Afraid of Cheating on someone

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Thu May 28, 2009 1:58 am

I have been with my boyfrined for 4 years and we are planning on getting married. He is the love of my life. I have pure O and I have been so afraid of "what if I do something to mess it all up..what if I cheat". Now I have absoulutley no desire to but I cant shake the thought. The first year out of 4 that we were going out we were fighting a lot and basially were on the verge of breaking up and we both made out with someone else (we were younger and hadnt even been together for a year. We forgave eachother and have complete trust in one another. I just cant let it go that I did that. This sometimes gives me guilt and then I start thinkg oh my god what if I dont love him and thats why I would cheat and I freak myslef out going over all these scenarios. Again I have no desire to do anything and would never want to do anyting I just cant shake the thought. I also cant shake the what if I dont love him thought when I know that I do and I dont want to think that becasue when Im not thinking it im happy and when I start worrying that I dont im miserable. ANyone dealing with this?

R0xyg4l · Post by **R0xyg4l** » Thu May 28, 2009 3:56 am

It sounds like you truly love your boyfriend and wouldn't cheat on him. It's just your mind playing games on you. The more you try to push the thoughts out of your head the more they will come around. If I tell you not to think of the red ball... what do you think of? You're not going to cheat on him, it's just your ever so imaginative mind that knows exactly what your fears are and how to scare you. You just have to let the thoughts be there and know "Oh thats just the OCD (or my disorder) trying to scare me again." Once you weaken the strength the thoughts have over you, they will come around less. Best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:48 am

I have been trying to do that...just thinking ok this is my OCD im not going to even entertain the thought but sometimes its hard because I almost wait for the thought to come. I can be sitting there and he will go to kiss me and ill think ok what am i going to think? ok do i like this? I realize its ridiculous because I want him to kiss me. I love him so so much. I just hate that I have these thoughts because they make me feel so guilty. I know that its ocd and doesnt mean anything about my relationship with him but these thoughts can ruin nice moments!! Does anyone else have this. Thanks for the response ROxyg4l

Jacquelin · Post by **Jacquelin** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 12:30 pm

Clearsky27
When I read your post I had to laugh not because I think what you’re going through is funny AT ALL but because I have been dealing with the same problem for a few months. I always wonder if there is anybody who is going through this and can understand how it feels.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. I have thought about what it might be like to be with someone else from time to time but never seriously…just thoughts. I have always been faithful but feel terrible guilt about my thoughts. I stopped wanting to be intimate about 2 years ago because of my obsessive scary thoughts which weren’t related to my boyfriend but scared me. I let it go on for so long that now I feel so distant from him. I’m definitely not happy and I am so worried that I don’t love him anymore. I suppressed my OC thoughts for so long that now the thoughts have moved to the only person I used to feel safe with. I had to leave our house for a week once because I felt so much anxiety around him. We used to be so happy and I don’t want to let that go. It’s so sad.

I’m also scared to get married because I am afraid I won’t be faithful even though I have always been. I am scared that my thoughts will ruin our wedding day. I know it’s so silly but I worry about it all the time. We just have to remember that that kind of thinking is just our OCD. I know it’s hard. I don’t have the answers but I am here to listen. Also stick with the program. It has helped me so much. I hope it works for you too.

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:09 am

I just cant stand it because he is he person I never had it with and then it went after my relationship. I just reread what I wrote and it is kind of funny because I always wondered does anyone else have this fear. Its hard with the what if's. I just started the into today and she said to just say "so what if" and I dont get that becasue that would freak me out. I think she means to not enteratin the what if because its just a thought, so to let yourself think it becasue in the end you are in charge. I find that although it makes me anxious sometimes i know in the back of my head its my ocd and there is no way I would let myself ruin this. Have you done this program. I hear a lot about anxiety but people with OCD do it right(since ocd is like a form of anxiety)?

Jessica N · Post by **Jessica N** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 1:57 pm

I know exactly how you guys feel. It sucks. If it wasn't for these thoughts about my boyfriend I would feel great. I finished the program a few months back and it really helped alot. I am gonna do it again though because I feel I could do it better. I started again last week. I love my boyfriend and the life we have together. We are in a serious, wonderful relationship but when I am anxious my mind atomatically thinks its because of my boyfriend and that deep down I don't really love him. I know I do. I can't lie to myself. Then I get myself all freaked out, like, what if I am lying to myself? Just typing this I realize how ridiculous these thoughts are. Sometimes I go weeks, even months withoutthese thoughts. I just want them to go away forever. I know I just have to use the skills, but sometimes its hard. It's hard to not let these thoughts scare me. This man is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to ruin it. I am sorry to ramble on, I feel better though already. Good luck to us all!

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 3:59 pm

Jessica I did the same thing when writing my response. I read it back and was like Ok that sounds ridiculous. I am new to the program and I started the intro tape today. It made me a little anxious as I felt i was analyzing everything she said in the Jump Start Video. I have OCD (pure O) and anxiety. I know the program is geared towards anxiety but since OCD is a part of it will it help with that?

Pixie_tired · Post by **Pixie_tired** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:05 am

i have had these thoughts too about cheating along with do i love him enough. it was most bothersome when we got engaged and during that whole process. for me i think it was the time we were at, stress, and double checking to make sure this was really "right". which it is

i no longer deal with these things so keep doing your work and hopefully you will pass through this phase too:)

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 4:29 pm

Thanks Pixie,

I know in my heart that its right and just my ocd. Ocd always attacks the people and things most valuable to me in life. Thanks for sharing its comforting to know other people get "relationsip ocd". I was actually reading an article the other day about it where the dr talks about how it in most cases its because its the ocd focusing on those we love most. Which makes sense beacuase as a child I used to tink what if I hate my mom (I had a very healthy , nice childhood and my mom is like one of my best friend today, always has been) Again it was just be focuing on someone I cared most about.

LilMsMD · Post by **LilMsMD** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 3:15 am

Clearsky 27,

I understand exactly what you are going through. My boyfriend and I have been together over two years. We love each other very much and have plans to get married in the near future. However, my anxiety (or maybe OCD) causes me to second guess myself so much that I often wonder if I REALLY love him or am I just fooling myself? He and I fought quite a lot in the first year of our relationship. We never made out with other people or cheated in any way, but the fighting was definitely a result of my deep anxieties that I was unwilling to share with him. I talk to him now and share my problems, but only to a certain extent. I don't want to tell him that I worry about whether or not I love him sometimes because I know if he told me that I would be shattered. I think that you really love your boyfriend deeply and, if you are anything like my and my boyfriend, you are probably a really great match for each other. What helps me most is to remember when I get anxious about our relationship that it is probably just my anxiety telling me these things. If I step away from obsessing for a minute, then I can usually see that my fears are unwarranted and I'll feel much better