Hi Mark,
The paradoxical thing about obsessive thoughts is the more you try to resist them the more power you give them.
There are 2 great books that I have found very helpful.
The Imp of the Mind
I can't rememebr the title of the second one, but it is by David Burns and has panic/anxiety in it's title.
The Obessive Compulsive Foundation is also a good resource.
Robert
Another HOCD post and a history of my OCD... please help
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Guest
A lot of the time my OCD makes me feel like I'm not a real person anymore. I miss being me so much right now. I want my mind back. I started crying earlier because I can't think straight anymore. I want to see a psychologist very very badly, but here in America you need to be admitted into a mental institution to get someone to talk to you without insurance. I'm not gay... I have never been gay... I never will be gay, but despite KNOWING this. I can't stop thinking about it, relating every little thing I do and say back to it.Thinking things like "Saying it's OCD is just a way of hiding from yourself.", "Mark you stand with your legs crossed sometimes, like a girl, you must be gay!", "You sort of exaggerated the 's' at the end of that word, you must have a lisp which must mean you're gay.", "Hey you looked at that guy, maybe you found him attractive, look at him again, do it! do it!". It's like there is a tiny person in my brain put there specifically to mess with my mind. "You don't love your girlfriend mark", "She's gonna leave you for that guy she's friends with" , "Mark drive home and check on your father and make sure he's still breathing.", "Jeez mark your liver enzymes were a little elevated when you got your blood work done, maybe you have hep C and you're going to die!" ..... My favorite is when I'm in the middle of my anxiety attacks, and my girlfriend notices my staring at the ground. She'll come over to make me feel better, but when you feel like that, as much as you want comfort, you really don't want people touching you too much or anything because you just feel stand-offish. Then i take that feeling and turn it into "see mark you don't like girls you don't want her touching you. Why aren't you aroused she's kissing you, you must be gay mark." Then all of that screwed up thinking just makes me even less interested and aroused which just feeds it even more!
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Guest
Mark,
I totally relate to what you are going through and have a few similar issues. Im 29 years old and have a very low sex drive and at times find it very difficult to get aroused (actually more often than not). this has created a rapid influx of fearful emotions and negative obsessive thoughts. I feel as if I have OCD because my mind latches onto certain things and my world spirals out of control because of it. I haven't had a healthy sex life for years and it is driving me crazy. I have met several people that i really like, one right now that i actually feel as if im falling in love with. my low self esteme in regards to my inability to get and stay aroused is causing me to push him away. I am a gay man and there is no chance i'm straight. i've been attracted to guys all my life. i feel as if my self worth and my will to live is drained b/c of this stuff that is going on with me.
i just wanted to let you know you aren't alone with this and there are people out there dealing with it as well. i hope there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. i would advise you not to allow people on here to diagnose your "condition". i feel that is best worked out with a professional face to face. there are programs in most cities for people with out insurance to find medical help. it takes some leg work but they are out there.
as for having the obsessive thoughts about being gay... i can only say give yourself permission to be gay, to be straight to be whatever you are. try not to fight those thoughts that is why they get stronger. though you say you are not into guys, it is irrelevant. it seems you are fighting against the fear itself not the actuality of being gay. so, to me, if you eliminate the fear and struggle you eliminate the obsession. if you can be honest and loving enough with yourself to be and behave in anyway, you won't have this struggle. cross your legs, linger on your "s", hell kiss a dude if it will eliminate the fight in you. find the freedom to accept yourself. i grew up with a very appressive father who made it very clear that gay people are not masculine nor healthy. i carried this around with me and felt less of a man. i then began to work out and bulk up. i felt and looked hot. and all those negative feelings went away. maybe a little personal attention might help to build an internal security inside you.
let me know if you'd like to talk about this. maybe we can be each others support.
much love
stefanobranc@hotmail.com
I totally relate to what you are going through and have a few similar issues. Im 29 years old and have a very low sex drive and at times find it very difficult to get aroused (actually more often than not). this has created a rapid influx of fearful emotions and negative obsessive thoughts. I feel as if I have OCD because my mind latches onto certain things and my world spirals out of control because of it. I haven't had a healthy sex life for years and it is driving me crazy. I have met several people that i really like, one right now that i actually feel as if im falling in love with. my low self esteme in regards to my inability to get and stay aroused is causing me to push him away. I am a gay man and there is no chance i'm straight. i've been attracted to guys all my life. i feel as if my self worth and my will to live is drained b/c of this stuff that is going on with me.
i just wanted to let you know you aren't alone with this and there are people out there dealing with it as well. i hope there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. i would advise you not to allow people on here to diagnose your "condition". i feel that is best worked out with a professional face to face. there are programs in most cities for people with out insurance to find medical help. it takes some leg work but they are out there.
as for having the obsessive thoughts about being gay... i can only say give yourself permission to be gay, to be straight to be whatever you are. try not to fight those thoughts that is why they get stronger. though you say you are not into guys, it is irrelevant. it seems you are fighting against the fear itself not the actuality of being gay. so, to me, if you eliminate the fear and struggle you eliminate the obsession. if you can be honest and loving enough with yourself to be and behave in anyway, you won't have this struggle. cross your legs, linger on your "s", hell kiss a dude if it will eliminate the fight in you. find the freedom to accept yourself. i grew up with a very appressive father who made it very clear that gay people are not masculine nor healthy. i carried this around with me and felt less of a man. i then began to work out and bulk up. i felt and looked hot. and all those negative feelings went away. maybe a little personal attention might help to build an internal security inside you.
let me know if you'd like to talk about this. maybe we can be each others support.
much love
stefanobranc@hotmail.com
[QUOTE]Originally posted by theatreguy:
Mark,
I totally relate to what you are going through and have a few similar issues. Im 29 years old and have a very low sex drive and at times find it very difficult to get aroused (actually more often than not). this has created a rapid influx of fearful emotions and negative obsessive thoughts. I feel as if I have OCD because my mind latches onto certain things and my world spirals out of control because of it. I haven't had a healthy sex life for years and it is driving me crazy. I have met several people that i really like, one right now that i actually feel as if im falling in love with. my low self esteme in regards to my inability to get and stay aroused is causing me to push him away. I am a gay man and there is no chance i'm straight. i've been attracted to guys all my life. i feel as if my self worth and my will to live is drained b/c of this stuff that is going on with me.
i just wanted to let you know you aren't alone with this and there are people out there dealing with it as well. i hope there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. i would advise you not to allow people on here to diagnose your "condition". i feel that is best worked out with a professional face to face. there are programs in most cities for people with out insurance to find medical help. it takes some leg work but they are out there.
as for having the obsessive thoughts about being gay... i can only say give yourself permission to be gay, to be straight to be whatever you are. try not to fight those thoughts that is why they get stronger. though you say you are not into guys, it is irrelevant. it seems you are fighting against the fear itself not the actuality of being gay. so, to me, if you eliminate the fear and struggle you eliminate the obsession. if you can be honest and loving enough with yourself to be and behave in anyway, you won't have this struggle. cross your legs, linger on your "s", hell kiss a dude if it will eliminate the fight in you. find the freedom to accept yourself. i grew up with a very appressive father who made it very clear that gay people are not masculine nor healthy. i carried this around with me and felt less of a man. i then began to work out and bulk up. i felt and looked hot. and all those negative feelings went away. maybe a little personal attention might help to build an internal security inside you.
let me know if you'd like to talk about this. maybe we can be each others support.
much love
Mark,
I totally relate to what you are going through and have a few similar issues. Im 29 years old and have a very low sex drive and at times find it very difficult to get aroused (actually more often than not). this has created a rapid influx of fearful emotions and negative obsessive thoughts. I feel as if I have OCD because my mind latches onto certain things and my world spirals out of control because of it. I haven't had a healthy sex life for years and it is driving me crazy. I have met several people that i really like, one right now that i actually feel as if im falling in love with. my low self esteme in regards to my inability to get and stay aroused is causing me to push him away. I am a gay man and there is no chance i'm straight. i've been attracted to guys all my life. i feel as if my self worth and my will to live is drained b/c of this stuff that is going on with me.
i just wanted to let you know you aren't alone with this and there are people out there dealing with it as well. i hope there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. i would advise you not to allow people on here to diagnose your "condition". i feel that is best worked out with a professional face to face. there are programs in most cities for people with out insurance to find medical help. it takes some leg work but they are out there.
as for having the obsessive thoughts about being gay... i can only say give yourself permission to be gay, to be straight to be whatever you are. try not to fight those thoughts that is why they get stronger. though you say you are not into guys, it is irrelevant. it seems you are fighting against the fear itself not the actuality of being gay. so, to me, if you eliminate the fear and struggle you eliminate the obsession. if you can be honest and loving enough with yourself to be and behave in anyway, you won't have this struggle. cross your legs, linger on your "s", hell kiss a dude if it will eliminate the fight in you. find the freedom to accept yourself. i grew up with a very appressive father who made it very clear that gay people are not masculine nor healthy. i carried this around with me and felt less of a man. i then began to work out and bulk up. i felt and looked hot. and all those negative feelings went away. maybe a little personal attention might help to build an internal security inside you.
let me know if you'd like to talk about this. maybe we can be each others support.
much love
[COLOR:PURPLE][B]~ Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. ~[/B][/COLOR]
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Guest
There is so much that one could say, here, Mark, but firstly I want you to know that you are doing this to yourself. I know you don't realize it right now, but you are. In time you will see this.
Do you have the program? You need to be working it and actively doing the workbook. And, you will definitely, as has already been mentioned to you, do exposure therapy. Howard Liebgold, MD, Freedom from Fear can help you with that and you can have the help of a good OCD therapist in your area to support you through this.
There definitely is hope, Mark. You can heal from this. It takes time and patience and perseverance on your part but you can heal! Many have gone before you.
You are not gay. You already know that. You are just letting your thoughts run amuck. Time to stop that.
ALLOW THOSE THOUGHTS TO COME AND GO. FEEL THE DISCOMFORT FROM THIS EXERCISE. YOU WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT THIS DISCOMFORT IS TEMPORARY. ALLOW, ALLOW, ALLOW. Do not talk back to these thoughts. Do not resist them. You can say things like: OK, Whatever you say, or Fine. So what. In other words, Mark, you are going to agree with what scares the dickens out of you. It's not real. It's not true, but you're going to agree with it anyway. A THOUGHTS IS NOT A CALL TO ACTION. You can not make yourself gay. This scare voice has buffaloed you long enough. It's time to take your life back. Do you see. Accept whatever your scare voice says. Practice this. Eventually, with patience, you will notice that you don't have the emotional impact that you once had. You will begin to calm down. The scare voice isn't as loud anymore.
Understand that you will continue to hear from this booger off and on. That's the nature of ocd. So big deal. When you practice allowing, Mark, it won't matter if you hear from it and the thoughts come and go so quickly without your attachment to them.
One more thing, Mark. Find Derek for Christ's posts in the ocd section. I have many others in the ocd section. There is countless support there. Look them up. They will guide you and help you on your way.
You will be free, Mark. Don't give up. Work on this and let us know how you are doing.
Do you have the program? You need to be working it and actively doing the workbook. And, you will definitely, as has already been mentioned to you, do exposure therapy. Howard Liebgold, MD, Freedom from Fear can help you with that and you can have the help of a good OCD therapist in your area to support you through this.
There definitely is hope, Mark. You can heal from this. It takes time and patience and perseverance on your part but you can heal! Many have gone before you.
You are not gay. You already know that. You are just letting your thoughts run amuck. Time to stop that.
ALLOW THOSE THOUGHTS TO COME AND GO. FEEL THE DISCOMFORT FROM THIS EXERCISE. YOU WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT THIS DISCOMFORT IS TEMPORARY. ALLOW, ALLOW, ALLOW. Do not talk back to these thoughts. Do not resist them. You can say things like: OK, Whatever you say, or Fine. So what. In other words, Mark, you are going to agree with what scares the dickens out of you. It's not real. It's not true, but you're going to agree with it anyway. A THOUGHTS IS NOT A CALL TO ACTION. You can not make yourself gay. This scare voice has buffaloed you long enough. It's time to take your life back. Do you see. Accept whatever your scare voice says. Practice this. Eventually, with patience, you will notice that you don't have the emotional impact that you once had. You will begin to calm down. The scare voice isn't as loud anymore.
Understand that you will continue to hear from this booger off and on. That's the nature of ocd. So big deal. When you practice allowing, Mark, it won't matter if you hear from it and the thoughts come and go so quickly without your attachment to them.
One more thing, Mark. Find Derek for Christ's posts in the ocd section. I have many others in the ocd section. There is countless support there. Look them up. They will guide you and help you on your way.
You will be free, Mark. Don't give up. Work on this and let us know how you are doing.
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Guest
Mark,
I am right there with you and i have been suffering with the same type episodes since i was 23 and i am now 40. I understand and it is all in your head and the antidepressants will basically fix this at least it did for me untill i quit taking them. All i can say is that when you find an antidepressant that works, dont ever stop taking it. I took my meds for years and stopped and had a relapse and it has been horrible. I got back on meds and it fixed it again and then i stopped the meds again and now i'm in another tailspin. I am now trying to find a med that will work because the paxil has quit working an now makes me feel worse and i'm now trying to find new meds and it is a long slow road. But keep the faith, it's definately all in your head, but if you need someone to talk with with the same issue, email me at danielbourbeau@gmail.com
I'm praying for you and anyone that has this horrible disorder.
I am right there with you and i have been suffering with the same type episodes since i was 23 and i am now 40. I understand and it is all in your head and the antidepressants will basically fix this at least it did for me untill i quit taking them. All i can say is that when you find an antidepressant that works, dont ever stop taking it. I took my meds for years and stopped and had a relapse and it has been horrible. I got back on meds and it fixed it again and then i stopped the meds again and now i'm in another tailspin. I am now trying to find a med that will work because the paxil has quit working an now makes me feel worse and i'm now trying to find new meds and it is a long slow road. But keep the faith, it's definately all in your head, but if you need someone to talk with with the same issue, email me at danielbourbeau@gmail.com
I'm praying for you and anyone that has this horrible disorder.
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Guest
Mark, I can't explain these thoughts, but all they are.....are thoughts. Your mind when healthy can properly filter these and other thoughts out with no problem at all (we're human and we think about everything, and many times other people, tv, and the radio assist with that). Right now with OCD and such it won't let you...because you won't let it. It's so hard because the more you think and dwell on it the worse it is. Anxiety, OCD, and whatever else is going on is a horrible thing that so many people do NOT understand, YOU CAN DO IT. Practice with this program. It's work but it is so worth it!