Obsessive thoughts about health

shamrock77 · Post by **shamrock77** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:26 am

Good afternoon....
I had been anxiety free for about 5 years. Several months ago I pulled a muscle in my neck and was out of commission for a few days. It led to many muscle knots in my shoulder blade, resulting in pain and tension in that area. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that I had breast cancer. I was so obsessed with it that I checked for lumps upwards of 10-15 times a day, leading to an extremely sore breast.
I then moved my "checks" to under my arm. I now feel like it's swollen under there when I put in my arm down but I can't feel any lumps. I have checked and my husband has checked and there is nothing there.
I have been for massages and they tell me that there are serious muscle knots and tension in that area. I am now obsessed with the idea that I am dying. I am tired all the time. Rationally, I know I am tired because all I do is obsess over this crap and realistically I not abnormally tired. However, I cannot get past the whole cancer thing. I used to obsess over having a heart attack and have palpitations and shortness of breath. Now, I have just switched my "disease of choice" I guess.
Can anyone give me some advice? Have any of you ever imagined diseases that you swear are real? I can't go through this again.

AlaskanAmber · Post by **AlaskanAmber** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 3:53 pm

Hey Shamrock 77,
First of all, how nice to be anxiety free for a few years, and then when life happens, we tend to forget the tools that helped us before.
Sometimes when anxiety hits me, I like to search what I'm obsessing about under the "find" button. ( key words, health obsession)
Sometimes just reading about others dealing with the same thing, and getting tips on what they do to work through it. Is the best medicine.
You really are okay. Sometimes just seeing it in black and white ( typing, reading etc) helps make the problem smaller.

Much peace and prayer,
Amber

shamrock77 · Post by **shamrock77** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 11:32 pm

Thanks you so much. You are totally right. I am just having so much trouble reeling this in right now. I was up all night obsessing and hyperventilating. I made my husband check for lumps again last night and he told me that was the last time he was going to feed this obsession. I can't blame him.
Now I am struggling with the idea of going to work because I feel dizzy and shaky....from the anxiety of course. I also made the stupid, stupid mistake of googling my under arm issue and OF COURSE it lists 58 causes all of which terrified me(none being that I am nuts and touched it so much it got swollen LOL).
I will try to search health obsessions. That works for me too...knowing I am not alone...because right now I feel very very alone.

BenJam · Post by **BenJam** » Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:31 pm

Hi, I totally know what you are going through. I checked my breasts daily for over a year. I had my husband check them and recheck them and he finally said "enough, I will only check them once a month". I finally got gloves to take a shower with because I would spend my shower time feeling for lumps in my neck, breasts and underarms. I would completely stress myself out. I went to my doctor on numerous occasions and finally had a mammogram (I am 36 years old). I prayed and prayed for the answer to the obsession with cancer. I got my answer in December of last year. My obsession of cancer and health issues (hypochondria) for the past 25 years switch gears and became an obsession of hurting my loved ones. I was SOOO filled with anxiety I didn't sleep or eat for a month. I finally had to seek help of lexapro and an OCD specialist. I am finally feeling relief. You don't know how many days I spent praying for the thoughts of the cancer to come back... anything but the thoughts of hurting my kids. Honestly though, if it weren't for those thoughts, I never would have realized what the cancer obsession was. It is all OCD. I am so grateful for the knowledge I am gaining and for this forum. I have more strength than ever and I am learning how to deal with the thoughts. They are just thoughts.

I will say the gloves helped a ton though with the constant checking of my breasts and I decided to pick 7 days from my cycle ending to do the "official" check. My husband still checks for me to this day because the cancer thoughts are back, but thanks to the answer of my prayers and understanding what this is all about I am more prepared to handle it. ERP has helped so much as well. I totally know what you are going through. Please let me know if you have any other questions. Hang in there

It does get better. Knowledge is power.
Love, Light and Laughter - Jamie

Kate4 · Post by **Kate4** » Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:18 pm

Hi shamrock and jamie
I am going through the exact same thing. I often swtich obsessions as well. I am always checking my armpit and breast and now that it is Breast Cancer awareness month it has intesified with all the signs. My obsession is breast cancer at the moment when I first started getting the pain it was heart attack. I too, obssessed about hurting my children and it was awful. That was 4 years ago and prozac and a wonderful therpaist helped with that. and I am in PT for my neck back and armpit pain. I am nursing and cannot go for a mammogram until 6 months aftern I am finished. I am on a low dose of zoloft and this has helped me not to be on the floor sobbing and planning my funeral and life out for my children with out me. This is such a painful experience I can realte to all of you and I really hope this program will work, I just started this week.I will keep you guys in my prayers.

shamrock77 · Post by **shamrock77** » Sat Oct 16, 2010 12:08 pm

Thank you so much for your input! It makes me feel good to know I am not alone in what is happening. It's funny that you mentioned it being breast cancer month because that always puts me on edge because everyone is talking about it!! Same with skin cancer in the summer! YIKES!!
I actually stopped touching my arm pit and breast for 3 days and I have to admit that the majority of the pain went away. I have shoulder issues and neck issues that I go to massage therapy for and I know that's where the source of this stuff is coming from. It's just hard because your thoughts are your own worst enemy sometimes.
I am trying to keep my head busy and stay focused on good stuff. I also need to remember that if you poke a part of your body for months it will absolutely become irritated and swollen. DUH! LOL

Kate4 · Post by **Kate4** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:57 pm

Hi I am so glad that you have stopped for 3 days. good job. I am starting week 3 this week. This is going to be challenging to keep up with but I am excited to give it a try. This summer was the first summer that I was concerned about skin cancer....i kept thinking of all the tanning beds i went to in high school and college. I know I can't change the past I can only use this knowledge to help my daughters stay away from the tanning beds and to use sunscreen. what week of the program are you on? Do you take any meds to help? Have a good day:)

shamrock77 · Post by **shamrock77** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:43 am

I am actually not doing the program. I did it a long time ago and just found that going to an actual therapist was what worked best for me. As for meds, I did take a small dose of Ativan on an as needed basis a few years back. I LOVED Ativan but was very cautious with it because it can be addictive.
Good luck to you!

faby · Post by **faby** » Mon Nov 01, 2010 11:30 am

hello i was reading the posts and similar to what im going tru i had thyroid cancef five yrs ago and still cant get over those days im super scared to the point that i have phobia to get blood work or even pass by the hospital,i constantly check my breast and under arms,i get chest pains and feel like im getting a heart attack,im always terrified of getting sick liked that again some one plz help me give me an opinion and let me knw how to deal with this i barely started session 3 today and its helping my anxiety i can fell it but my fears are stronger then ever<<<

BenJam · Post by **BenJam** » Mon Nov 01, 2010 1:18 pm

I would suggest some good old ERP - that has helped me tremendously. Change the brain! Have you ever read about ERP or seen a specialist in OCD?