Perfectionism and OCD

musigaljm · Post by **musigaljm** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:28 pm

Hi! I'm a music teacher, new to the program, and I'm really wondering if anyone can relate to what I'm struggling with... hopefully we'll be able to toss around some ideas for coping with this... I really struggle with OCD and perfectionistic tendencies. I graduated at the top of my class in high school, most likely to succeed, and I think that mentality has followed me into life. The "necessity to have control" gets the best of me and I have to look at lists a thousand times to make sure that I've accomplished everything. I feel overwhelmed at work, because I want to do everything before I go home. I end up staying really late at my job, because I feel guilty going home early if everything isn't completely accomplished. I can really relate to the people from Session 1 Audio who said that "we are the doers and shakers" of the business world--we will not only get a job done, but try to do it perfectly. Does anyone have any ideas on what has worked for them? I get so obsessed with being a perfectionist and taking everyone else's problems on myself because I am way too sensitive, but the guilt I feel if I don't do these things can be unbearable! I've noticed it as body symptoms too...when I get stressed out about something--pretty much everything!--my right side of my stomach begins to hurt. It's embarassing to talk about these things to people, because I'm afraid they'll think I'm crazy. I've been to the doctor for this pain--they couldn't find anything wrong. Paid for catscan, endoscopy, abdominal ultrasound, the whole 9 yards--just to discover I'm doing this to myself. Is anyone else struggling with this as well? I would love to hear what you all have to say! Please help if you can...Hope I can help some of you, too...Thanks again.

Julie

AMANDAJ · Post by **AMANDAJ** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:56 pm

Musigaljm

I am going through a lot of the same things with trying to please people and be a perfectionist who is easily embarrassed. We have to do what we think is best and be satisfied with that when other's aren't. This takes time to change are habits. Use the relaxation CD a lot and believe in yourself. You should be able to believe in yourself since you are quite an achiever. Not everything has to be perfect just good enough. One session says to expect less and get more which will help you. Only worry about what you have to which is the moment and we don't have to worry about it bc it will turn out fine.

I love most music which can be very relaxing.

AmandaJ

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:58 pm

The only thing that has worked for me is realizing the fact I can't be perfect and it's OK not to be. This has not been easy! When I'm painting a canvas I have had to continually tell myself that I don't need to perfect it and that it is OK the way it is. It is real uncomfortable at first but I found sometimes it came out way more interesting.

3rd of 5 · Post by **3rd of 5** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:31 pm

Musigaljm, I am also a musician. You sound a lot like me. I graduated high in my class, and have been called a perfectionist. I stay late at work some nights. I have three thoughts for you (notice how I very analytically numbered the thoughts?): 1) I recently figured out that music is a great field to be in if you have OCD. We need to practice the same music over and over to get it right. We don't mind doing this because we do things over and over naturally! That is the compulsive part of OCD. And we want it to be perfect from within. We don't need someone else to tell us. 2) The CD of Jeffery Schwartz, available from the OCF web site, was a good start for help for me. 3) The front page article from the Summer 2004 issue of the OCD Newsletter was very helpful. It described my OCD perfectly! Someone actually understood what I was going through. I let my mother read it so she could get a better understanding. It is really hard to explain it to people. I would recommend you go to the OCD web site, and maybe request this particular editon of the newsletter. Anyway, I haven't gone to therepy because 1) I can't find a doctor I would trust, and 2) I'm not ready to ask someone else to go through the behavior therapy sessions with me. I'd be embarassed and think I should be able to do it myself. When I heard about this Stress and Anxiety course I thought I could maybe learn some techniques I could use on my own. I'm just starting, so I don't know yet. I'm hoping the sessions on "Obsessive thoughts" and "What if thinking" will help.

eager learner · Post by **eager learner** » Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:29 am

To All,

I also have perfectionist, people pleasing, I must do everything right, tendencies. My expectations for myself and others is over the top! I get upset when people do not work as hard as I do, are sloppy in their work, and/or have a care less attitude. I have been this way most of my life--starting in my teens. One of the hardest things to get through my head is other people's work ethic. I am not responsible for Joe or Kelly, only myself. It's okay if things are not perfect. If I do the best job that I know how to do, it will be fine in the world(at work and home). With all of my perfectionist tendencies, I had to get a grip--No One Is Perfect, We Are mere Humans-- and We Will Fail From time To time--It Is Called Growth and Learning. We all need to be kinder to ourselves. we need to give ourselves some slack, then when things do not turn out the way we planned, it will not devastate us so.
I hope and pray that we all overcome this having to be perfect/high expectations, much more knowledgeable and wiser people.

jugray · Post by **jugray** » Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:24 am

I just finished lesson 4 on expectations and when I took the attitude inventory I realized that I too am a perfectionist with expectations that are way too high. This was so alarming to me but I now realize why I am always feeling let down all the time. I am going to have to spend more time with lessons 3 and 4 because I felt the negative self talk creep in when I realized what I was. It made the task seem way too daunting. Did anyone else "relapse" when they took the inventory?

Maeggie · Post by **Maeggie** » Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:31 am

Perfectionism is all related to the cycle of this disorder- I can tell you those feelings disipate as you start to correct your thinking and actions in the program, it is a domino effect and it does get easier the more you recover, its a natural evolution therefore it comes on its own naturally- break the cycle create a new one and I promise you'll be amazed at how you just dont feel those feelings anymore- its amazing! everything is related so fixing one problems changes a bunch-

goodluck!

musigaljm · Post by **musigaljm** » Sun Feb 17, 2008 3:52 pm

Hi Everyone!
I just wanted to say thank you for all of your words of advice and encouragement...

I'm actually about half way through session 2 in the program, and already am noticing a difference in the way I feel. Those "high" expectations are certainly hard to tame; however, it is such a release to be able to let go of some "old" ways of thinking and doing things. It's interesting...no one ever says "you have to get this thing done or that thing done RIGHT NOW OR ELSE"...that's all pressure that we place on ourselves, I guess. There's something liberating in the fact that we don't HAVE to obsess about things. No one is keeping score against us. It's all in the way we choose to perceive situations, agendas, to-do-lists, ridiculously high expectations,...and if you don't get something done on the list, who really cares?! (except ourselves) hmmm...interesting how we can make ourselves sick over this vicious cycle if we don't learn how to control those feelings...eye opening! I really appreciate your messages...Maeggie, Mary, 3rd of 5, Amanda, eager learner, jugray! I hope I didn't leave anyone out...you know how we "perfectionists" can be!!!

isabell · Post by **isabell** » Sun Feb 17, 2008 4:26 pm

hi first time responding to a topic but, this one really hits home. my perfectionism of myself and even of others has given me much anxiety. i have been practicing slowing down in everything i do. this is hard for me because i feel i should always be doing more. but, the more i learn to slow down and be content with my accomplishments on a daily basis, the less anxiety i have. go figure! this has really helped me and hope it helps you too

musigaljm · Post by **musigaljm** » Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:18 am

Hey Isabell,
I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate your advice about being content with your accomplishments on a daily basis. It is seeming to help, as I am trying to "slow down in everything" (as much as possible with being a teacher!!!) and also with understanding that I've done my best, and everything can't be perfect all the time. It helps to know that there are other people out there that struggle with the same type of issues. Thanks again. --Julie