you and forgave you long ago. Just the fear you're going to hell is certainly not a fear from God. "God hath not given a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind." I know the scriptures but don't always know where they're located. Anyhow fear is from the devil so don't listen to him. He's a liar and thief. He came to steal, kill and destroy. Get the book luvpiggy said but mostly get "The" book, the Bible, the greatest book ever written. Study every scripture on fear or worry. You certainly have not committed the unpardonable sin which would be rejecting the holy spirit. Please forgive yourself and become the wonderful person you were back then. It's not that you're not a wonderful person now, it's just that you don't see yourself that way..YET!!
Your friend in Christ,
Barb
Please listen to luvpiggy. Her post makes so much sense. I read your profile and I'm sure you wrote that in 2006. Read it again because that's still you. I love you and want you to get over this. You will pull thru I know it. Please forgive yourself. God sent his son to die for you and forgave you long ago. Just the fear you're going to hell is certainly not a fear from God. "God hath not given a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind." I know the scriptures but don't always know where they're located. Anyhow fear is from the devil so don't listen to him. He's a liar and thief. He came to steal, kill and destroy. Get the book luvpiggy said but mostly get "The" book, the Bible, the greatest book ever written. Study every scripture on fear or worry. You certainly have not committed the unpardonable sin which would be rejecting the holy spirit. Please forgive yourself and become the wonderful person you were back then. It's not that you're not a wonderful person now, it's just that you don't see yourself that way..YET!!
Your friend in Christ,
Barb
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Guest
Barnabas, I just looked up some of your old posts. You were awesome girl! You truly were and will be again..barnabas (the great encourager). I encourage you now my friend to look up your old posts and be encouraged by your own words!!!
I KNOW YOU WILL BE JUST FINE IN NO TIME!
"Believe and you will receive."
Barb
I KNOW YOU WILL BE JUST FINE IN NO TIME!
"Believe and you will receive."
Barb
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Guest
Thank you all for your replys to me , I feel desperate, I have never been this bad off before its like I am actualy afraid of life itself. I wonder why we think and feel and what the puropse of it all is , and the strange thing is I know all the answers , it God , so why does being human scare me, its not like I have been something else . I just dont know how to get out of this , this time. every thing I think scares me . I wish I knew how to explain it , or that there was someone that knew exactly what was happening to me . I started taking clonazapam about 3 months before my son was born and trazadom to help me sleep , I have just not had a day in almost a year with out anxiety. I feel that if this continues I will eventualy forget how to be a human being .
Its like I disect every thought and feeling and need to know the answer to why we think it and feel it . I cant just seem to let go and rest in the things I know to be true.
I will add to this post later , my son needs to eat .
Thanks for your help
Its like I disect every thought and feeling and need to know the answer to why we think it and feel it . I cant just seem to let go and rest in the things I know to be true.
I will add to this post later , my son needs to eat .
Thanks for your help
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Guest
Hi, Barnabas,
I don't know if this will help or not, but this is something that I wrote when I was reflecting on my severe anxiety where I depersonalized constantly. I thought I wasn't human, I thought I was going to morph into a serial killer, I felt like gravity didn't exist, etc. Depersonalization is a very common symptom of anxiety. Basically your brain is releasing stress hormones that are making you feel like you are on drugs to protect your body from stress. The stress could be hormonal. The stress could be being a first time parent. The stress could be that your medication is causing you to be more anxious because your brain isn't producing it's own natural tranquilizers. The stress could be that you had a painful childhood and that becoming a first time parent is triggering painful childhood memories. There are lots of options for why you are under stress. As painful as this anxiety is, it is serving some purpose to help you avoid pain that you may perceive as even worse. You are protecting yourself from stress. Whatever the stress is, it is possible to get help for it. You can get help with your hormones by consulting your gynecologist and telling he or she that you think your hormones are making you vulnerable to anxiety, and you can learn coping skills from this program such as changing your thinking and exercising, and you can find a therapist who deals with childhood trauma, and you can find a better medication or eliminate medication, etc. My reasons for stating all of that is that I just want to assure that you are not alone, and that you do have options:). Although our stresses for developing the condition could be different, I am someone who went through the worst of the worst with this and came out better on the other side!:) I've been on here for many years now, and I've seen the same with many others. You are not going to be stuck in this type of thinking forever, and you do have options.
Here's what I wrote about being a Christian and Introspective Thinking. It's not grammatically correct, but I just hope it helps you feel less alone, even if it doesn't give you all of the answers.
"Being a Christian means there are things you don’t HAVE to think about!"
All of us with depersonalization struggle with what we feel are bizarre, painful, and unanswerable thoughts and questions. For many of us, we endure almost a constant barrage and assault with questions such as, “Am I real? What if I spontaneously combust? What if I am just a microscopic spec? Who created God?” I could keep going, but I don’t want to give anyone any more painful ideas. This type of questioning can definitely be very painful and crippling, but it is actually done to numb and distract ourselves from some other pain. In other words, unconciously we see this as the lesser of two evils. I have definitely had these thoughts, and they are key thoughts of those who suffer from dp. By the way, if you are having one of these thoughts and thinking that you are the only one who has ever had such a thought, you are wrong! Someone else on this planet at some time has had your very same thought before, I promise! Sorry, you are just not as weird as you think!
Is this normal? Yes! I have tons of examples, but I would like to use one example that I think is fun! One of my favorite movie line quotes takes place in the 80’s love story, “Say Anything”. In the plot of this film, the main character Lloyd Dobbler played by John Cusack, is an average Joe who has miraculously convinced a beautiful and brilliant young lady, Diane Court, to fall in love with him by just being his common and loving self. Everyone is shocked by this turn of events, including her controlling father. When Diane’s father realizes that his precious and too good for anyone daughter has fallen in love with Lloyd, he intervenes and finds a way to convince Diane to end the relationship. In one of his responses to the heart break, Lloyd constantly calls Diane and leaves messages on her answering machine, and he is displaying his confusion, anger, and heartbreak with the following quote. “Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault.” I wouldn’t call Lloyd Dobbler one of the great philosophers of all times although he is high on my list, but he certainly displays emotions that the average person feels when faced with trauma, heartbreak, pain, and confusion. Although rationally it doesn’t seem like a positive alternative for all of mankind to be “hurling towards an apocalypse”, every human being who faces pain, and who is involved in self-centered and bottomless and even morose self-introspection feels like that is one of the best options. I’m glad God didn’t leave us all to fend for ourselves without his help! To get his mind off of his pain and to avoid blaming Diane for his heartbreak since he loves her obsessively, Lloyd partakes in some creative thinking and a funny use of a psychological defense mechanism that all human beings use at some point in their lives to deal with pain.
Again, some people like doing this! Your philosophy teachers in college loved doing this. I’ll never forget my college philosophy class. I thought I had conquered my panic attacks, but then tragically, Philosophy 101 was a requirement! Welcome back panic! Thanks Mr. F! Everything about that class was scary, the subject matter, the weird tall teacher with the unkempt curly hair and booming voice that often sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher. I was a straight A student, but the teacher even liked to play with the grading. One time, we all turned in our first term papers. I sat in anticipation expecting and hoping to earn a coveted A. I looked in disbelief as I stared at the number “85” on the front page. What? Quickly, we all discovered that no one could earn an “A”. We could earn only an 80 or an 85! I’ll never forget some of Mr. F’s lectures which included comments such as, “What makes something alive? I mean, I’m holding this book, and you are certain that this book is not alive, but are you sure? You may say that one of the things that makes something alive is that it is able to move, and you are certain that this book doesn’t move so that makes it not alive, right? Well, I don’t know. What if we leave this book sitting on the table for five hundred years and it starts to decay. Then it will have moved, so does that mean it’s alive?” He also commented that the act of raping was really about property rights, “You stole something from me!” I don’t’ know what to say about that, but you probably realize that I was an anxious mess in that class. If a book has a soul then we are all in trouble! I needed to make A’s because I felt they gave me a sense of purpose and identity. That means that I wasted a lot of time trying to understand Mr. F in the name of academia! Now, I look at some of his comments, and they are just stupid…just stupid and wasteful.
There’s nothing wrong with asking questions. In fact, God even encourages us to “examine ourselves” and our surroundings. He wants us to explore and marvel at his creations, as long as our focus is on Him while we’re doing this. However, God never means to lead us into a state of crippling confusion. No, God will not answer all of your questions in this lifetime, but even then, he will give you his love and reassurance so that you can function when you don’t have all of the answers. And most importantly, although God will not answer all of your questions, he most certainly answers some of them. First of all, you are real. There’s no such thing as being “walking dead.” You’re either alive or dead, period. He created the heavens and the earth, and put all living things on this planet. He gave us day and night, 365 days in one rotation around the Sun, the four seasons or less but they have to be one of the four! There is order! There is reality! Not only does God share with us about our past in the Bible, he also gives us a glimpse of the future. He does tell us that the end is coming but he doesn’t tell us exactly when, but even then he shows us that there is also hope in the end for those who believe in him. He tells us that there is life and death and lets us know why, but even for death, there is a Heaven that awaits us if we believe in Him. There are just questions that we don’t HAVE to ask, so we just don’t! There’s a Nike saying that says, “Just Do It!” and I’m screaming to you, “Just Don’t Do It!” You know those horror movies. The person that’s about to get murdered always goes to check out in the dark woods or down the dark hallway, and we all scream, “No! Just don’t go by yourself! Don’t go in that room, outside, or down the dark hallway or to the fuse box or to get your flashlight out of your car or to the shed, etc! Don’t do it! We all know how it’s going to end. I’m not saying you are going to die from asking questions which is impossible to do, but you may very well end up in a lot of needless pain and suffering. I’ve already mentioned that God doesn’t give you all of the answers, but he does give you some.
Please don’t waste your time asking questions that he’s already given you the answer to in His word, and in your heart! Just Don’t Do It!
For everything I’m saying, there’s wisdom involved. I’m not talking about living in denial. I’m not talking about never using our intellect and ingenuity, but I am talking about avoiding crippling introspection that will lead nowhere except to crippling pain. I remember one of the first times I realized that because I was a Christian, I didn’t have to have a scary thought or ask a scary question. It was a time shortly before my son was diagnosed with autism, but it was a highly anxious time for me. It was a month before the emphamous Y2K predictions. Everything was very “end of the world” oriented. There was even the famous Neries comet shower in November that happens every year, but that year, I was exceptionally frightened by it because I was so “end of the world” oriented. Anyway, I was traveling with my in-laws in a mini-van coming home from a family Christmas trip. I was looking at the Sun as I had as a child, and wondering if it would suddenly explode and destroy the world. I think it may have even been the still small voice that said, “You are a Christian. The Bible doesn’t say that the world ends that way!” Immediately, I felt relief. If I truly was a Christian who really believed what God said, then I would need to trust His words in the Bible and not waste my time with a useless and tormenting thoughts or questions. He wasn't going to punish me if I continued to ask those questions either, but He was offering me a way out by believing Him. So, I know this may not answer all of your questions, but there are many questions that as a Christian you just don’t have to ask. In fact, as painful as it is, what you are attempting to do is actually alleviate your suffering and stress by creating unreality to get through some stress that you are avoiding. Basically, you are using pain to avoid pain, and all of us do that to some degree because we actually ARE human:).
I don't know if this will help or not, but this is something that I wrote when I was reflecting on my severe anxiety where I depersonalized constantly. I thought I wasn't human, I thought I was going to morph into a serial killer, I felt like gravity didn't exist, etc. Depersonalization is a very common symptom of anxiety. Basically your brain is releasing stress hormones that are making you feel like you are on drugs to protect your body from stress. The stress could be hormonal. The stress could be being a first time parent. The stress could be that your medication is causing you to be more anxious because your brain isn't producing it's own natural tranquilizers. The stress could be that you had a painful childhood and that becoming a first time parent is triggering painful childhood memories. There are lots of options for why you are under stress. As painful as this anxiety is, it is serving some purpose to help you avoid pain that you may perceive as even worse. You are protecting yourself from stress. Whatever the stress is, it is possible to get help for it. You can get help with your hormones by consulting your gynecologist and telling he or she that you think your hormones are making you vulnerable to anxiety, and you can learn coping skills from this program such as changing your thinking and exercising, and you can find a therapist who deals with childhood trauma, and you can find a better medication or eliminate medication, etc. My reasons for stating all of that is that I just want to assure that you are not alone, and that you do have options:). Although our stresses for developing the condition could be different, I am someone who went through the worst of the worst with this and came out better on the other side!:) I've been on here for many years now, and I've seen the same with many others. You are not going to be stuck in this type of thinking forever, and you do have options.
Here's what I wrote about being a Christian and Introspective Thinking. It's not grammatically correct, but I just hope it helps you feel less alone, even if it doesn't give you all of the answers.
"Being a Christian means there are things you don’t HAVE to think about!"
All of us with depersonalization struggle with what we feel are bizarre, painful, and unanswerable thoughts and questions. For many of us, we endure almost a constant barrage and assault with questions such as, “Am I real? What if I spontaneously combust? What if I am just a microscopic spec? Who created God?” I could keep going, but I don’t want to give anyone any more painful ideas. This type of questioning can definitely be very painful and crippling, but it is actually done to numb and distract ourselves from some other pain. In other words, unconciously we see this as the lesser of two evils. I have definitely had these thoughts, and they are key thoughts of those who suffer from dp. By the way, if you are having one of these thoughts and thinking that you are the only one who has ever had such a thought, you are wrong! Someone else on this planet at some time has had your very same thought before, I promise! Sorry, you are just not as weird as you think!
Is this normal? Yes! I have tons of examples, but I would like to use one example that I think is fun! One of my favorite movie line quotes takes place in the 80’s love story, “Say Anything”. In the plot of this film, the main character Lloyd Dobbler played by John Cusack, is an average Joe who has miraculously convinced a beautiful and brilliant young lady, Diane Court, to fall in love with him by just being his common and loving self. Everyone is shocked by this turn of events, including her controlling father. When Diane’s father realizes that his precious and too good for anyone daughter has fallen in love with Lloyd, he intervenes and finds a way to convince Diane to end the relationship. In one of his responses to the heart break, Lloyd constantly calls Diane and leaves messages on her answering machine, and he is displaying his confusion, anger, and heartbreak with the following quote. “Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault.” I wouldn’t call Lloyd Dobbler one of the great philosophers of all times although he is high on my list, but he certainly displays emotions that the average person feels when faced with trauma, heartbreak, pain, and confusion. Although rationally it doesn’t seem like a positive alternative for all of mankind to be “hurling towards an apocalypse”, every human being who faces pain, and who is involved in self-centered and bottomless and even morose self-introspection feels like that is one of the best options. I’m glad God didn’t leave us all to fend for ourselves without his help! To get his mind off of his pain and to avoid blaming Diane for his heartbreak since he loves her obsessively, Lloyd partakes in some creative thinking and a funny use of a psychological defense mechanism that all human beings use at some point in their lives to deal with pain.
Again, some people like doing this! Your philosophy teachers in college loved doing this. I’ll never forget my college philosophy class. I thought I had conquered my panic attacks, but then tragically, Philosophy 101 was a requirement! Welcome back panic! Thanks Mr. F! Everything about that class was scary, the subject matter, the weird tall teacher with the unkempt curly hair and booming voice that often sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher. I was a straight A student, but the teacher even liked to play with the grading. One time, we all turned in our first term papers. I sat in anticipation expecting and hoping to earn a coveted A. I looked in disbelief as I stared at the number “85” on the front page. What? Quickly, we all discovered that no one could earn an “A”. We could earn only an 80 or an 85! I’ll never forget some of Mr. F’s lectures which included comments such as, “What makes something alive? I mean, I’m holding this book, and you are certain that this book is not alive, but are you sure? You may say that one of the things that makes something alive is that it is able to move, and you are certain that this book doesn’t move so that makes it not alive, right? Well, I don’t know. What if we leave this book sitting on the table for five hundred years and it starts to decay. Then it will have moved, so does that mean it’s alive?” He also commented that the act of raping was really about property rights, “You stole something from me!” I don’t’ know what to say about that, but you probably realize that I was an anxious mess in that class. If a book has a soul then we are all in trouble! I needed to make A’s because I felt they gave me a sense of purpose and identity. That means that I wasted a lot of time trying to understand Mr. F in the name of academia! Now, I look at some of his comments, and they are just stupid…just stupid and wasteful.
There’s nothing wrong with asking questions. In fact, God even encourages us to “examine ourselves” and our surroundings. He wants us to explore and marvel at his creations, as long as our focus is on Him while we’re doing this. However, God never means to lead us into a state of crippling confusion. No, God will not answer all of your questions in this lifetime, but even then, he will give you his love and reassurance so that you can function when you don’t have all of the answers. And most importantly, although God will not answer all of your questions, he most certainly answers some of them. First of all, you are real. There’s no such thing as being “walking dead.” You’re either alive or dead, period. He created the heavens and the earth, and put all living things on this planet. He gave us day and night, 365 days in one rotation around the Sun, the four seasons or less but they have to be one of the four! There is order! There is reality! Not only does God share with us about our past in the Bible, he also gives us a glimpse of the future. He does tell us that the end is coming but he doesn’t tell us exactly when, but even then he shows us that there is also hope in the end for those who believe in him. He tells us that there is life and death and lets us know why, but even for death, there is a Heaven that awaits us if we believe in Him. There are just questions that we don’t HAVE to ask, so we just don’t! There’s a Nike saying that says, “Just Do It!” and I’m screaming to you, “Just Don’t Do It!” You know those horror movies. The person that’s about to get murdered always goes to check out in the dark woods or down the dark hallway, and we all scream, “No! Just don’t go by yourself! Don’t go in that room, outside, or down the dark hallway or to the fuse box or to get your flashlight out of your car or to the shed, etc! Don’t do it! We all know how it’s going to end. I’m not saying you are going to die from asking questions which is impossible to do, but you may very well end up in a lot of needless pain and suffering. I’ve already mentioned that God doesn’t give you all of the answers, but he does give you some.
Please don’t waste your time asking questions that he’s already given you the answer to in His word, and in your heart! Just Don’t Do It!
For everything I’m saying, there’s wisdom involved. I’m not talking about living in denial. I’m not talking about never using our intellect and ingenuity, but I am talking about avoiding crippling introspection that will lead nowhere except to crippling pain. I remember one of the first times I realized that because I was a Christian, I didn’t have to have a scary thought or ask a scary question. It was a time shortly before my son was diagnosed with autism, but it was a highly anxious time for me. It was a month before the emphamous Y2K predictions. Everything was very “end of the world” oriented. There was even the famous Neries comet shower in November that happens every year, but that year, I was exceptionally frightened by it because I was so “end of the world” oriented. Anyway, I was traveling with my in-laws in a mini-van coming home from a family Christmas trip. I was looking at the Sun as I had as a child, and wondering if it would suddenly explode and destroy the world. I think it may have even been the still small voice that said, “You are a Christian. The Bible doesn’t say that the world ends that way!” Immediately, I felt relief. If I truly was a Christian who really believed what God said, then I would need to trust His words in the Bible and not waste my time with a useless and tormenting thoughts or questions. He wasn't going to punish me if I continued to ask those questions either, but He was offering me a way out by believing Him. So, I know this may not answer all of your questions, but there are many questions that as a Christian you just don’t have to ask. In fact, as painful as it is, what you are attempting to do is actually alleviate your suffering and stress by creating unreality to get through some stress that you are avoiding. Basically, you are using pain to avoid pain, and all of us do that to some degree because we actually ARE human:).
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barnabas i am experiencing the exact same thing fearing god that he'll punish me to hell...Im 23 years old I dont know where this started or even how this started...I had a rough childhood and two bad relationships...Sometimes I dont even feel real...I have all these thoughts which are ungodly so i feel like god is gonna punish me...I also remember my grandfather who is very spirtual saying that ur gonna get left behind if u dont seek god...and also that the world is coming to an end...I dont know the bible really well..but i think reading it learning how god is a loving forgiving god will help...and thanks luvpiggy ur words of wisdom helped me alot...barnabas ur gonna get thru this..PSALM 23 Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, You are with me; Your rod to protect and your staff to guide, they comfort me....
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Thank you all again for your replys, I dont have alot of time right now , but, Cynthiams I am sorry you are going through this , there is alot of truth in what luvpiggy said .
luvpiggy thank you so much for your words , they have given me some hope , thanks for taking so much of your time to share all that with me.
Barb, thank you as well for your kind words. As far as the meds go , the anxiety started before the meds and clonazapam helps me to function , I take less than 1 50m pill a day and the trazadome I only take enough to induce sleep 1/4 of the losest dose.
The problem is my anxiety and my thoughts will jump from one thing to another, keeping me in a constant state of anxiety. I have tried ssri's in the past and they dont agree with me , clonazapam just takes the edge off.
Alot has changed around here , you can no longer see who is online and what the latest posts are , unless im just not looking in the right place.
Its nice to have some familiar folks around , I will need some support to get through this. Thanks for being there.
Jacqueline
luvpiggy thank you so much for your words , they have given me some hope , thanks for taking so much of your time to share all that with me.
Barb, thank you as well for your kind words. As far as the meds go , the anxiety started before the meds and clonazapam helps me to function , I take less than 1 50m pill a day and the trazadome I only take enough to induce sleep 1/4 of the losest dose.
The problem is my anxiety and my thoughts will jump from one thing to another, keeping me in a constant state of anxiety. I have tried ssri's in the past and they dont agree with me , clonazapam just takes the edge off.
Alot has changed around here , you can no longer see who is online and what the latest posts are , unless im just not looking in the right place.
Its nice to have some familiar folks around , I will need some support to get through this. Thanks for being there.
Jacqueline
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Barnabas,
Yes things are different in some ways. I completely forgot you can't see whose online till you mentioned it. Yea,that was a nice feature but funny I didn't even notice. I think you can see others posts by going thru the topics but then you gotta remember who posted what like for this I saw your name and I thought, it that the one I posted on?? It does get confusing. Well if you want to PM me you can do that too. Have a good nite. I haven't gone on chat for so long maybe I'll do that for a while.
Barb
Yes things are different in some ways. I completely forgot you can't see whose online till you mentioned it. Yea,that was a nice feature but funny I didn't even notice. I think you can see others posts by going thru the topics but then you gotta remember who posted what like for this I saw your name and I thought, it that the one I posted on?? It does get confusing. Well if you want to PM me you can do that too. Have a good nite. I haven't gone on chat for so long maybe I'll do that for a while.
Barb