Was it a dream or reality?

scared&confused · Post by **scared&confused** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:42 pm

I have this severe phobia of HIV and I constantly watch for needles in places that I have to touch or sit or anywhere my body makes contact. Well, today I had this STRANGE thought, I guess it was a thought, that I had handled a needle and was trying to break the needle part off and got stuck w/ it. It seems so real, like it just happened yesterday. I can't seem to figure out b/c it feels so real, if this is something that has happened recently, in the past or if its part of my imagination. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? I'm so afraid, afraid of getting HIV first and second of losing my mind! How do I know if this is real?

britt8200 · Post by **britt8200** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:33 am

Have you considered going to get an HIV test so you can put it out of your mind?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 2:39 am

I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING ABOUT A YEAR AGO. I HAD THIS BIG FEAR ABOUT HAVING HIV. I HAD GOOD REASON TO. I HAD BEEN WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE IN COLLEGE AND IT WAS NOT ALWAYS SAFE. I ALWAYS THOUGH THAT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND THAT I HAD IT AND THOSE COMMERCIALS THAT CAME ON WERE TAKING DIRECTLY TO ME. I DROVE MYSELF MAD EVERYDAY. IT GOT TO THE POINT WERE I COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I HAD A PANIC ATTACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I WENT AND GOT TESTED THE NEXT DAY. THANK GOD IT TURNED OUT TO BE NEGATIVE. GET TESTED!!! IT IS ONE LESS THING YOU WILL HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT. I HAVE BEEN THERE SO I KNOW. GET TESTED AND YOU WILL SOME PEICE FOR MIND

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:15 am

That's the thing... I have been tested every 3 months for the past year. I had an affair and I found out the person I had the affair with was not the person I thought they were. Anyway, in contemplating ending the relationship, I thought about the effects he had had on my life and just how much he had cost me (my life, friends, family...) then, the thought crossed my mind... He has been in bars 5 nights a week and doing God only knows what and there were "trashy" girls #'s on his phone... So then, I thought "HIV". He could have given me something that I can't recover from. I can get all the other things back in my life but... I can't get rid of that. I became terrified. I went immediately and had an HIV test and I've had them every 3 months since 10/2006.. All negative thank GOD! But now I just cant seem to shake this fear. I guess maybe PTSD.. Just thinking what could have been. Anyway, is it possible that I have thought about needles and HIV so long and so deep that I'm now imaging that scenario in my original post? I can control NOW who I have sex w/ and I can chose not to use IV drugs but it's out of my control who may leave a used needle somewhere that I may get stuck... so i obsess over that fact night and day. Sound crazy? I just needed someone to say that they have been there and it's a normal part of anxiety to sometimes confuse our obsessive thinking and make ourselves believe it's reality. This is the only episode of this that I have had. I think too, maybe it was a dream that makes this seem familiar??????

Post by » Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:49 am

Hi scared,

Your brain is giving you messages that aren't real because of your anxiety. The same as with someone who needs to keep checking if they turned the stove off. Even though you've been tested numerous times you keep doubting the results so you keep obsessing. This IS anxiety. Your fear is keeping you stuck in the loop of HIV fears. Breathe through your fears. You are stronger than they. Get as much info as possible on treating OCD because that's what you have.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 7:28 am

Thanks for the input. I really need to hear that I'm not going crazy and imaging things. This thought seemed so real though. It wasn't a dream that I remember, I'm just hoping it was a dream versus something that my mind shut out from years ago or something like that. My mother was an IV drug user many years ago. I haven't lived w/ her since I was 9 years old but it frightens me to think that this could have happened to me and my mind shut it out. My dad was also diabetic so... IDK. I really just believe it's my fear playing tricks on my mind. I do remember a week or 2 ago, looking at an article in a magazine about diabetics. The whole front page was a mound of needles and that is my biggest fear so I just looked at it (trying to desensitize myself). I do remember dreaming some night between then and now about needles but I don't remember the dream. Maybe this familiarity is my supressed dream making it feel real? I hope so...