HIV anxiety????
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writersblock
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:41 am
This forum is so amazing. I went through the HIV fear about 15 years ago after my divorce. When I met my husband, I was still going through it. I had them finally check me when I got pregnant with our first son. I was sooo scared! But it turned out all right. I still get worried about even now. Strange isn't it? I think it has to do with control and that I should've been able to control the "danger" I put myself in while being single.
Im angry!!!! I was out last night having a great time with my friends...and some drunk guy randomly comes up to us and starts talking about HIV to us! what the hell!!!! Its like he knew it was my fear, but I think I was being tested by God. I got a little angry and defensive and my friend was trying to get him to go away (she knows about my hiv fear) He was saying that today isnt like the 60's and u can get anything by having sex just once bla bla bla....I was thinking, ok why is he doing this and what the hell is wrong with this asshole?!!!! WHATEVER...well needless to say, he set me back a little today. UGH!
Well I must say that one time or another we all have some fear of some kind. I had fears of dying. going to church of scary movies and it was one fear after another. This was my mind playing tricks on me so what I decided to do and worked for me was I started not caring about the fear. I figured if I am going to die then hey that is what is meant to be. I think if you confront your fears and say to yourself whatever and not pay it so much attention it may subside and then eventually it goes away later. I started not caring about the fears and it all went away. you see the devil wants you to be afraid and he will come up with lots of fear tactics to do so. So If I were you just say I am not afraid of dying. I am in control of my life when god says is my time it will be when god wants. Plus I started seeing death as a beautiful thing not a scary experience and all my fears have gone away. I think if you laugh at these negative thoughts eventually you will find it to be of no importance. See as children we had fears but we laughed and looked at it as no big deal. I think as adults we let everything scare us when we should be alot braver don't you think.
Just wow. Seriously, when you think no one has the same phobias as you, you run into something like this. For me, I see this as the fear that pushed me over the edge from normal anxiety into panic disorder. When I was 17, I found out a girl I dated had been with a guy who was HIV positive. A soon as I heard the news, my stomach hit the floor and I felt like I was going to pass out. I was so afraid I had HIV that I went to the doctor every 3 months for a year to get tested. Then, at 18, I took a trip with my mom to San Francisco and felt nauseated the whole time. I was scared someone was going to stick me with a needle or get blood on me. I was also scared to use a pay-phone or get gas because I thought someone might tape a needle to the gas handle or put it in the phone change slot. I look back now, almost 10 years later, and see how irrational my behavior was. I had a legitimate reason to be concerned, but my overwhelming dynamic thoughts propelled me into an irrational place. I think writing down your fears, along with what you think may happen versus what is realistic and most likely to happen will help you see your irrational thought process more clearly. This along with some other CBT practices are sure to ease your mind.