The Challenge...Lesson 8

[NinjaFrodo]

I found these videos very intresting. It is a very bizaare interview with Madonna...bizaare are the questions being asked and it seems like this person obviously doesn't know much about Madonna when she asked these questions. The questions bring upon answers that seem very appropriate to an anxious person. She talks about some intresting things about living in the present, not trying to impress people or win them over. I guarantee it will be worth the watch. This resignated so much with me! It shows me what I want to become like, its so very impressive.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Yay definately assertive!!!

MVA speech about Princess Diana


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Karen L;

It sounds to me that you are struggling with many obsessive thoughts surrounding the potential of a relationship and this person. You are feeling rejected, lonely and depressed. I have felt that same way in the past when I put so much importance into being with another person so I know how you feel. You feel you want more and are even thinking of calling your X, is this correct? How does the texting fit in with your idea of him not wanting to see you anymore? What are all your expectations here of yourself and this other person and relationships?

What-ifs can be very challenging to deal with. I think this is what keeps me from facing things that cause me major anxiety. In fact I was going through the book today and then through another cbt workbook and realized something I need to do. I need to appear like i'm not in control or do stupid things in front of people and get judged! The idea is really scary and I need to work on it slowly but holy crap did I ever feel anxiety once i realized this.

Or a shirt that says I think he's gay with an arrow pointed to the left.

A bit I mean we have the odd message on msn and I ran into him on the street and talked briefly. We tend to send offline messages on msn to each other. I just threw out my number to the guy and said I'd like to hangout sometime and have coffee and heres my number if your intrested in doing that.

Oh my god is she ever? I never really realized this until I started to look for interviews with her in them. I see alot of similarities in personality with her and myself or at least her and the me I want to be. Very similar morals.

Thank you, I will do that. Still not sure if I'd wanna talk about the sexual things I'd like to do with straight people around though.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

Perhaps! I never really got on the wagon either..I was more focused on listening to really depressing songs.

Well that book i read from has many many examples and when broken down its alot easier but I guess I just expect to get the same answers he has with his examples. Because the way it is layed out you have to write down what you think the answer is and then look at what the author put down. It is a workbook and is the best for practicality i've seen in any cbt book.

God I hope I'm not green because we'd have one of 2 problems...Gangreen or a big anger problem. Unless I was the Jolly green giant and then I guess that would be ok. True that is there problem and even if I'm attacked in a group of people, not everybody is going to agree with that person. Awe you are so nice and I wish I could hug you but I can't because this is virtual...hmmm virtual hug then?

I thought that is what you ment about the honorable mention and the thing you won. Ooo send me a x-mas card...I actually don't get any christmas cards, haven't for years actually.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Madonna 1987

mike

[THH]

Mike,
You know your right about so many depressing songs. I like basically all kinds of music, but when I listen to the words (and can figure them out) Ha! So much of the music has some negative tones. (esp. modern music)
I still like the 70 -80's stuff. But I do listen to modern stuff too.

That was good about princess Diane. I kinda remember that with Madonna. She is very assertive. She handled her self very well.

LOL... your not green! LOL... just a example!
Thanks for the hug! Sending one back at you!

I did not do much today. It was just a lazy day. We turn the clocks back tonight, maybe I will be on schedule now! LOL...
I stayed in and watched a couple movies, and I beaded some. Did not feel lively today, nothing really bugging me. Just a quiet day.
It is always hard getting used to the time change.

I will send you a card!(You can send me your address privately) I'm still one of the people who write a note in a card and mail them snail mail. I still like getting stuff in the mail.

I'll post in our assertive spot tomorrow, we can do the situation with my sister in law. She has called my husband a couple times now on his cell phone. At first it bugged me she didn't use the home phone, but really it don't matter! Like my dads favorite saying " It is what it is"
LOL...

Hope your having a good weekend!

[THH]

Karen,
Joel is on channel 5 -7:30 am for those early risers! I watch on DAYSTAR 1:00 pm. (that is satellite channel)I know hes on Monday night too. I'll watch for the days and times to let you know. I always feel really good after hearing him, and he always leaves you with a challenge as well. Hope it helps you as much as it did me.

Expectations are really trickie. When something don't happen like we think it should, it opens the door wide for negative thinking. Like I'm not good enough, I'll never find anyone. This is not realistic thinking. Your right it puts you in a victim thinking. Being the tail,( nothing good ever happens to me.) not the head of your life. ( I'm happy with my life right now I am working on who I am, and what I want to be, and when the time comes that I meet someone it will be fun to share my life with this person.) Maybe your ex is a distraction for you?
Don't feel bad though, I think we all go through it. I remember when I left my old boyfriend. He used to stop by my apt.late/early am, I knew he was drunk and usually never let him in. One time I did, and in the am nothing had changed. I hoped he wanted me back and was wanting to work on our relationship, that was all in my mind. So I made a promise to myself, that was it. No more...I'm done! ANd thankfully I was. I didn't entertain the thoughts I knew was not happening. I did not have any other person in my life that I could distract myself with. No kids, no family, just me. It was hard, but once I got the hang of it, things just started happening for me. I knew then what I did NOT want to see in a boyfriend. I could recognize the actions. SO bear with it my friend, it does get better...take this time to get to know yourself.

We has a ground covering of snow this am!
Have a good night!

[Lindalee]

Hello everyone,

It has been a very busy week or so. I drove on the highway again last Tues. to another riding lesson. I didn't take the truck and trailor this time, I took my car and had a lesson on the trainer's horse. Somethings are easier to learn on a horse that already knows what to do than to learn on a horse that is learning. I had a hard time learning, and this time couldn't think it was the horse's falt. The negative thinking started " I'm too old for this, I'm too out of shape to do this, I'm too clumsy to do this, I look stupid....." but I put up that stop sign(finally) and changed to " I'm doing this for fun, and it doesn't matter how long it takes me to learn something, I have no time limit. I'm getting fit as I have fun, it doesn't matter if others think I look stupid, I want to learn this..."

I have 2 close girlfriends and I can tell I'm thinking and acting a bit differently, these relationships are getting a bit srained, I am more aware of what I want to do and how I feel and I'm not just automatically fitting in with their mood and going along with whatever they want. I seldom see them at the same time because they don't get along well together.

I'm going to continue on my path to recovery, however, and give these friendships a chance to rebalance.

on Lucinda's relaxation CD she says something like" trust yourself and your surroundings " and I find I'm starting do that a little, even when I'm not listening to the CD.

The weather here in the Pacific northwest has been just perfect, every midday the sun burns off the clouds and we have bright sunshine and temps in the 60's to 70's. I've been out on my horse 3 days for hours at a time with a friend on BLM wilderness. The enjoyment has been tinged with saddness as I know we will be moving, when (if) our property sells, there are no jobs here to pay this mortage anymore, which makes me wonder if anyone will buy it, we are exploring the idea of leasing it out.

My husband had 2 job interviews back east this week, now we wait again to hear their response.
I',m working hard to stay away from the scary and sad what-ifs and stick to the good what-ifs.

Sorry for a long post,

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There will be obstacles, but I am moving in the right direction. I must feel the discomfort to know it will not hurt me.


Still feelin crappy today...I know I am still a bit down, but Im really starting to wonder if it is the chocolate too....I have been eating more than I care to admit, and Im sure its doing a number on my blood suger...I have got to just stop this....to me it has become almost as bad as my smoking....so I am really going to work on this.....Im also back to reading my book, I believe it's called "The Easy Way"...it seems like a good book to help quit smoking, actually by deprograming the smoker's beliefs in the need to smoke....it really makes alot of sense...I have read it through 2-3 times....but just have been afraid to quit since I believe I will be more panicky....so Im going to continue to work on these 2 habits...

spent time with my grandson today which does always brighten my spirits
just taking it day by day...


Mike

wow, I watched part of the first video of the interview with Madonna and couldnt watch any more...she was so uneasy that it bothered me lol...Madoona was extremely assertive, but I just didnt like the way she seemed to be attacked...

I didnt mean that you should share what goes on behind closed doors with people lol....I sure as heck dont talk openly with people about what I do lol....
I meant it more like people need to accept you for who you are...and you shouldnt have to share or explain things....I dont know if that makes any sense....Im just a bit over-tired...

I have to say that you made me laugh when you
made the comment about the Jolly Green Giant....I havent heard about him in years lol


wow..Im so tired yet a bit on edge....Im going to head to bed soon...will read the other posts soon..
nite all

[NinjaFrodo]

What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and it dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worrysome thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realized that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?

Yet again been having digestive problems which lead to sleep problems and lack of energy and less posting on here. This is an annoying cycle, I hate it! At least I have found another thing that influences it though.

As you all know I am working with the program as well as learning stuff from some of David D Burns's books on communication and such. I had read lesson 8 and this was the lesson that talked about how we should be facing our big limitations now. This is the scary lesson that usually I get so afraid that I don't do it and then become very obsessive and then just fall apart for the rest of the program, it is totally not cool. I think it is diffrent this time though. Because we are doing this as a group I feel like I have more strength to keep going and do some of those most difficult things that stop me from living my life and I also get alot of strength out of those interview clips that i posted of Madonna.

I know I don't need her permission but I feel that I got that from her. That interviewer lady said something about Madonna having to always win the approval of others and she doesn't worry about it...the lady went on and said something about making cds that people might not like and Madonna said thats fine, it happens. This makes me feel stronger and that the idea that highly respected people like her can work that isn't as likeable and still be ok. She also struggled with many questions, took a few minutes to respond and some questions she didn't even know how to answer or just didn't and she did it in such a calm way, it was awesome. The interviewer asked how she deals with criticism and Madonna mentioned that after awhile you wake up the next day and life goes on and you don't take them as personally. That is a huge message for me! These are the things you pay attention to when you are looking for answers. They can come to you in so many ways...even in youtube videos. Madonna isn't overly concerned for what other people say to her and I like seeing that in someone else and I want that for myself as well! In order to get that way I am going to have to do those things that make me really really anxious.

I did all the work in lesson 8 and I will get back to that in another post but I realized a few things. 1)My limitation list has changed alot since I first went through the program 6 years ago 2)I need more information to handle my limitations.

My limitations from 6 years ago included the following;
Asking people to hangout
Socializing
Talking to my family
Walking past big groups of people
Being unable to sleep well
Spacy feelings

I don't have as much of a problem asking people to hangout and then actually hanging out with them. I also remember having this thing where I had to stay with a group of people until everybody else wanted to go home or else people would think that I didn't want to be around them and that I didn't care. It was so hard for me to tell them that I have to go. That's not so much a problem right now. Talking to my family is still a problem but it isn't that much of a desire anymore because I did nothing wrong and I'm not attached to this idea of staying with the family you're born in. Walking past big groups of people doesn't bother me anymore, I hadn't thought of it but I just kept doing it over and over again (just happened that way, I didn't plan it) and I don't care so much about it, thats fine. I do still struggle with singing out loud while passing people especially big groups. Still struggle with sleep and spacy feelings.


As for the further information, I went back to David D Burns's book feeling good workbook and well I checked on it's section on how to handle anxiety. They have several methods in order to do this like overexaggerating your symptoms and trying to make yourself hyperventiliate or go crazy if you fear doing it, doing something silly in public if you have a fear of what people think of you, Write out an imaginary dialogue with a hostile critic who is bothering you about your anxiety symptoms and replacing freightening day dreams and fantasizes with more reassuring and peaceful images and a few others. Those were the most important ones to me. When I thought about it one of my biggest things is i'm afraid of what people think and I WILL have to expose myself to this if i'm going to overcome this. Just the thought of that gave me tremendous anxiety at like a level 7 or 8. I immediately wrote out my negative thoughts and figured out a few intresting things about myself.

I'm more afraid of losing self-esteem and obsessively thinking about how I didn't defend myself and how angry I am because of it as well as that I need to feel in control of my emotions and not "slip up" with them (meaning that I shouldn't show upset emotions, my anger or anything besides calm which was a belief ingrained in me when I was younger which my grandfather told me just before I went into highschool he told me "don't let people know when they have upset you"). There is a huge fear that if I lose control of my emotional state, people would hate me and I'd be alone. I'm also afraid of hurting people if I do lose my cool. I've been driving myself crazy using the CBT to try to not having certain feelings and to control them even more instead of allowing myself to feel certain ways and let people know it. I may think and feel irrationally but I think i'm alot more rational and if I have a problem with someone I am not going to analyze myself into a situation where I blame myself or tell myself i'm not allowed to feel the way I am. I will do thought replacement but if I have a problem with someone I will let them know how I feel about it and ask for what I want. I am now going to allow myself to make mistakes when i'm assertive and communicating. This is not something I allowed myself.

I like how Madonna lives, her view on criticism and approval according to those interviews. So I will do things and expose myself to all that garbadge talk! I will work on this slowly but man am I so pumped about this! If you only read one set of thought replacements, I'd suggest it be these ones that I just did (which will be in the next post).



Mike