Hello everyone,
I really thought i was getting better and once again a thought has ruined my whole week. I am now starting to think what if my therapist has misdiagnosed me and i am in fact a monster who would hurt innocent children.
I love my little girl so much and it breaks my heart when i have these thoughts. The thought started yesterday when i was in a park with my two friends and their children. I needed to change my little girls nappy so i did this and as soon as i took off her nappy i had this awful thought again i don't want to type it as i feel sick to the stomach. I asked my friends for reassurance that everything was ok but i still feel very down and anxious.
My little girl was one last friday and i also had a horrible thought then. Sometimes i sit there and think right my therapist has said exposure if the only cure so i sit there with my little girl when she hasn't got the nappy on and encourage the thoughts like she told me to. If i don't feel sick when having the thoughts i get panicky as i think that means i think they are acceptable. I have always said to my husband if you think i could hurt anyone i would rather be locked up.
I sometimes sit here and think right you horrible thoughts encourage it and think ok if you were like that try it then and i get all anxious and i start to sweat and my heart starts racing.
I think i'm getting better but then other days i think i'm getting worse. As you know mum's and dad's blow raspberries on their babies but i don't like doing it as i get scared that this is wrong or i might lose control.
Any advice would be so much appreciated
xx
Another bad week with horrible sexual thoughts
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Guest
Dear crazy cakes, I hurt for you and I'm praying for you right now! I have had thoughts of people doing things to me that I don't wish to discuss. It hurts sooo much to see you going through this awful pain. Please hang in there and DON'T give up, if you are in this program or doing another is it working? Can you look back and see if you have been making any progress, are you having some good days now compared to none before? Please keep trying to move forward as so many people before you have already treaded this ground and conquered it.
Last edited by Chief Crazy Horse on Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
I forgot to mention!! Regardless what your thoughts are they are harmless. We all have different thoughts and dont matter what they are, they all come from our anxiety. If you would be capable of doing such thing you would not be here looking for help. People that are capable of doing things like that enjoy, they are not afraid or panicky like us. You are in prayers, and believe me, you will be just fine! 
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Guest
You don't have control over what thoughts come in but you do have control over what you do with those thoughts. The fact that you are upset with these thoughts tells you that you will not do what you fear. This alone will not comfort you, however. Experience will prove to you that you will not harm anyone. Experience is exposure. Our brains are "show me" organs. A very good book (and there are others) that will help you is Freedom from Fear by Dr. Howard Liebgold. I have mentioned his book many times on the forum. It's an excellent source for exposure therapy and will be great support for you while you are seeing your therapist. Share it with her.
The mind comes up with all kinds of bizarre thoughts. We are very imaginative. It's important to understand that people who are not phobic also have these thoughts. They dismiss them without being upset because they know they are bogus thoughts. Phobics get scared and fight the thoughts so the the thoughts keep coming back over and over and over again.
Remember your breath work. You can prevent more thoughts from bombarding you by using your calm breath to break the cycle. Focus on the fun things you do with your child as best you can. Your thoughts will try to claim your attention over and over until you no longer resist. This is fine. Just bring yourself back to your breath and to what you are doing in the moment.
Continue to work with your therapist. Again, the above book can really be helpful and lend you the support you need to understand that you are OK. Great exercises are offered in this book as well. Persevere. Don't give up. You can heal from this.
My best to you.
The mind comes up with all kinds of bizarre thoughts. We are very imaginative. It's important to understand that people who are not phobic also have these thoughts. They dismiss them without being upset because they know they are bogus thoughts. Phobics get scared and fight the thoughts so the the thoughts keep coming back over and over and over again.
Remember your breath work. You can prevent more thoughts from bombarding you by using your calm breath to break the cycle. Focus on the fun things you do with your child as best you can. Your thoughts will try to claim your attention over and over until you no longer resist. This is fine. Just bring yourself back to your breath and to what you are doing in the moment.
Continue to work with your therapist. Again, the above book can really be helpful and lend you the support you need to understand that you are OK. Great exercises are offered in this book as well. Persevere. Don't give up. You can heal from this.
My best to you.
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Guest
thank you all to your replies i know what your all saying but you are right boon nothing really convinces you at the moment that you aren't going to act upon your thoughts even though you know you wouldn't theres always that question of doubt.
I also worry that i will be going through the rest of my life thinking what if i have already acted in such a way but cant' remember the exact details how will i carry on with a normal life at the moment it doesn't seem possible. Sounds really stupid cause i spend most of my time worrying i do think when this OCD does go what will i do with this spare time?
I watched a documentary last night on a child that went missing in 2000 called Sarah Payne and this really was awful do you think watching things that you are scared of is a good thing?
Or can it make you dwell on the thoughts even more.
Also sometimes when i have thoughts i immediately wrote them down with the date and the events what happended do you think this is helpful or it this reassurance too?
xxx
I also worry that i will be going through the rest of my life thinking what if i have already acted in such a way but cant' remember the exact details how will i carry on with a normal life at the moment it doesn't seem possible. Sounds really stupid cause i spend most of my time worrying i do think when this OCD does go what will i do with this spare time?
I watched a documentary last night on a child that went missing in 2000 called Sarah Payne and this really was awful do you think watching things that you are scared of is a good thing?
Or can it make you dwell on the thoughts even more.
Also sometimes when i have thoughts i immediately wrote them down with the date and the events what happended do you think this is helpful or it this reassurance too?
xxx
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Guest
hi cakes....so sorry that your struggling with these thoughts. The mind is a complex and curious creature....but perhaps you might need to have the "love" of a man? I know that your thoughts scare you but you are just human and perhaps you need to have a little stimulation in the proper manner so that you will feel satisfied and not feel these feelings.
You say your baby is just oneyear old that first year of Motherhood can be a very challanging and overwhelming period. A mother can feel neglected by her spouse because of the demands of the new baby, maybe you dont feel as sexy due to having had a baby, maybe your tired and by the time your partner comes home you feel tired and dont have the energy for a romantic night.
But maybe you need some connection with your partner to satisfy your needs. WE are all human. I dont know if this is what you need but maybe its something you hadnt thought of. Maybe your thoughts arent that you want to harm or abuse the child maybe you are craving the connection, love, and security of a good old fashioned adult evening.
Dont let the thoughts scare you into thinking your a crazy person. You might just be simply lonely for lovemaking. So find that time and find that energy and get with your partner and see if maybe just maybe your sexual urges are tamed a bit.
I have faith in you that your not a monster. I am proud of you for bringing your issue to the forum that shows that you have rational thought. "monsters" as you call them dont care. It doesnt bother them to think or act these things you speak of. You do care. It bothers you very much...that shows clearly that you are sane and that you have rational thought.
You are ok....
Being alone and Lonely are two very different situations.
Dodger
You say your baby is just oneyear old that first year of Motherhood can be a very challanging and overwhelming period. A mother can feel neglected by her spouse because of the demands of the new baby, maybe you dont feel as sexy due to having had a baby, maybe your tired and by the time your partner comes home you feel tired and dont have the energy for a romantic night.
But maybe you need some connection with your partner to satisfy your needs. WE are all human. I dont know if this is what you need but maybe its something you hadnt thought of. Maybe your thoughts arent that you want to harm or abuse the child maybe you are craving the connection, love, and security of a good old fashioned adult evening.
Dont let the thoughts scare you into thinking your a crazy person. You might just be simply lonely for lovemaking. So find that time and find that energy and get with your partner and see if maybe just maybe your sexual urges are tamed a bit.
I have faith in you that your not a monster. I am proud of you for bringing your issue to the forum that shows that you have rational thought. "monsters" as you call them dont care. It doesnt bother them to think or act these things you speak of. You do care. It bothers you very much...that shows clearly that you are sane and that you have rational thought.
You are ok....
Being alone and Lonely are two very different situations.
Dodger
Dear Not-So-Crazy-Cakes,
I understand where you are coming with irrational thoughts and feelings. Understand that you are normal and that millions of people before you have gone through the same thoughts and feelings. Anxiety has many heads and I am confident that you are a great, loving, sincere person. Follow the program through and feel all there is to feel. I have gone through the program with similar symptoms as you and can say, that it does work. Rest assured that you are not going crazy and that the good people at the StressCenter.com and this support group will be there for you. It's a wonderful place to have and we are blessed to have this. I am with Lucinda on the fact that anxiety stigma's must be eliminated. We all know it's a bad habit that we have got into, that's it. You too will break this habit and be clear of these thoughts. I will pray for your well being and a speedy recovery for kicking this habit. Remember it's only anxiety and a habit that YOU will break. YOU have the strength and will power to do this.
Zoe
I understand where you are coming with irrational thoughts and feelings. Understand that you are normal and that millions of people before you have gone through the same thoughts and feelings. Anxiety has many heads and I am confident that you are a great, loving, sincere person. Follow the program through and feel all there is to feel. I have gone through the program with similar symptoms as you and can say, that it does work. Rest assured that you are not going crazy and that the good people at the StressCenter.com and this support group will be there for you. It's a wonderful place to have and we are blessed to have this. I am with Lucinda on the fact that anxiety stigma's must be eliminated. We all know it's a bad habit that we have got into, that's it. You too will break this habit and be clear of these thoughts. I will pray for your well being and a speedy recovery for kicking this habit. Remember it's only anxiety and a habit that YOU will break. YOU have the strength and will power to do this.
Zoe
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Guest
Crazy Cakes - You are futurizing. Do you see? It's the same as What ifing. It's all future. Your scare voice (or whatever you want to call it) does not have a crystal ball. It's just another way to keep you out of the present moment. It will trick you over and over and over again until you see this. You will not harm anyone while going through this process so don't go there either.
Practice bringing yourself back to the present moment. The minute you catch yourself going into the future, stop and use your breath. You're breaking a cycle. Then focus on what you are doing in the present moment. You can say things like: "I see what you're trying to do. I don't have to go there with you anymore." And then do your best to stay present. You have several opportunities a day to practice this. Create a new habit. You will soon see what a bunch of garbage your mind is feeding you.
Nah, I don't think it's helpful to write that stuff down anymore. You've probably got journals of it. You know you have a scare voice. There's no need to continually keep in your mind what it says. It's garbage. Start to use the word "Whatever" instead. You hear stuff that scares you - just say, whatever. If that isn't comfortable then start to say: "Not today. Come back tomorrow." And then you reinforce THAT statement by saying it day after day after day. Pretty soon that scare voice is going to get tired of not getting the negative attention you've been giving it. It will give up and leave or become so tiny that you can just dismiss it easily.
There will come a time with exposure therapy that you may be asked to watch certain things and read certain things (on purpose, deliberately, as you are ready to expose)that will create anxiety for you, but for now stay away from stuff that triggers this until you get a good grasp of the tools. Once you are able to welcome anxiety in then you can watch whatever you wish in order to help you get over the fear of anxious feelings.
That really is the whole challenge - learning to be unafraid of your anxious feelings. Once you are no longer afraid of them, the things that trigger it now will no longer affect you anymore. They'll be gone. You'll know it's over. You'll know you're free.
Be patient. This will all come. Start right where you are at. You'll get there and you will heal from this.
Practice bringing yourself back to the present moment. The minute you catch yourself going into the future, stop and use your breath. You're breaking a cycle. Then focus on what you are doing in the present moment. You can say things like: "I see what you're trying to do. I don't have to go there with you anymore." And then do your best to stay present. You have several opportunities a day to practice this. Create a new habit. You will soon see what a bunch of garbage your mind is feeding you.
Nah, I don't think it's helpful to write that stuff down anymore. You've probably got journals of it. You know you have a scare voice. There's no need to continually keep in your mind what it says. It's garbage. Start to use the word "Whatever" instead. You hear stuff that scares you - just say, whatever. If that isn't comfortable then start to say: "Not today. Come back tomorrow." And then you reinforce THAT statement by saying it day after day after day. Pretty soon that scare voice is going to get tired of not getting the negative attention you've been giving it. It will give up and leave or become so tiny that you can just dismiss it easily.
There will come a time with exposure therapy that you may be asked to watch certain things and read certain things (on purpose, deliberately, as you are ready to expose)that will create anxiety for you, but for now stay away from stuff that triggers this until you get a good grasp of the tools. Once you are able to welcome anxiety in then you can watch whatever you wish in order to help you get over the fear of anxious feelings.
That really is the whole challenge - learning to be unafraid of your anxious feelings. Once you are no longer afraid of them, the things that trigger it now will no longer affect you anymore. They'll be gone. You'll know it's over. You'll know you're free.
Be patient. This will all come. Start right where you are at. You'll get there and you will heal from this.
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Guest
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your replies.
Dodger i do see where you are coming from i'm certainly not lacking any love and my husband has been so suuportive since i've been ill.
I agree its tiring having a baby etc etc but the last thing on my mind is love making when i'm having these awful thoughts and all i can think about is the thoughts i do get anxious when it comes to love making and my husband is aware of it.
I know that i personally need to put my husband first and stop dwelling on me as its been me for and year now and believe me i want to give my husband attention and be like we used to be but its very hard when i've got these huge burdon hanging over me and i sometimes feel that my husband might be fed up and leave me because of my OCD as there is only so much that someone can put up with.
I am going to try and have a really good week next week i will take into account Boon everything that you have said breathing etc. Would really like to do program but worried that i will undo all the work that i've done with my therapist and that it may be a different approach and it might make me worse.
x
Dodger i do see where you are coming from i'm certainly not lacking any love and my husband has been so suuportive since i've been ill.
I agree its tiring having a baby etc etc but the last thing on my mind is love making when i'm having these awful thoughts and all i can think about is the thoughts i do get anxious when it comes to love making and my husband is aware of it.
I know that i personally need to put my husband first and stop dwelling on me as its been me for and year now and believe me i want to give my husband attention and be like we used to be but its very hard when i've got these huge burdon hanging over me and i sometimes feel that my husband might be fed up and leave me because of my OCD as there is only so much that someone can put up with.
I am going to try and have a really good week next week i will take into account Boon everything that you have said breathing etc. Would really like to do program but worried that i will undo all the work that i've done with my therapist and that it may be a different approach and it might make me worse.
x