Constant thoughts

highanxiety · Post by **highanxiety** » Fri Mar 13, 2009 11:14 pm

Hi I have been suffering with stress now for a few months. It started off as depression. Which then developed into anxiety. All of a sudden I had a scary thought while at work in the office that went "what if im secretly a crazy person and I would do something to hurt a collegue or anybody that came near me." These thoughts completley bewildered me so much so i ran out of the office in fits of tears. Ive been off work for days. This fear has now moved on to being my friends and family and anybody i come into contact with i even had the thoughts when i saw the doctor seeesh! I dont want to upset anybody but when i get this thought i actually see myself throttling a person to death and i visualise it an analyse if i am truly capable of just 'losing it' and doing this to someone! I went to see my family last night and all the kids were around i was panicking all night i used to love seeing my family but i get this vision everytime i even look at someone. Yesterday i came very close while having an attack to checking myself into hospital. I went to the doctors and he has perscribed me with 50mg of seratonine. Im praying this will work! Does anybody out there feel as bad as i do? I just want to be me again and not have this 'fear' i feel sick to my stomach most of the time. Im may lose my job through this aswell im having so much time off.

Naustin · Post by **Naustin** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 4:57 am

Hey highanxiety
When you went to your doc what did he/she say about it? I suffer from the scary thoughts that produce anxiety. My therapist said that all they are is anxiety and nothing more. She said she has never in her career seen ANYONE act on an OCD thought. They are so scary but that is why they cause anxiety. If they weren’t scary we would not be anxious over them. For a while I had really bad anxiety over schizophrenia. I thought what if I just got it. Well I now realize that it is impossible to just get. I am so sorry you are having these thoughts. But you are not alone!!!! After reading Lucindas book I realized so did she. We have wonderful imaginations we just need to use them for good, not to constantly scare ourselves. You are scared of these thoughts not intrigued by them. I think the best thing my therapist ever said to me was that she has to spend some sessions convincing people that they have mental issues and are showing irrational behavior and then with me she has to convince me I am normal and that everything I am experiencing is just anxiety.

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 5:04 am

Hi high Anxiety,

Please go read this thread:

http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...&r=22010155#22010155

follow it and you'll get to sister creepy's post. click on the link she provides and sit back and be ministered to by the living word of God. Same with the link below.

You have over analyzed your anxiety and yourself right into a box. You are in a hole. Stop digging.

Be Still and know that He is God and He is in control of everything, and that you are in control of your own thoughts. So stop your thinking and start listening. Be Still and know.

BTW, if you scroll on the words in bold they are links to another site. If you already knew that please accept my apologies.

not · Post by **not** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:45 pm

Dear highanxiety
Yes we all have had (or most of us anyway) these thoughts to one degree or another some extremly intense and some more mild but it all adds up to the same common denominator (STRESS). I used to worry when I went to my sisters house that I would throw my niece off the balcony on the penthouse floor of a high rise. Boy was I under stress (steming from a meaningless relationship that I should have ended months before the stress hit). I could not go to her house for a long time because the feelings were so strong and I absolutely adored my niece who was a baby at the time. So I knew I must be crazy. I could not tell anyone obviously or they would definitely attest to my "I must be nuts theory" so I just walked around in a constant state of paninc trying to decide if I should check myself into the nearest mental ward. And I am as sane as they come (I promise! lol). Yes I do know for a fact and from personal experience that these thoughts are very common and are just the minds very clever way of distracting us from what is really bothering us (which I might add is never ever as bad as the obsessive scary thoughts). Have you started the program yet? I have been through the program one time and was cured of the obsessive thoughts completely. It is a reaction to high stress and that is all it is, you are not crazy, the fear will pass and you will be your old self again I promise. Also if anyone else has experienced high anxiety, high stress they know exactly what you are feeling and they probably think just as I did that it is no big deal except to you who is experiencing it. So again do you have the program? If not when are you planning on getting it and how soon before you can start working it? Honestly this program will be your ticket to freedom. One last thought, you are exactly the same person as you were before the anxiety started. Your thinking is just distorted because of stress. You will be the exact same person only better (is that an oxymoron? lol) when you complete the program. Better in the sense that you may very well adapt the skills to handle your stress more effectively so that you may never ever experience these types of symptoms again.

highanxiety · Post by **highanxiety** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:04 pm

Hi there thank you for your replies. I really want to get the program but i cant because i live in the uk I dont think it will work. I am trying not to avoid things and get used to being around people again which is proving really tough, especially when people who know me well ask me what is the matter and why I look so down and skinny these days.. i know these people mean well but aghh its a nightmare! I'll see how the medication works for me. Thanks for being there guys.X

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:29 am

If you can't get the program then perhaps you could buy a couple of books - Freedom from Fear by Dr. Howard Liebgold at amazon or angelnet.com. The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer. Right now I feel you need to understand how your mind ticks. You have obsessive scary thinking and nothing more. You are harmless. I know your feelings feel real but they are simply a reaction of your thoughts. (Use the material in the books along with your medication.)

It is best not to avoid as this makes the fear worse (altho the fear is still not real and will never be real for you). It just gets stronger and stronger when you avoid people and places. Go back to work. Feel those scarey feelings and understand that you will not act on them and that you have these thoughts because that is the nature of ocd. Remind yourself that it is just your ocd and nothing more and then keep busy in the moment with whatever you are doing. As time goes by you will be able to joke with yourself about these thoughts. You'll be able to see how ridiculous they are. Until this time I would recommend the two books. There are more out there but there is no need to overwhelm you. Also, www.ocdonline.com is really helpful.

Breathe in and hold for four counts then breathe out slowly. Return to your breath to keep you out of your head. Get into the habit of this.

You'll be allright. Other posts on this forum will be helpful to you as well. Look in the OCD threads. You are among 170,000,000 other people. You are not alone and you are safe (and others are safe around you.)

highanxiety · Post by **highanxiety** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:28 am

Thankyou for the words of encouragement. The fear is getting worse for me i have to say i am off work still and i may check into hospital as i fear everyone at the moment. I fear for my life i fear for my boyfriends life i fear i am never going to get back to normal. Will my zoloft ever start working. Its like I cant think about anything else at the moment. When i try to get on with something to distract myself like walking the dog and doing the gardening the thoughts are still wih me. The only time the thoughts and fears are not with me is when im asleep. I wake up in the mornings and im sick because of my fear. Is there a way out of this miserable prison because i feel as if i just cant go on anymore.

Charlie617 · Post by **Charlie617** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:08 am

I realize that I am new here to this forum and I am certainly no professional, just another victom of some of the same disorders. It is only my opinion but from 20 years experience with depression and anxiety, it does take a few weeks for the meds to kick in. If you sincerely feel you may do yourself or others bodily harm then maybe you should look into more drastic measures as you mentioned. Only you know if you just need to chat with others that have been there or if your fears of these violent acts may seriously come to pass. I'm not yet on the program but seriously contemplating it, but no program or meds will solve your problems in a matter of days. Please take your emotions seriously. Many of us have had similar thoughts and will be here for you if you need to talk about your feelings but it is of the utmost importance that you realize, and I think you have, that the impulsive feelings you are having are not a good solution. If you hadn't realized that, you wouldn't be here. Hang in there, and if you need help, ask!!! New here or not, I KNOW that there are many of us that care. We cannot solve your problems for you but we will be happy to share our thoughts and experiences so you will understand that you are not alone.

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 5:24 am

Hi High Anxiety,
I suffered from agoraphobic, panic attacks and severe depression for 21 years, so, I know exactly how you feel...The program changed my life, but, since the program is unavailable to you...You might want to read the forums which I have posted...You can go to the community and connect with others...You can then go to my profile, and it will give you an option to view my forum posts...I have posted quite a few...so, be patient, and you will more than likely find one which can help you...You may also enjoy this video Father's Love Letter-Video

lucie · Post by **lucie** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 5:55 am

Welcome to the site. You are totally normal. These are common anxiety and obsessive compulsive feelings. See if you can pick up some relaxation CD's at your local library and the program might be offered for sale on some books sites on-line (at a discount). What works best for me is Xanax - kicks in within 20 minutes and makes you look at things in a calmer light. The Zoloft will take longer to start working. I;d call your MD today. Hope this helps.