The Challenge...Lesson 8

[NinjaFrodo]

Thought replacement

1)I can't face my limitations, those people will hurt me.
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(Double standard)
->People will do and say things no matter what. How they respond is based on how they think and their limitations. I can't keep living in fear of what other people think and take on their limitations because I don't want to hold my life back anymore, and I don't want to supress who I am either. The worst thing they can do is try to upset me and I have control on how I respond to their crap!

2)I can't endure that kind of suffering again, its too painful
[All-or-nothing, magnification]
(Double standard)
->I endure it worse everytime I relive the past which happens when I'm around people. It really can't get worse then it already has been and I have a chance to end it once and for all or I can continue to live in fear of it for the rest of my life.

3)What-if they laugh at me and make fun of me?
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(Double standard)
->Then they laugh at me and try to hurt me and really I don't have to hurt or suffer, the key is to not agree with them and not listen to them like I did with that guy when I was drunk. I can get the same effect when sober too. The best way to get through it is to expose myself to it.

4)What-if I feel embarassed and feel stupid and obsessively feel aweful about myself?
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(Examine the evidence)
->I would feel embarassed for a short while and then it would end, I did that last week when I clapped at hip-hop and it lasted a couple minutes and nobody tried to hurt me and the obsessive thoughts lasted a couple minutes, I have skills to hanled obsessive thoughts, I have skills to handle anxiety, I have skills to handle communication issues, I don't spend as much time beating myself up over mistakes, I'm alot less perfectionistic, I focus more on my accomplishmnets, someone has tried that online and it didn't work.

5)What-if they see my insecurities and I'm constantly rideculed.
[Fortune telling, magnification]
(Examine the evidence)
->This isn't elementary or highschool. I'm surrounded by more mature people, I rarely get rideculed, people go for the easy targets which I'm not, people give up with insults when they don't work, I don't have to sit or stand there and listen to it. Only really unhappy people are nasty to others and I don't spend that much time anywhere around people like that.

6)What-if they say something that makes me angry and I lose control and hurt someone.
[Fortune telling, magnification]
(Double standard)
->I am too cautious for this to happen plus my bewilderment is my protective shield that takes me to other places in my head if it gets too hard to deal with and I can relie on that if I need to. If I do get upset and hurt someone then I get upset and hurt someone. I'm allowed to lose control just like everybody else and it happens then life goes on and I may have the opportunity to make up for what I did or maybe not but living in constant fear will keep me from living comfortably and I deserve better than that.

7)What-if people think I'm retarded and then nobody will want to be around me.
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(Examine the evidence)
->I've got upset before and am not lonely, I'm not the only person who gets upset, everybody does. I am accepted by my friends even thought I'm flawed, I have over reacted and I didn't end up alone, everybody makes mistakes, people normally get upset when criticized, people like people because of their personality not because of their lack of losing control, not everybody on earth will think the same thing at any given moment about the same person we all have diffrent opinions, people get upset everyday and other people still love them and I am like these other people, I'm human.

8)What-if I say the wrong thing and upset someone?
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(Double standard)
->Then they get hurt. If I have the ability to go back and fix it then I will and if not then I won't and life will go on and they'll get over it. I'm human and make mistakes and I am likely to make many of them when I first start to learn something new and thats just how it goes. Nothing to feel ashamed about.

9)What-if someone makes me look like a huge ass because I say something stupid?
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(examine the evidence)
->I choose how to respond, words are momentary and I choose how long the situation lives on in my head, I don't have to stand there and listen to them, I know how to replace thoughts, I know how to handle anxiety, I don't expect perfection of myself and so hammering on those off buttons will do nothing, I have skills to handle insults/criticisms all I have to do is find a grain of truth and agree with it. I can handle any criticism and am excited to prove my power over my anxiety and irrational thoughts as well as the stupid comments of others.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

You have a hard time figuring out the words to songs too eh? That feel really frustrating for you too? It drives me up the wall sometimes! Alot of the songs from the 90s up to now does have negative tones and such but there are still alot of great songs that aren't so much...one you will see in a following post called fireworks by Katie Perry. I also like the 80s and I'm intrested in the 70s and I know i've heard some songs from that area growing up but I do not know any of the names or bands. Could you suggest some that you might like?

Oh my did she ever! I was so very impressed and I like how that interview showed alot of her morals of life and how she handles some of the common things that we struggle with..ie approval, criticism, perfectionism.

I think i may go as the jolly green giant for halloween one year, thanks for the inspiration. And I caught that hug! thanks. I'd like to do a video post one of these days and post it in our challenge lesson that we'd be on.

Time change can be really challenging. Sounds like you were feeling rather blah today, not really anxious or anything just blah and not very motivated. Sounds like you also didn't push yourself and thats great!

Maybe i'll send christmas cards to people this year myself...some people do it, it feels nice to do that. I'm starting to feel like doing things just to hear or see the positive response or good feelings they feel in response. Making someone smile has become more important to me now then receiving something materialistic in return.

Alright great, I'm glad you planned to do it tomorrow because I have alot to post and don't feel like responding to it right now. I like that saying and I think we could probabbly do both that and play with other responses and see how they work. I'd like to add thought and feeling empathy into the mix and see how that works. I will post tomorrow about how it works.

Weekend is good thank you, hope yours is as well.


Lindalee glad to see you're still with us.
Lindalee and Karen L, I will post in response to your posts tomorrow. Its 3:20am here and I really need to get myself to bed.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

This video make me feel so good! It is so motivating and I swear it seriously feels like fireworks are coming out of my guts too when I get these insights and when I face limitations and do the things that I really want to do.

Firework by Katie Perry


Mike

[mcshope]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worst thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

Mike,

You are so right, I find myself trying to avoid the anxiety, and I realized that I will have to face it, and float with it. You are also right that it feels uncomfortable, very much. I keep wishing for the anxiety to simply disappear, and be free. Good wish, however I will never know if it is gone if I don’t face the things that make me anxious.

I think we all like to win the arguments, that is just the way we are (I don’t think anybody likes to lose). However I guess the secret is in looking at the big picture, what we really want to accomplish?... is there a way to compromise?... Am I really listening to the other person’s feelings and points of view?

In regards to getting things done, I am guilty, guilty, guilty… I have a hard time even making a productive routine. I have been following the flylady’s suggestions, and I think they could be useful for all of us.

I think I put the link to the Flylady website in a past post. Here are a few recommendations she gives:
1. Go Shine Your Sink: Do not wait till later! Do it Now!
2. Get dressed to lace up shoes!
3. Fix your hair and face!
4. Make your bed.
5. Set your timer for 5 minutes and start clearing off and putting away some items in one Hot Spot.
6. Each hour, sit down and rest for 10 minutes. Set a timer!
7. Limit your computer, telephone and TV time.
8. Put on some perky music.
9. Do a very small Before Bed Routine. (lay out clothes, Check calendar, brush teeth)Write it down!
10. Go to bed at a decent hour!
11. Keep repeating to yourself; I am not behind! My home did not get dirty in a day and it will not get clean over night.

She talks of baby steps. To me the most important thing has been to not try to finish everything in one day, and give myself permission to not have everything perfect.

You are good setting goals for yourself, and you have a very clear idea of what you want to get accomplished. I suggest to take the time to write down the different steps that you need to take in order to accomplish your goal. Do that for each one of your goals. Then focus on step one, and work on it, once you have that one, go to step two. If you have your goals and steps clearly written down, it is easier to identify the activities that are not taking you closer to your goal. Just an idea!

I know that my biggest distraction is the TV, from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, there is always a TV on. Sometimes I’m not even watching, I have it on for the noise. I can lose a lot of time watching TV and that doesn’t help me. I feel that the TV keeps my mind busy or distracted so I can’t pay attention to the anxiety… however, it also makes it more difficult to face the anxiety. My mind is tricky and will try to find different ways to make me avoid anxiety producing situations.

It almost seems like we both are facing similar challenges. I also was thinking about work. Actually I have a job interview on Monday. I’m nervous, however I’m taking it as practice time. Now I know that the worst part for me is the getting there, leaving the house, but once I’m in the interview, I feel fine. I will let you know how it went.

I also agree with THH that maybe a part time job could be the way to go.

I feel like I'm missing some of the posts, sorry if I miss something important.

Hope

[THH]

Mike,
I really really liked your post Firewoork by Katie Perry! Very up lifting...You do well with keeping me current with music, I do not know the names of bands anymore, not like the old days. Thanks for posting it. I will think about some of the music from the days I was growing up and what I listened to. It was a big part of my growing up. When I was alone I played music. Even the radio. It lifted my spirits, Gave me insight, helped form me and who I am. I took pieces and parts and made sense out of them. In the 70's there were so many great bands to go though life with. I think all young people go through a giant growth spurt in our upper teens till we hit 30! It seams then we work and work and hit 50 and start the process all over again! Ha!
We have been posting songs, on another thread by Searunner, on more step. Manomusic has been putting some good stuff, as well as others including myself. If you looking for tunes from those days check out the thread. I'll post some here too.

I think you should be the jolly green giant for Halloween! Thats a great costume! It would be fun to make too.

I did not post on the assertive thread, you have another person with a practice opportunity to help. We will go after this one.

Lindalee, Glad to hear from you! Sounds like your doing well. I am jealous as you have the best riding area in your back yard! So good your riding other horses and so what if you don't look good (or think you don't) I know I certainly cannot ride as I used too either! The best thing is that your getting on, trying, and learning! It don't matter how many years we are in horses you can Never learn it all.
I think you ride better by riding different kinds of horses. Most people do not realize they too are like people, different personality's, different strengths and weakness. Keep on learning!!!


Hope,
I liked the flylady suggestions! Good ones to make sure our daily life includes!

Karen,
Have a good night and tomorrow will be better!

[mcshope]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worst thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

Karen,

Your quote is good, especially the part of “I must feel the discomfort”… so true.

I’m with you on the leaves; however I am waiting for the trees to finish their part.

Remember to take one day at a time… that goes for your recovery and for your friend. Sometimes is not easy, I know, but little by little we are doing better.

Funny you mention about shoveling snow… I like to do that too. I also like to mow the grass. It is fun.

Hope

[mcshope]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worst thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

Lindalee,

Good for you on your riding lesson.

Hope

[mcshope]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worst thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

THH,

Thank you for the aromatherapy website.

I also like to watch inspirational people on TV. Joel is good, I like his approach.

Hope

[mcshope]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worst thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

Well, another week has passed. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one side, I feel like I have done some progress. On the other, I am feeling a little depressed.

I have been looking for a job. I didn't want to return to work until next spring, however we need the extra income. I am still not sure type of job I will choose, I like to deal with people, but working in social service is too much pressure. It seems like the policy for a lot of companies is to have employees multitasking, that only is more pressure. I know I can multitask, I'm just not sure if I want to deal with the stress.

Anyway, I have a job interview tomorrow. I feel fine about it, I know the worst part will be getting out of the house.

I'm sorry that I have not been posting as often, I just feel down, maybe confused.

I hope everybody has a great week.

Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

Lindalee;

Alright so if I get this right, you drove to another riding lesson and used the trainer's horse because it would be easier. It definately would be easier to handle an anxious situation when you've set the situation up for success by making it as easy as it can which you did . The obsessive thoughts tried to stop you from feeling the anxiety but you pushed forward, great job!

You're noticing how your changing through your close friendships. Sounds like they are struggling with your changes. How do you feel about this? I could see you feeling bad for the straining and possibly becoming obsessive or you could see it that you are changing and feeling good about that.

You find that part of the relaxation cd coming into effect now eh? Thats great! I don't really think much about the relaxation cd when i'm not using it.

As for the house thing, I don't know what to say about that. I don't know about the jobs there or the possibility to create new jobs. All I can say is anything is possible. You must feel very discouraged and anxious about the whole thing, it must be hard.



Karen L;

Have you eatten more chocolate since those obsessive discouraging thoughts?

You likely will be more panicky for the first little while but that'll pass, it did when I quit smoking. What have you been doing instead of the white sugar and what habit do you want to have instead of the smoking? The best way to destroy a habit is to replace it with something else.

Sounds like we took that video diffrent ways. I didn't realize she seemed really uneasy and bothered or attacked. What was it about the interview that made you think like that?

Ya that might seems a little rediculous for me to talk about details like that. I'm afraid to even talk about how I think someone is hot! There was a part in that party where it says the winner of a contest has to say what they'd do with _____. That was scary and actually we didn't have to talk about it. I guess i'd be in control of what I say or don't say. It sounds like you feel like you made a mistake and are justifying it by saying you're just a bit over-tired. You made no mistake here!

Ya i hadn't either, no idea why that popped into my head.



Mike