Depression/anxiety with scary thoughts??

diva · Post by **diva** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:29 pm

Why do I have a few good weeks and then I get stressed out and then ocd and depression kick in and I feel I am at square one again. When I start my ocd thoughts and feeling like I am going crazy I feel like "Oh God, not this again" and I feel hopeless and depressed. Then I start over with talking through it and coming to this site and it always feels it will never pass and then eventually with enough work it will start to pass and I think I'm improving until the next round. I guess I keep wanting it to end for good and I feel there is a good week or so each month where I am feeling bad. When I started up a few days ago and the ocd kicked in I immediately felt depressed and like I wanted to die(hopeless) not like I wanted to kill myself but such a deep feeling of "Oh God, no not this again". Its kind of like, "Not this too, I'm stressed enought about xyz" I feel so sad and angry over this...to keep going through it over and over again.

lost but lookin · Post by **lost but lookin** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:34 pm

have you noticed if how it runs with hormone cycles or not?

Tracy1 · Post by **Tracy1** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:41 pm

I feel your pain and feel like I'm reading my own diary in some ways. I understand, especially, the part where you said you want to die, but you wouldn't kill yourself. I feel that way all too often. It used to be worse. And it would be now without medication. But the meds only work so much. Before the meds, I just wanted to die, but I didn't want to kill myself and I didn't really want to die either, but the feelings are so horrible and feel like it's never going to end. It's so scary. I hope the program works for you. I haven't started it yet. This is my first day on line and am loving reading everything. Hang in there, Diva, and I will too. You can do this. Let me know if you need to talk.

emmaslave · Post by **emmaslave** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 11:36 pm

I can relate to this. I have days where I feel so positive and confident and then the obsessing and depression and the obsessing about the depression kicks in and I feel like I just can't take it anymore. I don't want to hurt myself either but it is just this feeling of utter dispair. I have not been sleeping very much either which I think is contributing to the OCD and crushing depression. I think If I could just get a good night's rest that I might be able to see things with a fresh perspective.

Maeggie · Post by **Maeggie** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:40 am

Good post! I have been feeling this way lately! I just made it through the holiday/december ocd and depression bout and am feeling the pressure of it's return! I had a bad wave of wanting to die yesterday but with some work (not easy) it passed and my day ended great..

I think that it is important to remember EVERYONE has these waves of depression, it is completely natural! it is all how you manage it.. I can see with myself (now off meds) how the depression is a result of my thinking!

Have faith and hope (that is all I live on) and keep your head up! small steps to big miles..

good luck!

jeanine christian · Post by **jeanine christian** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:51 am

YEAH,like a roller coaster!!I have tried unsuccessfully w/suicide my last encounter I woke up in the woods and it was a beautiful day,I knew then I was in need of more assertive help cuz God just won't let me leave here.A friend of mine turned me on to a Reverend friend of hers that gives me free counciling but all it really is is him listening which helped some but,then I got into this self help program and man I'm not alone anymore!I thought thier was something wrong w/ me in the mind that couldn't be fixed!And here I am! Just got this here computer and wow !It's not just me!The Dr. put me on prozac which has helped the suicidal thoughts more or less but still obssessed w/anxiety and panic attacks,plus I guit drinking[that help alot].My mood swings here lately are getting the best of me and i am on session 6 about anger and wow is that a wake up call!I never considered how angry I am and the effects it is on my out look on things in everyday life I'll be in this session a while see if I can get passed the anger I keep inside,the relaxation tape at first it is hard to give yourself permission that you can allow yourself to do such a thing!But now I listen to it everyday at least once a day and have found it very soothing you need to allow yourself to let go though in order for it to work.Keep listening to it till you finally give in to the release of that tension we all seem to drag with us and need to quit and just stop and relax go with it allow it to work.I found myself fighting it at first and now after being consistant and kept trying I found a rythem to it that pleases me,I suffer very much from Insomnia and this has helped alot althuogh on rough times it takes a while to let yourself go finally you just do if you let it,but ya gotta listen and let yourself go w/da flow
Thanz all of yo for letting me write as much as i can talk and making me feel i am not alone!!
jeanine

Maeggie · Post by **Maeggie** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:53 am

p.s. a good trick that has worked for me is something Carolyn said in session 3, is when these thoughts and feelings creep in, I tell myself "this is a memory, I used to feel this way, I am working on me, these are just thoughts creating problems.." and use the tools that you have been learning.. it is super hard but it does work, trust me. I never thought I could change but being more and more open minded allows yourself to naturally evolve!

angelisa.lewis@yahoo.com · Post by **angelisa.lewis@yahoo.com** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 3:12 am

I am new to the program and that is my primary concern the scary obssessive thoughts i have been feeling the same way lately that these thoughts will never stop until you die it's so scary there has to be some help for this. I am going to continue to use the program. i have never used medication before but i am really considering it.good luck and press on don't give up!

diva · Post by **diva** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 3:16 am

I'm glad to see so many people responded to this and that it is normal. Sometimes I feel soooooo abnormal. I'll have a couple weeks when I feel more in control of the scary thoughts and then all of the suddent the anxiety heightens...I lose sleep and I lose the control to really calm myself down. Even if I do self talk and calm myself its maybe 10/15 minutes later that I will feel a wave of anxiety and hopelessness and I just want to cry. I've been crying so much today. Its been over a month since I ended my relationship and I'm still getting used to living alone which just makes me loneliness feel much worse sometimes. And for some reason, the scary thoughts and dealing with them make me feel very alone too.

emmaslave · Post by **emmaslave** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:26 am

I have some good news, I forced my self to go to the gym even though I was feeling really depressed and I walked on the treadmill at a brisk pace for 30 min. I feel much better now. I know it is hard for us to motivate ourselves sometimes, but our quality of life depends on it!