Loss Of My "Safe" Person

Always Worried · Post by **Always Worried** » Mon Mar 30, 2009 1:56 pm

Hi! I just was interested to know if anyone's OCD got worse after the death of their "safe" person. I could always talk to my mother about bad episodes when they happened, and she was able to "reassure" me. Since her death last May, I'm finding it had to deal with my OCD, because I'm now alone. My brother lives in MO, and him and his wife don't have any compassion for what I'm going through. I lost most of my old friends when I had to take care of my mother before her death, and eventually "wore out" myself. Without friends or family, dealing with the OCD is very hard for me. I would appreciate other's viewpoints on this subject. Thanks!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:25 pm

Hi Worried!
I feel much compassion for you. I know you are scared and lonely.
But the truth is that in this condition that most of us on this forum have suffered with and still battle occasionally, if not often, we are all on our own as for as controling our thoughts is concerned. No one except ourselves can pull us out of this pit. Ourselves with the help of our higher power.
If you look back on it, you will realize that tho' your Mom was indeed a comfort to you and her comforting took some of the edge off - yet,
she really was unable to get you over this dispair of thought.
It is going to take some conscious work on your part but you have a choice. You can continue this horrible dispair, or, you can began to work on your thought processes.
Do you have a notebook? Or a tablet there?
If not, ask one the aids there to get you a tablet.
Write down some of those negative thoughts. Write down just one of them.
You can start by writing down what you wrote here: "my safe person is gone and I can't feel better".
After you have written that you can counter it with a positive statement: "I am not alone. There are people on this forum who care about me. I can read what they write. And if they got to feeling better, then I can too."

There are 1,000's of people all over living alone. But usually there is someone you can reach out to around somewhere.
Start watching for that person. Or persons.
Is it an aid there, A nurse? Is it someone who brings the mail? Is it someone from a church.
Keep posting here and keep reading.
And remember to thank God when you awaken each day. God, as you understand Him.
I do not minimize your situation.
But I believe that there is always hope as long as we are alive.
Yet, I really have felt hopeless several times in my life. So I know the feeling.
But you will find hope here.
Keep coming back. Keep posting.
I live alone. I can be a friend. If you possibly can, get this program and start working on it some. It doesn't matter how old you are, this program helps.
It helps a lot.
Sending you my best thoughts.
MaryJane

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 31, 2009 12:12 am

Hi Always Worried,

I can certainly appreciate your sense of loneliness. These kind of things, makes you wonder about those friends you had. IMO, it is probably for the best. You can find fair weather friends anywhere including bars.

I am so glad that you have not resorted to that. God is blessing you and comforting you. I don't know who strong your faith in God is but, have you given any consideration to finding a true home church with brothers and sisters that will show you true Christian fellowship?

I will share my love of the Lord and tell you that He sees you, He hears your cries and pleas for His healing, and He want to hold take you and place you at His breast. Please visit this site and let the Lord minister to your brokeness:

http://www.stevencurtischapman...theliveadventure.htm

Give Him the chance to show His Love, Mercy, Kindness and Grace, if only so that the Lord hears my Hearts Cry for you.

Please search the net for a local church of loving, spirit filled brothers and sisters with a teacher that understands the perfect strength of our Loving Heavenly Father, and His faithful Son.

Verses 9-16:

http://www.holybible.com/resou...le=Romans&Chapter=12

There are many here that will extend their loving hands out to you and will pray for your sake. If I can be of further support, and encouragement, please feel free to PM me.

There is more to this life! I will try to show you the way through song and word as the Lord leads me.

May God continue to shower you with His Love and His store house of blessings. Amen

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:09 am

Thank you eveyone who responded to my post. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, kindness, and friendship. It really helps me to read the posts on this forum. Take care!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:38 am

You're not alone. I know exactly what you are feeling. I was very close to my parents (not healthy I had horrible separation anxiety as a child and early adult from them) my dad passed away when I was 28, he was my "security" I still lived at home w/my parents then and couldn't understand why my friends all moved out and couldn't wait to get away from their parents. I always got along w/my parents etc. I went through depression and panic attacks after my dad passed away to the point I had to sleep w/my mom for 2 months, she always was my "safe person" but it got worse after my dad died, I couldn't go out w/out her etc. About 3 years later my moms health was going downhill and she needed someone w/her full time, so I took care of her until she passed away. During all of this I had a falling out from the majority of my siblings (anger over inheritance etc). I live alone and have since my mom died 4 yrs ago. As crazy as this may sound I started making my dog my "safe person" (I know crazy!!) it was only recently that I hit rock bottom and felt like my dog wasn't my safe person anymore nor did my house feel like my safe place anymore. That's when I found a book that made me realize I have to be my own safe person and safe place. I didn't want to put that "responsibility" of being my safe person on my best friend either.

Most of my friends have also moved out of state in the last few years so I know how you feel.

Hang in there. I'm sure we will all make great strides overcoming our anxieties. You can always PM me if you need a friend.

Sporadic · Post by **Sporadic** » Thu Apr 02, 2009 5:26 pm

This is actually a big fear of mine. My mom is my safe person and we are very close. What will I do if she passes away? How will I know that I am ok and safe without her? She is the only person I feel completely safe with when I am having a panic attack or if I am sick. These thoughts lead to intense axiety and depression. I know I have to stop with the negative scary thoughts, but its hard.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 03, 2009 1:36 am

Chrissytina,

Thanks for responding to my email. I hope your mother lives a long time. Appreciate every minute you have with her. It's been very hard in the year since my mother's death, but I try to take things one day at a time, if possible. Also, try to get a big network of friends now, so you won't feel so "lonely" when the day comes that you actually lose your mother. I never wanted to think about it either, but we all know that it is going to happen one day. All the best to you. God bless you, and take care of yourself.