Lack of assertive role-models
In this lesson, we are told several times to find someone we know who has mastered the art of assertive behavior to emulate. I have thought about it and I can honestly say that I cannot think of anyone around me who I feel is truly assertive. As a matter of fact I think everyone I come into contact with could use this program. I hope I am not being to negative. I know I am not good at being assertive but when I observe others around me I am seeing that most people aren't. When I try to practice assertiveness skills on someone else, I find they often become aggressive and accuse me of spazzing out and being obsessive compulsive because I mention something 50 times( I really believe I said it calmly and pleasantly and only twice??). I just would love to meet these people who have "mastered the art of assertive behavior". I keep trying to picture myself as this assertive person and that my assertiveness will rub off on other people but it seems instead that their negativity rubs off on me. I am sorry this has turned into such a negative post. I am tired of people telling me not to worry about what other people think. That is easy if I do not really like the person but if I really like and respect someone I can't help but be really hurt by what they think. I just wish that the people I respected and admired where also people I could emulate but they are not. They are not practicing healthy assertive behavior either.
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Guest
Hi miss mag,
I have to agree with you. I think in this day-n-age, we have been raised with the thinking that if someone is assertive, they are rude & pushy, never taking into effect others feelings.
I grew up in a home where no one was assertive, except my dad. He knew how to get what he wanted, but seemed to be able to do this in a good, positive way. Unfortunately, he had a massive stroke when I was 10, and was never able to really talk for the rest of his life (21 years later).
This is one of the reasons I got this program -to help me become more assertive- to stand up for myself, and not back down when I am confronted, or need to confront someone. And yes, it is really hard to learn how to do this if you are not around anyone, or know of anyone who has this quality.
I think the best thing to remember is that there's a BIG difference between being assertive & being a jerk. Assertive takes self confidence, and self-esteem. Being a jerk is the complete opposite. You can be sure of yourself without being pushy or tactless. You can get others to see your point of view & ideas, with making them feel as if you're forcing them to listen.
Again, this is one of the BIG reasons I got this program. I need to learn how to do this. I want to learn how to do this. It's amazing to think how assertiveness and self-confidence goes hand-in-hand. When you are passive, I think it shows a lack of self-confidence, which is exactly where I'm at in my life.
Good luck in finding a role model. I don't think it necessarily has to be someone you personally know. I think you could think of a character in a book, or a well-known influential speaker or someone like that, you know, like Ghandi, or Martin Luther King, jr., etc.
Hope this helps. Good luck, and keep up the good work. You'll get there I know it!
I have to agree with you. I think in this day-n-age, we have been raised with the thinking that if someone is assertive, they are rude & pushy, never taking into effect others feelings.
I grew up in a home where no one was assertive, except my dad. He knew how to get what he wanted, but seemed to be able to do this in a good, positive way. Unfortunately, he had a massive stroke when I was 10, and was never able to really talk for the rest of his life (21 years later).
This is one of the reasons I got this program -to help me become more assertive- to stand up for myself, and not back down when I am confronted, or need to confront someone. And yes, it is really hard to learn how to do this if you are not around anyone, or know of anyone who has this quality.
I think the best thing to remember is that there's a BIG difference between being assertive & being a jerk. Assertive takes self confidence, and self-esteem. Being a jerk is the complete opposite. You can be sure of yourself without being pushy or tactless. You can get others to see your point of view & ideas, with making them feel as if you're forcing them to listen.
Again, this is one of the BIG reasons I got this program. I need to learn how to do this. I want to learn how to do this. It's amazing to think how assertiveness and self-confidence goes hand-in-hand. When you are passive, I think it shows a lack of self-confidence, which is exactly where I'm at in my life.
Good luck in finding a role model. I don't think it necessarily has to be someone you personally know. I think you could think of a character in a book, or a well-known influential speaker or someone like that, you know, like Ghandi, or Martin Luther King, jr., etc.
Hope this helps. Good luck, and keep up the good work. You'll get there I know it!
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Guest
I too am looking for an assertive role-model. I really agree with Charwood. I am reading a book From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett to help me with my lack of assertive behavior. (See pages 189-193) I tried the strategies today on a person that usually has ways of manipulating me to change my mind or do what he wants. I am very proud to say it felt wonderful using the strategies successfully. I am on my way now. Let me know if you find the supplemently book I mentioned helpful.