Does anyone struggle with this?Washing hands forever,folding clothes perfectly(everythings got to line up,counting to ensure enough time has been spent to accomplish a task?
These and many other compulsive habbits have greatly affected me in my home at the job and elsewhere.
At one point in my life I practically became paralyzed due to ocd. I,ve made improvements,but have a ways to go yet.
I,d like to know how others have dealt with this.
Liz
OCD rituals
-
EastcoastGirl
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2009 9:11 am
I used to be like this. I used to have to alphabatize things like tapes, cds, spices. I had to have things all lined up like in the spice cabinet. I could walk into any room in my house and tell if someone moved something even one inch out of place. I dont' know why but after my father died I stopped obsessing over these things and honestly I drive myself nuts sometimes trying to figure it out. I still do like things in order like that but I can't be bothered doing it anymore. The only thing I notice that I do is I have to close and open all the window shades in my house clockwise, strange I know. I've convinced myself if I open them out of order I will have a bad day LOL how stupid is that? My father was a perfectionist and I think I liked his approval when I kept the house clean etc the way he did. I remember being little kids we weren't allowed to go out and play on saturday mornings until our weekly cleaning was done. I had the chore of cleaning the bathroom, dusting the wainscot in the hallway and cleaning my half of the bedroom that I shared w/one of my sisters. Her chores were to clean her half of the bedroom and vacuum the three flights of stairs in the house. I remember I used to get sooooo mad at my sister because I would use wood polish to polish my half the entertainment center I used to take everything off polish the wood dust all the things that had to go back on etc. My sister used to just "blow" the dust off her side, it irritated me enough that I told on her one day. My dad (being a smart *ss) went up with a white glove on and swiped his finger across her side and told her to do it the right way. To this day as far as I know she's still wicked lazy and her house always looks a wreck, laundry always all over the couch etc. After my dad passed I stoped obsessing, I still keep a clean house vacuum and dust almost daily, but I don't freak out now if there's dog hair on the floor or something is left on the kitchen counter etc. Like I said I think I stoped obsessing because I no longer got the "nice job" compliements that I used to get from my dad. I know that I was that obsessed with cleaning because I loved hearing my dad tell me what a good job I did. Now I appreciate a clean tidy house but if I don't feel like cleaning I dont' do it, I know my house is clean even if there are things left out on the kitchen counter or my desk has pappers on it etc.
Liz,
In order to get over this obsessiveness you will need to stop doing them and feel the anxiety associated with not doing them. Do you see what I mean? Do this with the help of a therapist if you want to, but you don't have to. Stop folding and refolding, stop counting, stop making your bed - leave it unmade all day long - infact, all week long!, stop the counting. Give each obsession you do a name. Counting Connie, Folding Flicka, Neat Nikki - whatever. Just acknowledge when each thing arises - for example: Oh, Connie, there you are. I've been expecting you. Welcome. (But don't count - just welcome "her" in.) Same with Folding Flicka, etc, etc. Don't fight any of it but don't do it anymore either. Use your breath to keep you focused and go about your day. You'll be uncomfortable for awhile but it will pass and you'll find that balance you are looking for. You have to try it for yourself to see what I am talking about.
In order to get over this obsessiveness you will need to stop doing them and feel the anxiety associated with not doing them. Do you see what I mean? Do this with the help of a therapist if you want to, but you don't have to. Stop folding and refolding, stop counting, stop making your bed - leave it unmade all day long - infact, all week long!, stop the counting. Give each obsession you do a name. Counting Connie, Folding Flicka, Neat Nikki - whatever. Just acknowledge when each thing arises - for example: Oh, Connie, there you are. I've been expecting you. Welcome. (But don't count - just welcome "her" in.) Same with Folding Flicka, etc, etc. Don't fight any of it but don't do it anymore either. Use your breath to keep you focused and go about your day. You'll be uncomfortable for awhile but it will pass and you'll find that balance you are looking for. You have to try it for yourself to see what I am talking about.
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold
-
shawnafromtexas
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 2:37 pm
EastcoastGirl,Thankyou for your response.
I also have a father whose a perfectionest.We,re the brand of perfectionest that becomes paralyzed due to our unrealistic expectations of ourselves.We become overwhelmed with the task at hand that we rarely finish it.
So instead of having a spotlessly clean house,mine is a mess.It takes me triple or more of the time that it takes others to complete a certain task.
If I don,t feel up to performing as the perfectionest in me tells me I should,I simply don,t do anything.I could certainly understand if someones opinion of me is ,lazy,doesn,t care.
When in fact it,s the complete opposite,I care very much but you,d never know that by the evidence.
Exhausting isn,t it?
I,ve often wondered why also?
I can,t say that I feel compelled to do certain crazy things otherwise I,ll have a bad.day.I really don,t know.
one other example of a compulsive act is(no longer do this)I felt I had to read every word on a package,or can before discarding it.Go figure!?
A task must be done in a painstaking tetious manner in order for it to be acceptable.The longer it takes,the better.What a nightmare.It,s as though I,m punishing myself.
I remember as a kid,whenever my father would ask me to do anything I,d get this sick feeling inside.I knew this would turn out to be a long drawn out project.
A therapist whom I saw briefly,years ago,thought this was the root of my problem.Don,t know.
I,m glad you responded.It was good to hear from someone with the same crazy issues.I,m also happy to hear that you,ve made improvements in this area.Thats great news,you must feel relieved.
Liz
I also have a father whose a perfectionest.We,re the brand of perfectionest that becomes paralyzed due to our unrealistic expectations of ourselves.We become overwhelmed with the task at hand that we rarely finish it.
So instead of having a spotlessly clean house,mine is a mess.It takes me triple or more of the time that it takes others to complete a certain task.
If I don,t feel up to performing as the perfectionest in me tells me I should,I simply don,t do anything.I could certainly understand if someones opinion of me is ,lazy,doesn,t care.
When in fact it,s the complete opposite,I care very much but you,d never know that by the evidence.
Exhausting isn,t it?
I,ve often wondered why also?
I can,t say that I feel compelled to do certain crazy things otherwise I,ll have a bad.day.I really don,t know.
one other example of a compulsive act is(no longer do this)I felt I had to read every word on a package,or can before discarding it.Go figure!?
A task must be done in a painstaking tetious manner in order for it to be acceptable.The longer it takes,the better.What a nightmare.It,s as though I,m punishing myself.
I remember as a kid,whenever my father would ask me to do anything I,d get this sick feeling inside.I knew this would turn out to be a long drawn out project.
A therapist whom I saw briefly,years ago,thought this was the root of my problem.Don,t know.
I,m glad you responded.It was good to hear from someone with the same crazy issues.I,m also happy to hear that you,ve made improvements in this area.Thats great news,you must feel relieved.
Liz
Boon,Thank-you also for your response.I know that your advise is right.I,ve tried it and have made some improvements.There are certain areas though that are very difficult for me.
As you said I have to allow mysef to experiance those feeelings(anxiety) and keep moving ahead.
Sometimes I wish someone would stand by and coach me,give me permission to do that which I,m uncomfortable with.Guess I,ve got to do that myself.
I appreciate your words of advise.
Liz
As you said I have to allow mysef to experiance those feeelings(anxiety) and keep moving ahead.
Sometimes I wish someone would stand by and coach me,give me permission to do that which I,m uncomfortable with.Guess I,ve got to do that myself.
I appreciate your words of advise.
Liz