Boon Please Read!
Hi there, I am after some reassurance! I have been struggeling with these awful scary thoughts since January they all started after i had health scare which turned out ok but gave me lots of anxiety and panic attacks before christmas, then in january out of the blue i got a scary though about not being a good mum and all the stories in the news etc, now this is rubbish as i have been a competent mum for 6 years ok ill admit very obsessive not letting my kids eat grapes as scared of choking or go anywhere even with a member of my family with out me being there these are just examples, anyway since i had this scary thought about me and the normal thoughts of what makes people crazy it made me sooooo sick and anxious for about 2 weeks in jan and since then i have been so scared for being in house on my own or on my own with the kids im especially scared of the kitchen and the knife drawer as this is the room where i started my scary thoughts, so the thoughts are there all day as i have to be at home a lot. I know it is just a question of getting my tools right in dealing with this and i have read most of freedom from fear by leibgold and also brain lock and claire weekes i basically bombarded myself with all the books (obsessive!) i used to always be able to cope with everything and always prided myself on my ability to be patient and nothing would get to me and being happy as a stay at home mum but now i find it so hard to relax and enjoy myself. The thing that scares me the most is what if i cant get rid of the thoughts ever ever and that they make me go crazy eventually its been 4 months already and just being in my house and the whole routine for looking after the kids reminds me of it every hour of the day even if im not having a full blown anxiety attack and floating, i know i am resisting the thoughts as i cant stand them and they are so unacceptable to me and i know this is NOT what you are meant to do, some days are so much more difficult than others and what frustrates me the most is that i was never like this and how did i get to this, also really hard telling people close to me about this but do have a counciller although not sure how much of a help she is. thanks for listening i know you always have such great comforting advice
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Guest
The way to recovery is through knowledge of anxiety/panic attacks and practice the things you will have to and not do to gradually desensitize yourself which will lead to the demise of your symptoms, clearer thinking, a huge reduction in loss of your fears and a feeling of returning to normality.
My own personal experience with recovery is that it was not by any means easy, but extremely difficult. The first few months was hell! I could hardly work, could not travel far from home as I always had this constant feeling that a panic attack was lurking around the corner. Surprisingly, I have only ever had one panic attack! The main symptoms I had to deal with following this panic attack were: difficulty breathing, chest pain, tight chest muscles, depersonalization, weird head sensations and intense fear.
It took me almost a year to recover and not once during the recovery process did I have a panic attack, despite all the symptoms I was experiencing, as I knew that if I had panicked again, all I will be doing is delaying the recovery process and digging myself into more of a deep fear mindset.
Whenever I felt anxious, I will listen to the Combatting Stress and Depression Program programme, or read many of the other anxiety books that I own. This helped me to see my fearful thoughts of the symptoms I was experiencing for what they really are - just you telling yourself LIES over and over again regardless of how bad your symptoms may be! Gradually my symptoms lessened as I practiced acceptance of whatever symptoms I may experience and not adding additional fear. Eventually I got better and the symptoms and scary thoughts eventually disappeared.
It is also important to know that you could be just a few months, even weeks away from recovery and while you may feel much better, in between the months/weeks that recovery is just around the corner, all of a sudden, you begin to experience the body symptoms again. This is part of the recovery process. You will have many good days and bad days. But its important to stay focused on recovery and the rules that go with it, and not letting the symptoms you experience and scary thoughts overwhelm you. Do this and you will eventually recover.
Also stop watching the news so much! The news from a business perspective is meant to be negative. After all many news stations are sponsored by the medical profession. The more negativity the news spreads, the more healthy minds become polluted with unnecessary information - most of which is greatly over-exaggerated to make you sick, which results in higher sales of prescription drugs for the medical profession.
Apart from the "Combatting Stress and Depression Program" programme (if you own it), I recommend you read the following book: "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne - if you have not already.
All the best in your recovery.
My own personal experience with recovery is that it was not by any means easy, but extremely difficult. The first few months was hell! I could hardly work, could not travel far from home as I always had this constant feeling that a panic attack was lurking around the corner. Surprisingly, I have only ever had one panic attack! The main symptoms I had to deal with following this panic attack were: difficulty breathing, chest pain, tight chest muscles, depersonalization, weird head sensations and intense fear.
It took me almost a year to recover and not once during the recovery process did I have a panic attack, despite all the symptoms I was experiencing, as I knew that if I had panicked again, all I will be doing is delaying the recovery process and digging myself into more of a deep fear mindset.
Whenever I felt anxious, I will listen to the Combatting Stress and Depression Program programme, or read many of the other anxiety books that I own. This helped me to see my fearful thoughts of the symptoms I was experiencing for what they really are - just you telling yourself LIES over and over again regardless of how bad your symptoms may be! Gradually my symptoms lessened as I practiced acceptance of whatever symptoms I may experience and not adding additional fear. Eventually I got better and the symptoms and scary thoughts eventually disappeared.
It is also important to know that you could be just a few months, even weeks away from recovery and while you may feel much better, in between the months/weeks that recovery is just around the corner, all of a sudden, you begin to experience the body symptoms again. This is part of the recovery process. You will have many good days and bad days. But its important to stay focused on recovery and the rules that go with it, and not letting the symptoms you experience and scary thoughts overwhelm you. Do this and you will eventually recover.
Also stop watching the news so much! The news from a business perspective is meant to be negative. After all many news stations are sponsored by the medical profession. The more negativity the news spreads, the more healthy minds become polluted with unnecessary information - most of which is greatly over-exaggerated to make you sick, which results in higher sales of prescription drugs for the medical profession.
Apart from the "Combatting Stress and Depression Program" programme (if you own it), I recommend you read the following book: "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne - if you have not already.
All the best in your recovery.
Last edited by The_Prodigy_Son on Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
The Prodigy Son offers you wonderful advice.
I once had your very same fear. Exactly. In those days the tools that are available to us now did not exist. I simply had to feel the feelings and go to therapy. I had a wonderful therapist who reassured me over and over again that I would not harm my child. In time, this fear left me. New ones came along but that's another story.
The reason I am telling you this is to let you know that you will not go crazy. You will survive to see this all pass. Even if you feel anxiety everyday until your children turn 18 years of age - you will survive. Even if you do not use your tools - you will overcome. This is important to know because your ultimate goal is to dismiss what you are hearing without emotional attachment to any of it.
It is important NOT TO RUN. I know you want to run and hide but don't. Go to the mirror and soothe yourself. The one who is afraid here is your inner chlid. Love her. Look into her eyes and let her know that you will not abandon her. This really isn't about your children. It's about you. You MUST take care of you - the way you take care of your children.
Things to say while looking in the mirror:
These thoughts are not mine.
I am afraid of these thoughts. That's how I know they are not real. (Once you are no longer afraid of them, you see there was never any reason to be afraid of them.)
I will love myself through this.
It's just my ocd.
Your scare voice is having fun with you at your expense. It's OK to shout at it and tell it to knock it off. Eventually you will get to a place where you can dismiss it. You can start that now as well. You'll fall back from time to time and get emotionally involved but the more you work at realizing it's just your scare voice and it always lies, the more you will learn to dismiss it and get on with your day.
"I am a good mother."
"I love my children."
"My children will learn strength and courage from me."
Bring your attention to the present moment whenever you catch yourself in your head. Use your breath. Notice your breathing. Just notice. Keep busy in the present moment. What are you doing right now? Listen to music. Weed your garden. Rake leaves. Walk. Run. While doing things keep your attention on them. Your mind will try to grab you over and over again. Just gently bring yourself present.
"I can handle this anxiety. I've been handling it and will continue to handle it. It doesn't have to be perfect. I can feel this anxiety everyday for the rest of my life and still function beautifully. I welcome it in. I want to see what is on the otherside of anxiety."
Keep in touch, Ms. Worry. And don't watch tv anymore. I know, we are so curious, but there will be time later in your recovery that you will beable to watch tv and let things go. For now, turn the tv off or keep it on something neutral. There is nothing you can do about most of the news you read about. It's all negative to keep us watching. Say no to tv.
You'll make it. You really will.
When you hold your children and you feel afraid of what the scare voice says or fearful of the visions you may get, just gently hold them a little longer. That voice will eventually subside. Don't avoid the feelings. Just feel them. They will pass.
I once had your very same fear. Exactly. In those days the tools that are available to us now did not exist. I simply had to feel the feelings and go to therapy. I had a wonderful therapist who reassured me over and over again that I would not harm my child. In time, this fear left me. New ones came along but that's another story.
The reason I am telling you this is to let you know that you will not go crazy. You will survive to see this all pass. Even if you feel anxiety everyday until your children turn 18 years of age - you will survive. Even if you do not use your tools - you will overcome. This is important to know because your ultimate goal is to dismiss what you are hearing without emotional attachment to any of it.
It is important NOT TO RUN. I know you want to run and hide but don't. Go to the mirror and soothe yourself. The one who is afraid here is your inner chlid. Love her. Look into her eyes and let her know that you will not abandon her. This really isn't about your children. It's about you. You MUST take care of you - the way you take care of your children.
Things to say while looking in the mirror:
These thoughts are not mine.
I am afraid of these thoughts. That's how I know they are not real. (Once you are no longer afraid of them, you see there was never any reason to be afraid of them.)
I will love myself through this.
It's just my ocd.
Your scare voice is having fun with you at your expense. It's OK to shout at it and tell it to knock it off. Eventually you will get to a place where you can dismiss it. You can start that now as well. You'll fall back from time to time and get emotionally involved but the more you work at realizing it's just your scare voice and it always lies, the more you will learn to dismiss it and get on with your day.
"I am a good mother."
"I love my children."
"My children will learn strength and courage from me."
Bring your attention to the present moment whenever you catch yourself in your head. Use your breath. Notice your breathing. Just notice. Keep busy in the present moment. What are you doing right now? Listen to music. Weed your garden. Rake leaves. Walk. Run. While doing things keep your attention on them. Your mind will try to grab you over and over again. Just gently bring yourself present.
"I can handle this anxiety. I've been handling it and will continue to handle it. It doesn't have to be perfect. I can feel this anxiety everyday for the rest of my life and still function beautifully. I welcome it in. I want to see what is on the otherside of anxiety."
Keep in touch, Ms. Worry. And don't watch tv anymore. I know, we are so curious, but there will be time later in your recovery that you will beable to watch tv and let things go. For now, turn the tv off or keep it on something neutral. There is nothing you can do about most of the news you read about. It's all negative to keep us watching. Say no to tv.
You'll make it. You really will.
When you hold your children and you feel afraid of what the scare voice says or fearful of the visions you may get, just gently hold them a little longer. That voice will eventually subside. Don't avoid the feelings. Just feel them. They will pass.
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Guest
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and advice. I started crying especially when you mentioned taking care of your inner child. A priest had told me the same thing. I can relate to so much of what Mrs. Worry is saying. I am a stay-at-home Mom to a beautiful 14 month old and the postpartem/OCD feelings started right after last Mother's Day. I cannot stand that it is almost a year later and the worries are still my first thoughts of every day. I feel like a dark cloud is looming over me because I cannot stop worrying about what makes people lose it and how do I know it won't happen to me. My child is so precious to me and I just want to be able to enjoy motherhood. I love what you said about holding your child close because that is just what I keep doing. I have seen at least 4 different counselors over the course of the year because I keep searching for someone to magically take thee thoughts away, but I know that it is something that I have to conquer. I just want my peace of mind back and to be the best Mom I can be. I am almost tired of counselors telling me those thoughts are "normal" for new mothers because although that gives some comfort that I am not alone, it doesn't take away the thoughts. I worry most when I am alone with my child. I am so grateful for this outlet and for such words of comfort and hope. Thank you.
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Brian from DE
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 3:04 pm
Mrs worry,
You are sooo Normal, I read your story, and I went through the exact same thing, If you look at a history of my posts, you'll read my story, but I couldn't wash knives, or be near scissors for weeks! YOu've been given good advice, and postive talk is really the best. The more negative scary thoughts perpetuate with more physical symptoms and more scary thoughts, a downward spiral. But postive talk, ( i am okay, I love my kids, this is just my anxiety, etc. ) will slow down and stop your inner thought train.
I once had a couselor explain to me, scary thoughts was my body's way of distracting myself from lifes other stresses, (bills, family, activities, etc fill in the blank) And how can you worry about anything else in life when your having scary thoughts.
So step back and look at the last year, 6 months etc. what's been going on? Our body can be like a marathon, we go and go and go and take care of others, ignore ourselves, and stress happens, for you, a health scare and now that everything is okay, and life calmed down. It's now hitting you! BAM! scary thoughts, ignore your health and think scary thoughts,
I have been in your shoes, you will make it. postive talk.
ALso b/c the thoughts scare you, it means you have a conscience, and b/c the thoughts are unpleasant, it means you WON"T do them!!!
People with anxiety are Very compassionate, and we tend to look at bad/negative events, and think, why couldn't that happen to me?? What if I did that? Whats so different about me?
That where we pull the emergency brake, mentally, that NOT me, won't happen, and MOVE ON!
I've had scary thoughts about my kids since they were infants, and now my oldest is 6yrs. I looked back at a picture of my beautiful girl when she was 2yr and thought, I remember I had anxiety around that time, but I don't remember what it was about!!!!
if I had anxiety that day and
If I don't remember how I felt, that day the picture was taken, Then I"m going to enjoy today and match my inside with how the picture looked.
I hope this helps a little, your not alone, your not the first to feel this way and won't be the last, but you come through it and you'll be a stronger person for it! Much Peace and prayers!
You are sooo Normal, I read your story, and I went through the exact same thing, If you look at a history of my posts, you'll read my story, but I couldn't wash knives, or be near scissors for weeks! YOu've been given good advice, and postive talk is really the best. The more negative scary thoughts perpetuate with more physical symptoms and more scary thoughts, a downward spiral. But postive talk, ( i am okay, I love my kids, this is just my anxiety, etc. ) will slow down and stop your inner thought train.
I once had a couselor explain to me, scary thoughts was my body's way of distracting myself from lifes other stresses, (bills, family, activities, etc fill in the blank) And how can you worry about anything else in life when your having scary thoughts.
So step back and look at the last year, 6 months etc. what's been going on? Our body can be like a marathon, we go and go and go and take care of others, ignore ourselves, and stress happens, for you, a health scare and now that everything is okay, and life calmed down. It's now hitting you! BAM! scary thoughts, ignore your health and think scary thoughts,
I have been in your shoes, you will make it. postive talk.
ALso b/c the thoughts scare you, it means you have a conscience, and b/c the thoughts are unpleasant, it means you WON"T do them!!!
People with anxiety are Very compassionate, and we tend to look at bad/negative events, and think, why couldn't that happen to me?? What if I did that? Whats so different about me?
That where we pull the emergency brake, mentally, that NOT me, won't happen, and MOVE ON!
I've had scary thoughts about my kids since they were infants, and now my oldest is 6yrs. I looked back at a picture of my beautiful girl when she was 2yr and thought, I remember I had anxiety around that time, but I don't remember what it was about!!!!
if I had anxiety that day and
If I don't remember how I felt, that day the picture was taken, Then I"m going to enjoy today and match my inside with how the picture looked.
I hope this helps a little, your not alone, your not the first to feel this way and won't be the last, but you come through it and you'll be a stronger person for it! Much Peace and prayers!
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Guest
Wow you guys thanks so much for all your responses, this site is sooo great I really dont know what I would do without it, I dont even search the internet anymore I just come here! Boon you are amazing you are so kind and understand and always offer such comforting words, you would make a fantastic therapist and you are 1000 times better than my therapist that I have been seeing she really offers no help and I dont really think she understands OCD at all she is only good when I want to let it all out and even then I dont let it all out as I dont think she would understand! Boon its really comforting to know that you had exactly the same fears. I had a bit of a revelation tonight, I was eating my dinner and suddenly developed a new scary thought and that is what if i go crazy right this second well that threw me into panic and hot sweats and right there I just sat there calmly for a few seconds and let the panic go through me and felt it and then it passed...in the 10 seconds or so that I was panicking I felt like my brain went all fuzzy and I could not think clearly because of fear I came out in a hot sweat and I felt that sense of doom. I did not add anymore to it and after it had gone noticed how I could see clearly again. I had never watched my panic before, but I understand more now what you mean when you say just let those feelings come in and dont run from them as that is what you feel like doing. I also noticed that as I had a good day today out of the house for most of it and the weather here was nice and sunny (for a change I live in the UK!) I had very little anxiety so must have produced little adrenalin and felt so much better for it as the last few days have been full of adrenalin. I feel a little bit like I am just starting to decode this anxiety and fear....just a little bit there is still A LONG way to go.
Lookingfor peace - I know EXACTLY how you feel with that dark cloud looming over, and also with the councillers, you always come away thinking that was no good there must be someone better out there!
Alaskanamber - You are so right, I was trying to figure out what triggered this off, i mean ive always been an obsessive thinker but mainly about everything else and dangers around my family and keeping them safe but I think its true, worrying about my eye scare then suddenly that all calmed down and I was just sitting there one day and bam in came the scary thought that opened up a trap door to all the other scary thoughts! I have been worried about money and always overprotecive about the kids so perhaps its just that, I mean I certainly have no time to worry about all my other things now!
Its so nice that everybody is such great support to eachother on here. Thanks so much
Lookingfor peace - I know EXACTLY how you feel with that dark cloud looming over, and also with the councillers, you always come away thinking that was no good there must be someone better out there!
Alaskanamber - You are so right, I was trying to figure out what triggered this off, i mean ive always been an obsessive thinker but mainly about everything else and dangers around my family and keeping them safe but I think its true, worrying about my eye scare then suddenly that all calmed down and I was just sitting there one day and bam in came the scary thought that opened up a trap door to all the other scary thoughts! I have been worried about money and always overprotecive about the kids so perhaps its just that, I mean I certainly have no time to worry about all my other things now!
Its so nice that everybody is such great support to eachother on here. Thanks so much