Afraid of Everything

Psalm 27 · Post by **Psalm 27** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:36 am

I have been suffering from OCD and Panic disorder since I was 10 years old. Some say it may related to head injury i sustained from softball. I had reconstructive surgery. Every since i have always thought something was wrong with me. If i read it, or saw it on TV, or heard someone say it, I had it. No matter what it was. It use to be all medical until I was old enough to relize I am not going to have a heart attack at 25. Then i started thinking, "what if its mental?" what if I am schizoprenhic? or what if i start seeing things, or hearing things? And then i feel like its right on the verge of happening. I got diagnosed 2 years ago and went on Zoloft for about 6 months. Afterwards i felt like i was normal again. Until 3 weeks ago. I was watching a movie I KNOW i should not have and it all started there. I am right back to square one. What if, what if, what if. I guess what worries me most is that i know what is wrong with me but i still cant help what if they are wrong. i have the program, but am only my second week. any advice?

dreamwalking123 · Post by **dreamwalking123** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:54 am

Stick with the program! It will work if you work it! Take a big deep breath…you are not alone. I too worry about my physical ailments and catastrophasize everything. There are a few rules that I have set up for myself to keep me from obsessive health worries. #1- Do not surf the internet for any symptoms or feelings that you think you have (especially WEBMD!) #2- I don’t watch the news anymore- it tends to depress me too much. #3 – Fill your mind with positive things. Read a good book or focus on studying some verses or positive affimations.
One thing that has helped me too is just knowing that I am not the only one going through this…we are all in this together. Be good to yourself and take care!

Mom of 6 · Post by **Mom of 6** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:47 am

Psalm27, I know exactly how you feel

It is a scary "feeling" to think that we have some horrific illness. I too, think at times that My anxiety will get so bad that I will slip into Schizophrenia and start hearing and seeing things. My main reason of "feeling" this way is because my mother IS paranoid/Schizophrenic. She was diagnosed when I was just 13 yrs old. My panic disorder started when I was 15. The "fear" of becoming like my mother is the deep rooted reason why I struggle with anxiety/OCD/Depression. As you've probably seen on this forum from others, it is TRUE that YOU WILL NOT go crazy!!! People with major mental illnesses don't really know that they have a problem. They don't "what if" or fear their illness. Us, with anxiety 'fear" becoming like that, therefore WE WON'T! You are not alone in this. Continue with the program, it will help you tremendously! I know what it's like to "fear" the "what if their wrong". I go through ALOT of that. I keep telling myself "it's just anxiety, let it go" The hardest part is I see my mother on a regular basis and I'm constantly reminded of her illness. I love her so much and continue to pray that someday she will be healed from it.
If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.
take care and God bless you
Robin

Ruth77 · Post by **Ruth77** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:45 am

First and foremost, please see the physician who prescribed the Zoloft and let him/her know what is happening. They may change the dosage or switch you to another type of medication (Celexa, Paxil, etc).

I myself, even have a fear of medication, so I've been trying keep my anxiety/panic disorder until control with cognitive-behavioral methods (much to the dismay of a few doctors who think I should just relax and take something like Celexa).

I can very much relate to your "fear of everything". One of the things not mentioned here, that I have found to be somewhat helpful with my own obsessive fear-based thought process is to turn off the NEWS, although ironically, I'm a news junkie, so I try to click on CNN.com and check to see how much uplifting news I can find.

There's so much bad news being reported round the clock (if it "bleeds, it leads"), and it doesn't help fear-obsessed personalities to dwell on the negative news in the world, especially when there are truly many wonderful things going on also.

Also, (you already alluded to it) definitely steer clear of horror or very scary movies, ditto for similar types of books.

I know it may sound corny, but I recently signed up and took Oprah Winfrey & Eckhart Tolle's 10 week course entitled "A New Earth" (based on Tolle's best-selling book). It is a tremendously helpful book for people who have that constant "negative chatter" in their heads. It really helped to be able to watch each 90 minute Internet class to help have each chapter better explained by the author, who has learned to master "living in the now" and help end your self-conflicts and suffering by living in the past or anticipating the future.

Other things that greatly help people with fear-based obsessive thoughts is to keep busy with fulfilling things like volunteering (doing something good for others in need will often take your mind off of your negative thoughts) and also, routinely exercising (brisk walks, bike riding) and learning how to deep breathe.

I wish you much peace and comfort.

Barb G. · Post by **Barb G.** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:59 am

Psalm 27, I was going to reply before anyone else posted. Instead I decided to get my Bible and read 27.This is what I had written next to it. "Rest in the test. That's trust." I thought that was good. Also the last part of vs.1 "The Lord is th;e stronghold of my life". STRONGHOLD, I've usually thought of that as a negative thing. Depression, confusion, anxiety are strongholds. Well, I need to focus on the Lord as my stronghold. Read this Psalm over again, maybe in different versions. I think it will speak to you once again. Although the depression has not completely lifted, it is better and I'm able to go on with my work. Keep working your program and I'll pray for you. Hang in there. We're all in this together. Thank God when we fall back in the hole, there are others here to pull us out.

Leigh_Calgary · Post by **Leigh_Calgary** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:31 am

Arh -- just wrote a long reply and submitted it, but it did not show up!

I'll summarize:

1. Many of us have had the exact same thoughts (yep, I used to think I was going to do terrible things, then I would think about those people who hear voices and do terrible things, so I was sure I might start hearing voices telling me to do those things). If that's the case, then this is a common symptom of what you have been diagnosed with.

2. You know what you are having the feeling. If you think "what if I start to hear voices" and then you feel like you are ABOUT to hear voices, there is no mystery as to where that feeling came from, and it's not a sign of being crazy. Actually, it's a very logical result.

I was so bad I once could not get out of the fetal position on a couch for two days, just because of my obsessive thoughts telling me I had to control myself. I am still agoraphobic, but my obsessions are gone. The answer was in logic and knowing that I was the cause of the problem, and trusting that no matter how sure I felt that I would act on my thoughts, I knew I would not. It's incredibly hard and I would never minimize that, but I also kept those thoughts secret, which is why people like you and me think we must be crazy, because we do not know others commonly have the same thoughts as part of having anxiety.

Your brain is trying to explain your fears by finding things to ascribe the anxiety to.

I never found an external source of strength to help -- it just made me feel more helpless because I was relying on asking someone else to help me or keep me strong when the problem was not external, it was buying into my own worries.

Please trust that if many of us have had these thoughts, and if it's common to anxiety disorder, then you probably have the right diagnosis.

Schizophrencs dont' realize that their thoughts are strange, and they dont' start out by worrying that they might have strange thoughts. Worrying about going crazy just means you are scared of going crazy -- who would not be? but it doesn't mean there is any chance you will. YOu are too aware of when your thoughts are strange, so you have a very firm grip on reality.

Leigh_Calgary · Post by **Leigh_Calgary** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:32 am

Oh, and what Ruth said! Keeping busy helped me more than anything. Even washing the walls can help -- whatever you can do.

Psalm 27 · Post by **Psalm 27** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:39 am

thank you all you. i already feel better. in the back of my mind i am telling myself theres something more to it, but i know if i pray hard, and continue to read your inspiring messages that i will feel better eventually. god bless you all. thank you

rose_thorn98 · Post by **rose_thorn98** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:34 am

Stay with the program. I had all the same fears and the program worked for me. One thing my therapist pointed out to me is that if I was crazy I wouldn't know it or suspect it. So, just the fact that I'm worried about it proves that I am not. I agree to stay away from things on TV or movies that could set you off. I NEVER watch any scary movies. Just stick to the romantic comedies and funny movies. Keep with the program and especially lesson 10 will help you alot.