The Challenge...Lesson 8

[NinjaFrodo]

Your welcome mcshope and I do like that quote you have up there

Karen L;

It made me feel that way too. I totally want to read his book now!

Oh your daughter is a lesbian, I know that can be hard for a parent to handle at first. Its a process for the person coming out and what I learned is it is also a process for the parent too but you're doing good with it.

Awe thank you so much...maybe I should wear a shirt that says i'm gay, maybe that'd work!

Ya I guess I am a social butterfly I mean I usually go out socializing at least twice a week plus the chatting I do when i'm at classes. Thinking about it now I think i'm just afraid of conflict and criticism.

Why thank you, I'll try not to lose that.

I don't know if it will turn into anything but I don't want to screw it up like I usually do. I don't want to be alone either and I do the casual basis thing with someone too, the adult thing. But we just need to be our own acceptance and then it will attract the kind we actually want. Doing the casual thing can make us feel like crap especially for revenge. For me it can make me feel like i'm being used and using the other person just for the gratification. Thats good you aren't beating yourself up for that.

Thanks I liked the 2nd quote alot better myself.

I think for myself I would just feel that I would be obsessive if I didn't win. Thats the main fear about it.

Ya its something I have to figure out for myself, you're right. Perhaps it'll make more sense in the time management lesson.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

Yeah I think I will get a part-time job. Control the gradual increase of workload...moving up in hours.

I think i fall into all those categories at times...especially the truth and helping.

You really liked it too eh? Thats cool.

And thank you for starting that on the other thread.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and it dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worrysome thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

Another thing I forgot to mention a few days back happened, During hip-hop class the instructor was making a big deal on how well we did part of the routine on the first attempt and I decided to clap and I did and nobody else clapped and I felt embarassed. Not as embarassed as I'd usually feel however nobody made fun of me besides myself. I have no idea what they thought because I cannot read minds.

Oh and I also did some shiatsu to my instructor's leg because he had injured his ankle. He had never had shiatsu before and he felt alot better afterwards, he was actually really amazed and was really greatful. I had told him I wanted to show my appreciation because doing the hip-hop has helped me alot with my anxiety and depression as well as his silly, playful and passionate personality. It was a good bonding moment.

Today I'm off to a town I used to live in. I'm going for one of those parties where they sell stuff and well I haven't been there in awhile. There are going to be several people there that I struggled with and some I don't like. Also one person who I feel I need to appologize too because I was very inconsiderate with this person so I'm going to do that. I'm going to try to just be myself no matter what anybody says and I can use this opportunity to be assertive if they do say nasty things and try to treat me the same way they used to treat me.

So one thought is that what-if I go there and I act like myself and people try to hurt me. I think I will replace that with the worst they can do is try to hurt me and the worst that could happen is I feel bad and leave. What-if they do try something and I am assertive and it makes me alot stronger and I get more respect. What-if I become more confident and secure with myself?


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

heres a cool quote i found from Madonna;

“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”

Mike

[THH]

Mike,
Keep in mind if you get a part time job, or what ever, you can always quit. Even though this is not what you plan to do, but maybe it can make you feel more in control knowing you can quit if you can't do it.
Just get some small job where you can not get too stressed out over.

I hope others play in the assertive practice it is interesting how a few added words change the whole tone. It is very helpful to see. I don't have a bunch of stuff on my mind right now, but as we know this can change in a hurry!

Sounds good with your hip hop class. Your fitting in just great! Be your self always.

Good for you going to a place where you may not feel the most comfortable. It is good practice. Believe in your self you can handle it. Be kind to your self too.

I'm not really all that familiar with Madonna music. I like some of it, but never really got into it for some reason. She is VERY assertive!!!LOL...
Good song you posted!

FYI...no deposit envelope till Dec!!! Got the word today. I was going to make my own x-mas card with it. Oh well... It will still be fun to see it. I'll post the picture when I get it.

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

Yes thats a very good point, I need to remind myself that I'm in control. With my last jobs I felt like I wasn't in control of myself and that I couldn't leave if I needed to and I'd be stuck in there forever. Perhaps a job stalking shelves in a grocery store would work.

It is very helpful and I'm actually reading more on the communication stuff. I'd like to add more to it but I'm finding it really challenging right now. This other book actually makes empathy completely diffrent from just inquring on things someone said. This one mentions about thought and feeling empathy and that confuses me but then again I'm definately comparing my responses to the responses of the author of the book and I'm not sure thats really fair for me to do to myself. In a nutshell thought empathy is rephrasing or paraphrasing what someone just said so you let the other person know you are listening and the feeling empathy is to basically tell them you know how they are feeling. ie. I'd feel really angry if someone wasn't listening to me too. Its challenging but I'm going to read a bit more and see if I can get it more before starting to add it to the assertiveness practice and posting those techniques and how to do them up here on the forums.

Yes it does seem good although it was really hard for me because I was judging myself. I still did it and it was ok and I didn't obsess over it, thats progress and after this party I just went to I definately feel like more myself.

I did go and had such an amazing time. I had talked to someone that I had held resentment towards for the longest time and we talked through it and its all better now. I feel very accomplished, this was also was a place with people who didn't really know I was gay when I saw them. I did end up knowing many of the people and even with the ones I didn't, I was fine. I was laughing and joking and it was great! I talked about being a homo and people accepted that but I didn't say anything about what I do sexually...even thought it was a passion party.

really? wow, she has soooo many good songs plus she has been around for awhile, i'm suprised you didn't get really into it. She is very assertive! I wanna see if I can find some interviews of her. I'm glad you liked the song, what did you think of my interpretation?

deposit envelop?


Mike

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There will be obstacles, but I am moving in the right direction. I must feel the discomfort to know it will not hurt me.


Hi everyone..
the last few days I have been feeling kinda crappy and very easily irritated....I fianlly accepted today that I have been feeling kinda depressed....I think its because I was expecting to much from this guy I talked to and met from online...it has been 2 weeks since we met and I have not seen his since...I know that he has been working alot of over-time and he does have 2 kids that he gets on the week-end...we have been textin each other a few times on basically a daily basis...but I am just feeling rejected...almost like he is just being nice but really doesnt want to see me anymore...I know that this probably isnt true and that he doesnt owe me anything, so he really does not have to text me....but Im still feeling down about this...guess because Im new to meeting people....I actually have contemplated calling my ex just so I wouldnt have to be alone....because I know he wont reject me....but I know I dont want that....so Im just kinda trying to accept things for what they are and just see if this goes anywhere with him...

listen to the lesson tape today...what-ifs are my major problem...I what-if everything....anticipitory anxiety just eats me alive.....so this is a big lesson for me.....



THH


Joel is the guy that was on tv that I heard the other day lol....he is so positive in a contagious way!! I havent looked into info on him yet, but it is on my to do list....

lots of slushy snow up here tonight...tomorrow Im going hunting in the attic for my outdoor Christmas lights


Mike


lol....a shirt that says your gay.....you are so funny lol

hear any more from your make-out partner?? lol

I have always liked Madonna, back to the '80s when I was a teen...back then alot of adults didnt like her because she was different and too revealing.....in my opinion she had the self-esteem and the ability to be herself even when she was critisized.....always thought of her as a very powerful, self-motivated, strong individual

Glad to hear that you attended the party and had a good time!! I really think that you will realize that it does not bother as many people as you thought it would about your sexual preference.....many people will accept you just for the loving, good natured, and caring person you are, and not really care what you do with your private time....yes, you will meet some homophobics, but that is there issue, not yours.....embrace, accept, and love yourself for who you are Mike

[THH]

Mike,
Your interpretation was great!!!! Right on... I know she has, man she looks great for her age. I've liked all her songs that I've heard, but I just never got on the wagon? Dun no? I do think sometimes the radio plays things so much ya get tired of it. Maybe that is what happened to me, over exposiure! LOL....

You read the book and figure it out and tell us what you learned! LOL... I can't read those complicated books. I have bought a couple of books and got to like the 3 chapter and said enough! I need examples and practical terms and conditions. Or someone to transulate!LOL...

SOunds like you had a fun time at the party. Good on resolving hard feelings too.

People are people. Some how, I would encourage you to be you. Not the gay you. The Mike we know on the sight. We don't like you because your gay, we like you because you are Mike. We don't care if your gay or green! LOL... People will adjust if they want to be in your life. If they can't you should not take it personal, I know easier said than done, but it really is their problem. They are missing out on a really nice person. Who is very fun, and easy to talk to. So...I just had to say that. I encourage you to be you...your great just as you are!

Yea, the deposit envelope, my dogs picture that won honorable mention. The bank is going to print their picture and a little bio on them for 1 month. LOL...I was going to make it into a cute x-mas card to send out this year. Not. I'll have to come oup with plan B.
Have a great night!

[THH]

Hey Karen,
Good to hear from you. Its good you thought about your expectations being too high. That doesn't mean you won't hear from him, it just means you were wanting more. Let it come to you naturally, low / no expectations. Just a thought.

Oh what ifs are 1/2 my thinking! Living in the present moment is much harder than it sounds. I really have improved in that area, but is the quickest to fall back into.

It soundeed like him, from what you said. I really do listen every week, its a new one starts on Sunday/ Sunday. On different times and days. I'm hooked!
I know we are getting slushie rain here too. Burr...64* next week. Indian summer! Then look out! LOL... I put some candle things in my windows today. I love them, so soothing...
Have a good night!

[Karen L]

THH

yes, it is Joel because I did see the tv when he was on.....so I found him online with a pic and it was the same man
do you know what tv station he is on??

I do know that I was expecting to much.......but the problem also was I was taking it too personal...."I'm not good enough, I'll never find someone, ", etc....I wanted to fall back into the victim role, which is not good for me....also, gave me an excuse to think about my ex.....guess just part of my loniless again....

thank God for Indian summer...I love it
weather is estimating a bad snow season....over 80".....well, I'll get plenty of exercise shoveling lol

have a great week-end