Can anyone relate to my type of depression?

calmseeker · Post by **calmseeker** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:43 pm

depression crept onto me like a black cloud. I was thirteen then and I remember saying to myself this is like a black cloud. The black cloud started one morning and eventually covered my whole sky in a very short time, maybe 6 monthes. There was no real reason or life changing event it just happened out of nowhere. I actually thought I was going crazy, that somehow I was a defective part. And so that is how it started and I since then have just lived with it. I wish I could go back to that vulnerable kid and comfort him. Wow I just got a lump in my throat! I guess I've never expressed it quite like that before.

I have tried some programs taken some drugs but that cloud has always been with me sometimes light sometimes dark.

In my second week of the program I feel I kept a relaxed observing position. One that I haven't felt before but I do somehow trust its working in good ways for me.

I am really hopefull with this program things will change and look forward to the day I can say that cloud is not around anymore.

Sparkus · Post by **Sparkus** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:23 pm

I hope the program helps you. I know what depression can be like. I will pray for you. When I start feeling that overwleming saddness that creeps in from no where I set down and pray to God thathe feels me with inner peace. And I then try to find something to distract that feeling.
It is alot of work to keep on keeping on day afterday. You just have to find your source of motivation and the right combination of tools that work for you.
Wish you well,
Waterdrinker

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:13 am

calmseeker: I'm so glad your seeing a sliver of hope:) I can relate a whole lot to the black cloud you described though I refer to my depression as a dark hole. Some days all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and continue doing the next right thing.
And like waterdrinker1, I have really improved my prayer life through this journey. We have a long way to go, but I know God wants us to feel his peace and joy.
Good luck and may you feel the peace and calm frequently

Dana Gann · Post by **Dana Gann** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:31 am

Thank you, both of you for your kind words. I especially like what denise said about the silver lining around my cloud. I will keep an eye on it and watch it grow during this program.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:47 am

Calmseeker- My depression started about the same age (13) but it took me years to figure out it was depression. Everyone around me just saw me as the "quiet kid" but deep down, I knew it was more than that. The black cloud you describe is exactly how I feel. Some days the cloud is thicker than others. I'm 27 now and I've come to accept that this cloud might be with me forever. But hopefully with this program and other support, I will be able to deal with it. I wish you luck in your struggle and I appreciate your post. It makes me feel less alone in this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:01 pm

I feel your pain. I am 39 years old and have felt a black cloud over me since I was about 5 or 6 years old. I always felt different from other people,not good enough and low self esteem. On the outside I was the same as everyone else. Healthy,smart and had good parents. When I was in school,I played sports and was usually on the honor roll.As a adult I am self empoyed and successful.I still feel depressed and not good enough,guilt and worry.When I saw Lucinda's program it was very exciting to finally hear about other people with the same feelings. I don't feel like a alien any one. I still have anxiety and depression but it gets better with every week.I am on session 9 now. I spend about 2 hours a day on the work book,exercise and video's and I am realy enjoying my progress. It gives me something great to look forward to.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:15 pm

I'm glad I opened this topic up! It feels so good to not only know that other people can relate to how I feel but that we are all trying to help ourselves. We are like a kinship crusade with a common purpose to defeat these things. We need to keep this communcation going throughout the program and further to encourage and support oneanother.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:55 am

Hi! I'm new- today in fact! It seems it's been awhile since you've received a posting. How are things going for you? are you still working on the program? I hope so. I feel as though I've missed so much already, I'd like to think that there's a ray of light through the clouds. Mary

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:56 am

Mary,

Yes I am still working on the program. I am on session 5 now headed to six. The program has worked wonders for my g/f and I we are soo much better. Learning to deal with your negative thoughts is one that I work on on a daily basis. That one was a biggie for me. You really have to work with the program to create positive change. I found that not being strict with the 1 session per week was great help. If I need to I may stay on a session for a couple of weeks before moving on. If you still feel stuck after two weeks move on anyway because the following sessions will still work on the practices taught on the previous ones (if that makes sense). Anyway thanks for writing and welcome!

P.S. using this forum everyday helps considerably.