Angry for not being assertive
Well, I have realized that a lot of my social anxiety and anger to myself is most likely for not being able to being assertive. My main problem is because (I'm sorry to say this, I don't want to sound ****y or anything, but I need to describe the whole picture If I want your help) I have a lot of guys hitting on me constantly. I am a very attractive women and me being passive, shy or too nice most of the time attracts them a lot and I don't know how to be assertive enough to stop them. I mean once they asked me out or anything I can tell them easily no thank you or just tell them the truth, that I am gay. But the thing is before they even say anything they show it a lot in their body language, and I recognized right away but I don't know how to stop them, I mean I don't want to be rude and I feel bad they are trying so hard but me not being assertive I end up or hurting them or they mad at me or me being agressive.......Any help, somebody
Why are YOU feeling bad for their actions?I feel bad they are trying so hard but me not being assertive I end up or hurting them or they mad at me or me being agressive
When someone approaches another person in hopes of getting a number or a date, THAT someone takes THAT 50/50 chance that their advances will be accepted OR rejected. When playing the game of finding a date or a mate, those are the chances one takes in that arena. If someone did not want to get hurt they would stay in the sidelines! It is NOT your fault. You have nothing to do with it. Sure, you are good looking but THEY ultimately are "the" ones that approach you. And if you can read their body language WHY CANT THEY READ YOURS? It is not like you are advertising for a mate, lead them on or tease them and just diss them. It is not rude to tell that that you are in a stable, happy relationship, you appreciate their attention but are not interested. Do not complicate things more for yourself. Like I said before, those are the chances one takes when cold calling. If they are mad at you, well that is their problem they are pouting because they did not get what they wanted. We all do not get what we want out of life, Sie la vie! Maybe they never heard the word "NO" before and this is their first time
. That is NOT your problem either 
. It is not rude to say that you are in a stable, happy relationship. If they can't respect or accept that, then THEY have the problem. You can't control what other people think, feel or say.-
Guest
Hi There..
I can totally relate! I was a bartender for years and yes, an attractive female, around drunk all men conferences wasnt easy! the first thing I did is look at how I am sort of welcoming them to talk to me- I make eye contact or would politely smile slightly, or start a conversation because I was uncomfortable with the staring.. I found I started a lot by my body language and showing I was uncomfortable which opened the door. Sometimes men just think they see invitations when we are being polite. Forget being polite.
There is a way to fend off men politely and that is to be more confident in yourself. When they stare dont acknowledge in fact enjoy the attention without opening up an invitation. If they approach you simply say 'excuse me' and go to the washroom or find a friend.. they dont need to know you are in a relationship or gay, doesnt matter enough. Excuse me is polite and courteous and makes the move. If someone is being persistant simply say "you are making me uncomfortable, excuse me" walk away and they generally stop, the penis factor- they cant work two heads at once anyways- so dont feel bad!
I agree with the post below! so true! dont feel bad for them, and be confident in yourself just b.c. someone else is interested doesnt mean you'll be!
Let us know how it goes! goodluck and keep your head up!
I can totally relate! I was a bartender for years and yes, an attractive female, around drunk all men conferences wasnt easy! the first thing I did is look at how I am sort of welcoming them to talk to me- I make eye contact or would politely smile slightly, or start a conversation because I was uncomfortable with the staring.. I found I started a lot by my body language and showing I was uncomfortable which opened the door. Sometimes men just think they see invitations when we are being polite. Forget being polite.
There is a way to fend off men politely and that is to be more confident in yourself. When they stare dont acknowledge in fact enjoy the attention without opening up an invitation. If they approach you simply say 'excuse me' and go to the washroom or find a friend.. they dont need to know you are in a relationship or gay, doesnt matter enough. Excuse me is polite and courteous and makes the move. If someone is being persistant simply say "you are making me uncomfortable, excuse me" walk away and they generally stop, the penis factor- they cant work two heads at once anyways- so dont feel bad!
I agree with the post below! so true! dont feel bad for them, and be confident in yourself just b.c. someone else is interested doesnt mean you'll be!
Let us know how it goes! goodluck and keep your head up!
-
Guest
Hi Moontale,
There are a lot of short, polite responses you can use to get your point across:
Sorry, I'm taken.
Sorry, I'm not on the market.
Sorry, I'm not available.
Sorry, I'm with someone.
Etc.
Practice your favorite response in the mirror or with a friend.
Men (and women) are going to continue to "hit" on you because of your beauty. Getting to a point where you are comfortable with a quick, but firm response is key to reducing your anxiety about this situation.
For those people who continue to pursue, Maeggie gave an excellent suggestion -- just excuse yourself and move away, to a restroom or a group of friends.
Good Luck!!!
Steve
There are a lot of short, polite responses you can use to get your point across:
Sorry, I'm taken.
Sorry, I'm not on the market.
Sorry, I'm not available.
Sorry, I'm with someone.
Etc.
Practice your favorite response in the mirror or with a friend.
Men (and women) are going to continue to "hit" on you because of your beauty. Getting to a point where you are comfortable with a quick, but firm response is key to reducing your anxiety about this situation.
For those people who continue to pursue, Maeggie gave an excellent suggestion -- just excuse yourself and move away, to a restroom or a group of friends.
Good Luck!!!
Steve
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Guest
