I was doing good, really I was. The first 3-4 days of this session in a row, I got on a highway and drove at least one exit. I'd decided super-slow was the right speed. Like, keep doing it until I got bored of driving on the highway for one exit. No pressure. No deadlines. No future nor past. Just one exit, here and now.
Then came a day when I veered off at the entrance ramp again.
Now, of course, it's been two days without getting back on the dratted interstate. Because today I was still two blocks away in rush hour traffic and already my feet and hands were sweating, my shoulders and arms and body were clenched up and only moving in jerks, and I couldn't breathe. The steering wheel jerked back toward home again...Later, this evening, I tried deep relaxation, then visualizing myself calm and composed and getting onto the interstate. Went from deep relaxation to an anxiety attack in an armchair. I never have anxiety attacks at home!
Grrr. I think... tracking back... I was OK until the homework asked me to plot out a plan for milestones, like how far I'd be able to drive on the interstate when. I think... I was really not ready to let the future gang up on me. Ultra baby tiny steps until I get bored with single exit highway driving might have worked better for me, since it's like I'm not in any conscious control at all when I veer away from the highway.
Anyway. I know what being miffed at myself adds to the mix. Blech.
Looking forward to hearing of your future victories!!