Obssesing about relationships
I found myself constantly obsessing about the relationship I am in. I obsessed so much that this originally caused me to break up with the person, but now i find myself back in the same situation, now that were back together. I obsess about whether this person is the right person, i obsess that I am not always infactuated with this person, I obsess about being a relationship, and I obsess about if it's the right thing. This person is great, awesome to be with, but I find myself continuning questioning myself. It seems like I saw the brillance of the person only when we broke up for a couple months. I can't break this off again, because I am so unsure of myself, and it would be unfair to that person, but does anybody have any advice how to deal with this kind of anxiety in the meantime? Even if this person is not the one for me I shouldn't be worrying about it as much as I am.
Danrob,
I, too, obsess about relationships. It seems that I go out of my way to find reasons to obsess. This is my second go-round with the program and I am determined to not give up on myself. The breakthrough is coming I can feel it. Good luck to you and take it one day at a time. When the thoughts come just observe and don't entertain them. As Lucinda says, "Just flow with it" and then say something positive about yourself to yourself.
I, too, obsess about relationships. It seems that I go out of my way to find reasons to obsess. This is my second go-round with the program and I am determined to not give up on myself. The breakthrough is coming I can feel it. Good luck to you and take it one day at a time. When the thoughts come just observe and don't entertain them. As Lucinda says, "Just flow with it" and then say something positive about yourself to yourself.
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Loving Mom
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 12:33 pm
The Disease of Perfection.
Let me draw you a picture of the monster you're fighting.....It's spelled "FEAR" You're focused on the fear of making a mistake.
Do yourself a favor, take a 15X magnifying mirror and look at your nose. Do you see how large the pores are? How long the hairs are? How red those little veins are? You're nose is huge!!!. It's ugly.
Keep in mind this theory: That which you focus on grows larger.
Now take your magnifying glass off your relationship and place it over something that matters to your relationship ....
That which you focus on will grow larger.
Let me draw you a picture of the monster you're fighting.....It's spelled "FEAR" You're focused on the fear of making a mistake.
Do yourself a favor, take a 15X magnifying mirror and look at your nose. Do you see how large the pores are? How long the hairs are? How red those little veins are? You're nose is huge!!!. It's ugly.
Keep in mind this theory: That which you focus on grows larger.
Now take your magnifying glass off your relationship and place it over something that matters to your relationship ....
That which you focus on will grow larger.
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keepontruckin'
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 9:34 am
I too am a commitment phobic and Loving Mom nailed it. I have been in and out of wonderful relationships my entire life - always looking for smarter, prettier, taller, shorter - anyone but who I had. I finally found what i always dreamed of - and once she said yes to my proposal of marriage I freaked out. We have now been engaged 3 months and after many rounds of therapy, books, cd's and this program - I realize I let me brain/ego take control of my "being." OCD people need control and loving someone means taking a leap of faith and relinquishing some of that control. It's very difficult and the brain will look for drama and ways to sabotage every relationship until you realize only YOU can make you happy. I am doing much better now but still have brief moment's of "what if." People like us will always be looking for something better - the next high. Unless we change ourselves and look within for true love and happiness. Think of the good and the bad will soon pass. Good luck.
Reading everyone's post is making me learn more about myself. In fact the entire program is teaching me things about myself that I never realized. It is very difficult to look yourself in the eye and acknowledge serious flaws.
I have been married twice and divorced twice. I am in a relationship right now and yes, I am terrified of the what-if's. I am trying so hard to relax. Fortunatly my partner is very positive and upbeat and he helps keep me grounded. It still hurts though when he tells me things about myself.
If I didn't know he loved me I would be very upset hearing some things. For instance he mentioned the other day that I am flamboyant in my dress and grooming. I admit I like different things, but here I'm thinking I look good.
This revelation is really scary for me.
I have been married twice and divorced twice. I am in a relationship right now and yes, I am terrified of the what-if's. I am trying so hard to relax. Fortunatly my partner is very positive and upbeat and he helps keep me grounded. It still hurts though when he tells me things about myself.
If I didn't know he loved me I would be very upset hearing some things. For instance he mentioned the other day that I am flamboyant in my dress and grooming. I admit I like different things, but here I'm thinking I look good.
This revelation is really scary for me.
fortyplus02
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Guest
Hi:
Well, flamboyant can be good or bad. It is all in how you feel about flamboyant. Are you sure he meant that in a negative way.
But I know what you mean. It is hard to look inward sometimes.
However, I am skeptical of someone who tells another of their faults all the time. Doesn't sound right.
He must have picked you because you were attractive to him. So why pick at the flaws now.
Sorry, I maybe shouldn't look at it that way.
But I think that one should be built up, not torn down.
Anyway, hang in there.
Just do the program.
Thanks for sharing.
MJ
Well, flamboyant can be good or bad. It is all in how you feel about flamboyant. Are you sure he meant that in a negative way.
But I know what you mean. It is hard to look inward sometimes.
However, I am skeptical of someone who tells another of their faults all the time. Doesn't sound right.
He must have picked you because you were attractive to him. So why pick at the flaws now.
Sorry, I maybe shouldn't look at it that way.
But I think that one should be built up, not torn down.
Anyway, hang in there.
Just do the program.
Thanks for sharing.
MJ