Afraid

[kmm1978]

I totally understand what you are going through! I have dealt with anxiety for years and had scary thoughts before. When I had the scary thoughts, they wold only come up sometime while I was driving and when I would stay in hotels for business on high floors. When I wasn;t driving or staying in hotels, I didn't have the thoughts.

A few months ago they came on, but this time I couldn't shake them and it seemed like all I could think about was worrying that I was going to hurt myself or others. I did NOT want to, but I worried I would. Ever since, I have been analyzing my every thought to see if I am crazy or a sick person. These thoughts are so unlike me. I am not violent. I am a loving, caring person. I started seeing a therapist again and she said it is OCD, which helps, but I still worry I'll snap and do something.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I can talk to and he knows me well enough to know I would never do these things.

Does anyone worry about it so much that they think they must be a sick person to even have these thoughts? I worry that some part of me actually wants to do these things, and that just terrifies me. I am so afraid. I don't have as many thoughts, just more worries that I will do something.

I have difficulties with uncertainty, especially with all of these thoughts. I feel like I can;t stop worrying, because if I do, I'll let my guard down and then I might do something. It's like if I worry, I can "monitor" myself to make sure I don't snap or do something.

Can anyone relate?? I just want to feel normal again. This is torture and so unlike me. I just want my life back! Please help!