Am I getting better?

love31 · Post by **love31** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:30 am

Hello everyone, I have scary thoughts, I have been dealing with them for 2 1/2 years every since my doctor gave me lexapro to take for anxiety I started having scary thoughts really bad and I got off the medication,however the scary thoughts stuck with me. There was a time that I didn't think that I was going to make it through these scary thoughts. But some how,just some how with the help of God and this program I have made it and I feel much better. The only question that I have is that I still get the scary thoughts but they don't bother me as much and they are not as strong as they use to be. But now when I have them I don't get upset, I still try to analyze them but they don't get to me like they use to, I just continue to pray and ask God to regulate my mind and I go on. Yet still I feel bad because I don't have any feelings about the thoughts and then I feel like I'm this bad person who just doesn't care about anyone. I know that's not true but was just wondering is this what happens when you are getting better?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:43 am

I think this sounds GREAT!! I've read that we will never stop having random scary or odd thoughts, we can only control our reaction to them. Sounds to me like you've done that. Pat yourself on the back, you're there!

As for feeling bad because you don't "feel bad" about the thoughts? Listen, you don't feel bad because you know they're not real.

If you really were a bad person, you would welcome them and wish they would come true, not ignore them as you're learning to do.

Congrats!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:43 am

love31, I hope this is true. I'm experiencing the same thing. Thoughts still occur, but I let them pass and don't obsess over them like I used to. Thoughts pass through, I acknowledge them as such, and move on. I hope this means recovery. I'd be interested in others experiences as well.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:51 am

I read a book called "Get out of your mind and into your life (I think that's the title)" and it talked about letting the thoughts float on by like a river. That was the author's definition of "cured".

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:32 am

Thank You Fait_tx .. I do feel like I'm well on my way and I will continue to encourage myself to move away from not feeling bad because I shouldn't because those thoughts are not who I am on the inside..And to Luci.. I have gotten through this and it is hard but it comes with a lot of patience and in my heart I do believethis means we are in recovery!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 10:19 am

oh my god, I'm so glad you posted this hun, you have no idea. I'm Feeling EXACTLY like you are right now, not a little bit, not partially, EXACTLY like you. It's the strangest thing, because I think we are so used to feeling so bad an scared all the time. It makes me feel like a creepy person sometimes, but I have to tell myself that I'm ok, you are ok too! It's the same thoughts the same premise, and our minds are probably just like "whatever, what else is new".

Jess2005 · Post by **Jess2005** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 11:00 am

That is so good to hear!! I'm glad I'm not the only one! I understand this thing now I really do. It use to hurt me soooo bad that I would think things like this. But it is so much better and I will continue to tell myself that I'm okay.. even if I don't get scared when I have these thoughts.

TracyRN · Post by **TracyRN** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 11:36 am

just to add to my last post lol, I actually ended up in the hospital because I overanalyzed the fact that my thoughts weren't scaring me like they used to, I started hyperventilating and I thought that I was turning into all my scary thoughts because "For sure If I'm not scared of it, this means I'm just ok with it"
The ridiculous part of it is, obviously I wasn't ok with it if I checked myself into a hospital and I couldnt breathe.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 12:21 pm

Our minds just get tangled up sometimes, don't they?

I've been doing some research today and I really think that the majority of my panic/anxiety problems are due to the "pure-o" OCD.

Mine generally is related to the fear that I'm going crazy. Most recently I was playing this video game too much (I know I've mention this on this site already) and then thought that I had "computer addiction" or "internet addiction" or whatever. . .and that scared me because I don't want to be addicted to anything. So then I was going back and forth in my head . . . do I really have a problem or is this innocent and I can just limit my time on the game? Then comes "exactly how much play time is too much?"

I look for exact black and white answers which I'm sure drives everyone around me crazy.

I tend to research everything to death looking for the correct answer. I think I must enjoy making my own head spin. LOL

I'm hoping that now that I'm beginning to see a light on this one, maybe I can work on correcting it. Sure would be nice.

In the past I had the fear of hurting others and I overcame that. Now it's on to something else. It doesn't matter; it's just something my mind tries to scare me with. Hopefully I'll get so that the "I'm crazy" thought gets brushed aside too.