ocd thoughts ra escaring the crap out of me!

godsbabygirl · Post by **godsbabygirl** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 10:43 am

why is it that everyone on here seems to obsess about health? my obsessions are never about health, but more of what i watch on the news and stuff. if i see a serial killer i will obsess that i am one or become one. my biggest fear right now is becoming a pedafile. it scares the crap out of me just to write that word. im 22/f and dont understand why this is happening. does anyone else have these fears? its gotten to the point where i avoid kids, wont go near them, cant babysit anymore, defently wont change diapers anymore. i never had these thoughts until watching the news and hearing about a guy that kept having sexual thoughts about kids so then he went to a school and killed all the kids. then i started worrying that i would have sexual thoughts about kids and then by trying to not have them i started having them. i would run to my bed and cry and have panik attacks. now this is destroying my life. i obsess over wether or not im "one of those sick people". i no i would neevr do that, but theres always the what if i lost control and did? ahhhh, these thoughts drive me insane. am i alone with these thoughts? i didnt even want to post because i dont want anyone to think i really am a sick or bad person, i swear im not! please reply, im freaking out! these thougths have been going on for months ever since watching the news that night!

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:28 am

I am also 22 and female. you dont even know how many times i fear things like that. i used to fear about killing people. or what if i kill someone or kill myself or do something terribly bad. i have felt that way for years. i always always thought i was the only one who felt that way. i would even try to talk about it to my sister or b/f's and they didnt understand. you are not alone!!!

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:29 am

by the way. you are not sick or a bad person. please dont think you are.

miche · Post by **miche** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:44 am

Please read Lucinda's book, From Panic to Power. She addresses scary thoughts. Rest assured, because these thoughts terrify you, you will never act on them. The thoughts you have are all anxiety related. If you enjoyed those thoughts, then there would be a problem.

Face your fears, say aloud your thoughts, write them down, take a run and scream your fears at the top of your lungs, and then watch them lose their grip on you.

It's ok to talk to a counselor about your fears, they won't lock you up.

Hang in there, you are not alone.

(((HUGS)))

godsbabygirl · Post by **godsbabygirl** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:46 am

tyhnak you holly for replying.it helps to no others have the same thoughts that you do. it has gotten to the point where im scared to go to sleep because i dont want to have dreams about doing smething sick. i obsess the second i wake up in the morning and start annalizing my dreams to see if i had an "innapropriate thought". it makes me sick. i can promise you one thing, i will neevr watch the news again! lol. i hope there is others on here with the same fear, i feel so alone and i feel like a sick person for even having these thoughts. in the program they tell you to just laugh at them, but there isnt anyhting funny about it, its disgusting! the worst part is i want to have a baby, but am to scared that i will have these thoughts. i dont want to be afraid to be around my child. please if anyone else has gone through this please reply. it took all the courage i have to come on here and write this. and if i dont get replys then i will feel even more scared. thanks everyone for being there!

godsbabygirl · Post by **godsbabygirl** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:50 am

miche,
you say be assured because these thoughts scare you.. and they do, but then i start obsessing and thinking well do these thoughts really scare you or do you really want to do this? i no i dont but i cant stop looking for that appsolute certainty that i wont ever do this or want to do this even though i find it so sick and disturbing. anyone else? i really wish someone else went through this exact same thing!

dyoung · Post by **dyoung** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:47 pm

i can totally relate to your thoughts. i have obsessive thoughts about hurting people in my family. and now with this virginia tech thing they have gotten worse. i feel for you because i feel what you feel. it is a relief in some ways to hear somebody honest enough to say what they actually think. for that i thank you. remember be positive. you will not act on your thoughts no matter how much you feel you will. i think the feeling they produce are what is so scary, not the actual thought. email me anytime you need to talk or share things. ericdawnbehryoun@wmconnect.com

dyoung

IGDewers · Post by **IGDewers** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 1:01 pm

I have scary thoughts about ******* and running my car off the road. Have for 10 years. Its gotten so much less than it used to and even moreso after the program. It helps me to think of these thoughts as ballons that are floating all around me. In my mind's eye I gather them up and tie a bow around them. Then I see myself let go of them and they float to the ceiling or I put them away in a room. They are nagging thoughts that have no validity. They pass through everyone's mind, but most people let them float in and out. Since I have a habit of looking at all of them obsessively the visual of letting the pass by helps a lot.

You will never do/be any of things, ever. I promise. And I also promise that soon you will be free of the obsession. You will be able to let the idea pass through your head and then let it go.

Take care
Ivy

WantMyOldSelf · Post by **WantMyOldSelf** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 1:20 pm

I obsess about health *now* but in the past I have obsessed about being schizo, my relationships, etc. The content of the obsessions doesn't matter - I could obsess about whether or not I was turning into a frog and it would be just as scary and terrifying as you obsessing about being a pedophile or harming family members. What matters is how we handle the obsessions and react to them!

Joy Nelson · Post by **Joy Nelson** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 3:33 pm

Hi,
Gosh do I relate to what you are saying... I too had disturbing thoughts go through my mind then it seemed like the more I was scared of them the more they would come and get worse and worse... I too would tell a couple of my family members and my husband and they would help as much as they could but it wasn't much relief! I know what you mean when u wish the obsession was just about health or something cause then it wouldn't feel so shameful... Please know that you are a good person and this disorder feeds off that and gets to us more... I watched a Oprah a few years back that had a teen girl on there that had the thought she would be a pedofile and she wouldn't babysit, or be around kids etc.. She also had rituals though where she couldn't walk without counting and things like that... They were so helpful to her and explained different things which could help her. I am sure if you check on the Oprah website it would be soooooooooooooo helpful 2 you! I am here and so is everyone here that is why these are so great to be a part of! I too have been struggling with my scary thought for a few years now and this site and program have saved me so much! Take care and contact me too anytime:)
Joy