Obsessed with betrayal

JnfrLea · Post by **JnfrLea** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:39 am

One of the issues that brought me to the point that I knew I needed help is my obsessive thoughts of being betrayed by my husband. Rationally speaking, I know it is very unlikey he will or has cheated on me, but since I know in any relationship the potential is there, I worry obsessively and try to stay 1 step ahead of anything that could possible happen. Does anyone else on this earth go through this? I am in the 3rd week of the program and benefiting from many of its properties. However, this never seems to come up. Am I going in the wrong direction with this? Any response would be appreciated. Thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:15 am

i'm sure others can offer further suggestions, perhaps those, who unlike me, have very similar experiences.

the closest i come is avoiding relationships altogether (that's correct not even getting into them) for fear of being betrayed. that's horrible; i know!

it was definately not the answer i offered when people(insensitively) asked me--why aren't you with someone? you know the line: "you're smart, you're attractive. . ."

But enough about me!
i would like to point out that by week 3 you are working on "stinkin' thinkin'". you are learning how your thoughts affect the quality of your life.

and you are thinking obsessively about this. work on this. keep on working on this. for a lot of us we felt help immediately, but after months and months we felt really big breakthroughs.

best wishes. keep us updated.

Bees4me · Post by **Bees4me** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:26 am

I can very well relate, Grace. It's ok and I totally understand. Think about the main purpose of how you are going to feel better. Realistically the only thing we can do is change our response in attitue. The only thing we are doing when we focus on that we have been hurt is making it worse. Try lowering your expectations of others, not everyone is going to like us. No big deal. So what we can come out of this being our own parachute. We can evaluate the issue and move on in a positive empowered way despite how people treat us. We are offered grace in Gods plan. Grace is unearned merit, getting something we dont deserve. Mercy is not getting something when we deserve it. When we are hurt reach out to God and He compassionately offers Mercy. Choose to forgive when people betray and hold on to mercy. Mercy & grace will make the way. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

cream cheese · Post by **cream cheese** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 11:52 am

Someone once said "all men cheat". THAT IS NOT TRUE. All men does not cheat. You have nothing to be afraid of unless there's some real evidence that makes you concerned. There's no reason to be afraid to date or get into a relationship. Meeting people is what makes life so exciting and fun. There are a lot of good people out there but if you happen to get one that takes you for granted and cheats on you, then that's when you should move on. But don't let bad experiences stop you from finding the good men.

In life, you are going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet the prince.

The program teaches us not to avoid and not to what-if. That's what you all are doing when you avoid anything because of fear.

If you are going to continue to avoid men out of fear of being cheated on, you might as well start collecting your CATS.

Take care. DeeDee.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:21 pm

JnfrLea I am right there with you and dealing with this ache. I feel very alone, depressed, and I really cannot see a brighter future. It seems that when I am not dating, I am moderately happy. However, if I start dating... all hell breaks loose. I am pretty sure that this is never going to change and I cannot handle the anxiety and depression any longer. I am on the verge of many decisions, namely life or death. It seems the way out is the brightest light I see. Nobody is going to be able to tell me anything different. It's just the best way.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:28 pm

Marvelous Me, It sounds as if you need someone to talk to. I am in the program, and it really does get easier day by day. But it won't happen overnight. Are you religious? Please turn to your faith to get you through this. Take a look around you on this site, we are all in the same boat here. There is strength in numbers. You will be in my prayers. Please let me know if you need to talk.

Misty

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:55 pm

I was in the chat room talking. However, I was told that the room is suppossed to stay positive and I needed to seek other refuge.

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:47 pm

Unless there is evidence of betrayal, don't create a problem that doesn't exist. That's negative "what if" thinking, and we can do that all day long with all topics. "What if I get cancer? What if something happens to one of my children?" and so on. I've brought myself to tears doing that. That's in one of the tapes- sorry I don't know which one. Turn it into a positive- "What if my husband is completely devoted to me. I'm the luckiest woman in the world." Remember, worry is a useless tool that drags us down. Don't go with it! Be positive!
Best of luck- Bev

Grovner · Post by **Grovner** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:56 pm

you can PM me MarvelousMe, if you want to talk. hang in there, it will get better sweetie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:27 pm

MarvelousME ... Please talk to me. I need you as much as you need me! Just to talk and to listen and understand. We each need to start somewhere, right? please email me jnfrweatherman@comcast.net