Realizing about friendships/social anxiety

[Iwillbebetter]

Sorry it's been a while, had inlaw for a suprise visit, and we are moving the end of the month. Anyway - when I read it about the "fake it to make it smiling thing" I thought yea right, no way, but thought still can't hurt to try it out, sure enough it did work. Can't say it totally changed my feelings, but it is HARD to feel mad or any negative emotion with a smile on your face!!
And yes Lynda, thanks - I might have to check that book out also. Gotta finish the ones I have first though lol

[LyndaLu]

dear iwillbebetter: I have also been trying to read a variety of books to gain some different perspectives

on life and living. I have read the Sam Obitz book called Been There, Done That? DO THIS !, it was a short

book about CBT and those TEA forms everyone talks about. It was a pretty decent read. I have read

From Panic To Power by Lucinda Bassett and that is a great companion book to the program. It has a lot

of the program in the book and it is as easy read, about 263 pages. And I just finished The 7 Wonders That

Will Change Your Life by Glenn Beck and Keith Ablow, MD. This book is inspirational and Glenn writes

about his life stories in his chapters and Keith writes his advice in his chapters. God is the forefront of

the book, so if you are not religious it may not be the book for you ? I just ordered a book written by

a Buddhist nun titled When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times by Pema Chodron.

Lynda

[keepsmilin]

Iwillbebetter, welcome back! Life is busy I know Glad the 'fake it 'til you make it' works for you. It won't solve all the problems no, but it is hard to be mad during smile time

LyndaLu, thanks for the books! I might have to check them out after the program. I am writing a list of books I want to maybe check out after.
I really hope you're doing better! I would suggest one day at a time...and remember..if you're feeling guilty, you're living in the past...if you're anticipating (and most likely feeling anxious)...you're living in the future....don't forget about our precious present moment One day at a time. Do one thing a day that is positive that will make you happy or feel good or smile. Try a work out. Read a good book. Do both. Go outside and look for jobs, not on the computer maybe? Interact with people when you are out....even just a simple "hello" with eye contact and a smile. These things can help. I really wish you the best and I know if you're persistent, you will get a job! And you can take it from there-build on success. And you just trying to get a job is success! And you coming on here is success!! Keep it up...think really positive...remember your "negative to positive" re-structuring...that will help! Write it down or do it in your head...or both. I give you mad props for asking for help and advice and seeking help and advice. One day you might not need food stamps, but that day isn't today, and that's ok. FOCUS ON THE GOOD. I think it's so important to.......
** Remember your negative to positive re-structuring....with every bad thought that leaves you feeling sad/bad/anxious/negative....FIX THE THOUGHT...by stating the positive..and then TURNING the negative to a positive.


Hope this helps!!

KeepSmilin

[LyndaLu]

KeepSmilin:
Thank you so much for the advice.
I will probably go visit my mom this weekend and that will make me feel better.
My mom is almost a shut-in, she is elderly. She likes to have company. My mom and I can both
combat our loneliness by being together for each other.
I spend one or two nights every weekend over at her place here in town.
Lynda

[Iwillbebetter]

Thanks its nice to be back, although it will be on and off for the next couple weeks I'm sure, next weekend we are moving Well the "fake it to make it" does work, but only sometimes lol I think for me it's more of a "cool off" so I can rationalize my thoughts better before reacting...

Lynda thanks for the book list I have read the lucinda book, and another one she wrote, I forget the title and it's packed away. I want to get the sam orbitz one everyone talks about but after I move... I am coming to religion so that might be a good one for me also It seems to really help me to read along with the program. I think the more information we have the better

[keepsmilin]

You're welcome!

I don't "fake it" much at all. I just came across that and shared it and tried it and it does seem to work. But, I generally just find something to actually smile about. Do something or think of something or problem solve until I have a good, happy, and/or "feel good" result/feeling

I wish you both the best in all life is offering you and all you're dealing with. I am well, and still, I am going through many changes/hard times as well. Just keep on keeping on Listen to your body. LOVE!!!

HUGS

[LyndaLu]

Friendships. My recommendation on friendships is to not "put all your eggs in one basket", but have a

variety of friends; different ages and careers and social status. You see, I "put all of my eggs in one basket"

by only having friends that were co-workers. We not only worked together, but we "played" together.

This is a great idea if you have other friends outside of the workplace too. I only had the workplace

friends and no friends outside of my job. Well, when the time came along that I got layed off from my

job, I left all of my co-worker friends behind and they are gone from my life now. I guess I could have kept in touch,

but I chose not to. Maybe that was not the right decision to make, but it is the one I made. They were

basically my friends because of the job and the job went away. They have their busy lives and being

around them would have just reminded me over and over again about being let go from my job.

Friendship, spread it around. You can make it serious, one on one, or keep it casual in group settings.

I basically have always done better with the one on one friendships where friends share their feelings

and hang out together and go places together, friends that can talk to one another.

PS: Thanks for all of your "smiley faces" they brighten up my day !


Lynda

[LyndaLu]

Sorry it's been a while, had inlaw for a suprise visit, and we are moving the end of the month.

I just wanted to wish you good luck with your move.
Are you moving in town so that you can keep up with your church activites ?
I was thinking about starting to go to church again, it has been a while.
I feel like I need God around while doing the program.
Well, that is all for now.
Lynda Lu

[Iwillbebetter]

Lynda, yes we are staying in town!! Funny people at church where worried when they first heard we were moving That was kind of nice to know they were worried we would be moving far... From the first time I tried it to this time, I can say it has been helpful having "god" there with me. (I wasn't going to church the first time I tried to do the program). I have always known "of" god, but I have never really "known him" which I am now finally able to do And it's great!! That alone can make you feel so good!! I would certianly recommend if you are not going, start looking

[keepsmilin]

Iwillbebetter

I wish you the best on your move and keep up the outings and the activities and the socializing. Congratulations...moving is a big deal and not easy to do and not low stress

Lynda,

I agree with you about variety of friendships. For sure. I think you can also have a casual one on one time, and a serious group setting...but usually it's a serious one on one or a fun one on one, and the group settings are usually more chill and free and almost casual and party style. But, have friends at work, at the gym or on a sports team or some active friends, some musical friends, and so on. I agree
I am glad the smiles help you!!
How is the job hunt coming along? Keep at it:) How is visiting your Mom?