help me through this...PLEASE

unhappy08 · Post by **unhappy08** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 5:21 am

I'm going through a divorce which is ok since he cheated and got her pregnant. My problem is...I never got over my first husband/love before I married the 2nd hubby. My first husband/love recently became single. My first hubby who I'll call Don and I started out comforting each other. Over time we began to get physical (hugging, kissing, sex..etc) Don has told me numerous times he's not interested in a relationship and is not going to let himself have feelings for anyone right now. I completely understand that. But I've told him how I feel for him and he still hugs and kisses on me. He has to know it hurts. He talks to numerous other women but says he's not going to get involved or date anyone right now. If he supposedly doesnt feel anything, then why be affetionate with me. He has to know it rips me a part inside every time he touches me but dont "want" any feelings or relationship with me right now. What should I do?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 5:51 am

Hi, unhappy08,
It sounds to me as if he is using you. You deserve the very best. You might want to tell him his affection is confusing and hurting you right now--see his reaction--will it be in your best interest or his? Does he respect your feelings? Have you articulated them to him?

If you want to move on to someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated, you need to break with Don so you can be emotionally free. As long as Don is in the picture, you remain shackled.

Peace to you on this precious present day.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 6:34 am

Sometimes a person will get what they want but shut out what it's doing to the other person. Say, he is looking to have his physical needs met, but you are looking for an emotional commitment also.
Maybe continue talking to him but draw the line at being physical. You should be able to tell pretty quick exactly what he's interested in.
Also, if he's talking to other women, he may be intimate with them also. IF he's playing the field like that, he may be pretty happy doing that. It wouldn't be fair to you to have to share him.
Regardless, you deserve someone who will commit to you and only you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 7:09 am

You deserve better than this and that's what you have to decide for yourself. There are alot of guys out there if I do say so myself who are truly looking for the right relationship. If it's just sex both parties want it's best to find that out to the best of your ability before anything happens if one wants more and the other doesn't it will be complicated and feelings will be hurt. I hope you do what's right for you. Good luck and please be happy.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 7:44 am

If he's telling you he doesn't want to get involved and doesn't want a relationship now - believe him! Don't wait around for him to suddenly change his mind and see the light. I know that's what your hoping for but take him at his word. There are a lot of people who can be very affectionate and still not want a relationship. I know, I was one of them. It can be a control and ego issue also, as the person giving mixed messages keeps the other person confused and thinking there may be a little hope there so you keep hangin on. Don't hang on unless he gives you something to hang on to. (take it from someone who has done what your ex is doing and not very proud of it)