annoying - OCD about offending people

WantMyOldSelf · Post by **WantMyOldSelf** » Thu May 15, 2008 7:33 am

I know this is a common form of OCD but for me it's harder to distinguish. I find myself getting worked up and obsessing over many of the following things...

- did I offend someone?
- is someone mad at me?
- did I do something wrong?
- am I going to get fired?

I think I have figured out the crux of this obsession. If any of these things happen, it will mean that I am a bad, evil person. Get fired? It's because I'm a bad employee which will reflect on my character. Does that make sense?

I have been trying to do exposure for this but it's hard. I just want to sit and worry about ti, but what good does that do?

weary katie · Post by **weary katie** » Thu May 15, 2008 7:42 am

try to think of it this way, you're worried about what people will think of you right if you make a mistake? that you'll disappoint your co-workers and friends, but these are kind and caring people right? (and if they're not then they aren't worth the worry) they won't put you down for your mistakes, try to think of how you'd react if someone said the same thing to you? would it be the end of the world?

crazybiatch · Post by **crazybiatch** » Thu May 15, 2008 7:49 am

Oh my God, I didn't think anyone else had these triggers but me!!! I'm sorry for the way you feel, but excited to know that I'm not the only one who's entire life is focused on being perfect!

Do you also have extreme anxiety and avoidance with confrontation of any kind? Even the mildest situations of disagreement? Isn't that crazy?

I don't know about you, but I envy those people who can speak their minds no matter what's on it, demand respect from others, and feel confident no matter what. How do I get to be like that?

I'm so glad you're going through the program at the same time as I am. I hope it can help us both.

WantMyOldSelf · Post by **WantMyOldSelf** » Thu May 15, 2008 8:30 am

Originally posted by crazybiatch:
Oh my God, I didn't think anyone else had these triggers but me!!! I'm sorry for the way you feel, but excited to know that I'm not the only one who's entire life is focused on being perfect!

Do you also have extreme anxiety and avoidance with confrontation of any kind? Even the mildest situations of disagreement? Isn't that crazy?

I don't know about you, but I envy those people who can speak their minds no matter what's on it, demand respect from others, and feel confident no matter what. How do I get to be like that?

I'm so glad you're going through the program at the same time as I am. I hope it can help us both.

Hi crazy! Oh yes - I absolutely hate confrontation. Even a very honest and calm disagreement leaves me worrying that the person hates me and that I am a bad person. It's really hard. I never knew this was actually OCD until my therapist told me! It is actually scrupilosity - check out this article: <A HREF="http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson10.php" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson10.php</A>

I have been practicing saying "so what if they are mad at me, if they are, then it's their responsibility to tell me!" It does help, but I find myself obsessing about it without even realizing it!

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Thu May 15, 2008 9:03 am

Oh wow, I have an obsessive fear of offending someone- like hurting them unintentionally. Like on the recent thread on here about having a drink vs taking a pill. I spent so much time feeling bad and trying to think of how to best explain what I said so everybody would understand I was trying to share and not judge.
I can't stand the thought of a person hurting, especially when I could have said or done something to help or, God-forbid, I might have been a part of it. And I really have a tough time when I can't do anything to make a difference. I cried continuously for 2 weeks after 9-11, and I didn't know a soul involved and am way down here in Mississippi.
Confrontation- forget it. I spent 11 years in a marriage that was one big confrontation. I don't have the energy or mind for it now. I spent the whole time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I spent a fortune in therapy and meds. My husband now says I should accept that at least SOME of the responsibilty rests with the ex and stop carrying the load myself. But I feel so bad for letting it happen and taking part in it.
Ho hum- I guess I should focus on me and getting better for a little while, huh?

John980 · Post by **John980** » Thu May 22, 2008 9:06 pm

I feel the same way. In fact there are times when it takes me up to an hour to send a simple response to an email, because I want to make sure I word things the right way so that the person receiving it wouldn't interpret it in a different way that I sent it.

I don't want the other person to think I am angry or upset with them or be offended if a make a joke.

Hope for the Best · Post by **Hope for the Best** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:11 am

I have the same problem. I constantly obsess about what I've said or did & always very concerned with how that makes others feel.. It is such a cruch because it inhibits me from from being free with my thoughts & expressing how I really feel. Sometimes I feel really stupid when I talk to others so I shy away from conversing with others for fear of what they may think of me. Uggghhh that is so frustrating!!

trinity18 · Post by **trinity18** » Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:25 am

I go through the same thing. I know this post is old, but I just found it because I have been having a spike in this type of "OCD trigger," lately. I find that lots of rest and stress reduction helps "keep me grounded" and "look at the big picture." Any other advise would be great. Thank you.

jules722 · Post by **jules722** » Thu Nov 04, 2010 3:05 pm

WOW, I can totally relate. I have OCD, racing obsessive thoughts but NO compulsions. My biggest annoyance/problem is that I have constant racing thoughts of imagined scenarios of people getting mad at me and me defending myself. Or scenarios of me tellingpeople pff or proving them wrong. If I could just get rid of these thoughts, I would be so much happier

It happes a lot when Im at work.