Tired of being shy
I am just so tired of being shy. Just socializing with others takes so much energy from me. I really don't think I have any of the other fears that are discussed by many on this forum. I love to drive, fly, and travel and am not a hypochondriac. Shyness is really my only BIGGIE but it is a really serious biggie for me. I completed the program more than once but I just don't see the extreme shyness ever going away. I think if I wasn't so shy and introverted I wouldn't feel so depressed. This also prevents me from being assertive.
I completely know how you feel. Driving and flying are stree relievers for me. The only thing I'm afraid of is interacting with people because I'm so afraid that they will think poorly of me. I've been diagnosed by my dr with social anxiety disorder, taken medication, and done therapy, but no results. I just started this program and I really hope it works, because I know I'm missing out on so much of my life.
boy u two can fly if i look up at the sky i wanta puke im completely opp... i use to talk to anyone when i was concidered cute but im older now my anxiety keeps me distant now i'm just trying to cope with todays battles.. mag and shy i would love to just have that fear of being shy.i hope that dont sound insensitive but we all have our insucurities i guess... i wish u both well and your not alone every one is the same on that one chris
Welllll...you guys have made a good start by posting about it. That's one form of interaction!
I think that self-esteem issues have a lot to do with social interaction and shyness. Maybe instead of addressing "Shyness" and the problem look for the root source. What is it that is causing the shyness? Are you unsure of your words? Unhappy with your appearance? Think your clothes are wrong? Think you have nothing intelligent to say?
I know that you mentioned that you were afraid of what other people would think or kind of their potential rejection of you, but maybe for a change take that ball from their court and put it back in yours. Don't give them the power of rejection...it seems like you have already rejected yourself...why?
You guys seem like very nice, articulate people who I personally would like to get to know better. Don't assume that other people will think poorly of you every time...and question why you think that little of yourself to think that in the first place.
You deserve better. You are worth a good social life that you can ENJOY.
Blessings,
Dawn
I think that self-esteem issues have a lot to do with social interaction and shyness. Maybe instead of addressing "Shyness" and the problem look for the root source. What is it that is causing the shyness? Are you unsure of your words? Unhappy with your appearance? Think your clothes are wrong? Think you have nothing intelligent to say?
I know that you mentioned that you were afraid of what other people would think or kind of their potential rejection of you, but maybe for a change take that ball from their court and put it back in yours. Don't give them the power of rejection...it seems like you have already rejected yourself...why?
You guys seem like very nice, articulate people who I personally would like to get to know better. Don't assume that other people will think poorly of you every time...and question why you think that little of yourself to think that in the first place.
You deserve better. You are worth a good social life that you can ENJOY.
Blessings,
Dawn
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Ivyheart <><
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:04 pm
prv31mom
When I read your response to this posting I was floored!! Everything you said, I needed to hear. I do believe it has to do with self esteem and for me saying something unintelligent is a huge fear of mine. Instead of relaxing and talking, I stumble ovr myself and worry about everyting so much that I don't even remember the conversation. When I walk away all I hear in my head is things like.....you sounded stupid. I have trouble praying on the phone with the prayer group on Wednesdays, I try to talk and pray but it's like my mouth wont open. I just pray that I can get to the root of it like you said. I even find myself drinking before events so that I can relax enough to talk. I am in need of deep prayer for that situation. I feel the Lord is telling me not to drink.
Again I am blessed to come on this site and realize I'm not alone. We are all not alone!
God Bless and guide us!
Ivy
When I read your response to this posting I was floored!! Everything you said, I needed to hear. I do believe it has to do with self esteem and for me saying something unintelligent is a huge fear of mine. Instead of relaxing and talking, I stumble ovr myself and worry about everyting so much that I don't even remember the conversation. When I walk away all I hear in my head is things like.....you sounded stupid. I have trouble praying on the phone with the prayer group on Wednesdays, I try to talk and pray but it's like my mouth wont open. I just pray that I can get to the root of it like you said. I even find myself drinking before events so that I can relax enough to talk. I am in need of deep prayer for that situation. I feel the Lord is telling me not to drink.
Again I am blessed to come on this site and realize I'm not alone. We are all not alone!
God Bless and guide us!
Ivy
Ivyheart -
I can relate to the praying issue. I used to listen to some of the ladies at my church praying and it sounded like a symphony of words compared to mine (which sounded more like a tone-deaf version of "Chopsticks" on an out of tune piano
). Then gradually through prayer and study I realized that God knows my heart and it's what's in there that counts...I'm not praying for THEM to hear me, but for HIM. I think the passage that showed that to me clearly was (forgetting the context right now though - sorry) where Jesus talks about the pharisees standing on the street corner and praying so that everyone could hear them...and also the story about the widow dropping in her few coins as opposed to the pharisees loudly proclaiming their offerings.
That is not to say that those who can vocalize their prayers so well are like that...it just reminded me that God is not interested so much in the words of my mouth, but rather the meditations of my heart...and if they come out well (according to people) - OK...and if they don't...God understands. It says in the Bible that the Holy Spirit knows the groanings of our heart when we can't even make the words form to come out!
You are probably a much harsher judge on yourself than ANYONE else listening to you in a conversation is! Sure we all get caught off guard at times and say dumb things, but so what? Everyone does! It's OK!
I can relate with the drinking to loosen up too - but if God is dealing with you on that issue, then trust Him to complete His good work in you! Maybe try the relaxation techniques on the CD in this program before an event or party or whatever where you will be in conversations. And/or...try some practice dialogues in the bathroom mirror before the event. Think of things that might be asked or conversations that you might have and formulate your replies ahead of time. You might not get that exact question or conversation, but practicing it beforehand often makes it easier...like you have an arsenal of replies ready. Try out a few and see which feels most natural and truthful when you say it...that's the other thing - if we think we are having to impress someone with our words, we will generally fall over ourselves doing it! Just speak simply and smile a lot...smiles cover over a lot of blunders!
And don't beat yourself up! You are probably doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for!
I used to be a nervous wreck about speaking in public - pure sweats, shaky, stumbling, stuttering...my jobs put me in positions and situations where I had to carry on coversation though so I was FORCED to learn how (believe me - it was UGLY at times! LOL) and now I could get up in front of any sized crowd with no problem (as long as I know what I am supposed to be talking about!). I've taught Sunday School, I've led programs in groups, I've done presentations...no problems (I did have a PhD correct my grammar once...that was embarrassing, but he was right...and I learned NEVER to make that mistake again!!).
A motto that I live by is:
Don't speak because you want to...speak because you have something to say.
When you are on the prayer group on the phone - don't worry - God knows your heart. You contribute a TON in spirit, I am sure, even if you don't find yourself able to pray in words. And those people on the line are not judging you and your verbal participation! There's a sweet spirit there, I am sure...enjoy it!
Be blessed,
Dawn
I can relate to the praying issue. I used to listen to some of the ladies at my church praying and it sounded like a symphony of words compared to mine (which sounded more like a tone-deaf version of "Chopsticks" on an out of tune piano
). Then gradually through prayer and study I realized that God knows my heart and it's what's in there that counts...I'm not praying for THEM to hear me, but for HIM. I think the passage that showed that to me clearly was (forgetting the context right now though - sorry) where Jesus talks about the pharisees standing on the street corner and praying so that everyone could hear them...and also the story about the widow dropping in her few coins as opposed to the pharisees loudly proclaiming their offerings.That is not to say that those who can vocalize their prayers so well are like that...it just reminded me that God is not interested so much in the words of my mouth, but rather the meditations of my heart...and if they come out well (according to people) - OK...and if they don't...God understands. It says in the Bible that the Holy Spirit knows the groanings of our heart when we can't even make the words form to come out!
You are probably a much harsher judge on yourself than ANYONE else listening to you in a conversation is! Sure we all get caught off guard at times and say dumb things, but so what? Everyone does! It's OK!
I can relate with the drinking to loosen up too - but if God is dealing with you on that issue, then trust Him to complete His good work in you!
Maybe try the relaxation techniques on the CD in this program before an event or party or whatever where you will be in conversations. And/or...try some practice dialogues in the bathroom mirror before the event. Think of things that might be asked or conversations that you might have and formulate your replies ahead of time. You might not get that exact question or conversation, but practicing it beforehand often makes it easier...like you have an arsenal of replies ready. Try out a few and see which feels most natural and truthful when you say it...that's the other thing - if we think we are having to impress someone with our words, we will generally fall over ourselves doing it! Just speak simply and smile a lot...smiles cover over a lot of blunders! And don't beat yourself up! You are probably doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for!
I used to be a nervous wreck about speaking in public - pure sweats, shaky, stumbling, stuttering...my jobs put me in positions and situations where I had to carry on coversation though so I was FORCED to learn how (believe me - it was UGLY at times! LOL) and now I could get up in front of any sized crowd with no problem (as long as I know what I am supposed to be talking about!
). I've taught Sunday School, I've led programs in groups, I've done presentations...no problems (I did have a PhD correct my grammar once...that was embarrassing, but he was right...and I learned NEVER to make that mistake again!!).A motto that I live by is:
Don't speak because you want to...speak because you have something to say.
When you are on the prayer group on the phone - don't worry - God knows your heart. You contribute a TON in spirit, I am sure, even if you don't find yourself able to pray in words. And those people on the line are not judging you and your verbal participation!
There's a sweet spirit there, I am sure...enjoy it! Be blessed,
Dawn
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Ivyheart <><
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:04 pm
Dawn thank you so much! I can tell you are a wonderful speaker, you put everything into words nicely! I will try some of your ideas....I like the practicing in front of the mirror one! 
I use to do the relaxation cd's all the time, and I have gotten out of practice. I miss it! Actually I should restart the program, because the way things have been going lately, I bet it would help!
Thank you for your encouragment, I find it hard to open up about things. I appreciate your response back! I know one fear I have is writing a post and nobody even responding!!
Thank you so much!!!!!
God Bless you,
Cheryl
I use to do the relaxation cd's all the time, and I have gotten out of practice. I miss it! Actually I should restart the program, because the way things have been going lately, I bet it would help!
Thank you for your encouragment, I find it hard to open up about things. I appreciate your response back! I know one fear I have is writing a post and nobody even responding!!
Thank you so much!!!!!
God Bless you,
Cheryl
Me too! I'm glad you wrote back!
If there is ever anything I can help you with or even just to listen, please feel free to PM me.
I do the dialogue in the mirror thing all the time! And not just for meetings, but even when my husband and I are going to someone's house - or they are coming to ours! I think in the way that this program helps us practice skills so we can have less anxiety, that doing that helps me practice my "conversations" so that I am at least a little more relaxed in social settings!
And see? We're having a great conversation! You express yourself wonderfully in the posts...it's just a matter of translating that openenss, and vibrancy into spoken word! You can do it!
Blessings,
Dawn
I'm glad you wrote back! If there is ever anything I can help you with or even just to listen, please feel free to PM me.
I do the dialogue in the mirror thing all the time! And not just for meetings, but even when my husband and I are going to someone's house - or they are coming to ours! I think in the way that this program helps us practice skills so we can have less anxiety, that doing that helps me practice my "conversations" so that I am at least a little more relaxed in social settings!
And see? We're having a great conversation! You express yourself wonderfully in the posts...it's just a matter of translating that openenss, and vibrancy into spoken word! You can do it!
Blessings,
Dawn
Miss Mag , I too have this problem . I have come to see that my ability to talk one on one is strong but my abilities to be in a big crowd and walk up to a stranger and introduce myself among folks I don't know is very difficult.
Sooo,I hang around with friends or folks who have common interests to me that are easily socialized.I watch them, learn techniques,gain confidence, and try to take risks socially around them so if I get totally rejected I have support.We laugh at my rejections and sometimes cringe. But hell thats life and spice .
Sooo,I hang around with friends or folks who have common interests to me that are easily socialized.I watch them, learn techniques,gain confidence, and try to take risks socially around them so if I get totally rejected I have support.We laugh at my rejections and sometimes cringe. But hell thats life and spice .