Another post for Boon!

[mrsworry]

Hi there,
And thanks so much for all that you do on this board. I only wish that I could find a therapist who was as fantastic as you! I am doing so much better with this and one thing for sure is that it does take so much time and acceptance it really does, I am trying my hardest not to get frustrated about why has this happened when i was never like this and am starting to get some acceptance with that. What I really wanted to ask you is how can I heal myself from my fear of knives, what started out as just a scary thought in January then turned into a proper phobia, I use them for chopping vegetables up but only when I HAVE to so I am definatly avoiding them even though I am still using them (does that make sense LOL!) I cant bear to have anyone around me when i am in the kitchen actually the kitchen is such a big trigger for me I dont even have to think for the thoughts to be there. Also I have come to realise that the content of scary thoughts is not important its just the way they make you feel, even thought the content has to get to you to make you anxious if you did not have an anxiety disorder then they would not get to you, its kind of like a chicken and egg scenario. Like what gets me is ive got this new scary thought and it is what if i say something horrible to someone I love, now why would i even want to do that, I dont but just the thought of it makes me so sick and then those feelings bring me back to the way my initial scary thoughts made me feel and I realise its the feeling that the thoughts give me that I dont like. Boon I really feel like so much of me is getting better but I am at a bit of a loss as how to get over my knife phobia because they are something that will always be there, sometimes i feel like even if they were not in the kitchen i would still feel that phobic reaction because its the habit of feeling that way when I walk in there, does that make sense? Sorry to ramble on I could write all day long if I let myself. Thanks so much for your help in advance or anyone else that replys to this post.

[Guest]

Good Morning, MsWorry.

I know this fear very well. Let me first reassure you that you will not hurt anyone nor will you hurt yourself. There is only one true way to get over a fear like that and you can do it with a good therapist who understands ocd or you can do it on your own. It's always nice to have the support when exposing. It's not necessary because you will not hurt anyone but it's just nice to have that special someone who knows what you are going through. There is discomfort with exposing - but there is also discomfort with being fearful and phobic. The exposing discomfort passes. The other hangs on to be experienced another day, week, month, etc. Avoidance is truly the real problem.

Start by leaving a knife out on the counter. Just leave it on the counter where you can see it. It will always be on your mind but that's ok. Just let the visions and the thoughts be there. Breathe into them. You can remind yourself that they are just bogus. If you work with a therapist they will have other things for you to say. You can read about this type of ocd at www.ocdonline.com That will be helpful to you. Dr. Howard Liebgold's book will be helpful to you (Freedom from Fear).

When leaving the knife out (it will take as long a time or as short a time as it takes) becomes comfortable for you then have someone in the kitchen with you when you are using a knife, then talk to someone holding that knife in your hand as you express yourself while you are talking.

There are so many things you can do to expose. Remind yourself that you are doing all this on purpose to help you move through this fear. You will build up to eventually sitting next to someone holding a sharp knife. When you read Dr. Liebgold's book he will take you through a heirarchy so you do things only as you are ready to do them. Check around for a good therapist. Ask each one you interview if they specialize in ocd.

The other fear about saying something that may hurt someone is also a common ocd fear. One fear always replaces another fear UNTIL WE FINALLY WAKE UP and stay "Knock it off. I've had enough. I know what this is and it's just a scare voice that is never real. It's just ocd." And, you finally stop giving any of these scary thoughts any attention at all. That's when you find they have no more emotional impact on you and they let go of you. Sometimes these thoughts come back later on or off and on but you just dismiss them easily.

Stop responding to what your scare voice says. Just tell it to STOP - and then move on with what you are doing in the present moment. This is your ultimate goal. Keep working at it.