Ugh need more reassurance@ =( Setback with scary thoughts

lateralus_jenn · Post by **lateralus_jenn** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:11 pm

You're all right about not being anything like this guy. This obsessing is just so frustrating because it's hard to turn off, the fact that it's so intrusive makes it harder for you to believe you're sane. The part that bothers me the most is when I'm busy at work or something, and the violent scary thoughts pop up, and I don't have the anxiety to back it up because it's like I'm too busy, and then I go oh god why didn't I get scared over that..why didn't that bother me. I mean when I try to add some rationality, I think well these thoughts have been there for some time so it's nothing really new, I get scared when they pop up too much, but when it just pops up every now and then it's like my body just goes meh, what else is new. Atleast that's what I hope I'm doing. I hate these thoughts, I find that I'm getting really depressed over them, to a point where the majority of the time I'm just wishing I was dead, Or If I get a scary violent Image, I just put myself in place of the one getting hurt. I try to think things like instead of "What if I become a psycho" then "What If I become purely happy again, What If it's like this never happened" but when I do that it's like my mind tries to shut it down, like my own mind is being a Bully. Will this ever just go away?? I hope to god it does. I would give anything to just stop obsessing. I'd love to hear more from the people who have the obsessions that they will hurt someone, this one to me seems the scariest, I definitely don't want to knock anyone elses obsessions, but I would definitely trade my obsession for something else lol. Even if it was like being scared of socks or something, anything but this. Lately I feel like there's no hope, like no matter how much reassurance I seek I'm just going to become a pyscho, or just depressed from these thoughts =(

lateralus_jenn · Post by **lateralus_jenn** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:12 pm

just to add something to the 30-40 people on that bus, they really could have tried to do something, even if it was throwing luggage at him or something!

stevemiales · Post by **stevemiales** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:28 am

please hang in there ive had setbacks just like you as a matter of fact i think i heard the same news story about the greyhound bus and it bothered me too you just have to remind yourself and i know its hard sometimes but remember they are just thoughts and they always pass. and use positive dialog like the program says " im a gentle loving person i am kind to others i radiate positive energy and people enjoy being around me or " im smart and confident im safe and secure and in control of my thoughts and i can and will take care of me! and remember GOD and ask HIM to take those thoughts and HE will help you!

stevemiales · Post by **stevemiales** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:37 am

i had to add alittle more to your post please remember your not alone everyone obsesses about something some time in their lives ive had them all thoughts of hurting my parents my wife myself they are awful!! but dont give up remember its just thoughts they will go away and if they are driving you up a wall please talk to your doctor about a mild antidepressant there are alot of good medications to help with intrusive scary thoughts so keep a open mind and dont be afraid to talk to your doctor

lola403 · Post by **lola403** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:10 pm

I just wrote a really long post and it lost it!!!! freak out!
What I wanted to say was that I have the same obsessive thoughts about going crazy and hurting someone as well as wonder if the constant racing thoughts are voices, because whats the difference between constantly obsessing and voices?!@. I know it's anxiety, or at least i pray it is, lol.

I recently went on vacation with co workers, had some anticipatory anxiety prior to going but still was having fun when one night the thought crept in my head, what if... Well I ignored it, knew that I am not that type of person and it passed quickly. I enjoyed the rest of my vacation and had no anxiety while there even though i may have had the thought creep in once or twice.

I used to worry about not worrying about the thoughts as well but what it shows us is that you think the what if i hurt someone.. less and less the more you forgive yourself and move on for thinking it. As countless others have said, we arent bad ppl, we have anxiety because we are good, caring and kind ppl. I dont know how you are Jen but I find that my scary thought of hurting someone would always focus on those I loved the most... my boyfriend, best friend, mom... because those thoughts were the ones that produced the greatest anxiety response from me because i love them so much and would never want to hurt them.
Maybe take note of when these thoughts pop into your head. Are you avoiding something? See i dont do well with disagreements or being alone, so thats when I think obsessively to "pass the time" so to speak. I also find the more I dont worry about hurting someone, my obsessive sentence what if... is getting edited so to speak. I dont think about it elaborately anymore, sometimes i just hear what if, hurt, crazy, kill, etc and I stop myself right there at whatever word pops in my head. Its no longer a complete thought.
I look at it as thought I'm slowly deleting the OCD thinking out of my mind. Not sure if thats how it works but its working for me.
Good luck to you and all of us.

Mr. Positive · Post by **Mr. Positive** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 5:55 am

This is extremely common for anxiety sufferers. Over the four years I've been perusing these OCD threads I've heard thousands of violent obsessive thought threads. I have not once however heard of a true OCD or UST (unwanted scary thought or obsessions only sufferer) ever acting on anything. The difference here is action. Those with demented thoughts lie in two categories, psychosis and UST's. Those with psychosis may eventually act on their thoughts, they do not fear them, nor despise their existence like anxiety disorder sufferers do. The news/tv, paper, movies, and even online forums can trigger countless obsessions in us (it's pretty unavoidable), some that last for years and others that last for a day. The mind, because of the overwhelming amount of anxiety, feels out of control and can latch onto many types of fears, from homosexual, HIV, Infinity/Christianity, to violent thoughts obviously (which shouldn't be surprising). Regardless, the odds of you acting on this, are very minute and rare. The deeper problem here is the anxiety disorder itself, that needs to be uprooted, so these violent thoughts do not manifest themselves on your mental well being.

lilaclady · Post by **lilaclady** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:24 am

It is said that most humans have distressing thoughts that can be of a violent and/or sexual nature, but they simply don't seem to make much of an impact. They don't tend to stick in the person's mind, but more importantly, the person can dispel them as being just a thought.

So why does this "normal" thinking process affect people with OCD differently?
It is what you do with the Thoughts/Images which is important and people with OCD who have these types of obsessions can't dispel them as easily. They have a constant feeling of:

"What if I do this?"
"What if these thoughts are for real?"
"What if these thoughts say something about who I am as a person?"

Part of them knows very well this is just a thought, but the OCD part continues with its relentless doubting. So they try to find out the whys of these thoughts or maybe start to hide all the knives in the house.
Soon enough they will realize that reasoning doesn't help and avoiding isn't a real option either. The only relief, although temporary, is found in performing mental and/or physical rituals which will actually reenforce the initial obsession.

Once the obsession occurs, the mind will try and find a solution to these absurd thoughts. The sufferer wants to find an answer as to why they have them and how to prevent having them, thinking that the key is out there somewhere if they just look for it long enough.
But there is no such key. Reasoning with your OCD, finding a logical answer to what is going through your mind is not the solution.