ocd thoughts ra escaring the crap out of me!

faith&hope · Post by **faith&hope** » Fri Dec 07, 2007 7:10 pm

To: godsbabygirl

Hi, I am 30/f. I have two beautiful baby girls and married and I have exactly what you have. I have had this for 2yrs.

Let me tell you how it started. I was watching a program (on Halloween). It was about a girl who died of a stomach disorder and I automatically thought that was me and started obsessing about going to the bathroom. I was constipated and I was scared I was going to drop dead at any given moment. I did everything I could to try and make myself better. I was so depressed and had constant anxiety and I would think things like what's going to happen to my family if I die and that it wasn't fair for God to bless me with a beautiful family and then decide to take me home.

Then after a year since I had seen the program I was still in constant anxiety and depression. I then became ill earlier this year on 2/07. My girls had passed the flu to me. One evening while I was in bed it seemed like a damn of fear had broken loose in my brain due to the stress of also being sick. I became so scared that I could not stay still and started to scream....

I went through hell this year. The deepest abyss I have ever been through and heard of. My thoughts were about hurting my daughters and it felt like my arms had a mind of their own and wanted to harm them and I fought it with every ounce of strength I had to keep away from them. My thoughts eventually were bad about everything and everyone. I thought something was going to force me to curse God and that was going to be the end of me. But I can honestly say I am on my way to recovery and I can finally hug my Girls w/out fear and I can finally step in a church again.

I started to give you my story but it's really long and if you want to know the hell I went through and how I have gotten this far then let me know and I will email you.

It's possible the anxiety, depression and OCD I have was worse than yours and if not then the same but no less. I am praying for you.

faith&hope · Post by **faith&hope** » Sat Dec 08, 2007 5:13 am

someone sent a private message invite but when i accept this req there is an error. whoever this is can you please try again. i am willing to talk.

Joey23 · Post by **Joey23** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 5:42 am

ok , i gotta start by saying i have really been doin better , i know exactly how all of you feel , ( serious ) i have been aplying the steps in the program and they didnt work at first and almost made my anxiety and crazy thoughts worse, but they're starting to actually work ! but any way , i feel i have to tell you guys something wierd that happened to me and hope for some type of response relief =)
well i had finally started to feel better , my mind seemed to be under control and i was about to crash out for the night, i'm laying in bed watching cops , and you know sometimes if you get a bit of silence you hear that high pitch sound , almost like your ears ringing well , i started to hear that...lol and sure enough what normally would have been disregarded and ignored almost through me into a frenzy, i started to hear it and i thought i was gonna start to panicing, i though "oh my God , i'm gonna here this for the rest of my life and now im really gonna snap no matter what the program says. Then i though before that happens i'll probably kill myself out of pure misery. so after this it was tough , i had to focus on a noise like the tv and just tune it out , exactly like you would a bad thought. so far it has helped but i admit, i'm still worried that tonight it's gonna happen again. PLEASE respond, im sure i will feel alot better.

"I've been to war , and this is harder"

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:23 am

I promise you, Joey, that what you are experiencing is nothing more that ego babble. Try to understand this: If you did not react to your thoughts they would just fly by you. You tell yourself - danger, danger, but there really is no danger. They are just thoughts. Practice observing your thoughts. Make this an all day long practice for yourself. Just watch them without attaching to them. When you find you have attached to them gently bring yourself back to your breath, or notice something in the present moment. Touch the chair, the pillow and pay attention to how they feel. When thought tries to claim you, again, and it will, just gently bring yourself back to your breath again. Practice, Joey. Learn to be the ever observer of your thoughts. You'll see for yourself as you work with this that they are just thoughts and nothing more. They can not hurt you. Remind yourself of this.

A very good book that I highly recommend is Freedom from Fear by Dr. Howard Liebgold.

heisthegreatphysician · Post by **heisthegreatphysician** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 2:13 am

Phil....

I struggle with thoughts of hurting myself all the time and I don not want to...DOes that mean I want to because I think this way? I am scared!!!!!It's like you are convinced that it will happen and I cry a lot because I don't want to hurt myself....

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:43 am

No, you will NOT hurt yourself. The fact that you fear it is evidence enough. You can calm down. Your ego thinking mind is doing a great job at scaring you and keeping you out of the present moment. Are you actively using the program? It will help you.

When you learn to observe your thoughts without attaching to them (without becoming emotional over them) they will no longer bother you anymore. They will come and go like a breeze and it won't matter one way or the other..

Practice being the observer of your thoughts. Just watch them without the emotions. Practice and one day you will see for yourself. Use your stop sign. Calm breath. And then bring yourself to what you are doing in the present moment. Focus on something outside of yourself.

Joey23 · Post by **Joey23** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:50 am

TRUST ME, if your scared of dying in any way, especially worried that you may hurt yourself, that alone is a CLEAR indication that you are not going to DO ANYTHING yourself. I myself had this, i would freak out at the thought that one day i am gonna be so miserable i'm gonna hurt myself, but its all just you, entertaining negative thoughts. Lots of us can relate to you, so your not alone.....Just by reading your message it seems like you really love life , your just scared of a thought. And that is a clear indication that your NO WHERE NEAR hurting yourself. So relax and tell yourself this, and private message me or anyone else any time =)

"I'VE BEEN TO WAR , AND THIS IS HARDER"

KC2002 · Post by **KC2002** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 4:13 pm

I, too, have had the harm yourself or someone you love thoughts. I've obsessed over killing myself (though I'd never do it) and over killing others or harming them too. It eats me up whenever that side of the OCD shows up.

The only peace I can give you is that if it were something that you were going to do, you'd do it, instead of thinking about it all day and night.

heisthegreatphysician · Post by **heisthegreatphysician** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 3:09 pm

Thank you all for your support. Yes I am doing the program 1 week today but I have already rushed to session 3.....It's hard for me to answer alot of the homework questions.... I become so overwhelmed and confused.....I have been working out everyday...Trying to eat right...and trying postive dialogue...It's just frustrating that I can't one day wake up and feel POSTIVE.....Do any of you have problems with replacing your negative and believing the positive? Hey Joey.....I have been trying to put my pic up and I can't figure out how to......Can you walk me through this?

ScaredOCDgal · Post by **ScaredOCDgal** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:50 am

I see that no one has posted here in awhile....but thought I would give it a try because I am having a VERY HARD day and see a lot of people who have discussed similar issues to mine.
I recently have had very concrning thoughts popping into my head, and I can't get rid of them. I used to be able to tell myself "just forget about that....just forget about it..." but starting last night - I've had these terrible intruding thoughts of hurting my daughter. I don't even like TALKING or TYPING about it because I love her SO much and it scares me to death. But I have the GRAPHIC images flash through my mind of me doing unimaginable things....she's currently staying with her grandparents for spring break and I'm not sure how to be around her without being scared out of my mind when she returns.
I just love her so much and I want her to be safe.....but these thoughts......they scare me SO badly....