Constant Negative Thinking

DrugFree · Post by **DrugFree** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 2:22 am

So, Ive posted on disturbing thoughts before and have ridden about a 2 month roller coaster of the worst thoughts I've ever had.

As most of you know, these things always seem to flare up during stress times, so in other words not the ideal times to deal with anything like this.

On the bright side, it really gave me a chance to admit to myself that I dont deal with my anxiety that well and Im a huge negative thinker. If I really look at my life, my first inclination is to establish the worst case scenario and then stay away from it (negative thinking, bad thoughts, etc.).

It really plays a bad part in my anxiety taking the smallest thing and making it a doom message.

Im in a new relationship with a great girl right now and my second guessing is going crazy. All signs point contrary to my thinking, but the thoughts are still there.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I might be able to start tackling the root problem of all of my issues...negative thinking!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:18 am

hey drug free,

i certainly don't expect to come across here as the expert (because i am not), but i think that you need to look at it (and will probably have more success) as a process; not a destination.

i did the same thing myself. "when will i get there?" "how much longer will i feel this way" etc, etc. none of it helps.

it is only when i began to slow down, and realize that this process of negative thinking did not occur overnight; it was something that became habitual over time...and therefore it will take time to change the bad habits.

9 months later now, and I must say...yesterday was my first day where i really felt like my old self again for 99% of the day.

it is a process. changing bad habits (like Lucinda says) into good ones. think of it like someone trying to stop smoking. it is not easy. it takes time.

give yourself permission. give yourself the time. be free. you will get there.

Jessica1787 · Post by **Jessica1787** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:27 am

(ok, now you got me started)

one tip that did (and still does) work for me, is ALLOW the negative thoughts to occur and to RECOGNIZE them for what they are.

you mentioned a girl. ok, one thought might be "hmm, she didn't greet me like she usually does, did i do something? worse, is she doing something that i dont know about?!!?"

ok, breathe, RECOGNIZE this as negative thinking.

eventually you will be able to laugh at it.

but RECOGNIZE it for what it is, then deconstruct it with positive thoughts.

take yourself out of the loop.

you could say, "hey, you know what, she did mention to me that she was tired from working all day. she's just tired."

IT DOESNT HAVE TO INVOLVE YOU!

i think that is one of the most important thing us anxiety-types need to remember; everything does not revolve around us. it was not personal that some jerk just cut you off in traffic- it's just a jerk.

if you are having negative thoughts about your new girlfriend give yourself permission to have doubts; its human. but just realize them for what they are. NEGATIVE.

I am now not sure if it was the Bible or it was Mark Twain that said "So as a man thinketh, so he is". That really applies here. If you are wasting time thinking negative, then you will be negative.

But if you invest that time being positive that you would otherwise be wasting being negative....well, let's just say that the sky is the limit!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:37 am

Paul, I totally with you man. My resolution after the craziness end of 08, was to really start taking 09' for me. By feeling really out of it at the end of last year, it allowed me to critically look at myself, and accept me as the issue...the way I think...the way I look at things.

I dont value myself high enough. I constantly compare myself to others in unrealistic ways. I take things too seriously. I live in the past and the future. Im too critical of myself. In my mind, I weigh short term failues higher than longer term triumphs. I need to find patience. I need to stop overanalyzing into irrational thought.

But the big one...the human mind is crazy. If you listen to everything...it will make you crazy too.

The funny thing is, to my friends I am the outgoing, happy go lucky, laid back guy. That is how they see me. Now I just need to see myself that way.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 4:50 am

I have also found it to be true that this is definitely a process not an immediate cure. That being said when I first really caught myself in the act of negative thinking and noticed the anxiety that came along with it I felt relief. Relieved not that the problem was solve, but at least identified.

I did not buy in at first but give it a shot and really apply yourself to it. You won't regret it.

h.beth · Post by **h.beth** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:42 am

hello drug free! you said it yourself in your last post, you are a happy-go-lucky, laid-back, crazy fun guy. I know where you are coming from with the destructive negative thinking about everything going on in life and the negative thinking about this whole 'positive thinking' stuff not working. i was just like that. then one day, i took all the negative characteristics that i laid on myself and came up with six qualities about me that i love and strive for. now, whenever i am having a negative thought or hard time or feel like i've done something stupid i repeat my mantra to myself.. "i am a strong, smart, classy, confident, happy, beautiful woman." and i repeat it a few times and it helps me calm down. then i look at the situation again and see that everyone makes mistakes, everyone has hard days, no one is perfect. i have then started on the path to coming up with a positive thought. after this i try to look at the situation as a learning and growing experience. that is my life now. i recently broke off an engagement, have very little work, very few friends in the location i am at... i live on an island where i know only a few people. but i know that i am much better off not in my relationship, now i can find my passion without being brought down, i can learn to be strong and self-reliant and learn to love again. i have no fear of not finding love because i am putting myself in a better place slowly but surely. anyhow, got a little off topic there, but it seems like you already see some good qualities in yourself and the ones you listed are really great qualities, they suggest an ability to move with life not struggle through it. life constantly changes, we have to grow with life because it won't wait for us. you are a laid-back, happy-go-lucky, crazy fun guy with a great girl. she's lucky, you're lucky and what is meant to be will be. enjoy your day! if it's raining, love it, catch the rain drops on your tongue and enjoy that messy rainy hair look that everyone gets. if it's sunny, bask. if it's foggy, cuddle up, with your great girl or a great book or sportscenter! take care!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 9:48 am

This forum is great. I think what is funny about the situation is that Ive had periods throughout my life where I really notice that I think negatively, but then it goes away and comes back. I think this time I really want to try and change.

The thing that weirds me out is that I almost find solice in the negative thoughts...its what I know. Straying from them causes anxiety because they are different. Thoughts like, "Man I really had a good hr there, but that high cant last forever."...the changes into "Man, life is really long".

I think if I could accept that positive thoughts can be taught and I could be retrained, and that it is ok to just have nothing going on once and awhile...Id be in awesome shape.

I feel so selfish for feeling this way, as I dont really have any bad things in my life to point to. It is just me playing me. I just need to accept my part rather than trying to play someone else.

hopehound · Post by **hopehound** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:49 am

I know what you mean Drug Free. I will be having a great day no anxiety at all totally focused on something else. All of a sudden a shiver will go through me and my thoughts turn to "you are too calm, you should be nervous and anxious, something is not right." Before I know it the anxiety is back all from a subconsious thought.

h.beth · Post by **h.beth** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 11:08 am

DrugFree, You are getting a lot of support here. Very cool. Your posts have been very hard on yourself about being a negative thinker. All of us here are in some stage of coping with that tactic, and some of us compound it by hammering ourselves about being negative, or needing help, and giving ourselves no slack. What you are facing will make you a richer, more authentic dude. You might find yourself being OK as less of a happy-go-lucky, life of the party guy, and know you are guy who has coped a bit with life. I've been feeling a lot of happiness lately, while still doing transformative work. The happiness isn't glee, or joking around. It's a wide awake, calm, appreciation of the dog-gonedest things, pretty girls, cute dogs, squirrels, babies, a well-written phrase, a wonderful mouthful of food.
Sometimes it even lets me wonder off topic and start rambling, and still think I'm an OK guy.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:21 pm

The phrase "so a man thinketh" is written in the book of Proverbs by a man that had wisdom and struggled with his mind like ours, as we "know it". He wrote in my opinion one of the most valuable tool books to life! I realize this by my failures to apply after gaining the wisdom! Thing on this post so far, has shown that I am not alone and that hope is at hand. All of you, Thank you!