Here we go

[Iwillbebetter]

Although I have been "dreading" it from the start.... I am here. This is the session that I stopped in last time. I have been thinking about it a bit lately, more to try to get a better understanding as to what caused me to stop. I know a lot of it was fear. Mainly of not being able to speak up. To stand up for myself and not feel bad about it afterwards which would then cause me to constantly think about the situation or I'd go back and appologize and say I was wrong knowing that I really wasn't. But I think fear lies behind all of the struggles not just being assertive. So I just couldn't conclude that was the only reason I wasn't able to keep myself going. I'm now thinking part of it that "stuck in the middle feeling" Lucinda talks about it in session 6 just breifly, but basically where you are realizing that you can no longer be the person you were, but you are not very sure on how to be the person you are becoming. I didn't really realize at that time I was feeling that way, but I have been noticing it this time. And coming to this session, I've been thinking more about it and realized I really felt the same way at that time also. Instead of realizing it then, I made the "excuse" that I wasn't ready and needed to work on my self-esteem. funny thing with that excuse is just working the program was building my self-esteem. Stopping to work on it only caused it to fade back to the nothing it had been.

Anyway - enough of my rambling time to get up and smile even in there seems to be nothing to smile about I'm going to do it anyway!! (Give it a try, it's hard to be mad, sad, etc with a smile on your face, even if it's not authentic!!)

[Nel01073]

Hi I also started this session today. Ive dealing with alot of stress lately so its become harder to do the program I catch myself putting it off because of it but I too realized it only makes it worse and once I pick myself up and keep going I just feel so much better it helps me to deal better with everyday struggles. So keep going dont give up and good luck.

[Iwillbebetter]

Nel, thank you for your reply! Yes "putting it off" does only make it worse. I think especially while going threw this we almost need it daily. Until it becomes almost natural. I have deffinately noticed a difference in me, my mood etc. on the days I don't seem to do any of the work. It is deffinatley important for me to do something "program related" daily. It's almost like I need that daily reminder still or I forget...

There is this song I (My whole family) really likes right now... Keep your head up - by Andy Grammer - my favorite part...

"Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."

[Nel01073]

Youre very welcome. Congradulations on your courage and persistence. I heard somewhere character consists of what we do on the third and fourth tries. Its human to struggle and fall back into old habits but picking ourselves up and not letting those things control us is what makes all the difference. I heard this all the time but it took a while for me to grasp and put it into practice. I really like this session so far. Ive had some practice opportunities and its uncomfortable but I know Im in the right place and wont give up. I feel so empowered afterward. I went on youtube and listened to keep your head up. It sounded familiar but I dont think I ever paid attention to the lyrics. What it says is so true. It describes this so well. The songs sruck in my head now lol

[Iwillbebetter]

I know what you mean it can take me a while to really get a grasp on some of the concepts also!! Yes it is very uncomfortable, but yes the feeling afterwards is amazing. I know part of it with me and the assertiveness is staying with it. I always feel very guilty afterwards. But I will work on it!! I know I can get past it!!
I'm glad you listened to the song. That is now what I sing to myself when I start feeling down or any negative feelings. I love it. Well my whole family does.

[Nel01073]

Thats great. Music has such a positive impact on me and keeps me in the present moment . Let me know how youre doing.

[Iwillbebetter]

Well tonight I plan to get my workbook done, I like to listen to the CD a couple times before I do the book Things are going pretty well. I have had a few opportunities to use my assertiveness and although very akward and uncomfortable I did it and boy does it feel great!! Anyway just thought I would check in and let you know where I am at Hope all is well for you also

[Nel01073]

Im glad youre doing well. I know for me the workbook is the hardest part because I tend to avoid thinking about those things that I know I need to change about myself but just thinking about them makes me panicky But I know the program will work only if I face those things and practice changing them anyway I think Im gonna spend another week on this session. Keep practicing. We can do it.

[Iwillbebetter]

I agree the workbook is one of the harder parts. I do normally put that off a few days. I actually started it, I did the reading part, when it got to the questions I put it up. I also plan to spend another week on this session also. This is such a "hard" one. But as you said the program will only work, if we do all the work. We won't get where we want to be if we only do part of the work!! Yes practice, practice, practice!!! Happy days are coming!!

[Nel01073]

Yes the amount of effort we put into the program is what well get out of it. Knowing that we are worth it and that if we dont fight for ourselves no one else is going to. I have seen good results with using the assertive behavior but theres also been times I find myself avoiding those situations letting go of anger just so I wont have to deal with confronting a situation. Some situations need to be addressed because our anger will show up later in a much unhealthier way. Lets keep on trying