How to live with someone with OCD?

2boysmama · Post by **2boysmama** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 7:47 am

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone has experienced difficulty living with someone else with OCD, or if you have it--has anyone else had a hard time dealing with it? I have a spouse in complete denial over himself having it. It is destroying our marriage. I am going thru the program to eliminate depression, however he is not much help. Whenever anything goes wrong, or is not up to his standards, according to him it is always because me, and is my fault. For example, this week he was furious at me because 1) Monday, i had to leave with one of our kids to pick up my mom from the car shop at a certain time. He was still on the phone with an "important person" and thought that I was completely out of line for needing to leave so quickly ( and not be able to watch our other son, which he had agreed to do earlier). I was already 15 minutes late 2)He was angry that when he got home, there were crumbs and food on the carpet that I didn't immediately clean up. I was getting ready for a big job interview, had both boys (3 and 1 yrs), and then going immediately to work after that.

Anyone know how to deal with this? It just seems to be getting worse and worse.

Thanks,
slw

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 10:52 am

It was a challenge for my husband to understand me in the beginning, but as I've improved dramatically, he takes me lightly and it helps me tremendously. I can even see a tad of OCD in him now and we both pretty much make light of the situation. I wasn't in denial either.

Right now my suggestion to you would be to continue working on yourself. Learn your assertiveness skills, anger skills, soothing self talk, when to walk away and when to stand up for yourself. You can never change anyone else and as long as he remains in denial there really is nothing at the present time that you can do to get him to wake up. Work on you. That's your best line of defense right now. Perhaps even seek support from a therapist to help you handle your husband's behavior. Use the forum for support and be very gentle with yourself. It's possible that you'll gain more understanding of your husband's OCD and compassion for him will override the frustration I truly understand that you must be feeling right now.

My best to you.

BeatAnxiety07 · Post by **BeatAnxiety07** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:28 am

Based on what you wrote I am seeing two things.

1. Was he actually diagnosed by a pyschologist with OCD, or have you come to the conclusion that he has it?
2. It doesn't sound like OCD to me anyway. It sounds like he may have OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) but I'm not a pyschologist nor do I know him or you; but that is what it sounds like based on what you said. It could just simply be that he is not being compassionite enough to you. Therefore, you need to seek out relationship couseling (however it will probably be very hard for you to convince him to go if he has OCPD or is just simply arrogant.)

For OCPD Reference: <A HREF="http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.php" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.php</A>

As for dealing with someone that has OCD: the only issues that usually face someone living with another person with OCD, is the person with OCD becoming housebound or simply having to hear them talk about having OCD all the time and looking for reassurance from you and having to deal with their rituals (you need to make them stop not help them with their rituals)

If those are the problems you are dealing with then there is an immense amount of help out there for you. Let me know, first off, what the actual parts of his OCD are bothering you. Otherwise if it is those things that are bothering you above, which don't sound anything like OCD, then your best bet is to seek out couseling for yourself and if you can drag him to relationship couseling that would be great. If it turns out to be OCPD then study that article and try to drag him to a counselor. To give you an example of OCPD the movie: In the movie, "As good as it gets", Jack Nicholson plays a guy that is virtually identical to a person with OCPD; although they say its OCD.

Few Points:
Stand up for yourself (Why couldn't he clean up the crumbs on the carpet? Does that happen a lot? or was that the first time? if that was the first time then he was out of line.)
You are your best friend
You can survive on your own with out anyone else
Relax!!!

cfe · Post by **cfe** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 1:45 pm

I am so excited for you! 2boysmama, you have the tools in this class to help you to learn to be accertive, and lay down your boundries, so others won't treat you badly. My husband was a Corp, USMC VietNam Vet. when we were maried I had to teach my baby to eat with a spoon early, and messes, of any kind was not tolirated. I so wish I had known then what I know now.

I didn't call him on his behaivor for 30 years and by then, I was ready to walk, thanks to this class you will be so far ahead of that. I will never forget the first time I confronted my husband with his bad behaivior. He had no idea I was so unhappy. I find men in general are sefcentered, and we need some of that! for a little while, you will feel like you are becoming selfish, but remember "You are the only one you can change" and I can tell you from experience others will treat you diffrent when you start expecting to be treated better. Comunication with my husband was the reason I bought this course, and it is working, he is so attentive, and helpfull, and understanding, like never before. I am able to express, my needs, withought tears, because I am becomeing less affected and more effective. It is wonderfull! now I am working on slowing my life down, and listening to him more and he likes that. I feel he loves me more than ever, and I know I love him more than I ever have too. I Hope the best for the four of you, I so wish I had this back when I was raising our kids, what a diffrence that would have made, now I share what I am learning with them, for I raised them to be people pleasers too. I don't want that legacy for my grandkids. I want them to demand respect just by their attitude about them selves, because they deserve it and you do too.

Lonewolf · Post by **Lonewolf** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:32 am

Could someone please help?
I am very new to this.
A member of my family i think may have OCD.
Here are the symptoms.
She will stay in her room for days in fear of contaminating someone.
Cannot touch anything fearing contamination.
will make me and memebers of our family undress and repeatedly shower time and time again
i am finding it difficult to cope with. any suggestions?

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 1:27 pm

HELL YES SHE HAS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

wicki123 · Post by **wicki123** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:04 pm

Hi Lonewolf-- It sounds like your family member very well may have OCD. You can check the OCD foundation website <A HREF="http://www.ocfoundation.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocfoundation.org/</A>
to find more information and get a list of therapists who specialize in OCD. I would recommend seeing a therapist to get a diagnosis. Good luck to you!

lilchrissy · Post by **lilchrissy** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:24 pm

Saw this OCD post on another board and thought Eddie's advice in this one might be helpful.
<A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 9031054104" TARGET=_blank>http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 1054104</A>