I think I finally have found what is 'wrong'

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:31 am

It's funny you say that because I'm beginning to wonder if that's the case.

I bought a book about OCD (then quickly realized it wasn't exactly me) and even in that book it suggests playing a video game for a distraction.

Doing a quick informal survey of my friends, I have tons of friends that play little games at night to unwind.

So I think the root of the problem is not the game. I think the root of the problem was me enjoying the game and then suddenly becoming aware that I spent too much time a couple nights playing it and had a dream about it. Well, I think even that is somewhat normal, at least from some of the stories on the PackRat message board.

Then I came here and asked an opinion and it was suggested to just throw the game away and find something more constructive to do with my time. However, I think in the way I phrased it, I was describing playing it "all hours" making it sound like I was doing nothing else but that.

Anyway, so I stopped playing it for a couple days and then realized I was still doing stuff "in my head" like looking stuff up online, reading books about my "problem" etc.

The root of the problem was I was feeling a lot of anxiety and was trying to escape it.

I have always had a fear of getting addicted to things, which is why I got freaked out when I was taking Xanax several months ago.

Another thing that made this worse is one night I fell asleep and a show came on the TV that my husband was watching about these 3 boys that got hooked on heroin and describing all these horrible things that happened to them. I was half asleep hearing all this. I finally reached over and turned off the show. But some of what I heard has been sort of replaying in my head.

Also, my husband, trying to be funny. . .when I got up one night to go in the other room while playing a game, quickly went in and blocked Facebook. So then I was asking him "do you not want me to play the game?" And it turned into a big deal, which he insists that he was just joking around about. So then I had that question in my mind along with my own. I was thinking. . .it's just a stupid game, if it's bothering him I won't play it. . .then thinking. . . I should be able to do what I want. . .and on and on.

Overall, I still don't know the right way to go with all this. I just know that for some reason I've got my thoughts sort of tangled up and the more I try to decide what to do about it all, the more frustrated I get.

I'm sure that's never happend to any of you, right?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:59 am

Does anyone have any suggestions for books for obsessive thinking (pure o)?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:25 am

Here's an awesome video about an hour long that talks about it and I think there's some suggested reading on that site:

<A HREF="http://www.ocdonline.com/video.php" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocdonline.com/video.php</A>

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:36 am

Thats happened to me lots of times....I can still go and get addicted to playing a game. The key is to play the game after you get the things done that you planned to get done in a day...use it as a reward. That way you can get stuff done and feel better about playing the game and if you need to set a timer to tell yourself that you have to get to bed...then do that too and if the alarm goes off then you could replace your negative thoughts on paper and tell yourself the reality of things...about how the game isn't going to go away and you could use a relaxation cd before sleep to help take your mind off it.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:47 am

Thanks. That makes so much sense. I was always making sure chores were done, kids were fed, etc etc. . . so I'm probably OK. I need to give myself a break sometimes, don't I? I can be really hard on ME at times.

luv cats · Post by **luv cats** » Thu Aug 28, 2008 3:54 am

Thanks for that video link. I watched that last night and it had a few good ideas. And I ordered a book from amazon yesterday.

I just think way too deep into things. waaaay too deep it seems. I lose track of my thinking and then I start obsessing about my obessing and thoughts. it is really tiring. anyway i am trying to just use some of those ideas on the vidoe like facing the anxiety and tell my brain to bring it on. seems to be helping some

Thanks!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 28, 2008 4:42 am

If you are all interested, many Pure "O" ers have started a PM newsletter on this site. If you would like to subscribe to this newsletter please PM me on this site and i will add you to the list.

Zoe

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:11 am

OK Faith this is is weird. Iv said this before and I'll say it again! We are soooo much alike!! Just recently I figured out what my problem is is The "Pure O" too. just a few days ago i bought 2 books. One of them is called Freedom from OCD and the other is called change the way you think. Both very good. This is my period week too ha ha. Well, a week before my period so this is the time when i feel REALLLYYY bad. I obsess over a lot!! Just 2 days ago (or yesterday. I forget) I was obsessing over the fear that I would just forget everything. And of course the famous what if i am going crazy or go crazy and My big big one ism a fear of medicines. To me an anti depressant is like a pill that will make you go crazy. .. this is to me. This is how I feel about it which is why i fear it. I have a few web sites that are good I'll give you the link to if you don't already have them. Now that I figured out what I have (no dr needs to diagnose me, i know i have this) I am going to start to read read read and learn all i can about OCD. Before i read and learned about panic disorder, Now i feel i overcame that and now have ocd. The pure O. My therapist said that with obsessive thoughts you can follow the 6 steps to stopping panic with your thoughts. He also gave me another paper on how to stop panic and its basically the same thing as the prgams and said to use it for my thoughts. here are some good websites"

<A HREF="http://www.ocdonline.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocdonline.com/</A>

<A HREF="http://www.anxietycoach.com/glance.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.anxietycoach.com/glance.htm</A>

Both are very good. My therapist gave me the anxiety coach site. Its comforting to know that there are smart Dr's who really understand anxiety disorders. Please keep me updated!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:28 am

Hey thanks for the link. Yeah we really are a lot alike, aren't we? I am feeling somewhat better because I just "started" so now I know that the worst PMS is over.

I also have that fear of meds that will make me go crazy. Yup. . . that's a biggie. I've tried to take stuff just to prove I can, but I doesn't end well. LOL

A few months ago I tried I think Zoloft and Xanax. I stopped the Zoloft kept on the Xanax and by the 10th day I wasn't sleeping or eating and thought I was DONE. I almost wanted to go to the hospital. But I stopped the Xanax and within a couple days I was better. Not BETTER better, but better than the previous 5 days.LOL

Was it the meds or me? The world will never know.

I'm still trying to get an appt with my CBT psychologist. I'm a little nervous about that because I haven't seen him in like 10 years and when I saw him last I was nowhere near as far along as I am now. I hope it doesn't remind me of where I was. . . I know, silly thought.

The best I ever felt was the 2 months my anxiety coach helped me agree that anxiety is not crazy and I'm not crazy. I finally believed her and felt great. Then some other new thing came along and messed me up.

It will get better. . .we just need to keep moving on it and try to get out of our heads and into our lives. I'll check out thoselinks and books later, thanks! (should be working!)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 28, 2008 11:20 am

Funny, because I took paxils cr for ONE DAY and quit. I took it at night and the next afternoon I had the worst panic attack ever. I had to take 1.5 mg's of ativan!! That is a lot for me. Like you, was it the meds or me? I am going to stat a birth control soon because I have sever PMS. Actually, PMDD. I get super bad 2 weeks before my period and when it starts i do feel better. But than its like i have to clean up the anxiety mess i made and right when i start to feel better BANG I feel bad again because its that 2 week point. You had an anxiety coach from StressCenter.com?