Still obsessing about going crazy, HELP!

mallorygodisgood · Post by **mallorygodisgood** » Mon May 11, 2009 5:12 am

I cant seem to shake this guys, and I really need help!! I am constantly terrified that I am going crazy...schizo...whatever. At night I cant sleep because I am afraid that I will hear voices or see something that isnt there. Then I get myself so afraid that I cant even sleep. It is hard for me to be alone also bc I am afraid that I will go crazy and do something and nobody will know. My hubby works all day, and I am a college student and I am out for the summer. I really have nothing to do. I have been looking for a job but NOBODY is hiring and I dont have any hobbies. I am really struggling here guys. I see a therapist and he tells me that I am nowhere near crazy, why is this so hard for to believe? I feel like this fear is ruining my life. I am so terrified of losing my mind and sanity, it is ruining everything. My hubby and I are having a hard time bc I just dont have fun anymore, this fear is just gripping me and I cant figure out why. I am so afraid that this isnt really anxiety, that it will develop into something much worse. I am not on any meds, bc I cant tolerate them. I want to beat this crap and know that I did it, but I am really having a very hard time. This is all so scary for me, and im not sure that others struggle with this certain fear to the extent that I do. Nobody in my family is schizo...or any mentall illness for that matter. I have all these random thoughts and they scare me and make me think im on the verge of losing it. Can someone please just tell me how and if you deal with this? It is ruining my life. help.

highanxiety · Post by **highanxiety** » Wed May 20, 2009 9:26 pm

I know how you feel. My anxiety is all about going mad/ insane and ill just lose it etc. This fear is ruining my life too:(

Christian73 · Post by **Christian73** » Thu May 21, 2009 12:57 am

I have this worry too. I've discussed it with my therapist and read up on it quite a bit. I also have a friend who is bipolar. A few years ago, before she was diagnosed, she became so manic that she had delusions. As a close friend, I had a front-row seat to her breakdown.

Here's the thing. People who are becoming psychotic or schizophrenic don't realize it's happening. The very fact that you're worried about going crazy, proves that you're quite sane.

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Thu May 21, 2009 5:20 am

Mallory - High Anxiety,

Make going crazy ok. Accept that it can happen in life to people. Stop fighting the thoughts about it.

Thinking you are going to go crazy is not a call to action. You will never create it for yourself. Fearing it is resisting it. It will haunt you until you finally just allow the thoughts to come and go. When you hear the thoughts just say: "Ok. Whatever you say." Make this a walking mantra for yourself. When you stop resisting the thoughts about it, you will no longer be bothered by them. They will minimize. They won't seem so strong and you can dismiss them easily, effortlessly.

Practice. This won't happen over night. You must practice every chance you get. Believe me, you will not create it.

Let go of resisting your thoughts. Stop reacting to them and you will find your peace.

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Fri May 22, 2009 5:59 am

I can relate to this so well! I have times when I'm falling asleep and I'll think I see someone in the room. It used to scare me to death then I started wondering if I'd start hallucinating. actually my pdoc told me that the visions upon falling asleep are hypnogogic hallucinations and they are normal. She said people that are "really" crazy don't question what they see. They think the person is real and start talking to him or whatever.

I have finally gotten past thinking I'm CRAZY by talking to a couple different psychologists. This may not be the preferred way. . .going around askign for one opinion after the other but it finally helped me. I told them the worst of my thoughts and the assured me I wasn't bipolar and I wasn't crazy.

Now though when I get really really bad I start worrying that even though I am not crazy, that I would just somehow get so bad I'd have to quit working and then our lives would suffer.

I finally decided to get some help from medication. And believe me I am TERRIFIED of mediccation. I have tried it several times for only a day or two and then give up.

This time I decided to try just a tranquilizer first. I had tried Xanax before and a lot of people like that but it makes me feel like I'm on a roller coaster. So I tried Klonopin and that was better. Then after a couple weeks of going back and forth on taking that (being afraid that I'm going to get addicted) I went and got an antidepressant to go with it.

I'm taking Celexa. My pdoc said I need something to help with the obsessive thoughts along with the anxiety. I'm only on the 3rd day and I had to call a friend and walk around the block twice to get the nerve to take it today. . .but I did it. I finally decided that if I'm going to get better . . I might need a little help.

Plenty of people get over this without medication but I've been struggling pretty hard for the past 4 years. I've had anxiety for over 20 years, and I took something for it about 15 years ago . . . then was in sort of remission for a few years. . .but no it's back. And I'm tired of it running my life.

If I have to take something to help me feel more "sane" then it's worth it. I just hope this medication works because i don't want to try one more and one more medicine.

I tried going on birth control pills but they just made me gain weight and get tired. We'll see how it goes.

Any way. . .do you journal? that helps me to replace the negative thoughts. I write down my fears and then write down what is reality. . .try to unscare myself.

Hang in there. if you're afraid of being crazy that means you're not. Crazy people don't watch their every thought like we do.

ERB · Post by **ERB** » Fri May 22, 2009 8:02 am

Be greatful for the small things and you will find the power to be greatful for everything in your life. We set ourselves up for fear, panic, depression, by not believing in ourselves. We are strong capable people, and many many people feel just like us, none of us is alone. The best way to get our minds off of us is to focus on how we can help others and by this empowering all...

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Fri May 22, 2009 8:15 am

That is so true. It's impossible to focus on yourself when you are doing something for someone else. Sometimes it's hard to get out of your own mind. . .but it's worth it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 22, 2009 2:58 pm

Mallory...You are not going crazy...You know that in your heart!!!

Remember, a few nights back...You were thinking this, right??? You didn't go crazy then, and you ARE never-ever going to go crazy...Period!!!!

You need to trust yourself a little bit, Mallory!!! You have a very healthy mind!!!
In fact, you are brilliant!!!!

Use this Biblical Scripture....We are of those of a "sound" mind!!! I looked "sound" up once in the dictionary, and it meant "healthy"...If you can't believe me, then, I know that you believe the word of God!!!!

Mallory...What is really going on in your life, right now??? What is really bothering you?
Question yourself...

This fear of going crazy is actually just a "scary thought" which is covering up what has really been bothering you all these years!!!

You are NOT going crazy!!!! I am asking you to repeat this to yourself all day long, every day, until you begin to believe it...Because it is the truth!!!!

Do not give this thought any weight at all. Watch as this negative thought floats lazily by you like a cloud...Further and further away...Exhale acceptance and peace on this "obsessive scary thought"....Repeat this until you get in down-pact!!!!

Have a great night's rest, and do not allow this thought to take away anymore of your precious sleep!!!!

May God Bless You!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 22, 2009 4:26 pm

Mallory...Do not say, "I am not going crazy" when you talk to yourself...Say..."I have a healthy mind"...God says, "I do, and I know God cannot lie!"...Repeat this one, until, you are sick of hearing it!!!

You can do this, Mallory!!! I know you can!!!

mallorygodisgood · Post by **mallorygodisgood** » Sat May 23, 2009 4:20 am

Ms Tbones..im sure you get sick of reading my posts huh? LOL. Thank you so much for your response. I have been having some marriage issues...and my anxiety has been horrible for the past week or so...irrational thoughts in HIGH gear. Last night I slept peacefully for the first time in a little while, so that is a positive. Im sure that all this is coming from all the stress in my life right now..bc there is a ton of it. I do know deep down that I will not go crazy and that im not. I have just been have some health issues lately...vision problems and such, and of course it scares me. I know that I will be okay and I am trusting in God, that no matter what happens...ill make it and ill be okay. Thank you so much for responding to both of my posts. You always help me feel better and see what is really bothering me.