relationship problems, dont know what to do

guayhumanperson · Post by **guayhumanperson** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 10:01 am

I've been going out with my girlfriend now for 5 months or more, and what keeps happening is that we keep getting into fights, very frequently. I just spent 3 weeks with her living at her dads house to visit over winter break (from college). And we had more fights during that, a few very bad ones. Most of the time it has been me getting upset over things. I've gotten better at controlling my voice level, I used to raise my voice when I was upset, not to yell at her, but just because I felt so much anxiety I didn't know what else to do. I would get upset. I don't know if its just that me and her don't get along , but I haven't ever been in a relationship before. It's my first, and its hard. I don't know what to do. We haven't talked much since we got back. She has told me several times that she thinks i have something more than anxiety, like bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure about that. I have gotten irrationally paranoid about things before though. I had a friend with whom I had frequent arguments with, but we are no longer friends, we just don't like eachother though. I'm not even sure if we still love eachother (me and my g/f). Any advice?

YetWillIPraiseHim · Post by **YetWillIPraiseHim** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:56 pm

Hi there!
I would not accept a diagosis made by my girl friend if I were you.
You are probably okay.
Do you have this program?
If so begin to work the program.
And maybe you should cool it with the girl friend for awhile.
There is plenty of time for relationships after you work the program and get to know yourself better.
You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can become comfortable with anyone else.
So perhaps the both of you should just slow down for awhile. You are both still very young.
Hope everything gets better for you.
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 6:05 pm

Hey, Cornflower,

Is this program supposed to help you get to know yourself? That would be great. Guayhumanperson, I can relate and I am OLD. I keep hearing and reading that you can't love someone else until you love yourself. I have had problems with relationships all my life. I don't allow anyone to get close and I am married with children! Take Cornflower's advice, work the program and hopefully that will help you with your relationships with others. I'm right there with you, buddy! We can do this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 12:21 am

guayhumanperson, realtionships are not the easiest thing in the world. I always found that if you argue, fight, and have constant shouting battles, then you need to step back and see if this is all worth it. The chemisrty may be there but all else is a mess and that is not a bad thing. Step back, concentrate on your studies and stick with the program. You may learn why all this is happening. Don't always blame yourself because it does take two to end up where you are, and by trying this program it looks as though you are trying.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:18 am

ugh. I'm talking to her right now. She's not taking very well that we should 'cool off'. She says running away from problems doesn't help. But it does help me. She's been sick and wants me to be there for her, but I don't have a car and her place is a decent walk from mine. And the weather sucks it has been snowing. We just spent all that time together in the same house, and she doesn't understand that I think we need to cool off. She thinks I don't want to see her. She thinks I don't care about her feelings. She thinks I'm bi-polar, or something, crazy. She used to say 'i have a friend who has anxiety and he doesnt get angry and flip out like you'. And I just don't get it. What do I do?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:23 am

She says whats the point of dating you if you don't see me. It's like shes anxious to date someone else. I don't see the big deal, if she wants me to work on myself she has to allow me space right? She calls me self-absorbed because I want to work on myself and I need space to do it. She apparently wants me to force myself to go down there cause im 'so bad to her'. I haven't even wanted to talk to her the past week because we always fight. Maybe the love has been drained from us.

Dianelynn · Post by **Dianelynn** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:08 pm

Hello Human Person:
I still say slow down with this relationship.
She seems to demand more than you can give right now.
Realize that you can't make anyone happy. Contentment and happiness comes from within the person.
It sounds like she is in bad need of the program also.
It is not my intentions to break you two up.
I just think that you need time to work the program.
And you can't let your girl friend keep you from this goal.
Only you know your heart in this matter.
You must examine your heart and act in your own best interest. You can't or shouldn't try to force yourself to like someone because they want you to.
As I said earlier, you are rather young yet.
There is time.
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:12 pm

I would be leery of a person who kept telling me I was Bi-Polar.
Only a good doctor can tell you this.
And half of them just guess.

I wouldn't know if you are or are not.
But I sure wouldn't take a girls accusing word on it.
I'd run from her.
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:42 pm

WOW! I thought I was the only one going through this type of stuff the past year. I have been in a very on/off relationship with a girl for 1 1/2 years that I really do care for. Let me tell you, the advice I have read tonight on pulling back and examining ourselves and putting time to working your program rings loud. Time really works for your best interest. I have been emotionally unstable seems like ever I met her. I always have had depression that I am back into working on right now. But this relationship I have been in supercharged it!!! I drew a line in the sand around Thanksgiving with her and she still does not give up trying to guilt me and hurt me via texting, email. I told her I can only work on me and it is her responsibility to work on herself. It did bring offense. Regardless, time always heals! However I am feeling and doing better by drawing that line. My closest friends always told me to back off and draw the line in the sand along time ago. By not doing so I missed a lot of potential good days. There are plenty of fish in the sea that will understand!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:08 pm

To summarize further. I did try to hang on. I did become the scape goat for everything about the relationship being so down hill. It just continued to drive me crazy just when everything seemed to be fine, days later I was back on the hot seat. It was turning into pure insanity. By all means this might not be your case. I just feel ya. I was in a 18 year marriage previously that really was healthy for maybe 10 of those years. As some more advice read here tonight goes, I don't believe I ever really got to that place of knowing my depression and how it works and reacting to it and truly loving me. That may have made the full 18 years a success. I'm determined this time before I lose the next possible mate of my dreams. I relate to what your feeling!