I haven't written for weeks. I actually have been reading and following the program, feeling and doing fine. Telling myself positive affirmations, not having any expectations for anyone, not even myself.
But this weekend things took a turn for the worst. I teach school and Friday was a very stressful day. I wasn't able to say anything positive to stop the depression, the anxiety or the anger I felt.
I have real anger and rage inside of me. I have to isolate myself so that I will not take my anger out on my family members and this is not helping nor is it the answer. I really hate this condition and it really makes me hate life when I can't shake this emotional roller coaster I go thru every so often. It so hard keeping it together and putting on a brave face when all I want to do is yell and scream that I HATE MY LIFE AND BEING THIS WAY. What do I do now? Can't fake it anymore, its not working.
I need to ask for prayers and positive words.
Thank you
Faking it to keep sane
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Guest
I will be praying for you. Like everyone, I've had times of anger, but I don't have to fight it all the time like some people so I can't speak from much experience.
I once read that you get angry when things don't go your way and that's your natural reaction to it. I've seen this to be true with my ex. He may be fine until life throws a little (or big) curve ball. His natural reaction is to confront the situation with anger. I've talked to him over the years.
For instance, his water was turned off by mistake. He went into a rampage on 3 or 4 people and was hung up on. When he dialed me, he was "I hate people. Everything happens to me. etc."
I tried to show him how to react since you can't change a set of circumstances. He'd have gotten help sooner with less stress had he called the co and said "Hey man, I know things happen, but I'm in a bind here without water. Can you help me out" instead of demanding to know how it happened, why they were all idiots, who did it, when it was done,etc. He was just spinning wheels. Even when it was fixed, he carried the stress and anger over into the next hours and into our phone conversation.
Don't know if that's anything close to what you experience, but maybe it might help. I read alot, and if I come across anything helpful on anger, I will post it. And will be praying!
P.S. I live on a farm and like to keep rocks handy to throw when I get frustration. Each one is something getting at me. I just heave in with all my might. Run out of rocks though and need a dump truck to come in here- lol- gotta laugh a little and lightened the load!
I once read that you get angry when things don't go your way and that's your natural reaction to it. I've seen this to be true with my ex. He may be fine until life throws a little (or big) curve ball. His natural reaction is to confront the situation with anger. I've talked to him over the years.
For instance, his water was turned off by mistake. He went into a rampage on 3 or 4 people and was hung up on. When he dialed me, he was "I hate people. Everything happens to me. etc."
I tried to show him how to react since you can't change a set of circumstances. He'd have gotten help sooner with less stress had he called the co and said "Hey man, I know things happen, but I'm in a bind here without water. Can you help me out" instead of demanding to know how it happened, why they were all idiots, who did it, when it was done,etc. He was just spinning wheels. Even when it was fixed, he carried the stress and anger over into the next hours and into our phone conversation.
Don't know if that's anything close to what you experience, but maybe it might help. I read alot, and if I come across anything helpful on anger, I will post it. And will be praying!
P.S. I live on a farm and like to keep rocks handy to throw when I get frustration. Each one is something getting at me. I just heave in with all my might. Run out of rocks though and need a dump truck to come in here- lol- gotta laugh a little and lightened the load!
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Guest
Hey,
Yes,,,, a lot is faking it and it does not feel good,but even if everyone knew how you felt they still would not understand.I put on different faces at different time,feel phony at times,but I do what I have to to male it.Last week was stressful and not a great week and a person at work accused me of acting a certain way and called me a bad word,not kind at all.My first reaction was to walk away and leave the place and call a supervisor.The accusations of this person were totally unfounded.Instead I just put my hands up in the air and said "Whatever",meaning if this person wanted to be the aggression toward me so be it !
With not resistance toward the situation and no real action the person realized they where wrong and attempted to clean up their comments.So, in the end, I faked that I was not angry and pissed off and it payed off for me not the other person.I think also it's part of saying as it states in the tapes.Don't care what other people think,do the best you can.I kept myself calm and safe and the other person my stay the same or not,I really don't care.The real trick is to find healthy was to vent your anger and stress and that's a daily struggle for us all,I think,but one thing is for sure.I will not let other people effect me the way I used to.End note,sometimes you just need time alone,but too much time alone can have adverse effects.
Sincerely,Sit
Yes,,,, a lot is faking it and it does not feel good,but even if everyone knew how you felt they still would not understand.I put on different faces at different time,feel phony at times,but I do what I have to to male it.Last week was stressful and not a great week and a person at work accused me of acting a certain way and called me a bad word,not kind at all.My first reaction was to walk away and leave the place and call a supervisor.The accusations of this person were totally unfounded.Instead I just put my hands up in the air and said "Whatever",meaning if this person wanted to be the aggression toward me so be it !
With not resistance toward the situation and no real action the person realized they where wrong and attempted to clean up their comments.So, in the end, I faked that I was not angry and pissed off and it payed off for me not the other person.I think also it's part of saying as it states in the tapes.Don't care what other people think,do the best you can.I kept myself calm and safe and the other person my stay the same or not,I really don't care.The real trick is to find healthy was to vent your anger and stress and that's a daily struggle for us all,I think,but one thing is for sure.I will not let other people effect me the way I used to.End note,sometimes you just need time alone,but too much time alone can have adverse effects.
Sincerely,Sit
"life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you react to it."